do you name your genitals?

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my boobs are called elisabeth and andrew.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Breasts aren't genitals, they are secondary sex characteristics.

Mine are named Bill and Bennette (the Flowerpot Set).

― kate, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:18 (twenty-two years ago)

mine are genitals, cos i said so.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Colonel Cock n Balls.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks Di

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:21 (twenty-two years ago)

penis = chemical ali
scrotum/balls = the dangling conversationalists

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:21 (twenty-two years ago)

i used to have a name for the other bits, but i decided to retract it since i met someone with that name and it was just too weird.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:21 (twenty-two years ago)

brains aren't genitals, they are tertiary sex characteristics

i call mine ULTIMOR THE SMASHER.

It mainly ignores me. It is v. up itself.

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:22 (twenty-two years ago)

God that sounds fun

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:23 (twenty-two years ago)

BREASTS ARE NOT GENITALS!!! And saying "I said so" will not make them so any more than my declaring "My ears are genitals!" because it turns me on when HSA sucks on them makes my ears genitals!

― kate, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Bruno and Rocco.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I now call my penis the "musket of disappointment".

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Are all Fall records my genitals? It turns me on if you like them, after all

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:25 (twenty-two years ago)

ILX Sex City.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:26 (twenty-two years ago)

what do you think Autechre call their genitals?

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:26 (twenty-two years ago)

oh god kate, fuck science, its my body, i'll call it what i fucking want. mark s: if it ignores you, bring out the logic probe.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:26 (twenty-two years ago)

post that as a threrd on ilm stevem

(ps ULTIMOR THE SMASHER is my brain's name: that was not clear)

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, my. It really is spring, isn't it?

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:29 (twenty-two years ago)

My breasts are named Gilbert and George.

― hstencil, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Fuck science, it's my body, and I'll violate the laws of physics if I feel like it! I am flying! No really, I am! I've decided that "Sitting at the computer typing" is now called FLYING. I mean, it's my body, I can call it what I like!

― kate, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:31 (twenty-two years ago)

yes, thats a really good analogy.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I love girls who argue about science.

― cprek (cprek), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:34 (twenty-two years ago)

can we get back on genitals? not literally, of course.

― hstencil, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Ultimor, please smash cprek.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Once again, it's time to call in an expert for her advice:

http://ffmedia.ign.com/filmforce/image/bonham_carter_160.jpg

"Now, now ladies. Categories are helpful, they help you humans understand the world around you. Take me for instance, PLEASE! Ha, ha, there I go again...anyway where was I, ah yes, now there are great apes and lesser apes, of course, I'm a great ape, no mere Siamang or Gibbon I, certainly not, unlike some Mantled Howling Monkeys I could name--Minnie Driver, you know who you are!--so anyhoo, some people's ears are genitalia, some aren't. Some people fly at their computers, some people merely name their genitals! Now doesn't that help? Next question please."
--Helena Bonham Carter

― Skottie, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Yay, Mark S is back! Hey! Mark! You'd know where The Wire keeps their secret stash of back issues that they won't let you mail order! I need to get at them with a pair of scissors so I can cut out cute photos of Handsome SoundArtist. Where should I look?

― kate, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:43 (twenty-two years ago)

He wasn't here?

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought he said he wuz taking a break... I haven't seen him around in ages! But that could just be cause I've only been posting during the daytime!

― kate, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:50 (twenty-two years ago)

fucking hell.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 12:56 (twenty-two years ago)

shally we have a vte obn why this thread should be deleted? should it be 1) cos i am drunk 2) cos we don't like talking about genitalia 3) cos boobs offociualyt aren't genitalia?

personally, i like this thread and i am proud to have boobs named after two of mny dearest friends.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Why should this thread be deleted? I never said it should be deleted. I just stated that breasts are not genitals! I mean, I've named my breasts! Who hasn't? It's one of the joys of being a girl, getting drunk and naming your breasts!

But breasts are STILL not genitals.

― kate, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I like it too, I'm flattered

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

oh, totally di, your boobs are friends are cool, I imagine.

this thread has been great except for kate's contributions, a.p.u.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I've never named my boobs....
note to self: get drunk at weekend, think up suitably daft names for breasts.

