Long Distance Relationships?!?! What the fuck?!

love is work. and sometimes, circumstances add to that work. but if the people who are working through those circumstances are satisfied with their situation, who are you to judge? seriously. especially if you don't know the entirety of the circumstances. what if the people involved spent more time together than other couples who lived half the distance from one another? a quarter? it just seems like there are way too many assumptions being made here.

i have been in a long distance relationship (2 hours each way) for almost a year now -- i was living in the same city as my boyfriend for the first year we were together, then i got a job in new york after a spell of unemployment. at the same time, he got a free ride to grad school. he's done in march, and he's planning on moving to new york when he graduates. his weeknights are filled up with class and homework, and i work nights now. so we see each other every weekend (yes, *every* weekend -- he just left my apartment actually) and yeah, it's been hard, especially during the rougher patches both of us have endured since last may. but has it been worth it? i'd say yes, without reservations.

tom, i like you, but a lot of people on this board have a real problem determining where their brain ends the rest of the world begins

or, what maura said

welcome to the 21st century!!

I can imagine that this exists, but, speaking for myself, I have an easier time imagining a relationship in which the participants have no interest in casually messing about with other people even when separated.

That's all, my response to the question wasn't meant to be dicky, honestly.

so dreadfully selfish of me to not stay in a situation that was making me unhappy

(the skirtchasing was more of a red herring than a reason)

i am hopeleslly naive and romantic maybe, but i dont see the problem with them, i guess i am low maintenance though (and can quite happily bumble along with my postcards and bus stations and whatever in the between times). maybe it is how you view relationships in general, if you are of the view that another will be along soon if your current one fails you would not take the risk of LD or anything that took a bit more than usual. if you think that special people come along pretty rarely, then you might want to throw caution to the wind and risk it.

heck i don't really take myself that seriously so no worries

Being in a relationship solely because you are scared of not being in a relationship?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/34/Impossible_staircase.svg/372px-Impossible_staircase.svg.png

http://www.cinemalogue.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/06/WB_LH_3638r.jpg
http://www.the-great-work.com/masters_clip_image001_0000.jpg

http://www.angeljustice.org/img/original/xl_1.jpg

http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/a/a8/Etjackson.jpg/180px-Etjackson.jpg

no interstellar distance could ever come between mj and et

but unfortunately et's speedball overdose could:-(

Hmph.

I'm completely crazy about her, but I'm also seeing sex in just about every woman I meet. She'll be away for over a year, and I will be able to visit her sporadically, but one month in and I'm feeling the strain. A further double-edged sword is that she totally loves me. Good in that she's definitely worth sticking with (she has just about every quality I could ask for in a girlfriend, barring perhaps insane impulsiveness), bad in that I wouldn't be able to break things off (if I wanted to) without feeling like complete shit. I don't want to at the moment, oh no, but I want her. Back. With me. Another thing is that I've made loads of verbal commitments to her, and if I'm gonna prove myself a real man, I'll have to honour them and see this out. But give it a few more months, and a few more provocative situations, and I might be wondering whether my hormonal wreck of a body is ready for monogamy yet.

N.B. I'm not gonna cheat on her. I'll never be able to look at myself in the mirror again. Unless she sanctions it, of course. ;)

Unless she sanctions it, of course. ;)

ban suggested

seconded

I meant her sanctioning me looking in the mirror! ;)

Seriously, though, both of you fuck off.

HURR HURR SOME EASY-TARGET POSTER JUST MADE A QUESTIONABLE JOKE AT THE END OF A CAREFULLY-WORDED SERIOUS POST HURR SUGGEST BAN HURR HURR

"Suggest Ban" is a dick move imo, and will always be

i don't usually actually click suggest ban, it's more the spirit of the thing. relax, dude.

http://images.cafepress.com/image/12541053_400x400.jpg

anyway this will probably end in tears, but that's part of being 21, right?

ban suggested

ban implied

Sorry, I'm just a bit uh er emotionally coiled this evening. What was the name of that "post-rock" band you were telling me to check out?

Yeah, well fortunately she's 25 so we got SOME maturity in this outfit! Ethan, you were always gonna suggest ban me, it's cool. :D

lou stay strong bro it's worth it

http://www.myspace.com/cougarsound

cheers jordans

louis if youre only one month in and you already are having trouble keeping your dick in your pants, you should probably just end it and save you both 6 months of terrible phone calls.

I was serious. I thought you wanted to be perma-banned.

max might be right but you gotta let her know that you're having issues if you haven't yet

I think a good piece of advice is don't go to internet message boards for advice.

especially if you're letting the internet know about things you haven't told your girlfriend.

don't worry, she'll see it on the ytmnd

Haha! I'm not having trouble keeping my dick in my pants, in that I haven't been SERIOUSLY tempted to make a move abroad. Also I'm gonna be visiting her quite a bit, flights to Germany are pretty cheap. In theory.

I've already told her that it's difficult and that I would ideally like to see more of her, it's not like we haven't chatted about this quite a bit.

As for the permaban request, that was in response to an emotional low, and another night fruitlessly posting in return for abuse. The mods argued wisely against it.

also lj, treat this like a thought experiment--you went what, 19 years without having sex? or whatever? if this girl is worth it, you can go another year. blaming your hormones isnt necc the best strategy--maybe you dont like her as much as you wish you did.

I'm not having trouble keeping my dick in my pants, in that I haven't been SERIOUSLY tempted to make a move on a broad

This Cougar is fairly delectable fwiw.

Yeah, I realise now it wasn't wise bumping this thread, considering how ILX has changed since the initial posts here. Yet, Max, you gotta good point, and I'm regarding it as a challenge. I'm the one who pursued her, for a good long while, and I certainly like her more than most I've had a fancy for. We'll see.

"that was in response to an emotional low, and another night fruitlessly posting in return for abuse"

There are nights where your posts are fruitful? Or was the abuse fruitless that particular night?

he was abusing his fruit, one night

louis, if you pursued her for 'a good long while' and made all sorts of promises to her, and then broke up with her after a couple months cause you wanted to have sex with some english chick, that makes you an asshole.

Max, I said, I don't want to break up with her! It's just a potential strain! We've already been going out for over 3 months, btw.

Well, I joined ILX for the music. Despite everything else, ILM is pretty unparalleled as a resource of wisdom.

You didn't join to whine constantly about the state of your personal life? I bet no one here would've guessed that.

if you care about someone, don't post on the internet about how you're "seeing sex" in every other woman you meet! i'm assuming she doesn't know about ilx, but still.

if you care about someone, don't post on the internet about how you're "seeing sex" in every other woman you meet! i'm assuming she doesn't know about ilx, but still.

dont post on the internet about it, dont tell her friends about it, and please dont tell her about it.

True, horseshoe, but she knows I'm a wistful ol' horndog, and I'm grateful she trusts me to override that fact and stay faithful. I'm gonna do it. Positive thoughts!

Now, before this turns into a horrendous crapshoot...

What grown adult does this? unless you're in the military or travel often for your career.

JESUS CHRIST, KID

louis you need to get a diary or something

I'll have iCal remind me in a couple of weeks to unlock this thread.

time to break up