How come it takes so long for guys to have a poop?

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Seriously.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 20 March 2003 23:38 (twenty-two years ago)

cause they're just yankin' it

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Thursday, 20 March 2003 23:40 (twenty-two years ago)

cause it's (generally - there are obvious exceptions) tighter up men's rearends than it is up women's...

sometimes it has something to do with the literature in the toilet...

i'm assuming 'poop' means excrement.

― Clare (not entirely unhappy), Thursday, 20 March 2003 23:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Have yo conducted scientific research on this teeny?

― That Girl (thatgirl), Thursday, 20 March 2003 23:43 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm gonna go have one right now. i'll be back to let you know.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 23:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Because we don't sit down every time, and it's weird at first, you have to remember all these extra steps like dropping trou and boxers, and putting the seat down, and then you sit finally and go 'OH SHIT THIS BITCH IS COLD' and then you have to relax for a little while, center yourself, and then loosen up your ass and let go. Then you have to remember to look for the roll and wipe yourself, more uncommon activities, and reposition your attire in the proper places - all of these things we do much more ceremoniously than women probably do, because girls sit down every time (or just about).

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 20 March 2003 23:46 (twenty-two years ago)

If we could somehow poop standing up without reducing the washroom to a war crime we would, and it would probably take all of twenty seconds.

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 20 March 2003 23:47 (twenty-two years ago)

by 'every time' I mean 'every time we/they use the bathroom' obv, not 'every time we/they poop'

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 20 March 2003 23:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I actually have an answer of sorts for this, based on asking boyfriends about it and doing some very, very minor examinations. But I think it's kind of embarrassing I have to say.

― Carey (Carey), Thursday, 20 March 2003 23:49 (twenty-two years ago)

so that was, what, five minutes?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 23:50 (twenty-two years ago)

To put it very basically with no diagrams or anything, I think they have a different pushing mechanism than women do.

― Carey (Carey), Thursday, 20 March 2003 23:53 (twenty-two years ago)

"Our assholes are different"--Rimbaud.

― Rockist Scientist, Friday, 21 March 2003 00:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, I think you hit something on the head right there.

― Carey (Carey), Friday, 21 March 2003 00:24 (twenty-two years ago)

It's colon gnomes. I'm telling you.

― Kim (Kim), Friday, 21 March 2003 00:29 (twenty-two years ago)

It would take us even longer if we washed our hands afterward.

― Aaron A., Friday, 21 March 2003 00:33 (twenty-two years ago)

True.

― Millar (Millar), Friday, 21 March 2003 00:39 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/03_19_2002.html

― ron (ron), Friday, 21 March 2003 03:17 (twenty-two years ago)

They overeat.

― jonas lefrel (jonas lefrel), Friday, 21 March 2003 03:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Men have excess butthair and require more wiping. There is frequently the problem of "no matter how much I wipe, there is shit on this toilet paper". Men probably eat worse food, since they aren't nearly as concerned with their figures, in general, as women, in general, are. Meat and all that good stuff sticks around in your arsehole, plugging it up quite well, whereas women's diets tend to contain lots more things like salad and bran, which are good for healthy, solid shits.

Women, you would die to hear an old man on the shitter. It sounds like their bowels (actual innards) are falling out their ass and into the toilet with an awful flubbering/flapping sound that makes one thing you could easily fit a television up that man's awful mess-maker without too much problem.

I think men's are looser than womens, with butthair, hemmorhoids and runny shit to top it all off.

― Scaredy Cat, Friday, 21 March 2003 04:05 (twenty-two years ago)

time for a metamucil

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 21 March 2003 04:07 (twenty-two years ago)

BTW, good question.

― Scaredy Cat, Friday, 21 March 2003 04:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Stunning, profane, yet practical - one of ILE's best all round threads.

9.7

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Friday, 21 March 2003 12:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Because we like to relax on the can. My friends father does the crosswords when he is taking a steamer...he usually spends 2 hours on the can! Don't know how long it takes him to actually shit, but he's always in there for hours.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 21 March 2003 12:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Scaredy's right. One word: winnits.

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Friday, 21 March 2003 12:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I am not quite as hungry for my lunch now. ILE: your friendly appetite-suppressant.

