Jobhunting Scam Strategies

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I need a job quickly. I have lazed about, doing absolutely no work for seven years now. Three of those years were spent at university, from which I graduated with a jolly good degree last summer.

I am concocting a crazy CV with made up jobs to cover the times when I wasn't doing much (which is all of the times). But I don't know how much care I need to put into the details. Do employers always check references? Which ones are more likely to? Even if an employer wanted to write to places I'd been, would they just write to my university cos that's the most recent thing, or would they try to contact the made-up companies I supposedly worked at four years or more ago?

When making up previous jobs, I use names of companies that I know went bust. Or else have moved. Or I'm using addresses where I know nobody will bother to send letters back as 'not known at this address'. Are these good strategies?

Is it good to be fairly chatty in CVs, and to use the word 'I'? Or is it better to write them as if you're pompous and sad?

I have a zillion questions.

This thread may also be used as a message board for the newly-formed Reference Exchange Club. I will provide a reference saying whatever you like to anyone who'll do the same for me.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 16:42 (twenty-two years ago)

The alternative is to say you were travelling. I've used this before, just make sure you can talk about three or four places with some confidence and you'll be fine in interviews.

― chris (chris), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I was gonna say that's what I was doing for the last six months. But I haven't got enough material to cover the whole seven years.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 17:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Say you were in a coma. No one can resist someone who was in a coma.

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 17:01 (twenty-two years ago)

lying is dud!

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Say you were in a coma. No one can resist someone who was in a coma.

Genius suggestion. I'll put it on my CV. What skills should I say it gave me?

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

The ability to stare into space for ridiculous periods of time.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 17:05 (twenty-two years ago)

ok, i have a whole lot of lies available. my cv was almost entirely constructed out of lies (thats the dumb thing, once you get a job, the need for the lies dissipates. my cv is now completely true again!)

email me, i'll go through the best lies with you (and how to expand on them in interview)

― gareth (gareth), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 17:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Could you write me a reference for my masters application? I left university 4 years ago but they still want a reference from someone there, none of whom will remember me I'm sure :/

In return I'll write one saying you were a perfect patient while you were in that coma for seven years.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 17:09 (twenty-two years ago)

On a serious note you should make up things about what extra-curricular activities you engaged in at university i.e. you were features editor of the university newspaper, you sat on some student councils, you started a club, you were class-captain etc etc.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Could you write me a reference for my masters application? I left university 4 years ago but they still want a reference from someone there, none of whom will remember me I'm sure :/

Well, if you need something quite lengthy written, you can write it yourself, and I'll sign it. Or if you just need to put someone's name and address, then you can put mine, no problem! E-mail me if you're serious.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 17:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Er... no, I think I'll go the honesty route and badger my old supervisor until he remembers me or pretends to remember me. Last time I saw him was when he came up to me in Sainsburys to tell me I'd got a first... I dropped some oranges IIRC.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 17:24 (twenty-two years ago)

This is probably really naive of me, but the one problem I always saw with lying on a CV is... um, getting a job you *so* can't do?

Or doesn't it matter?

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm unlikely to try and blag my way into something I can't do. All the jobs I'm looking at are things I could do quite easily. I just have to lie because if I wrote the truth on a CV (the truth being, I've devoted myself to having fun only for nearly a decade because I hate working) I think it's unlikely anyone would give me a job.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 18:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm guess I'm projecting myself into this a bit. My CV is shambolic, but I have a pretty strong feeling that if I put anything less than truthful on it I'd get caught out, somehow. I'm not a big fan of CVs, really, though. (Maybe I'd feel differently if mine wasn't crap!)

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 19:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Should I write down that during time spent not working I was being a musician? It's true, and it's a 'job', but not a job job, or at least one that has any relevance what I'll be applying for. Is it better to admit to being a musician or make something up?

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 21:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I dunno, Jordan. A lot of the time when I say I was doing nothing I was actually playing in bands. (The reverse is true, also.) I haven't put it in my CV cos I imagine it's likely to put off some of the people who'd read it, if they apply lazy associations (drugs, late nights, pissing in garages). But a lot of stuff I was doing then (when I was effectively managing my bands as well as fronting them) seems pretty relevant to anything else I might want to do.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Wednesday, 12 March 2003 02:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Related question: am I correct in assuming that it is perfectly acceptable/expected to lie on applications for "shit jobs" (you know, waiting tables, retail, that sort of thing)?

― -M, Wednesday, 12 March 2003 04:36 (twenty-two years ago)

say you've been in management in the entertainment industry.

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Wednesday, 12 March 2003 05:23 (twenty-two years ago)

sorry i didnt mail you lasr night EK, i weas packingfor NYC, but i will today i promise!

― gareth (gareth), Wednesday, 12 March 2003 06:41 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

revive then

― adam. (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 22:16 (twenty-one years ago)

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