ILE's Top Ten Air Instruments

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Its mere weeks since a fine, hansome and well-adjusted Brit won the International Air Guitar Competition by taming his non-axe to Song 2 by Blur. In Finland.

But there's loads more where that came from. My guess is that the top five peices in an invisible band are:

1 Air Guitar 2 Air Drums 3 Air Microphone Stand 4 Erm... 5 There's got to be more than this, surely?

― Magnus, Wednesday, 5 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

No, playing the air drums is so much more satisfying than air guitar.

Air violin perhaps? in a dirty three kinda stylee...

― clive, Wednesday, 5 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Air...maracas? is that what they are? the little clicky things. And bagpipes.

― maria, Wednesday, 5 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Air theremin!!

― mark s, Wednesday, 5 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Air turntables.

― Andrew L, Wednesday, 5 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Those are some startlingly good answers. Especially Mark's theremin, which is about as brilliant as anything I've seen all week. I'm going to have to go home and flutter my hands around to "Good Vibrations" -- maybe that'll get me in the mood to put on Deserter's Songs and try out the air-bowed-saw.

I think I've played air bass before. Probably to Gang of Four or something.

― Nitsuh, Wednesday, 5 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Air flute, often seen on pre-school children's tv programmes!

― jel, Wednesday, 5 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

best physical props for technically-non-air-yet-still-make-believe instrumentalism?

― , Wednesday, 5 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

air accordian makes you look like a rap dude

also nike air= barefoot?

― loop, Wednesday, 5 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

TABLAS OR CASTANETS OR VIBRAPHONES .

although of course thermin is the best answer

― anthony, Wednesday, 5 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Air french horn that'd look like air folk dancing.

― f, Wednesday, 5 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Air one-man-band

― Graham, Wednesday, 5 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Air gong

Air sequencer

Air Air

― Graham, Wednesday, 5 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I like "Air Air" the best. Pretending to program up Sexy Boy - now that's happening.

― Ally, Wednesday, 5 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Farts.

― nathalie, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You all missed the best one "Air conductors baton!!" Go Frasier Crane!!

― Michael Bourke, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Doesn't anyone imagine they're Bernard Edwards when listening to Good times or Le Freak?

― Billy Dods, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Always! That is the essence of Chic I would say :)

Also no-one seems to have mentioned the air hanging-keyboard-thingy, see Jan Hammer and that dude who did "People from Ibiza" back in them 80s.

― Omar, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Air Harmonica, it looks like you're biting your nails and you get to drool on people.

― Ronan, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Air PIANNER and Air Banjo/Uke. Air piano is good when listening to gr8 old western swing music, as is air uke (also very good when listening to certain works of S. Merritt). For tips on air piano, see "air organ" in EEESH! Phantom of the Opera! Nooo! Oh hang on, better air "keyed instrument" guide - RICK WAKEMAN OUT OF YES.

However, I think air drums are the best. You can disguise your spasticated flailing on dancefloor with the eyes rolled to the ceiling look and spitting out "I was AIR DRUMMING you MORON" and then continue spazzing out to your hearts content. Bang bang.

― Sarah, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Well in that case I do air drums every weekend.

― Ronan, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Air Glitch

― Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Air whistling

― Ronan, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Air Aeolian Harp.

― alex t, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You big ponce Alex T.

(Defensive cos dunno whot it is)

― Sarah, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It's a harp played by wind.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It'll never work. What if I stood behind you with a MINI FAN whilst you were riffing away? I might ruin your tone, pitch, intonation, phrasing (!), key (!!!), it would be a DISASTER in a Last Night Of The Proms scenario!!

Air lyre, then. Air LUTE. Air feckin' Pan Pipes.

― Sarah, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, if you were to do such a dastardly thing, I would simply turn round and say "Blimey, you look about 30 today", this being guaranteed to make you run off crying and leave me and my windy harp in peace.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I would do nothing of the sort. Instead I would shove your PIPE up your bum, zip your cardie up so tight you can't move, cancel yr meals on wheels subscription (possibly not the right term) and FLICK THE V'S, grandad.

― Sarah, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

He might enjoy that, its a power thing apparently.

― Ronan, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Pipe? What pipe? I have no pipe. Are you getting me confused with the Deegester?

I do have a cardigan though.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I am no ponce You R OlD Woombman S.Clarke

It was a bad joke -- it is already an air instrument. Ha Ha.

― alex t, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

In the North of England in the early nineteen nineties, student discotheques were awash with air-maraca based tomfoolery, if I recall correctly.

Some people took it too far: they would bring real maracas to the disco. Lord above, I'd forgotten all about that until today.

― Tim, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

he tease us with les hérissons enigmatique du m. derrida = he is un ponce

― mark s, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I have been known to play air trumpet and air sax. Possibly the oddest thing I've ever done was air upright bass.