Chris V. confirms what I always suspected, it's actually just quiet Man Time.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 21 March 2003 12:59 (twenty-two years ago)

quick response: bigger stools, tighter asses, and the exquisite enjoyment of the meeting of these two elements. take a book, smoke, take a whiskey, settle in, get away from it all. for even longer pooping, do it at work and get paid for your potty time.

― mick hall (mick hall), Friday, 21 March 2003 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Chris V. confirms what I always suspected, it's actually just quiet Man Time.

Damn right - peace and quiet.

Plus, and it needs saying, there are few greater pleasures in life than a good hearty crap.

― James Ball (James Ball), Friday, 21 March 2003 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

the real question is how come, as your age increases, the time spent in the shitter increases.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 21 March 2003 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

from ron's link:
"After several minutes of manic dashing around, picking up and discarding magazines — “No, not long enough. My god, I can’t poop to this!”"

I will now attempt to work the phrase "My god, I can't poop to this!" into my life as much as possible.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 21 March 2003 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok, I don't like to think about bodily functions. I like to pretend that they don't occur. I get actively upset like if I'm dating a guy and I'm taking a shower and he decides to use the toilet while I'm there. It's just not very romantic.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 21 March 2003 23:58 (twenty-two years ago)

im with ally.
but heres a great quote from Glengarry Glen Ross

Roma: All train compartments smell vaguely of shit. It gets so you don't mind it. That's the worst thing that I can confess. You know how long it took me to get there? A long time. When you die you're going to regret the things you don't do. You think you're queer? I'm going to tell you something: we're all queer. You think you're a thief? So what? You get befuddled by a middle-class morality? Get shut of it. Shut it out. You cheated on your wife? You did it, live with it. You fuck little girls, so be it. There's an absolute morality? Maybe. And then what? If you think there is, then be that thing. Bad people go to hell? I don't think so. If you think that, act that way. A hell exists on earth? Yes. I won't live in it. That's me. You ever take a dump made you feel like you'd just slept for twelve hours?

― kephm, Saturday, 22 March 2003 15:02 (twenty-two years ago)

It's pretty simple, really. Most guys take longer than you'd expect because it takes a while to carefully reposition those socks.

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Saturday, 22 March 2003 15:52 (twenty-two years ago)

personally, i'm a firm believer in the cucumber-wrapped-in-foil method

pun intended

― ron (ron), Saturday, 22 March 2003 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

After a man takes a shit, he also has to examine it for awhile. Man also shits bigger and badder turds into the toilet.

― Ronald Rumsfeld, Saturday, 22 March 2003 18:02 (twenty-two years ago)

BIGGER! + BADDER!

― Chupa-Cabras (vicc13), Saturday, 22 March 2003 18:06 (twenty-two years ago)

OH, HELL YEAH!

― Ronald Rumsfeld, Saturday, 22 March 2003 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

are you ron from rrr records?

― ron (ron), Saturday, 22 March 2003 18:22 (twenty-two years ago)

well,
A)I'm usually reading.

B)It's the one part of the day where I don't think I should be doing something else. And Al Pacino is right: dumps can be very refreshing.

My god, I would never take a crap if my girlfriend was in the shower. WTF?

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 22 March 2003 18:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Well some men do and I'm not happy about it.

― Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 22 March 2003 19:16 (twenty-two years ago)

one month passes...

low-fiber, little exercise, stress...in other words, eat your fruits, veggies, and grains, go for a run, and relax. Peace.

― Bob, Sunday, 27 April 2003 20:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't speak for every guy but I believe this is why I spend so ,uch time on shitter:
1. eating too fucking much
2. eating too fucking much that ian't good for you
3. i ain't getting up real fast after straining so much to get that kind of shit out of my system
4. i ain't getting up before i'm done reading the sports page
5. gotta have some time away from the screaming bitch banging on the door trying to get me to put out the fucking trash

― Big Swinging Dick, Sunday, 27 April 2003 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

5. gotta have some time away from the screaming bitch banging on the door trying to get me to put out the fucking trash

Interestingly, this is the real answer. Shhhhhhhh -- !

― jm (jtm), Sunday, 27 April 2003 22:28 (twenty-two years ago)

I always think that people enjoy going for a shit because it's the one time nothing's expected of them.

― Matt (Matt), Sunday, 27 April 2003 22:43 (twenty-two years ago)

nine months pass...

eh?

