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Just wondering, how many laws have you broken? I haven't done any major offences, but here is my criminal history anyway:

*use and possession of illegal substances
*use of legal substances while underage
*consumption of alcohol in a public place (it's a minor offence here in Finland)
*appearing naked in a public place
*shoplifting
*stealing from the workplace
*participation in an illegal demonstration
*spraying graffiti
*other acts of vandalism, mostly against multinational corporations

― Tuomass (Tuomas), Friday, 21 March 2003 11:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude, you're seriously telling me public consumption of alcohol is an offence in FINLAND? Every night I spent in Helsinki and Oulu I was ducking bottles left and right.

For the record, I compulsively steal from every place I work.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Friday, 21 March 2003 11:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Public consumption was made legal for a few years, but then the law was changed. Of course, public drinking is still a Finnish national sport (as you have noticed), so the police don't have the capacity to do anything about it. So it's a dead law, mostly.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 21 March 2003 11:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I used to steal cable.

― fletrejet, Friday, 21 March 2003 12:15 (twenty-two years ago)

When I was 15 I shot a kid with a BB gun. I was all sniper style and nailed him in the back. He hit the ground like I had shot him with a .22. His friend ran to get help and the cops showed up. I came out of the woods a ways down the round and ran home. I left the BB gun in the woods. A few minutes later the cops were at my door and threatening to call the FBI if I didn't admit to shooting the kid and leaving the gun. Of course this was just a scare tactic to get me to admit to it. I did and ended up getting arrested. My father was real pleased...of course any charges were dropped because it was a friggin BB gun. I got the lecture from the police chief about taking eyeballs out with a BB gun. A few days later my friends and I beat up the kid who told on us. Cops showed up again.

A few years later I was at a party and the police chief showed up to break it up. His name was Officer Cook, I called him Officer "Cuckies" and needless to say he dropped me.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 21 March 2003 12:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Smoked some dope (though not for years now), once accidentally took ketamine, drinking underage, lots of 'artistic rearranging' of bins and canoes and tables and chairs and benches and other outdoor furniture type things when I was younger (though is that illegal or just immature?), demonstrated yesterday, driven too fast (once got stopped by the Poliss on the m-way back from Brizzol!), once drove when, um, slightly under the influence (though not far and will never do it again). And that's about it. Public enemy number 1, obv.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Friday, 21 March 2003 13:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I am the law.

― Human League (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 21 March 2003 13:37 (twenty-two years ago)

- burned a dead tree in my parents' back yard. FD showed up, no arrest.
- got caught trespassing in a cemetary, detained, no arrest. Didn't make it to my community service because they scheduled it for the day I left for college.
- trespassed many, many other times in many, many other places without getting caught.
- smoke(d) weed; drank underage; have done coke, speed and ketamine.
- pulled over for yelling at cops blocking a road. Given a sobriety test (I was underage and had a few beers), passed.
- given citation for urinating in public, missed court date, bench warrant issued.
- multiple traffic and parking violations in many municipalities across this fine nation.
- set fire to an abandoned car. FD showed up, no arrest (obv. I didn't stick around).

there's prolly some other things I've done that I don't remember, either.

― hstencil, Friday, 21 March 2003 16:15 (twenty-two years ago)

*appearing naked in a public place

Details.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 21 March 2003 16:25 (twenty-two years ago)

but, not too many details.

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 21 March 2003 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

oh just a few... shoplifting and breaking & entering.

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 21 March 2003 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

er, those are the ones ive been caught for.

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 21 March 2003 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Trespassing is one of the most exciting of the illegal activites. Exploring old factories, going into old abandoned missile silos, going into the Boston underground road before it opens. These are all great fun. I wish I did a lot more of this while I would still be charged as a juvenile. Now the fines would be worse if I'm caught.

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 21 March 2003 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I've had run-ins with Johnny Law, but I'd rather not share them. Let's just say I had a "problematic" youth.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 21 March 2003 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

oh, and I break copyright laws all the time.

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 21 March 2003 16:54 (twenty-two years ago)

"She was a BAD GIRL with a BAD REPUTATION!

