revenge and its consequences

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Talking with friends in bar tonight a couple of things became undoubtable:

within the next 3 years my father, sentenced on multiple counts of aggravated sexual assault of a child will be released. All the parole denials have been breached with him. By 2006, there is nothing the state of Texas can hold him on anymore.

We were discussing what I will do when my biological father is free once again. One of his last acts before he was imprisoned was to rape me at knifepoint. I wish now that then, as a prepubscent, I would have turned the knife on him and slit his throat. I would've already, by age 29, been absolved for this adolescent crime and the world would be a better place.

I am not kidding.

Now, when he gets out, no better than he went in, i know i will not be able to resist. The TX penal system is just that: penativive, not rehabilitve. My father, the awful pedophile, will not have changed and my homocidial urges will have strengthed, not lessened. When my biological father is released my life will be to watch his every move. (I have two nieces now.) When he does slip up, I will be there to do what I should've done nearly 20 years ago. I will gladly spend the rest of my life in prison for this. How else would *you* handle this? Don't say therapy. I've been in therapy consistently since I was 13 and this doesn't quell the urgent need I feel to bring death to this person.

I'm not sure why I felt the need to post this here. Maybe just to get a respected rational voice to speak against my dire, strident need for murder. I know a lot of other people have had shit lives and have found a path through them. I guess I'm hoping for their advice.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Saturday, 1 March 2003 09:09 (twenty-two years ago)

god i don't know what to say, cos had i been in a similar situation, who knows what i would feel and what i would want. all i can suggest is to stay as far away from him as you possibly can, and i urge you not to kill him. yes, he's horrible, and what he did to you and others is completely unexcusable, but i think you are better than to bring death upon another human being. god i'm sorry, i wish i had something more lucid to say than this but i'm drunk and i'm really angry that you had to suffer and still suffer at the hands of this creep.

― di smith (lucylurex), Saturday, 1 March 2003 10:19 (twenty-two years ago)

the homicidal urge is understandable, at least i understand it. but it just cannot be worth it, in any way, to carry it out. do not afford this person the opportunity to take away your life again.

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Saturday, 1 March 2003 10:43 (twenty-two years ago)

That Girl, I can't tell you how much I sympathise with you, and understand how you feel. From what you say, I don't at all doubt that the world would be a better place if he had died all those years ago, or indeed much sooner.

However, you have to think of yourself, and how killing him would destroy your own life. You know people will be watching him, and I hope this might mean that he gets out of the area, far away from you, and you never have to see him or even hear about him ever again. Perhaps some one could anonymously point out the attitude to him if he hangs around? I guess there is a chance that he won't offend again in any way, but you clearly think otherwise and obviously I have no idea.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 1 March 2003 11:57 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah don't go to prison for this bum, please

― duane, Monday, 3 March 2003 17:30 (twenty-two years ago)

That Girl, I am so sorry to hear about this. I wish you strength. Maybe your family should move far far away?

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Monday, 3 March 2003 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

on the other thread i said that revenge is always a bad idea, that it is pointless, that you should move, that you shouldnt waste any time on people like this.

this situation would test my resolve on this though, i have no way of putting myself in your shoes, i cant even begin to imagine. i still say that revenge is sooo not worth it (but its easy for me to say that isnt it?). i guess this isnt really of any help, but i wanted to say something on this thread. i dont know how you're going to make those feelings of retribution go away, but you must.

― gareth (gareth), Monday, 3 March 2003 17:38 (twenty-two years ago)

guys, i don't want to speak for t.g., and i know she started the thread, but maybe if you have advice/support you should take it to email?...it doesn't strike me as the type of thing i would necessarily want at the top of new answers or (esp) to get sidetracked into (typical ile haha) petty squabbling.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 3 March 2003 17:40 (twenty-two years ago)

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