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 29 January 2004 03:07 (twenty-one years ago)

AAARRRGGGHHHHH!

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 29 January 2004 03:09 (twenty-one years ago)

it's natural. unless you have to take exlax.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 29 January 2004 03:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha I totally remember why I made my posts upthread and for some reason I was thinking about that incident THIS MORNING while I was in the shower.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 29 January 2004 03:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Why do men have asshair? What evolutionary purpose does it serve?

― Llahtuos Kcin (Nick Southall), Thursday, 29 January 2004 10:28 (twenty-one years ago)

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 29 January 2004 10:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Why do women have it?

― Silly Sailor (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 29 January 2004 10:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Men, in my experience, have more.

― Llahtuos Kcin (Nick Southall), Thursday, 29 January 2004 10:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Why God why?!

― Llahtuos Kcin (Nick Southall), Thursday, 29 January 2004 10:32 (twenty-one years ago)

To annoy you, I think. God doesn't like you much.

― Silly Sailor (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 29 January 2004 10:35 (twenty-one years ago)

three years pass...

poopist

― gershy, Sunday, 27 May 2007 06:05 (eighteen years ago)

An excellent question, I have never understood this phenomenon.

― Laurel, Sunday, 27 May 2007 06:22 (eighteen years ago)

But I'm most interested in Yerac's answer -- I ask her for details later.

― Laurel, Sunday, 27 May 2007 06:22 (eighteen years ago)

do you guys not read magazines and stuff when yr pooping?

― river wolf, Sunday, 27 May 2007 06:36 (eighteen years ago)

how else am i supposed to play DS while at work?

― kingfish, Sunday, 27 May 2007 07:04 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.blowing-kisses.com/gallery/albums/userpics/10001/normal_db_beavis_cornholio1.gif

― am0n, Sunday, 27 May 2007 07:07 (eighteen years ago)

Why do men have asshair? What evolutionary purpose does it serve?

-- Llahtuos Kcin (Nick Southall), Thursday, January 29, 2004 5:28 AM (3 years ago)

vestigial tail

― am0n, Sunday, 27 May 2007 07:08 (eighteen years ago)

Chris V. confirms what I always suspected, it's actually just quiet Man Time.

I definitely need my woman time. I sometimes sit there for half an hour. Sometimes to read, sometimes because it takes a long time. It doesn't always come easy, you know.

Ooookay, I just woke up and I'm in a half-slumber. I am so gonna regret doing this TMI post.

― stevienixed, Sunday, 27 May 2007 07:13 (eighteen years ago)

seven months pass...

what, do you want it to come out via rapid fire machine gun?

― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Sunday, 30 December 2007 06:37 (seventeen years ago)

Did someone up there suggest having a nip of whiskey on the can? Fine idea, plus a cigar. See you in 45.

― Eazy, Sunday, 30 December 2007 07:59 (seventeen years ago)

Takes me about two minutes generally. What are y'all eatin'

― Ivan, Sunday, 30 December 2007 08:06 (seventeen years ago)

SMALL PLEASURES

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Sunday, 30 December 2007 08:17 (seventeen years ago)

Who says it's the pooping? Maybe it's about a bit of solitude. Away from it all.

― nathalie, Sunday, 30 December 2007 09:09 (seventeen years ago)

If a public restroom is involved, we cannot discount the extra time it takes to wipe off the piss from the seat before we sit down. I mean, I understand that some people are whiz-shy and want to go in the stall rather than the urinal. What I don't understand is why they think it is acceptable to not flip up the seat before doing so.

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 30 December 2007 15:15 (seventeen years ago)

Why should they? They know you're going to wipe the seat anyway.

― StanM, Sunday, 30 December 2007 15:19 (seventeen years ago)

I'm just saying: if you want to piss on my ass buy me dinner first.

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 30 December 2007 15:21 (seventeen years ago)

So you're saying you have a price.

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 30 December 2007 15:22 (seventeen years ago)

And a surprisingly (I hope) low one!

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 30 December 2007 15:27 (seventeen years ago)

What happens if someone buys you lunch?

― StanM, Sunday, 30 December 2007 15:36 (seventeen years ago)

I just eat lunch is all.

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 30 December 2007 15:59 (seventeen years ago)

Oh, ok. Phew.

― StanM, Sunday, 30 December 2007 16:22 (seventeen years ago)

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