Jody Beth Rosen stars in:

BURNING YOUTH ANARCHY

With Tom Bosley as 'Bosley'"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 21 March 2003 16:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I was once arrested in a case of mistaken identity for something really, really bad. One personal possesstion was taken from me by the police and placed at the crime scene. I spent a night in jail with hardcore criminals (i.e., not the drunk tank)— two guys who had escaped from prison and were caught that morning, a guy who had apparently killed his girlfriend and another guy who wouldn’t say why he was there.

I was let go when they realized that I was not the person for whom they were looking.

― No One (SiggyBaby), Friday, 21 March 2003 16:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Arrested for drunken dodginess twice, and once for PUBLIC URINATION. Pathetic. I admitted to my guilt, stupidly.

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Friday, 21 March 2003 16:56 (twenty-two years ago)

public urination once or twice, given a talking to by the po-leece

most common recreational drugs except heroin and acid

drunk and disorderly once

partys busted on few occasions, pockets searched, brief questioning

loads of trespassing im sure and public drinking but seldom caught, it's hardly serious.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 21 March 2003 22:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Trespassing, public intoxication (*hic* Yessir, Occifer...) and I've been known to use recreational drugs.

Throw the book at me!

― luna (luna.c), Saturday, 22 March 2003 02:12 (twenty-two years ago)

All the usual ones - drugs, trespassing, drunk & disorderly, public indecency (or whatever sex outside would get you), speeding, public urination, stealing from workplaces (nothing much - and not at all from my current employers, he says, realising he's posting under his real name). I may have broken the odd sexual law, I'm not absolutely sure, but there are/have been some pretty absurd ones. I'm a fairly law-abiding person generally, probably.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 22 March 2003 15:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I may have broken the odd sexual law, I'm not absolutely sure

you're not sure??

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 22 March 2003 16:06 (twenty-two years ago)

What exctly is public urination? It can't be illegal to urinate in the woods when your hiking; when exactly does it become illegal? Can you urinate in grove of trees in a park? Or is it just a matter of potential for someone else to see you?

― A Nairn (moretap), Saturday, 22 March 2003 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I think there were still laws against anal sex in this country not long ago, JBR. And against homosexual acts within group sex - these might still exist. I'm not sure about the laws rather than what I've done, of course.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 22 March 2003 18:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Martin,

If two or more guys are having sex with me at the same time, are they also having sex with each other? And does this make it homosexual, possibly a crime in some counties?

― BurmaKitty (BurmaKitty), Saturday, 22 March 2003 18:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Never been busted for anything, but am guilty of speeding; possession and consumption of alcohol while underaged; public intoxication; and, in the Commonwealth of Virginia, sodomy (oral sex), cohabitation, and fornication.

Many jurisdictions still have laws on the books forbidding various sexual acts. Around the time of the Lewinsky scandal some right-wing trolls advocated prosecuting Clinton under DC's laws against adultery.

― j.lu (j.lu), Saturday, 22 March 2003 20:32 (twenty-two years ago)

If two or more guys are having sex with me at the same time, are they also having sex with each other? And does this make it homosexual, possibly a crime in some counties?

can't say for sure until we've seen the pictures

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 22 March 2003 21:00 (twenty-two years ago)

drugs, tax and a fake marriage.

― Clare (not entirely unhappy), Sunday, 23 March 2003 05:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Damn! you guys are light-weights!

-attempted credit card fraud
-theft of two then top-of-the-line computers (that got stolen BACK, amazingly!)
-lots of shoplifting (mostly books)
-weed
-LSD
-Embezzlement from several jobs
-arrested for assault (on my mom) (!!!?) (don't look at me like that, she was blatantly lying because she was really pissed at me at the time because she was/is a psycho. Seriously, I'm not kidding, I'm not fucked up enough to do that.)
-myriad vandalisms
-stole some guy from the S.F. Chronicle's press pass (I thought it might come in useful, but it never did)
-buying alcohol for minors
-all those other little things

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Sunday, 23 March 2003 09:50 (twenty-two years ago)

i think being a lightweight on this thread is a good thing.

'never been arrested for non-domestic' => what the hell kind of boast is that?!??

― Dave M. (rotten03), Sunday, 23 March 2003 10:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I agree. Being a lightweight on this thread is a good thing. (and that's not really what I was 'boasting', I was trying to say that I was arrested falsely on my mother's say-so).

