dilemma

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y'all know the nelly and kelly thing. well, i'm about to be married soon, to a man i truly love, BUT.....i still have these amazing dreams (and , if truth be known, feelings) about this one person who i knew about a year and a half ago, and had an amazing, intense, but complicated affair with. it ended due to the complications. my question is: do you settle? or do you try reignite that one unquenchable flame?

― jeanne picot, Monday, 24 February 2003 23:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Never mind the flame. I think if you're using the term "settle" you've already answered your own question.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:30 (twenty-two years ago)

You're a female, right?
Option B, then

― oops (Oops), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:30 (twenty-two years ago)

"Visions of Johanna" to thread...

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:31 (twenty-two years ago)

From much experience I've found that the only thing that ends up being romantic about intense and complicated affairs is, well, just that. The intensity and complications. It becomes a great drama and excitement. But you take all that away - say, for example, if you did get back with this person and then things became all sweet and normal and not complicated - theres every chance the zing would be gone. And then you'll have lost two people, and you don't want that regret in your life, believe me.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:35 (twenty-two years ago)

FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND NOTHING ELSE.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Thank you Lara Winfrey

― oops (Oops), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:44 (twenty-two years ago)

That Girl nails it straight away, I think. My only slight doubt is that the questioner may be talking of settling for reality instead of fantasy. If she isn't, That Girl is 100% right.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:44 (twenty-two years ago)

good lord, i'm just a bit overwhelmed.... i'm a fresh de-lurker and i've already had about my two favourite posters to thread! i couldn't agree more; "settle" sounds a bit horrible in that context. i mean, if i was to "settle" for the big four (i mean physical, emotional, intellectual, big hahem, spiritual) would that really sound/be so bad?

― jeanne picot (jeanne picot), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:45 (twenty-two years ago)

If there's nothing wrong with the relationship, go with your heart - go to the person have you the greatest emotional attachment too. I'm not being twee and Oprahesque. Jeez.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Of course not - but who uses the word 'settle' in such circumstances, Jeanne? All I'm suggesting is that you think hard about what you mean by that word, because if youare thinking "he'll do" or the like, you're making a mistake. We all use words carelessly at times, and we can give a false impression however much we take care, but they do sometimes give away what we are feeling.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:49 (twenty-two years ago)

i mean, if i was to "settle" for the big four (i mean physical, emotional, intellectual, big hahem, spiritual) would that really sound/be so bad?

I don't understand how this can be settling in the negative sense of the word. A relationship that fulfils on those levels must be amazing!

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I didn't read "settle" as "he'll do" at all, I read it as "settle down", and I know even then it may seem negative, but to me it was more like "I am content, for I have all that I need right here", rather like how jeanne described it :)

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Jeanne, if this is your real name/address I strongly suggest you SHOUT FOR THE MODERATOR to adjust this thread so you can't be searched for...

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 24 February 2003 23:58 (twenty-two years ago)

i should explain something... yes, lara, it is amazing and sometimes i feel like weeping with gratititude. but this is not a conscious problem. the dilemma resides in my subconscious: the dreams that leave me weeping into my pillow... that feeling when you're near somebody and you can' t breathe. the feeling where youu can't talk to each other but when you kiss/touch everything is alright.

not realtionships as we know them, but something more....

― jeanne picot (jeanne picot), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 00:07 (twenty-two years ago)

aww..

― Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 00:14 (twenty-two years ago)

...or something less, something more illusiory that doesn't have much to do with human love. Remove head from clouds, please. Enjoy your real relationship and don't let fantasy eat your brain. (You can still enjoy fantasy.)

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 09:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Colin is OTM for sure. Take it from a fule who learnt the hard way *points at self*

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 10:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Completely agree. Dreams are just that... dreams. If your dreams become reality, how would you sleep at night?

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 10:27 (twenty-two years ago)

(Somebody cue up "I've Never Been to Me".)

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 10:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Or 'The Man with the Child in His Eyes'.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 25 February 2003 10:38 (twenty-two years ago)

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