Penguins are prostitutes

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This is what my mom just emailed me. Is it true? What could it mean? Discuss.

― Ally, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The way they keep slapping their thighs and hiding in the shadiest parts of their enclosures. They know what they're doing, the scheming jezebels

― Ronan, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Biscuits, surely.

Penguin society has no concept of trade as I understand it so the notion of prostitution is probably beyond them. I do like them though.

― Tom, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Not true, although some aspects of penguin society are quite strange. The problems largely stem from the fact that all penguins look alike, so you can't tell what sex they are by looking at them. Not even the penguins can tell. The male has a slight problem when choosing a mate, which he overcomes by picking up a stone in his bill and laying it at the feet of another penguin. If he gets pecked as a result, he knows it's another male. So he picks up the stone and proceeds to next penguin in line. If he gets ignored, he knows it's a female which is already spoken for. If however, he gets bowed to, he knows that he's "got lucky".

― MarkH, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd like to see this pulling technique used at the next Club Sussed.

― Madchen, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't imagine human prostitutes would be impressed if you tried to pay them in stones (unless it was diamonds perhaps).

― Emma, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'll do almost anything for a really good bit of fish, mind.

― Tim, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Opus is *not* a prostitute. Hmph.

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You'd do a really good bit of fish for another really good bit of fish?

― Ronan, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Almost.

― Tim, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You could have pick up a penguin ads revamped if this is true

― Ronan, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If I was a female penguin, I'd peck people on the head just to confuse them.

― Ally, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If penguins are prostitutes I'm willing to pay.

― Martin, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The question is: does your mother take drugs?

― nathalie, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I was wondering how long it would take for Martin to post on this thread...

― Phil-Two, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

In order to mate, you gotta be sneakyish. You gotta convinve the mate that you are healthy and supple. Show them how much slaiva you are capapble of. Run around the bar a few times. Take a shit on the mailman.

― Mike Hanle y, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Um, good thing I'm gay then. I'm not really willing to get into scat for the sake of pulling. But I am willing to charter a plane to the Arctic to have some fun with Mark Hester's stone/sex/penguin/whore theory. Who's in?

― Phil-Two, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm still trying to imagine Tim as a penguin prostitute.

― Ally C, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Penguins are ace. My favorite part of the zoo. Also cool: otters and spider monkeys.

The real prostitutes of the zoo are the sea lions.

― bnw, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I am suspicious of my mom's chemical intake, yes.

― Ally, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Wait, wait, I just realized this - sea lions? Do tell.

― Ally, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

They shag for fish.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Good god. I never knew.

― Ally, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Its true - penguins are prostitutes. There was a paper published about it a couple of years ago. Apparently the female penguins trade sexual favours for stones for lining their nests. Penguins are also into partner swapping - they mate for life but occasionally swap partners for a night at a time.

― hamish n00nan, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Theres an article about it here: http://www.penguinstorm.net/penguins/article1.html

― hamish n00nan, Tuesday, 4 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ally, maybe your mum heard the legendary advertising slogan 'p-p-pick up a Penguin' and got confused?

― Will McKenzie, Wednesday, 5 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

three weeks pass...

I hear Elfs are drunks

― Mike Hanle y, Saturday, 29 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

No they are homosexaul
Dwarves are drunks

― anthony, Saturday, 29 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I am drunk

― Mike Hanle y, Saturday, 29 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...

Was this issue explored enough at the time?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 01:53 (twenty-two years ago)

No, and neither was the elves = gay = drunk = dwarves = hanle y experiment.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 02:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Time for a closer study.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 04:03 (twenty-two years ago)

six months pass...

conclusions reached?

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 20 October 2003 18:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Penguins should be eradicated ASAP, possibly used for vivisection. Also for coats.

― Allyzay, Monday, 20 October 2003 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

You are horrible.

― bnw (bnw), Monday, 20 October 2003 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Penguins Are Bastards

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 20 October 2003 18:13 (twenty-one years ago)

stevem, seriously, that is a thing of beauty. NOW do you think I am horrible, bnw? They deserve it. Slappers.