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Sunday, 23 March 2003 10:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm not even gonna list all the shit I did but I will say that I used to live a life of total recklessness and was never even noticed by the authorities, whereas in the past few months I've been completely straight and I seem to be getting stopped and searched and arrested and hassled almost every other fuckin' day

― dave q, Sunday, 23 March 2003 11:58 (twenty-two years ago)

BurmaKitty, I'm not even sure the law exists as I imagine, let alone its precise usage, if any. But I would say it could only apply if they are having sex with each other as well as you.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 23 March 2003 12:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Dave Q. makes a very good point. If you're reckless and feckless about what you're doing, no matter how heinous, you seem to be OK. But once you relent and go straight it's as if your magic aura has evaporated forever.

Me, the usual--weed, drunk while driving, driving while so high on LSD that the road seemed elevated above my head, shoplifting. But I've never been arrested for anything--I once had an accident, my fault, with another car in which I semi-totalled my Volkswagen Rabbit, did all this damage to another car, I guess I'd forgotten to renew my drivers' license and my insurance. I had to pay the insurance claim ($2500) myself, but somehow the cops didn't take me to jail for driving w/o license, which they could've. Got pulled over for speeding while smoking pot, State Trooper let me go. I have an honest face--I am honest, and now that I'm officially in my 30s I'm a lot more "responsible."

Stole some concrete lawn jockeys, horses, ducks, etc., once at night in E. Tenn., I'm talking a portable sculpture garden...and stopped afterwards to pee, got back in car, cops pulled in behind me, I thought, I'll get out of the car! and that will defuse them. And they won't see all the ducks, lawn jockeys and horses piled up in my crappy Le Mans ten miles outside East Dollywood--and it worked! We all stood there away from the car and the cop never even looked. I told him I had a bladder condition, an enlarged prostate...at age 20. Well, no one had heard of saw palmetto back then...and we got off.

I fought the law, and I won...

― Jess Hill (jesshill), Sunday, 23 March 2003 21:03 (twenty-two years ago)

no offense Dan, referring to the line in the Ma$E song, not your post

― Dave M. (rotten03), Sunday, 23 March 2003 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Absolutely nothing, except two speeding tickets.

― Amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 24 March 2003 00:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh wait, this isn't about being caught. Um, it's still not very exciting. Trespassing I suppose, swimming in the lake too late at night, possession of drugs, etc.

― Amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 24 March 2003 00:47 (twenty-two years ago)

nick i have to ask:how did you accidentally take ketamine?
and what happened?

― robin (robin), Monday, 24 March 2003 02:12 (twenty-two years ago)

i was the last man in NZ to be hanged for simony

― duane (hellbaby), Monday, 24 March 2003 02:47 (twenty-two years ago)

statutes of limitations still hound me. When John Ashcroft goes away, i'll breathe easier.

― badgerminor, Monday, 24 March 2003 03:18 (twenty-two years ago)

my offences have all been against the fashionistas

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 24 March 2003 03:21 (twenty-two years ago)

i thought ma$e said 'Never been arrested/for nothin domestic'
if its non-domestic ima lose respect

― TB, Monday, 24 March 2003 06:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Rape, murder, arson...rape.

― Snaggle-toothed Cuss, Monday, 24 March 2003 06:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Pissing on a police station. They weren't happy.

― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 01:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I have to confess that I'm slightly jealous that I can't just pee wherever I want to.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 01:18 (twenty-two years ago)

"*appearing naked in a public place
Details."

Done this quite often; last time me and a friend had a bit of naked wrestling in a sandbox (it was nighttime, so there were no kids there - I'm not a perv). Never been arrested for this, though, but my friends had to spend a night in jail because they took a little after-sauna naked run. I really can't understand why they were taken there - the cops could've just fined them and told them to go home. They were posing no threat to anyone.

By the way, is there an English word for running naked in public? We have a verb describing this in Finnish, but I'm not sure about the English equivalent.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 08:32 (twenty-two years ago)

streaking is the word you are looking for

― jack cole (jackcole), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 09:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks, I knew there had to be a word for such an universal pastime... ;-)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 11:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Is there a word for "stuffing 34 fratboys in a telephone booth"?

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 11:33 (twenty-two years ago)

(not one of my offenses, btw.)

