Best Football Quotes.....Stand up Keegan, Atkinson

Everyone needs a bit of Ron in their life -

http://www.dangerhere.com/ronglish.htm

"They said it was the group of death. In the end it was very much the group of survival, particularly for those who survived."

This was said by some Irish football commentator on-air during the last worldcup Ireland was in, when Ireland won some match meaning that they were going to qualify from their group for the knock out stage.

You can keep yr Wolstenholmes and yr people on the pitch, Barry Davies on Franny Lee is the Carlos Alberto of football commentary. You have to say that's magnificent.

"Ola Senor Gol"

A different kind of quote - but wonderful for its sheer passion :

"What a great game! And I don't just mean Southampton v. Manchester United, I mean FOOTBALL!" (Allan Green - Radio 5 Live during the infamous match where the Mancs took the field in 'invisible' shirts and were 3-0 down at half-time)

Memorable for its pathetic pseudo-patriotism: Clive Tyldesley to Ron Atkinson, about one minute from the end of the Bayern-ManYoo quarter- final when ManYoo were 3-1 down on aggregate: "They're not going to do it, are they, Ron?" Yeah, tell us something we don't know ...

I didn't see it first hand, nor do I have any strong evidence that the infamous Brian Moore/Garth Crooks/certain German striker exchange ever took place - so I'm not repeating it here (because, if it never happened, it just seems like the propagation of a rather nasty joke).

My favourite footballing mixed metaphor is probably Bruce Rioch's achievement in getting three different metaphors into fewer than forty letters: "We threw our dice in the ring and came up trumps."

Of the modern crop, only Jon Champion seems to stack up. Knows his stuff, does have pretensions to wit and wisdom - just calls is as it is. And he helped the York City Supporters Trust out for free.

"You need only solid citizens for the 90 minutes at this level...lucio just isn't one"

I also remembered a good Terry McDermott one "you don't get cups on a plate". Oh dear.

"It's up for grabs now!"

Right, long lunch break on June 7th, late start on June 12th, first set of qfs a problem (which set of R2 games feed these?) on June 21st, more long lunches for the semis. I can't think beyond the England games at the moment*, as it gets too complicated.

(* aside from the latter knockout stages - I'm not being that confident).

Hm - I think it's

Desmond Carrington vs Russell Davies

Terry Wogan vs Ken Bruce

Simon Mayo vs Steve Wright

Bob Harris vs Steve Harley

"oh ho, patrick vieira's just tried the biggest one-two in captivity"

This is my #1 life motto.

"That corner was almost subterranean"

And, of course.

"Diego Forlan has it in him to become one of the great European players of all time". Yeah, I agree Ron. Apart from the small matter of him being Argentinian.

(/smartarse)

Anyway, a look in a dictionary showed that the phrase 'early door' comes from the theatre, and involved paying extra to get in early.

Perhaps we have said all this before.

after saturday's 3-0 win v chesterfield

"to put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for the night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. our performancxe today would not have been the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. she weren't the best looking lady we ended up taking her home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much let's have a coffee"

"i'm like a swan. i look fine on top of the water but under the water my little legs are going mad"

on qpr in adminstration:

"it's like the film men in black. i walk around in a black suit, white shirt and black tie where i've had to flash my white light every now and again to erase some memories, but i feel we've got hold of the galaxy now... it's in our hands"

"this is the people's club and everyone can have a piece of that pie. a pie that's already smelling beautifully."

I have no idea who he was talking about, but that quote refuses to leave my head to this day.

and remember ron, when describing savo milosevic's inaccuracy in the area, coined the immortal "couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo"

"and keegan:
Does he have a clue what he's saying ??

"They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that," said - who else? - Kevin Keegan when asked to comment on Argentina's qualities last week.

All of which reminded us of 15 other fantastic Keegan quotes that we feel the need to share with you:

(1) "England have the best fans in the world and Scotland's fans are second-to-none."

(2) "It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt pocket - every time there's a tackle, up pops a yellow card."