― Dan Perry, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Dan playing air upright bass = Dan tickling imaginary sheep as they walk into an imaginary pen. I reckon.

Also, air saxophone: done properly, thumb in mouth or not?

― Tim, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

As a former sax player, the idea of putting the thumb in your mouth when it's needed to hit the notes in the higher register appalls me.

― Dan Perry, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Appalls you more than sheep tickling, obviously.

― Tim, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Sheep tickling is much better than sheep worrying.

― Dan Perry, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I bow to your greater experience, sir.

― Tim, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ouch. But I walked into that, so I blame no one but myself. And Ethan.

― Dan Perry, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Where would Eastenders be without an invisible drumkit? Nowhere, that's where. We'd all be watching Albion Market.

― Magnus, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...

Anyone got a set of air drums for sale? I gotta get me some of this. Are there any special air-sticks required? Or can I use regular drumsticks?

― Kirby L. Wallace, Saturday, 11 January 2003 17:47 (twenty-two years ago)

on vh1 last night there was a phil collins video in which he played air guitar, air bass, air trumpet, air drums, air saxophone and he was singing into an air mike. no idea what song it was though as i was in the pub and the sound was turned off on the tv. it was possibly the lowest-budget video ever made.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 11 January 2003 17:52 (twenty-two years ago)

How do air horns fit into this thread?

― j.lu (j.lu), Saturday, 11 January 2003 18:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I often drum on my chair whilst listening to music. Maybe I should start playing it like a guitar.

― Curtis Stephens, Saturday, 11 January 2003 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

It'll be quite heavy to pick up and hold in front of you for long.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 11 January 2003 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Air Trombone, especially if you swing it up and down like you're in a second-line parade.

Air Standup Bass. Think Mingus. Or the dude in the Paula Abdul video. I remember seeing Masada once and Greg Cohen was playing so hard his entire hand was beet-red.

― gabbneb, Saturday, 11 January 2003 19:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude, air upright bass is the best. I saw an early Roots video the other day, maybe it was cheaper to not film a performance style thing but they were all just hanging around playing air instruments every few bars when they felt like it.

Anyway I listen to Ikue Mori and play air laptop.

― Jordan (Jordan), Sunday, 12 January 2003 06:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Since just about every possible instrument has been covered in this thread, can it now mutate into being about household objects you've "played" INSTEAD of said instruments? Y'know - like the old hairbrush as microphone trick.

Now somewhere on this planet, an old friend of mine has a highly incriminating photo of me at about seventeen years old, wearing a blue and white Benneton rugby shirt, I've got probably about five inch high spiked orange bangs and I'm playing air guitar with a tennis racket. Sometimes I have trouble sleeping at night just knowing that it's out there.

― Kim (Kim), Sunday, 12 January 2003 06:32 (twenty-two years ago)

ILx? Easy--air CRITICISM. [or maybe I'm just biased]

― M Matos (M Matos), Sunday, 12 January 2003 07:26 (twenty-two years ago)

air guitar on *wooden* tennis rackets = classic

― gabbneb, Sunday, 12 January 2003 09:52 (twenty-two years ago)

oh that phil collins video sounds exactly like the video "lydia" by this crappy nz band called fur patrol. everyone in the band is air-playing.

― di smith (lucylurex), Sunday, 12 January 2003 10:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Fuck beet red.

Real stand-up bassists (they are called 'slap bassists') BLEED. to try and put this off as long as possible they paint their hands with superglue before a gig.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Sunday, 12 January 2003 10:25 (twenty-two years ago)

At one point in the pub last night Tim H played quite a bit of air banjo, to illustrate some points about the historical development of bluegrass.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 12 January 2003 12:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Air Nose Flute

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Sunday, 12 January 2003 15:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually, I think Air Laptop is the most exciting.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Sunday, 12 January 2003 16:16 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

i got really annoyed one time (i think it was at club popular) when people played their air guitars to The Final Countdown ALL WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PEOPLE WERE AIR STRUMMING TO THE TWO HANDED TAPPING BIT WTFWTFWTFWTFWTF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 27 October 2004 20:07 (twenty years ago)

Air rockist.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 27 October 2004 20:18 (twenty years ago)

Maybe they were playing air keytars.

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 27 October 2004 20:21 (twenty years ago)

or air zithers

― You've Got to Pick Up Every Stitch (tracerhand), Wednesday, 27 October 2004 22:52 (twenty years ago)

air cymbalom - way fine, tho easy to mistake for them air vibes

air nyatiti - an even finer air'strument, rarer too ...then again, peeps might just think, wrongly, "ah, air broomstick"

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Thursday, 28 October 2004 17:34 (twenty years ago)

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