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:13 (twenty-two years ago)

oh for fucks sake RJG. if this is going to be a bitchy thread i want it deleted NOW.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:14 (twenty-two years ago)

And the expert responds:

http://www.uqac.uquebec.ca/zone30/Classiques_des_sciences_sociales/livres/freud_sigmund/freud_photo/Freud_1x.jpg

"Your dezire to deleeet zis tread ist tantamount to a dezire to deleeet your genitalia and the ears of zose around you. Love, Sigi"

― Skottie, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:14 (twenty-two years ago)

RJG is just jealous because he does not have breasts to name. :-P

― kate, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

how can you possibly know?

: (

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

the phrasing would seem to be asking if you name them on a regular basis! not "have you named yr genitals" or "did you ever"

i name them whenever i smell danger

i just cracked myself up by imagining someone had named theirs "the blue man group"

― ron (ron), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Captain Fantastic!

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't understand why all these breasts have male names?

― A Nairn (moretap), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I've decided to rename mine:

Sérgio Mendes & Brazil' 77

― Skottie, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Meta-Question: do you name your *lover's* genitals, or is that just WAAAAYYYY too Judy Blume?

Hrmmm, what shall I call HSA's oscillator?

― kate, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:24 (twenty-two years ago)

is elisabeth a male name?

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Captain Fantastic!
-- Lynskey (pau...), April 16th, 2003

Of course, remembering that the album was called "Captain Fantastic And The Brown Dirt Cowboy" puts a whole new twist on it...

― Skottie, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:27 (twenty-two years ago)

sorry, RJG. that was unfair of me.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think it was.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:31 (twenty-two years ago)

yes it was. you didn't bring the bad vibes to this thread.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Never thought of that reference before.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:34 (twenty-two years ago)

not that its a big deal or anything.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:35 (twenty-two years ago)

my genitals have no names.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm afraid my boobs don't have names, do i fail miserably as a female? let the naming commence!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:11 (twenty-two years ago)

When I was, like, 13, I named one of my classmate's breasts "Herb" and "Alpert".

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't think what you named 'the tijuana brass'.

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Now that you say it, I can.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:33 (twenty-two years ago)

And I've been forever grateful to you, Chris. Thanks for listening. Love, Herb.

http://amcorner.com/gallery/gowdyalpertpix/herbmuppet2.jpg

― Skottie, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't even think the girl knew who Herb Alpert was, at the time.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:36 (twenty-two years ago)

kate usually the "cannot back-order" issues really are down to abt three or four left, kept in a corner of the office where skanky freelancers like myself can't sneak in and replace the one from his priceless complete set that the cat puked on...

i do have a copy of the copy yr after, but i'm afraid photocopies are all yr getting, you big scissorlady!!

http://www.fln.vcu.edu//struwwel/daumen3.gif

ps i have decided to give names to ALL my organs, bones, parts and systems

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:01 (twenty-two years ago)

"ouch, I've banged my Tony!"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:03 (twenty-two years ago)

tony chestnut!!

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:04 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm going to call them all after pokemons and then book an appointment w.my doctor w.hilarious consequences!!

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:05 (twenty-two years ago)

do you name your genitals?

NO. But I am not above having other people name them/it, esp. if the name begins with Sir or Professor

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:06 (twenty-two years ago)

such as Sir Pumpsalot or Professor Coitus

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Kate aren't you like DATING him? Can't you take a flipping picture?

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:08 (twenty-two years ago)

she wants to see what he looked like six years ago.

how does she know he was in the wire six years ago?

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:10 (twenty-two years ago)

What about "The Li'l Oopsie"?

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"The Li'l Oopsie that Could'!

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:12 (twenty-two years ago)

my left elbow is called nigel.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:18 (twenty-two years ago)

My inner thighs are called Tabitha and Bethany.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:19 (twenty-two years ago)

"Herb" and "Alpert"

Huh. My friend Lindsay named her boobs "Herman" and "Melville."

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

moby dick.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 17:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Why didn't I see that coming?

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 17:07 (twenty-two years ago)

cuz the lights were out?

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 17:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I never thought to!!

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 19:16 (twenty-two years ago)

It's not too late!

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 19:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Tubgirl and the Butterpals

― Aaron A., Wednesday, 16 April 2003 19:17 (twenty-two years ago)

We had a dude in college who decided that 'Vlad the Impaler' was a grebt name for his peepee (at my unfortunate suggestion).

I call my dong 'Ringo' for reasons that shall not me discussed here.