(3) "I don't think there's anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona."

(4) "England can end the millennium as it started - as the greatest football nation in the world."

(5) "You can't do better than go away from home and get a draw."

(6) "He's using his strength and that is his strength, his strength."

(7) "Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice."

(8) "The tide is very much in our court now."

(9) "Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose."

(10) "I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's totally different."

(11) "I know what is around the corner - I just don't know where the corner is. But the onus is on us to perform and we must control the bandwagon."

(12) "In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg."

(13) "The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they're not careful."

(14) "It's understandable that people are keeping one eye on the pot and another up the chimney."

(15) "I'd love to be a mole on the wall in the Liverpool dressing room at half-time.”

fucking brilliant. i don't think i've heard any of those before.

might i recommend the rambling genius of qpr's ian holloway. you have to hear it with the full bristol burr to get the full glory
after saturday's 3-0 win v chesterfield

"to put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for the night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. our performancxe today would not have been the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. she weren't the best looking lady we ended up taking her home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much let's have a coffee"

-- Chip Morningstar (bob), Monday, 1 September 2003 08:31 (4 years ago) Bookmark Link

^^^as much as Ollie's transformation into some kinda rent-a-quote chucklehead annoys me, this may be the greatest moment in the history of the English language

bring back Keegan to the pundit chair. He was fearless... (love the last one)

I've had an interest in racing all my life, or longer really.

It's no longer an 11 man game.

The Germans only have one player under 22, and he's 23.

For some it's the ultimate job, for the others it's the last job.

Football's always easier when you've got the ball.

They don't come every three days, like they come after this one.

I want more from David Beckham. I want him to improve on perfection.

There's a slight doubt about only one player, and that's Tony Adams, who
definitely won't be playing tomorrow.

We have spent three matches chasing a football.

Young Gareth Barry - he's young.

Argentina won't be at Euro 2000 because they're from South America.

You don't get two chances at this level, or at any other level for that
matter.

You're not just getting international football, you're getting world
football.

Kanu, a guy with a heart as big as he is.

Luis Figo is totally different to David Beckham, and vice versa.

They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise
than that.

The ref was vertically 15 yards away.

There are two schools of thought on the way the rest of this half is going
to develop; everybody's got their own opinion...

Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late twenties or
thirties.

This could be a repeat of the final.

The game has gone rather scrappy as both sides realise they could win this
match or lose it.

I don't think there's anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona.

They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he's nothing like him,
but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different.

Despite his white boots, he has real pace...

He can't speak Turkey, but you can tell he's delighted.

There'll be no siestas in Madrid tonight.

One of his strengths is not heading.

I'm not disappointed - just disappointed.

That would have been a goal if it wasn't saved.

A tremendous strike which hit the defender full on the arm - and it nearly
came off.

The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the
game.

The substitute is about to come on - he's a player who was left out of the
starting line-up today.

That decision, for me, was almost certainly definitely wrong.

Bobby Robson must be thinking of throwing some fresh legs on.

There's no job I've ever wanted. This is the only job in football I've
ever wanted.

You just sit there, pretend to know what your doing, and hope you get it
right.

Ten years from now, Paul Gascoigne might have proved himself the biggest
name in football, or he might have blown it. Either way I will not be
surprised.

Batistuta is very good at pulling off defenders.

Mark Hughes at his very best: he loves to feel people right behind
him...

Sir John Hall was a multi-millionaire when I came back to Newcastle. With
all the players I've bought, I'm trying to make him just an ordinary
millionaire.

I'll spend £7.5 million on Faustino Asprilla to make sure we win the
League Championship.

Hungary is very similar to Bulgaria. I know they're different
countries...

It could be far worse for me if it was easy for me.

Discipline is not only very important, it's crucial.