― Allyz, Monday, 20 October 2003 18:15 (twenty-one years ago)

oh come ON, everybody knows that flightless waterfowl are just a bunch of painted whores!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 20 October 2003 18:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Why am I so bad and hated???? :(
http://emperor-penguin.com/emperor-chick.jpg

― bnw (bnw), Monday, 20 October 2003 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

LOOK AT ITS FEET!!! ARRGH.

― Allyzay, Monday, 20 October 2003 18:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Those are its mommy's feet!!!!11111

― bnw (bnw), Monday, 20 October 2003 18:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I am severely tempted to answer every question asked of me with "They shag for fish."

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 20 October 2003 18:35 (twenty-one years ago)

And the question was: "Why do penguins look so damn satisfied?"

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 20 October 2003 19:04 (twenty-one years ago)

And the question was: "Why do penguins look so damn satisfied?"

(and Stevem, I owe you a drink for that photo.)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 20 October 2003 19:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I never get tired of the penguin bitchslap.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 20 October 2003 19:06 (twenty-one years ago)

And You'll Do What for a Herring? Biologists uncover a scurrilous sex trade on the most unlikely of continents

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 20 October 2003 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.timbu.org/images/evil_penguin.jpg

SO evil

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 20 October 2003 21:45 (twenty-one years ago)

But SO deliciously right

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 20 October 2003 21:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Ally -- wasn't you mom watching ice hockey when she emailed you on September 21st, 2001??

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Monday, 20 October 2003 22:35 (twenty-one years ago)

What an alarming question.

― Allyzay, Monday, 20 October 2003 23:46 (twenty-one years ago)

What you have to be careful of are the undercover cops disguised as penguins. Believe me, I learned this the hard way.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 12:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Awww come on!
http://emperor-penguin.com/pengbabs.jpg

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 13:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Child prostitution, now that's just sick.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 13:03 (twenty-one years ago)

>.< i just got done with my responce.. all well.. well i have no responce because everyone elses responce is good to me there is no responce there is only what is prooven and known plus the thoughts one has about it no science can change everyones thoughs.. well anyways feel free to IM me or write me a mail i'm good with advice to everyone most of the time.. male female.. heter or homo.. bi.. i'm bi myself .. anyways thanks for posting this and i hope everyone has a nice day.. plus i'm doing a report for school about homosexual emotions and if anyone knows some good sites of someone who could help me get a good grade please get in touch.. thank you very much
P.S. i might not be on it much but i do cheak my mail and if i get to know some of you as friends i'll give you my other screen name and well chat up a storm.

― Call me Sasuki, Tuesday, 21 October 2003 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Momus/Manhattan Transfer Penguins

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 07:57 (twenty-one years ago)

So, *IS* that really Momus on the ad? Because every time I see it, I think "Wow, that penguin sounds just like Momus. I *HAVE* to stop spending so much time on ILX!"

― kate (kate), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 09:56 (twenty-one years ago)

eight years pass...

penguins are the most disgusting savages

― retro-shittified (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 11 June 2012 19:04 (twelve years ago)

Jan 11: "This afternoon I saw a most extraordinary site [sic]. A Penguin was actually engaged in sodomy upon the body of a dead white throated bird of its own species. The act occurred a full minute, the position taken up by the cock differing in no respect from that of ordinary copulation, and the whole act was gone through down to the final depression of the cloaca."

Dec. 6: "I saw another act of astonishing depravity today. A hen which had been in some way badly injured in the hindquarters was crawling painfully along on her belly. I was just wondering whether I ought to kill her or not, when a cock noticed her in passing, and went up to her. After a short inspection he deliberately raped her, she being quite unable to resist him."

― retro-shittified (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 11 June 2012 19:05 (twelve years ago)

... every penguin has it's price...

― Mark G, Monday, 11 June 2012 19:08 (twelve years ago)

nine years pass...

Their wings don't flap, but they make it clap

― they were written with a ouija board and a rhyming dictionary (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 18 January 2022 17:36 (three years ago)

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