Share your most banal conversations with the world!

I dunno, are most people not as interested in the aggressively ho-hum as I am? Am I the only one who asks new romantic partners to "tell me a boring story"?

'Wow, what else do you fry?'.

My boss: Did you have a good weekend?

Me: Yes, thanks. You?

My boss: Not bad.

Me: Do anything exciting?

My boss: No.

Me: Oh.

scratchy: yes please.

me:i made it just 4 u

scratchy: its so warm

me: isnt it though

the end.

My boss: Oh, you're cleaning it out.
Me (cleaning out fridge): Yeh.
My boss: Oh, let me move my food to one shelf.
Me (standing back): OK.
My boss (going through the fridge): Oh, look at all this old cream cheese.
Me: Yeh, it's gross.
My boss: OK, there's all my food. I just bought that yogurt today.
Me: Yeh, it looked new.

Boyfriend: Hey! Who is this in this picture, is that Manon?
Me: Yes, it is. And me and Jus.
Boyfriend: Wow.
Me: What?
Boyfriend: She looks terrible.
Me: She dyed her hair black kind of.
Boyfriend: Yeah, that's horrible.

woman: (looking at rain) oh when did that happen?
me: (at booth) oh, just a few seconds ago
her: well, i can't wait for it to stop
me: it comes and it goes, i guess
her: yes (goes back to counter)

svetlana: wow, they have stools over there by the table
jacky: yeah. i didnt know french restaurants had stools.
svetlana: yeah. its pretty cool though.
jacky: they're nice stools
phil-two:

Me: *nodding, handing over a $20 bill*

Barnes & Noble clerk: Out of twenty?

Barnes & Noble clerk: A dollar twenty-four is your change.

Me (taking my change and my book): Thanks. Good night!

Barnes & Noble clerk: Good night.

Him: Did I lock the door?
Me: Yes.
Him: Did I turn the hob off?
Me: Yes.
Him: Are you sure I locked the door?
Me: Yes.
Him: And turned the hob off?
Me: Yes.

This happens more or less every day; he is a worrier.

Failed chat-up attempt with rudimentary French at the age of 14.

coworker: is that oatmeal?
me: yup.
coworker: smells good!
me: yeah.
coworker: that'll give you some energy!
me: ...

me: did you get Jake's e-mail?
friend: what?
friend: i don't know.
friend: let me check.
me: well, i know you did, because he told me he sent it
me: it was more of a rhetorical question
friend: yeah, it's there.

me: can i have a large coffee?
her: yeah, sure.
me: thanks.
her: (standing in front of coffee maker) did you say small or large?
me: small.
me: no, wait, large.
me: yeah, large.
her: okay.

me: Are you eating something?
coworker: No.
me (mumbling): Oh, I think I smell some kind of thai food.
coworker (confused): Am I eating a muffin?
me: What? Haha a thai muffin.
coworker (in mock-serious voice): A spicy muffin.
me: Haha.

Me: "Good morning, Steve. So you're saying you play the radio for your patrons free now?"

Steve, pauses, mental gears visibly engage: "Oh..., yeah. Geezer!"

Watching LiveEarth on telly :

Her : If the camera pans across a bit you'll be able to see IKEA
Me : S'pose so.
Her : Go on, right a bit. There's IKEA.
Me : Yes, there it is. Still there.

me: (working)
Albert (in Canadian accent): New trial boards in here. A?
me:
Albert: (leaves)
me: (realizes he has just said "No trial boards in here, eh.")

hahaha i love wen that happens to me

Three times this week:

Random office person: "Did you get a haircut?"
Me (forced): "I got all of them cut"

Me, to myself: What was I about to do again?

(ten minutes go by)

Me: Oh yeah, masturbate.

R: What's the difference between Guantanamo Bay and e-bay?
Me: I don't know...what is the difference?
R: I don't know, I just wanted to know
Me: I thought you were telling me a joke
R: No...
Me: oh

hmm

"did you know that ice cube loves peas, jeremy?"

"yes, you can tell from his pea-loving face. it's pretty obvious."

where are the car keys

on the table

oh, right, there they are

was this a conversation with yourself?

that happens to me all the time.

roommate, though i have that conversation and others like it with myself pretty much all day. working alone :-/

where is it where is it where is....there it is. great, but did you forget the screwdriver? of course not that is an essential thing to have with me today...wait, no, i did, fuck. idiot. stfu. go home and get it. maybe if i ride fast enough no one will notice that i'm 45 minutes behind schedule now. just call and tell them you pussy. f u

Outside university library, eating hotdogs.

Girlfriend (pointing at green bike): There's another green bike that looks just like your bike. I always get confused when I see it outside the library, because I think you've come to visit, and then you never show up.

Me: That is my green bike.

Girlfriend: No it isn't.

Me: Yes, it's my bike. I just parked it there.

Girlfriend: Where's your bell?

Me: It's underneath the handlebars.

Girlfriend: Oh.

(Pause.)

Girlfriend: Well, there's another bike that looks just like your bike.

Me: Right.

(Pause.)

Me: I just bought the Mad Men DVD.