Even though two and two might look like four, it could also be three or five.

lol at those Gordon Strachen quotes

"I remember my friend Zlatko had a birthday party, and I went behind the curtain in the living room with a girl called Ancica. We looked through the window and then we kissed. It was my first kiss, but I wasn't uninformed. I had watched movies to see how it was done. I was afraid I might get it wrong, but everything happened spontaneously."

sinisa 'cuddly' mihajlovic, everybody.

i often find myself repeating the classic "why when cristiano is involved is it always polemic" in times of strife.

"He was the youngest player in the World Cup. That shows how good he was."

- theo walcott, attending alan ball's funeral.

Onimo once told me a great story about Vidar Riseth. Celtic do a lot of charity work, and part of it is that the players go to the children's hospital at Yorkhill to bring the kids gifts and cheer them up and that. So Vidar thought he'd write about this on his website to show what a lovely charitable soul he is. Except it got lost in translation somewhat, and what his website actually says is "I like to go into hospitals and look at sick people".

Best American football quote: John McKay on the '76 Bucs when asked what he thinks of his team's execution:

"I'm in favor of it"

Was it Champion who was responsible for the astonishing "[long focus shot of countryside beyond stadium] Yorkshire's dark, satanic mills... [camera pans down to pitch where Leeds players warm up] neither dark nor, one would hope, satanic is Danny Mills..."

it was Bradford City, and Lee Mills. I remember it clearly.

whole Kamara rant after fulham's disallowed goal against middlesbrough this season is tittersome

Those Gordon Strachan quotes are great. He just seems bright, human and generally a thoroughly bloody nice bloke.

When I was v. young I wrote a short story about how he kidnapped and poisoned half the Arsenal squad to stop them playing in the cup final against Leeds.

Almost feel bad now.

x-post There must be a shitload of Chris Kamara quotes out there but he doesn't seem to have a Wikiquote page of his own. Unlike.....

More Ian Holloway Quotes

"I want to try and spread the support with my Bristol connection. Rovers are in the bottom division so why can't I try and convert some of them into Argyle fans? We're in the West Country so it's not that far away. Only two and a half hours away in a slow car, an hour and a half in a fast one - or 10 minutes in a rocket! As long as you aimed it right, you'd be down here really quickly. Don't land it on the pitch, though, because you'd ruin it!"

^^^awesome

"He's pulling him off!! THE SPANISH MANAGER IS PULLING HIS CAPTAIN OFF!!!!"

god bless you george, you look more like a vole every year

Only two and a half hours away in a slow car, an hour and a half in a fast one - or 10 minutes in a rocket! As long as you aimed it right, you'd be down here really quickly. Don't land it on the pitch, though, because you'd ruin it!

http://www.achewood.com/rsrc/img/philippe_blog.gif

YES

You just can't buy that. He has, but you can't normally buy an atmosphere like that in a stadium.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/main.jhtml?xml=/sport/2008/06/24/ufnmotson124.xml

Euro 2008 could be John Motson's last commentary on international football after more than three decades as a familiar voice behind the microphone.

The 63-year-old commentator has disclosed that the finals in Austria and Switzerland will be his last major tournament and he will not cover the 2010 World Cup.

"I'm coming to the end of my career. I'd been thinking about it at the start of the season, but now I've decided I don't want to be tearing around South Africa for the next World Cup at the age of 65," said Motson. "It's physically and mentally challenging."

Motson will take charge of the final on Sunday and, with the BBC having lost the rights to cover live international matches from next season, will be limited to Match of the Day highlights duties, something that "saddens" the best known commentator on the sport still working today.

Since he first appeared on Match of the Day in 1971, Motson has covered nine World Cups and nine European finals. He has built a strong reputation as both a source of football knowledge and someone for whom a child-like enthusiasm for the game has never disappeared.

"Younger reporters and commentators depend on club websites," he said. "I'm of an older generation. I haven't changed my system since 1971 and I couldn't adjust now - I'm too old.

"I wonder if I really had to do all that work. You do get a reputation for stats and it's still in my head, but I don't go into quite so much detail as I used to."

He has been with the national broadcaster for his entire career and his voice has become synonymous with BBC football coverage. His loyalty was regularly tested over his career with bids for his services from rivals but 'Motty' as he is affectionately known, remained loyal.

