maybe i AM what other people think i seem to be........?

and um yeah, i am a wee bit oversensitive at this point in time, but its still a valid question!

I saw a video of my band last night and I looked a bit like Sara Gilbert. What is going on?

b-b-b-but when I had long hair people got me confused for a woman!

I've found that's part of the fun.

Only if 'you' is an interpersonal 'you'. Your own private 'you' could be completely different, even without putting on a 'front'.

(It wasn't funny first time round, so my urge is to really bludgeon it to death...)

yes. personally i had no time for him, and none now. but in the eyes of the public he was good and now he is not. this is what we are judged on. the fact that the public do not like him now has no bearing on what happened back then, they voted him in based on their perception at the time

and, all the things that people do and say to you are based on their vision of you, not your own. everytime you step out of the vacuum and into any interactive situation, it is their perception of you that shapes their action. and vice versa. in many cases of course their idea and your own idea of you are pretty much the same. but if they diverge? eg, go for a job, a contract, a houseshare, an election, that you want. its their perception of you that is going to count?

of course, in many situations (school, work) you may project an image purposefully that you know is not 'you', for simplicity or ease or privacy or whatever. it does not matter what they think personally, but it does matter professionally, which is the exact reason you project such an image, because you know its their views of you that are going to matter, and thats why you do it, to make life easier, when there is no personal involvement say

i think a lot of this is tied up with self-awareness. the question surely must be, why does our own perception differ from that of others views of us? and does it hinder us in any way? if it does, you have 2 choices, try and see/understand what it is the rest of the world sees when they look at you, or wait for the rest of the world to come round to your way of thinking

Creating a persona to fulfil a role, manipulating others' perceptions to your advantage, also means the perception of others is wrong... if you get the strategy right and the intention is to fool people into believing you're something other than exactly who you are.

(Some people do this *all* the time in the mistaken belief that being popular and liked, even for false reasons, is 'playing the game' as it's meant to be. I seem to be incredibly unpopular, really, but I think being disliked on your own merits or lack thereof is probably better for the soul...)

I don't even know how people see me on the whole, so my attempts to understand this aspect haven't got me very far. I still think most people believe I'm a creep. Never mind.

i think in gareth's scenario, it is someone you care about who is making the judgment, so in that case you would work to change their mind, rather than change yourself.

yes! i think its kind of a mix of the two with others you dont also. like the work scenario, you arent necessarily yourself at work, you project an image to make things easier. so there you are making them change their mind and changing yourself also, albeit superficially/remporarily

But that suggests the public's perception was initially *flawed*, not that Blair's wonderful factor deteriorated. They got it wrong. I never had any time for him either, BTW.

i dont think of it this way. the perception might have been *flawed* yes. but it was 'right' in that it got blair elected? it might also be *flawed* now, but he better pay heed to it, whether it is flawed or not, or he wont get re-elected

This means we shouldn't talk about an opinion being 'wrong' either. If I think someone's an asshole, how could I be right or wrong about it? It would mean that there's some objective defintion of 'asshole' and that they are an asshole through and through. I guess 'I think he's an asshole' is short-hand for 'in that particular situation, he acted rude/insensitive/obnoxious/etc.'

Generally, this is a good idea. There are instances though where it would benefit you to 'worry about it', eg job interviews, meeting you SO's parents

Postmodernist!

MBV TO THREAD

Consider the concept of 'self-expression'. Now consider three activities - 1; tying your shoelaces, 2; adultery, 3; painting a picture. Which of these is a form of 'self-expression'? Typically the Western response is to say 3 definitely, and maybe 2 as well, but to dismiss 1. Now consider Run DMC or a hippie with 14-hole Doc Martens, consider every time you've bought a new pair of trainers and laced them up for the first time, criss-cross or parallel laces? What kind of knot do you tie? Do you hide the knot behid the tongue? Do you tuck the laces in the shoes so they don't dangle?

Everything that all of us do is an expression of who we are, all the time, and as such it's what other people draw from all of our actions which they are exposed to that makes up 'Gareth' or 'Martin' or 'Christine' or 'Nick'; yes, I'm against the universal objective reality and in favour of the multiple subjective realities, I can't see how there can be any alternative. And so, to Shona and Phil who work with Emma I am rude and obnoxious; to my mates Adam and Ali I am very knowledgable about music (to Ned or Marcello or Jody Beth I am not!); to my unsporty friends I'm quite sporty; to my sporty friends I am unsporty. All of these are true!

To mention the human soul again, and my belief that it doesn't exist and that we're a bit mad to think it does. It's our conviction that we have an 'essence' or 'soul' or 'spirit' that convinces us there must be a definite objective 'self', an I am which is unaffected by and unreliant on other people's perceptions of you. "Once you get to know hime he's really nice" is less the case than "once he's comfortable with you he'll act differently"; if you're not nice to people you don't know very well then you are simply not nice to them! It matters not a fig if you're a saint to your twin brother; if you're a git to everyone else then you are a git, get used to it! Do you think everyone else who you percieve to be a git considers themself as such? Of course not; they all think they're wonderful people, they just think you're a git.

Who you are is certainly not completely independent from people's perceptions of you, but neither is it defined as such. Different people see different facets of your personality when interacting with you, and they interpret your actions in the context of their own unique views of other people and the world. There's lots of room for misinterpretation/inaccuracy there, as well as accurate interpretation of traits/foibles that you may not recognize. This only indicates the complexity of your personality, such that others can only see pieces of the whole, hence the variability of their perceptions.

A friend of a friend had a brain tumor and had to have surgery. For a bit after that, her personality changed drastically, and she was calling my friend talking about her visions of God and such (she had formerly not been religious at all). With some medication, she was back to her usual self. Much as her behavior had drastically changed, her friends knew that this new behavior was due to the illness/surgery rather than reflecting her "real" personality. The raving God-freak behavior she displayed while recovering from her surgery/changing medication didn't show who she was. Her friends and family who had known her behavior over years and years knew better.

It's disturbing how malleable behavior can be due to mental illness or psychotropic drugs. I had to work closely with a woman who was bipolar and (I assume) not very well medicated. I would like to think that her real personality was not reflected by all of her hostility and mood swings, but I don't know. Maybe she was just a true psychobitch.

I can also see that certain kind of behaviour can undermine who you're about without your intending to. I don't really think anyone would see me as a creep IRL, but many would probably see me as unsociable... because I have an amount of social phobia and tend to be quite distant (not nasty) around strangers.

I think people are more likely to see me as a creep online, because I have a horrible habit of making bad and sometimes inapprpriate jokes as a cover for my profound lack of confidence.

Neither of these impressions would be really accurate, but still a product of me, reflecting my own difficulties. It's rather scary that I've got to be this age without getting to grips with this stuff...