The Poetry of D. H. Rumsfeld

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The Poetry of D.H. Rumsfeld
Recent works by the secretary of defense.
By Hart Seely
Posted Wednesday, April 2, 2003, at 10:03 AM PT

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is an accomplished man. Not only is he guiding the war in Iraq, he has been a pilot, a congressman, an ambassador, a businessman, and a civil servant. But few Americans know that he is also a poet.

Until now, the secretary's poetry has found only a small and skeptical audience: the Pentagon press corps. Every day, Rumsfeld regales reporters with his jazzy, impromptu riffs. Few of them seem to appreciate it.

But we should all be listening. Rumsfeld's poetry is paradoxical: It uses playful language to address the most somber subjects: war, terrorism, mortality. Much of it is about indirection and evasion: He never faces his subjects head on but weaves away, letting inversions and repetitions confuse and beguile. His work, with its dedication to the fractured rhythms of the plainspoken vernacular, is reminiscent of William Carlos Williams'. Some readers may find that Rumsfeld's gift for offhand, quotidian pronouncements is as entrancing as Frank O'Hara's.

And so Slate has compiled a collection of Rumsfeld's poems, bringing them to a wider public for the first time. The poems that follow are the exact words of the defense secretary, as taken from the official transcripts on the Defense Department Web site.

The Unknown
As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.

—Feb. 12, 2002, Department of Defense news briefing

Glass Box
You know, it's the old glass box at the—
At the gas station,
Where you're using those little things
Trying to pick up the prize,
And you can't find it.
It's—

And it's all these arms are going down in there,
And so you keep dropping it
And picking it up again and moving it,
But—

Some of you are probably too young to remember those—
Those glass boxes,
But—

But they used to have them
At all the gas stations
When I was a kid.

—Dec. 6, 2001, Department of Defense news briefing

A Confession
Once in a while,
I'm standing here, doing something.
And I think,
"What in the world am I doing here?"
It's a big surprise.

—May 16, 2001, interview with the New York Times

Happenings
You're going to be told lots of things.
You get told things every day that don't happen.

It doesn't seem to bother people, they don't—
It's printed in the press.
The world thinks all these things happen.
They never happened.

Everyone's so eager to get the story
Before in fact the story's there
That the world is constantly being fed
Things that haven't happened.

All I can tell you is,
It hasn't happened.
It's going to happen.

—Feb. 28, 2003, Department of Defense briefing

The Digital Revolution
Oh my goodness gracious,
What you can buy off the Internet
In terms of overhead photography!

A trained ape can know an awful lot
Of what is going on in this world,
Just by punching on his mouse
For a relatively modest cost!

—June 9, 2001, following European trip

The Situation
Things will not be necessarily continuous.
The fact that they are something other than perfectly continuous
Ought not to be characterized as a pause.
There will be some things that people will see.
There will be some things that people won't see.
And life goes on.

—Oct. 12, 2001, Department of Defense news briefing

Clarity
I think what you'll find,
I think what you'll find is,
Whatever it is we do substantively,
There will be near-perfect clarity
As to what it is.

And it will be known,
And it will be known to the Congress,
And it will be known to you,
Probably before we decide it,
But it will be known.

—Feb. 28, 2003, Department of Defense briefing


Article URL: http://slate.msn.com/id/2081042/

Amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 20:46 (twenty-one years ago) link

Clarity + The Unknown = my new Tao Te Ching.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 20:53 (twenty-one years ago) link

Years ago--early 90s, I think--they did something similar in the Voice, using Phil Rizzuto's ramblings during Yankee games. My fave was a two-liner about the Metrodome: "I think my head shrinks a little/ In this indoor stadium."

Keith Harris (kharris1128), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 20:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

When is Rummy going to get a remix album, then?

Millar (Millar), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 21:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

Donald Rumsfeld: What Is on Your Backing Track?

Amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 21:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

I love "Glass Box"! That halting voice so perfectly echoes the futile lunging of the crane in the box. And the resigned whimper at the end!

jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 21:15 (twenty-one years ago) link

Someone did the same thing for Reagan at one point but I can't remember who. The Rumsfeld poems have a certain haunting appeal that Reagan's lacked, though.

Al Ewing (Al Ewing), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 22:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

the "Glass Box" is great

James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 22:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

Are you getting this yet?
Are you getting this yet?

--to Gen Eric Shinseki, Army Chief of Staff (according to one of Seymour Hersh's sources.) (It should be noted that Gen Shinseki was supposed to be the point man in all this RMA shit, and has extensive combat experience to which his false leg can attest.)

g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 23:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

"Calibrate me, Dick" is the line for which Rummy will best be remembered, I hope (meaning I hope he doesn't have much longer to drill his smug inanities into the public record).

Amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 23:15 (twenty-one years ago) link

These are all fantastic.

ryan, Wednesday, 2 April 2003 23:34 (twenty-one years ago) link

Calibrate me, Dick

Being half Yorkshire I find that quite amusing. I find the fact I typo'ed Yorkshire as Yorkshite even more so.

Lynskey (Lynskey), Thursday, 3 April 2003 00:25 (twenty-one years ago) link

See also the long running Donald Rumsfeld soundbite of the week

Ed (dali), Thursday, 3 April 2003 14:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

better than Thom Yorke for sure.

badgerminor (badgerminor), Thursday, 3 April 2003 17:29 (twenty-one years ago) link

I think Mohammad al-Sahaf is great entertainment as Iraqi Information Head Honcho. He comes up with some excellent phrases - "Donkey Imperialists" is my favourite so far.

C J (C J), Friday, 4 April 2003 03:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

his anti-Arab league rant was amusing

James Blount (James Blount), Friday, 4 April 2003 03:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

It's rather wrenching though, watching this mouthpiece for a terrible dictator meet a bombardment with angry rhetoric. It's like the dustbin of history is waiting just off-camera and the broom is coming in on the 9 o'clock.

Amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 4 April 2003 03:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

eleven years pass...

well we took down capone for tax fraud too right?

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/donald-rumsfeld-taxes-letter-irs

reggie (qualmsley), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 11:09 (ten years ago) link

"How do ya work this crazy modern invention?"

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 13:45 (ten years ago) link


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