Having Kids, classic or dud?

At current point in time, methinks: having a kid means I can't concentrate on the things I love best and would have no free time. HELP! Jane the Glorious doesn't want any kids at all. We are therefore on the same wavelength. :-)

I enjoy life for what it is. I wish people would stop going on about how the modern world is too bad a place to bring children into. I think the world is a much better place in many ways than it has ever been before. Stop being a miserable bastard, Nude Spock. I assume you're not about to kill yourself, so what's your point?

As I have said before, me having kids = urgent and key.

The other thing I notice is people seem to like the idea of raising a kid "right", in other words, "how they see fit", which is kind of a selfish projection onto another individual. Kids gotta let down their parents some day... enter guilt, shame, fear, anger, etc...

The kids have no choice in the matter whether or not they want to exist.

A somewhat airy-fairy argument, given that choice, or lack thereof, doesn't really apply to that which doez not XiZt y3t.

Anyway, having kids = k-classic, er, "once you reach that certain age".

Unless you like a tidy house.

Especially if it's a 2- year old.

Especially if it's a boy.

x0x0

I think you should have a doctor check that out.

And yes, Ally Elinevsky. Which sounds AWFUL - say it outloud. "Ally" and "Elin" sound too much alike. That's why I'll have to go back to Allison officially. Grr.

But all the love and good intentions in the world can't undo birth defects, mental illness and unfortunate genetic predispositions (severe acne, balding, obesity, not to mention abnormal heart valves, bad kidneys, parkinson's, asthma, eczema, allergy to WATER, migraines... you get the idea....)

That, or a yenta hausfrau from Long Island. (No offense meant, Ally).

Ha ha. They said Fuck it and then did it.

Oh, yeah, and it's clear. Sane people should have kids if they want to--By contrast, Nude Spock should not. Easy one.

Regarding Nude Spocks opinion from all those years ago. True, kids don't have a choice about whether they're born or not, but as parents your responsibilty is to do everything you can to make your child happy. Yes they will "let you down" at some point. But you'll should still love them unconditionally.
Also "love and good intentions" may not cure "birth defects, mental illness and unfortunate genetic predispositions", but those things don't necessarily make you unhappy. I work with people who have severe learning difficulties, and they are the happiest most loving people I know, because people with "love and good intentions" look after them.

No matter what state the world is in, the best thing you can ever do for a child is make it happy and give it unconditional love.

That’s what we did.

For those of you with kids, did you feel ready?

No, but we figured if we could train a dog...

Did you actually reach a point where you stopped and thought, "Everything is ready now to bring a baby into my life"?

No

Will I ever feel like I'm a position in my life where kids wouldn't be that bad of an idea?

“Wouldn’t be that bad of an idea” is when we figured that we were as ready as we would ever be.

Will I ever feel like I've got a big enough apartment or house, have enough money, have learned how to relax...?

No. But we looked at all of those who were breeding, and thought that if they could do it, surely we could do it.

Now, we have a four year old son who is an absolute riot (in all connotations).

If this was the case, the human race would have died out long ago, for no one will ever have "the answers", nothing ever be 100% "hunky dory" in life.

And Nude Spock's (ancient) argument relies on the parents deciding to have a child, which is only the case in about 0.00001% of conceptions (okay, so I made that percentage up, but you get the idea).

If being born is such a tragic horrible thing to inflict on a child as Nude Spock suggested oh so long ago, surely you must realize that this also translates into similar circumstances for the parents. When they say parenthood changes your life for ever, they ain't just whistlin' dixie.

Howevah, parent-haters should ignore me, as I'm extremely biased on the topic of parenthood, as a parent myself; a parent who didn't selfishly "decide" to bring a child into the world, neither. ;-)

That said, Nude Spock sounds like a miserable little git and shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a functioning reproductive apparatus. NS can talk about time travel all they like, but kids are concrete and in the HERE and NOW like no other beings i've seen.

And on the 'having the answers' tip, most folks who think they do, don't really. When you think you've won the game, the rules change. Whee!

Were my wife and i ready to have kids? I think we were ready for the possibility, but our imagination of the experience is quite different from the reality of it. Kids are great, but they are certainly not for everyone.