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 11:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Underage boozing
Outdoor boozing
Purchase/Consumption/Sale of various illegal substances
I’m pretty sure it’s still an offence to shag outdoors innit?
Laundering drug money (without realising it, honest!)
Insurance fraud, like a zillion times – yes folks I’m the reason your premiums are so high….
Does using work envelopes for private stuff count as theft?
There’s prolly more but nothing springs to mind at the moment

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 12:02 (twenty-two years ago)

'If you're reckless and feckless about what you're doing, no matter how heinous, you seem to be OK'
Best illustration of this was when I was pulled over on the I-80 [I-90? It was in Wyoming] for driving 120 MPH, drunk out of my skull as well as having taken some crystal meth and acid. The back seat of the car was piled high with empty bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 and malt liquor. The state trooper asked me the usual, I said "How am I supposed to know the speed limit here, I'm Canadian." His response to that was "Oh! Well in that case, in the USA it's 55. Have a fine vacation sir"!!! Wouldn't happen now though what with Canada being uncooperative and all. Thanks for ruining any future fun in the USA I might have, Cretin you fuckhead

― dave q, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 13:27 (twenty-two years ago)

we got it on in a publick place but we never got caught (blushes) (runs away)

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 13:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I DID get caught for that with someone. The pigs thought it was funnier than shit when I said "When the girlfriend finds out about this I'm dead"

― dave q, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 13:36 (twenty-two years ago)

(btw I was way drunk when arrested for public urination and was in fact just in front of a police station. But I was in an ALLEY! How did they spot me?) Yeah I sort of had public sex but wasn't caught and I was in a car, anyway, though there were sightseeing Sunday walker types all around, so it was kinda mean of me.

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 13:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I had sex in the stairwell of my college library. We zipped up and ran away as soon as we heard the footfalls of the security guard.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 13:49 (twenty-two years ago)

dave q is Hunter S. Thompson.

― No One (SiggyBaby), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 14:44 (twenty-two years ago)

two years pass...

You can add squatting to the list.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 10 June 2005 12:12 (twenty years ago)

And I guess it's a crime to DJ at an illegal party too.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 10 June 2005 12:18 (twenty years ago)

Arson - drunkenly sparked up a pile of toilet paper with a cigarette lighter in a cubicle at my local. The cleaner busted in and ran for the fuzz. I exited the bathroom and melted into the crowd. Continued drinking.

― Where's the beef Captain?, Friday, 10 June 2005 13:20 (twenty years ago)

Setting off fireworks
Exploring old buildings

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 10 June 2005 13:38 (twenty years ago)

theft
shoplifting (which is theft)
vandalism
drinking in public in glasgow
common assault
sexual harassment
sexual activity in a public lavatory
use of illegal drugs
speeding
dangerous driving
driving a mechanically propelled vehicle on a cycle track
driving whilst unfit through drink or drugs
failing to comply with the indication given by a traffic sign
littering
voyeurism
trespassing

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 10 June 2005 14:02 (twenty years ago)

Sexual harassment?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 10 June 2005 14:06 (twenty years ago)

yeah, best not go into it! was drunken and embarassing.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 10 June 2005 14:08 (twenty years ago)

oh actually i dunno whether that counted .. cos it's not in the work place or anything like that! scrap that one!!!

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 10 June 2005 14:09 (twenty years ago)

I don't think smoking weed is an offence here. Or they won't really fine you, it's *tolerated*. The laws still states you can't do it, but the police will turn a blind eye to it. I remember way back - about ten years ago maybe - they introduced this. Every kid in the nearby highschool started smoking weed in the parc. My parents always came back from walking the dog saying:"These kids! How impolite!" I wanted to remind them they had smoked quite a big of weed in front of me when I was a minor. ;-) I have smoked weed but obv it doesn't really count here. Nor drinking alcohol in public. Not that I know of anyway. I have been known to be drunk and disorderly in public which obv is an offence.

I have peed in public. One time in Hawaii after a rock. Noone in sight... but of course suddenly a car drove by. Ah well. I needed to pee.

I might have stolen from a friend when I was a kid, but only as *revenge* (when they broke sth of mine and/or stole stole sth from me). I usually never EVER steal, it's just not in me.