Via text messaging

Me: How's your day?
Boyfriend: Lazy. What took you?
Me: What took me? What are you talking about?
Boyfriend: I sent you a message like an hour ago.
Me: No you didn't.
Boyfriend: Oh well. What are you doing?
Me: Nothing. Listening to music. You?
Boyfriend: I just finished my nap. Do you have work today?
Me: No.

lol chuck

Me, opening door to computer lab, after knock: Yes?

Guy outside lab who knocked: Hi. I have a network problem.

Me: OK, come on in.

Guy: No thanks.

Me: Please, come in.

Guy: No thanks.

Me: I can't hear you over the noise of the computers in here. Could you please come in?

Guy: No thanks. I have a network problem, and I need you to come to where it is.

Me: Oh, OK.

(NB: I'm not tech support.)

Me: You're going to find yourself savoring shortcuts.
New Trainee: Yeah, that's what [ the supervisor ] said.
Me: Like a few weeks ago [ supervisor ] pointed out to me that I always type "Motor vehicle accident complaint," and that it would save me some keystrokes to just type "Car collision complaint."

I was having lunch at a vietnamese restaurant. Two old people sit next to me - I move my table so they can sit down, we smile. I get my food while they're ordering.
Him: Excuse me, what's that you've got?
Me: Oh, it's number 72. Chicken and a spring roll on noodles.
Her: That looks good!
Me: It is good. There are variations, too. Pork or beef.
Him: (to her) That does look good.

I went back to my book. They ended up ordering something else entirely.

Me: I'm going for lunch
Coworker1: just dont get a kebab, hahah my dad got sick!
me: well I don't feel like one anyway, I'm gonna get fish and chips
CW2: you off to lunch? You getting a kebab?"
Me: nooo, fish and chips

... (after returning from lunch)
CW2: Tracy's back, how was your kebab?
Me: wtf, I didnt GET A KEBAB.

That one could just as easily have gone in the stupid coworkers thread I guess.

derrick that sounds like the cutest thing ever

me: do you rate will smith?

co-worker: he's really good in... you know... with... conspiracies

me: enemy of the state with gene hackman

co-worker: enemy of the state with gene hackman... that's pre-broadband you know!

Sat through a ten-minute non-story tonight from in-laws friends about how much they travel for business. Not, like, what particular places they liked, just how much they travel.

Nothing worse than banal brags.

And I bet they did scuba diving and bartered in markets too.

Me: *clicks around for three hours between a half dozen radio stations*
Me: 60s psych isn't getting it... garage-rock isn't getting it... abstract noise isn't getting it... what do I want to listen to today?
My wife: Burt Bacharach
Me: ...
Me: How the fuck did you do that?

Dad: Crows are horrible
Me: yeah, I don't like crows
Dad: there was a crow in the park attacking an old man with a spaniel
Me: where'd a crow get a spaniel from?

R: What's the difference between Guantanamo Bay and e-bay?
Me: I don't know...what is the difference?
R: I don't know, I just wanted to know
Me: I thought you were telling me a joke
R: No...
Me: oh

― jel --, Tuesday, July 29, 2008 1:17 PM Bookmark

"I think about weird stuff, like what would happen if Guantanamo Bay and E-Bay had a baby? You'd get Guantanam-E-Bay, wouldn't you? And it would sound a little something like this..."

Me: You know, with these new pairs of trousers I bought, I finally feel like I have enough pants.
H: That's great.
Me: I know it's silly, but I had a lot of anxiety about not having enough pants for work. Like I'd wake up thinking "oh no, I have to wear those navy slacks again. they're starting to look a little shabby, and what if someone notices?" I was under--
H: --pantsed?

Person A: Are you by any chance on ILXor.com?
Person B: What's that?
PA: This site where a bunch of really intelligent people go to talk about music and culture. You never heard of it?
PB: IDK. TBH I don't go on forums ATM.
PA: Once you get over people taking themselves so seriously, it's tonnes of fun.
PB: I can see how that could be pretty OTM.
PA: Are you into cultural studies and intelligent conversations about pop culture?
PB: Totes! Okay! TS: commodity fetishism vs absurd neo-nihilist fashion WRT early Gang of Four?
PA: It's funny you should mention that, I wrote an essay on that very topic. I finally cut it down from 100 pages to 90, but I can send it to you if you're interested.
PB: Oh, that'd be awesome. And I really appreciate your recommending this forum. I have to say, I think you're one of the smartest people I've met here so I can only expect that you would frequent sites that kind of--you know--are up to par or are at your calibre.
PA: Aw, thanks man. I really miss talking to genuine people.
PB: Ugh. Me too, man.

It sounds pretty banal in your imagination. Are you Jeff Koons?

i don't understand that post at all or what it has to do with this thread. Also, are you person A or person B?

it could just be a conversation that c21m50nh3x460n happened to overhear

I thought this thread was about conversations you are in

PB: Totes! Okay! TS: commodity fetishism vs absurd neo-nihilist fashion WRT early Gang of Four?

People really talk like this?

Is that from The Hateful Eight

crimsonhexagon is next level

good thread