Maybe quitting my job is a better answer. I really do want to have a kid all of a sudden though.

But the way I see it, if everyone had the insight to be able to say "I know I am not capable of raising a child" (or, "I know I am, and I'm ready") instead of just landing in the situation and flailing around hoplessly, maybe there would be significantly less badly treated kids. I am honest enough to say I don't feel I'd ever be able to have the maturity to raise another human being, so I won't. I have known this since before puberty, as well. I have very little maternal instinct whatsoever.

in my case, it's a big ego'd yes. I also think that ilxors should have tons of kids.

Did you actually reach a point where you stopped and thought, "Everything is ready now to bring a baby into my life"? Not at all - I will only say that birth control pills don't always mix with antibiotics

Will I ever feel like I'm a position in my life where kids wouldn't be that bad of an idea? Maybe, maybe not. It's a huuuuuge step, but in my opinion, one that is wonderful and beautiful and thrilling and amazing and the best thing I've ever done

Will I ever feel like I've got a big enough apartment or house, have enough money, have learned how to relax...? No way. Don't let that stop you, though, if you really want it. Aaron Spelling may be the only person in the world with enough money and enough room - as long as you love then with every fibre of your being, you'll be okay.

*sigh* As someone who is on the pill and takes antibiotics about every other month, I am v. aware of the risk involved.

Why Mr. Chow, you never mentioned this.

in my case, it's a big ego'd yes.

Of course, the likelihood of your children being "just like" you is probably about the same as that of you being "just like" your parents.

actually Ned, you know that gentlemen are never conceived and born and then tell.

Luna, good choice on the name, it has served me well. and the worst I received in grade school was 'Spencer pencer'. (sorry Ned)

also, I have actually been to Aaron Spelling's house and I think that you definitely should have the 30 car ports and indoor bowling all squared away before you even think about having little Tori's!

I actually believe that most people turn out more or less like their parents.

I really want a baby! But I can't even keep my cat fed, I'm like, "Oh, you've been out of cat food for two days? Here's some bread and left over eggnog. You are living the good life now, Mr. Kitty." Then he looks at me very sadly and eats my bills.

I had ZERO paternal instinct. Then when I had a child I found out that I had a gigantic paternal instinct - not to want another child but just to protect and do the best for the one I had. I think each to their own. I'm not going to criticise people in their twenties saying they're never going to have kids because that's just something people in their twenties say. The majority don't stick to it.

How old were you ladies when you had your kids? If you were over 30, were you worried at all about that?

as for the question, having kids can be classic or dud, depending on your outlook and the circumstances. having had mine totally by surprise at the ripe old age of 38 it took a lot of adjustment, but i wouldnt change anything now at all, even though i am a sole parent.

Perhaps that's a sign that they should do more personally rewarding things.

Mm, I was about to say. If the idea is that you don't have much of a 'rewarding' life and that a kid somehow fills the gap...ugh, scary thought.

Being in a family is actually a nice experience

sometimes for some people

(NB I have no idea what the hard way is.)

For some people, but not for others.

But that's just me. Meanwhile, Alex in NYC, who has a persona on this board of being Mr. Passionate Crabby Bastard, has himself a new daughter he adores and can't get enough of. And you know, I think that's darned cool.

Having kids in the city: C/D
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/24/nyregion/for-new-york-city-parents-a-waiting-list-for-nearly-everything.html?pagewanted=1&%2359&src=dayp&%2359;_r=0&pagewanted=all

TNR's new podcast, co-presented by @lmlauramarsh and myself, debuts with a subject I had absolutely no complex or anxiety-inducing thoughts about going in https://t.co/LWWGquVB83

— 'Weird Alex' Pareene (@pareene) January 27, 2020

Yes, they are horrific for the planet.

Swiss researcher at 26 minutes otm, population/overpopulation is not the problem, excessive consumption by a minority of the population is.

Money sucking bastards. Lol. But the best things I ever made.

It's not for everybody, and I wish people didn't feel the need to bash each other over personal choices.

glad u all listened to the podcast

Has there been a thorough discussion of this topic on ilx? I keep wanting to start a thread (well I guess the naked vulcan beat me to it) but I figure it's prolly been discussed at length somewhere. but maybe not!?