"With every offer I had, the BBC reacted in such a way that I opted to stay," Motson said in an interview with Radio Times. "I come from the generation who watched the BBC. It’s my heritage. Working with the BBC is like working for Manchester United."

Motson has witnessed from the commentary box some major changes in the national game - not all of them to his liking.

"I'm uncomfortable with the size of salaries and the division of money between the clubs - the gap between the Premier League and the rest," he said. "We should divide the spoils a little more generously."

"football is like chess, only without the dice."

^ lukas podolski hitting the nail on the head, somehow.

Motson's only 63???

Bizarrely hostile blog from Barney Ronay, who seems to be auditioning for the LBZC

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/sport/2008/06/28/will_we_miss_john_motson.html

Ian Rush: "I couldn't settle in Italy. It was like living in a foreign country."

haha, I remember Darren Jackson coming back from a failed spell in Chinese football moaning about the food not being proper Chinese food like he got in his local takeaway shop.

vincent candela on his brief spell in the premiership:

"I got out of Bolton quick. The weather and English football were not for me. The forwards used to tackle me, a defender. I did not understand."

Vincent Candela OTM

"People play by instinct, how they did when they first discovered football."

also florent malouda, from his magnificent rant last year.

I might go and sit in the back garden in the blazing June overcastness later.

rant against english football, i should say.

surprisingly blunt unfunnyness from ronay there, yeah. (he's usually... wry, i suppose.) can't say i agree either - while i do share a good deal of hostility towards motson i still don't think it's necessarily his fault; it was the euro 96 nouveau rah rah tim lovejoy footer fandom wot chucked him into this national treasure status/angry backlash feedback loop. he just carried on like he had done before the attention, and slowly declined in the way all ageing commentators do.

Yeah that Ronay stuff is unnecessarily hostile. If Motson has declined in any way - not that I think he's great, but he very rarely actively annoys me - it's only because he no longer has that shitbag Barry Davies to be better than.

also in all honesty i can never recall ever being struck by a bit of daft motson trivia to even half the extent ronay grotesques - he's just a nerdy seeming fellow, is all it is to my mind.

haha right yeah, it always does come down to motson v davies in the end. can't lie, i loathed motson for usurping our baz.

Maybe Davies' increasingly unstoppable xenophobia was a late career development, I don't remember noticing it as a kid.

do you mean like the cheating foreigners/dark arts of the game "they will not learn" stuff? i dunno, i liked that he had principles, even if they were ridiculously caricatured ones - cos when he did find delight in something it meant that much more. you don't get any of that with motson.

True enough you never get much of a sense that Motson loves football like a football fan, rather than as a trainspotter. I get enough "foreigners invented cheating" shite off my Dad tho. When Davies did it it just seemed unprofessional and embarrassing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7XTBG7XFmQ

Awesome. Would've enjoyed Davies more if he'd used "get tae fuck" regularly.

think i'm gonna do my best to drop a "get tae fuck" round ldn today. xp!

its all about "Commentators Eye!"

Bonus points if you can drop "cheating Hun bastard"

xpost yeah "commentator's eye" is magical

That whole commentary ought to be sampled for a µ-Ziq or Aphex Twin drill'n'bass workout.

"Carlos Cuellar, player of the year, now he's a dick".

I just posted that on the Scottish football thread, it's marvellous, isn't it? I liked the "if in doubt, cheat your way out, that is the Rangers philosophy". I especially like the comment from the guy who goes "didn't know commentators were allowed to swear" like this is actual Setanta coverage or something.

Setanta's coverage would be great if they could get this guy in the commentary box to even up Scott Booth's biased ramblings. Am surprised he is even able to see the games from his position up Walter Smith's arse.

the best thing is I thing Celtic miss the resulting pen.

think, gah

Yeah, they did. That didn't matter in the grand scheme of things (still went on to win the match), but the loss of Cuellar through suspension didn't do Rangers much good.

"they" = Scott McDonald