― nathalie's post modern sleaze fest (stevie nixed), Friday, 10 June 2005 14:09 (twenty years ago)

sexual activity in a movie theatre
sexual activity as a minor
premarital sex (which is illegal in all of America but it's never enforced -- it's just there to appease conservative pricks)
sodomy (oral sex counts as sodomy under Florida laws if I'm not mistaken)
jaywalking
trespassing
littering
underage drinking (my father used to give me Heinekens when I was five)

― Ian Riese-Moraine. Exposing ambitious careerists as charlatans since 1986. (East, Friday, 10 June 2005 16:59 (twenty years ago)

The only laws I've broken have been very boring ones:

drinking in a public place in Glasgow
underage drinking
speeding
travelling in a car without wearing a belt
travelling by train without getting a ticket at the earliest opportunity

― caitlin (caitlin), Friday, 10 June 2005 17:49 (twenty years ago)

Underage drinking
Possession and use of Class A, B and C drugs
Shoplifting
Public urination
Public nudity
Embezzlement
Stealing from workplaces
Stealing from public libraries
Trespassing
Vandalism
Fraud
Public indecency
Drunk and disorderly
I think that's the lot

― Taste the Blood of Scrovula (noodle vague), Friday, 10 June 2005 17:52 (twenty years ago)

Oh, I stole a book from a pub once

― caitlin (caitlin), Friday, 10 June 2005 18:09 (twenty years ago)

I forgot that it's illegal in my state (due to an outdated law) to take showers naked. Everyone's broken that one!

― Ian Riese-Moraine. Exposing ambitious careerists as charlatans since 1986. (East, Friday, 10 June 2005 18:26 (twenty years ago)

Sexual harassment?

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), June 10th, 2005. (later)

yeah, it's what ken c does to roxymusak all the time!

;-)

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Friday, 10 June 2005 18:51 (twenty years ago)

peeing in public is totally legal in hawaii

― charleston charge (chaki), Friday, 10 June 2005 18:54 (twenty years ago)

in france, too!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Friday, 10 June 2005 18:54 (twenty years ago)

what about shitting in public?

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Friday, 10 June 2005 18:55 (twenty years ago)

I don't think anywhere needs a law for that. It's not something most people are gonna want to do.

― Taste the Blood of Scrovula (noodle vague), Friday, 10 June 2005 18:56 (twenty years ago)

convicted:

misdemeanor trespassing
misdemeanor petit larceny, shoplifting

not caught:

major shoplifting
selling shoplifted goods
selling goods without permit
illegal posession of fireworks
one time marijuana use
grafitti
indecent exposure
bestiality
trespassing with intent
minor immigration violation
minor tax fraud
minor identity fraud

― no one, Saturday, 11 June 2005 03:45 (twenty years ago)

I'm just going to copy and paste from other people's lists:

*use and possession of illegal substances
*use of legal substances while underage
*consumption of alcohol in a public place (it's a minor offence here in Finland)
*appearing naked in a public place
*shoplifting
*stealing from the workplace
*spraying graffiti
*other acts of vandalism, mostly against multinational corporations
* arson
* wire fraud
* explosives (FD and PD showed up after I made a huge crater in a field. Didn't stick around after we saw them arrive)
* trespassing
* phone phreaking
* hax0ring
* sodomy
* statuatory rape

― Cool Hand Luuke (ex machina), Saturday, 11 June 2005 03:56 (twenty years ago)

i went to court today, because i was stopped by the polis at 4am for urinating on a tree.

the way they accosted me was like this, walking behind me, several minutes after i had broken the law: "buddy, hey. hey. hey pal! hey! hey!"

naturally i kept walking straight ahead.

i had been necking free glasses of bourbon all night at hiro, inside the maritime hotel. for that night, i really was maximum pimpin. i knew the bartender, i knew a d.j. (ilx's own dan selzer), a boss of mine was there, for whom i procured free jack and cokes, and peter hook was playing records! so i was in no mood to tangle with whoever the fuck was trying to get my attention at 4:30 am on 17th and 9th ave.

i walked into a deli, to buy cigarettes, i think. as i opened the door, the long arm of the law rested its heavy mitt on my shoulder and spun me around. policemen.

"hey buddy! why didn't you answer before?" said the man attached to the hand, a squat flat-faced policeman who peered closely up into my face.

"i'm sorry! i had no idea you were policemen.. you didn't.."