― Millar (Millar), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 19:25 (twenty-two years ago)

...offociualyt...
aahh! the best-evah ilx-wordah. seriously. to catch me by my sex organs. my four eyes. i mean. yes. got two pairs. of them organs. one pair's named fuck'n'wit. the other twosome i don't remember. the name of. for they were adapted. and so long. ago. might call them offociualyt tho. now. that titllates me. organs no end. it does! it does! it does! it does! it does!

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 22:31 (twenty-two years ago)

ive fuc ed many a breast, so breasts are genitals.

& i give the wife and kids downstairs random names.

― kephm, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 22:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha no really, genitals are your generative organs, those that aid in reproduction. This thread is about what we doctors call your "naughty bits".

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 22:58 (twenty-two years ago)

tits aid in reproduction-------I wouldn't fuck a bitch what had no tits.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 23:01 (twenty-two years ago)

what if they were just really small? would that be a problem for you?

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 23:02 (twenty-two years ago)

still a bitch, though, right?

OK, no problem.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 23:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Breasticles?

― Millar (Millar), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 23:05 (twenty-two years ago)

y'all are a bunch of TITFUCKERS!

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 23:06 (twenty-two years ago)

sorry.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 23:06 (twenty-two years ago)

And another thing...
http://ffmedia.ign.com/filmforce/image/bonham_carter_160.jpg

"I'm frankly shocked at the direction this thread is taking. You all are as bad as that Pigtail Macaque I was once linked with in the tabloids, Kenneth Brannagh. He kept calling my, my, my you know, "Emma." I have no idea why to this day. Well, anyway, that's enough. Next question. Love, Helena B.C."

― Skottie, Wednesday, 16 April 2003 23:17 (twenty-two years ago)

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!! The Thumbcutter from Struelpeter! Mark S, you cruel man, you know how scared I am of that book...

The point about the photograph in question is that it is pre-beard. Although I do have to admit that I like the beard, and I think he looks good with the beard, he looks totally RWOOWWRRR in that photograph, all luscious and pouting and fresh-faced. (Apparently, a female Wire writer asked him on a date on the basis of that photo, so yes, it is that good.) But it's not as simple as taking another photo of him, I mean, I can't just ask him to shave and say "Can I take a photo of you looking all luscious and pouting and posing with an oscillator for me to perve over when you're on tour in Amsterdam or wherever?" now can I? (Or can I?)

― kate, Thursday, 17 April 2003 08:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Hers: Auntie Fanny
His: Uncle Quentin

I just thought of this. I don't do silly things like naming genitals. In Forever, by Judy Blume, the bloke calls his cock Ralph.

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 17 April 2003 08:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Ohmygod Judy Blume! My local library banned some of her stuff from anyone under 16, which was dumb coz you can get adult library tickets at 14 and read whatever adult literature they may have - but not Judy Blume coz they've got sex in them SHOCK, HORROR!

― smee (smee), Thursday, 17 April 2003 08:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Re-renaming:

Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice...uh,oh, that might be too many names...

― Skottie, Thursday, 17 April 2003 20:36 (twenty-two years ago)

How about Bobnted and then Carol and Alice?

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 17 April 2003 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Good compromise, but you have to perform the christening!

― Skottie, Thursday, 17 April 2003 20:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Is this full immersion or ...?

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 17 April 2003 20:53 (twenty-two years ago)

(I just gave myself an image of teabagging.. it's my inner Chris V., isn't it?)

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 17 April 2003 20:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Since we really don't know which method god actually prefers, we should probably sprinkle then immerse!

― Skottie, Thursday, 17 April 2003 20:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Good thinking, 99

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 17 April 2003 21:01 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

REVIVE!

Starsky, Hutch, and Huggy Bear!

― Skottie, Monday, 24 May 2004 02:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Smaug, and Frodo and Bilbo Baggins. Frodo's the lower one, obv.

― You're the Wish You Are I Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 24 May 2004 02:18 (twenty-one years ago)

andrew is a bigger boob than elisabeth

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Monday, 24 May 2004 02:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey, my boobs are now called Mike and Ike thanks to the candy logo T-shirt I was wearing the other night. I'm not sure if I should mention that this shirt also claims that they are "Now bursting with MORE FRUIT JUICE flavour!"

― Kim (Kim), Monday, 24 May 2004 02:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey, in four weeks you can name them Mary-Kate and Ashley, and it won't be sick anymore.

― You're the Wish You Are I Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 24 May 2004 02:29 (twenty-one years ago)

i have never named my body parts.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Monday, 24 May 2004 02:39 (twenty-one years ago)

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