"why did you urinate on that tree back there?"

my mind raced. it stopped racing. feck. "i, i, i, ..." what kind of answer can one give, here?

"where are you coming from?"

"that club, over there, inside the maritime hotel.."

"why didn't you go in the club?"

"it's 4:30 in the morning, they kicked everyone out!"

"okay, okay, take it easy buddy. let's see some identification. have you ever been in trouble before? for anything? no? alright."

the squat policeman's partner, a skinny, slightly goofy-looking cop, studied my I.D. and radioed in. i took a step closer to the squat one, the one who seemed the most irritated, and said, kind of confidentially, "if there was a public bathroom around here i would defintely have used it, believe me!" "please stand back, over there, sir."

eventually the skinny one handed me my I.D. and a pink slip of paper, and told me i was to appear in court. i spluttered. i really could not believe it. "i have to go to court for peeing on a tree?" "yes, sir." "is this what they call broken-windows policing?" "what?" this was very stupid of me. "is THIS what they call 'broken-windows policing'?" he didn't really respond, or shrugged, and i took the slip and began walking back inside the deli.

"hey!"

this time i turned around. it was the squat one again. "you know, if you'd turned around the first time when i was speaking to you, you might not be in this situation."

i held my fucking tongue and walked inside the deli.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 11 June 2005 05:26 (twenty years ago)

anyway, today was the end of my tale. i showed up at midtown community court this morning, around 9:30am, wearing a suit without a tie on one of the warmest, most humid mornings of the year so far, and found out the case had been dismissed. the administration person was very friendly and nice.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 11 June 2005 05:30 (twenty years ago)

I have lusted in my heart.

― L'Histoire d'Eric H. (Eric H.), Saturday, 11 June 2005 06:13 (twenty years ago)

Oh I forgot tax fraud. As a Belgian we don't even consider this an offence against the law.

― nathalie's post modern sleaze fest (stevie nixed), Saturday, 11 June 2005 06:35 (twenty years ago)

i was walking back from the pub and pass a pair of cops standing under a tree. one of them starts following behind so i turn and ask 'can i help you?'. he tells me he needs to see some id because my dick is too big. i think he must be a fake cop so i ask him what the legal limit is on dick size? he shows me his badge and tells me to pull it out. im pretty drunk at this point so i do. im laughing and he gets mad and unzips his pants. then out of nowhere his partner walks up and arrests us both for public indecency! we all start to laugh and the second cop tells us to get in the car. i walk over to the car and get in. then he gets down on his knees and starts to suck us both off. then i hear someone pull up beside the car. the first cop says 'oh shit' because its another cop car. by that time its too late and we all get arrested for sex in public. the second car takes us down to the station. when the clerk at the desk sees me he leans over and spreads his butt cheeks. later we both get arrested for sodomy. the guards come with handcuffs and throw the lot of us in a cell with leather pants on so they can take pictures and masturbate and now the warden is coming to drip chocolate sauce on my nipples.

― burning trash, Saturday, 11 June 2005 20:44 (twenty years ago)

ah tracer the maritime?!?!?

― hstencil (hstencil), Sunday, 12 June 2005 20:33 (twenty years ago)

broken windows policing? I would've given you a blank look too.

― mouse (mouse), Monday, 13 June 2005 04:51 (twenty years ago)

Ah. I have googled and now know what the fuck you meant. But the fellow in question, I'm willing to bet, did not.

― mouse (mouse), Monday, 13 June 2005 05:30 (twenty years ago)

It was a stupid thing to say in any case. Clubs in the meatpacking district are hardly the epicenter of the phenomenon.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 13 June 2005 06:12 (twenty years ago)

Things I didn't do but was arrested for (all at once):
* Simple Assault of a Police Officer
* Obstruction of Government Administration (or something)
* Resisting Arrest

Finding: Not Guilty. Also, pepper spray was involved.

Recently arrested for:
* Disorderly Conduct (petty offence)
* Resisting Arrest (sentence deferred pending community service, etc.)

Also got nicked for p0t in Vermont, which is like getting a speeding ticket, but less.

― french-named guy who went to HS with The Gh0st of..., Monday, 13 June 2005 06:22 (twenty years ago)

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Your offences against the law.

BURNING YOUTH ANARCHY