jokes philosophers tell

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kortbein: One day a Church of England reverend is visited in his rectory by one of his parishioners.
kortbein: "Reverend," says the man, "recently I've heard a very amusing story I'd like to tell you, but it's just a bit off-color."
kortbein: "That's no problem," says the cleric. "For the sake of a good story I don't mind a little ribaldry."
kortbein: "Good," says the parishioner. "Now I must be careful, because I have some trouble remembering it exactly. I think this is it:
Dubplatestyle: ribaldry!
kortbein: There once was a young man named Skinner
kortbein: Who had a young lady to dinner
kortbein: They sat down to dine
kortbein: At a quarter to nine,
kortbein: And by 9:45 it was in her."
kortbein: "What was in her," asks the churchman, "the dinner?"
kortbein: "No, Reverend, it was Skinner. Skinner was in her."
kortbein: "Oh my, yes," says the reverend. "Very amusing."
kortbein: A few weeks later the reverend is visited by his bishop, to whom the reverend says, "Bishop, one of my flock told me a terribly amusing story that I'd be delighted to tell you if you don't mind its being just a bit lewd."
kortbein: "Oh no," says the bishop, "It will do nicely if it is amusing."
kortbein: "Good," says the reverend, "but I must be careful and go slowly, for I sometimes have trouble remembering. I think this is it:
kortbein: There once was a young man named Tupper
kortbein: Who had a young lady to supper
kortbein: First they had tea
kortbein: At a quarter til three,
kortbein: And by 3:45 it was up her."
kortbein: "Up her?" asks the bishop. "What was up her? The supper?"
kortbein: "No, no, Bishop — actually it was a complete stranger named Skinner."
Dubplatestyle: ...
kortbein: !!!!!!!!!!!!

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 01:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Is this an important part of your philosophy of smut, Josh?

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 01:36 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm like josh's gal friday these days

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 01:40 (twenty-two years ago)

and then they write books like this
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0226112314/qid=1050978941/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-0658907-1041647?v=glance&s=books

― H (Heruy), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 01:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I used to think language was fixed but now I'm not saussure.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 02:26 (twenty-two years ago)

jesus thats bad
what happened josh,does he not post here at all anymore?

― robin (robin), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 02:29 (twenty-two years ago)

"My wife wants to study philosophy"

"Kant?"

"No, she's actually quite good at it."

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 02:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"My wife is studying german philosophy"

"Neitzche?"

"No, actually it's pretty damn hard."

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 02:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Empericists do it sensuously.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 02:53 (twenty-two years ago)

sterling, those are both the best and worst jokes at the same time. kudos!

― todd swiss (eliti), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 04:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Did you hear about the new film on german materialism?

It's called "How Dialectic got its Freurbach"

...

"My wife is studying language philosophy."

"Austin?"

"No, just once in a while."

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 04:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Didja here what Plotinus said to the hot dog vendor?

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 09:19 (twenty-two years ago)

"Make me one with everything", right?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 10:26 (twenty-two years ago)

buh-DUMP-dump.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 10:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Shouldn't this be "jokes internet mentalists tell"?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 12:44 (twenty-two years ago)

"My wife wants to study philosophy"
"Kant?"
"No, she's actually quite good at it."

But Kant is not pronounced like "can't"...

"My wife wants to study philosophy."

"Kant?"

"Oh, you've met her already?"

― Frühlingsmute (Wintermute), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 13:59 (twenty-two years ago)

The only academic joke I know is documented here. I apologize in advance.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 14:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I weep for the future of our civilization.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Tracer deserves beatings for this wicked memory.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

i weep for the future of their student loans.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

While we're here, the usual request: get Josh to come back here!

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 16:01 (twenty-two years ago)

The book H links = the book Josh's joke is from = a book I ostensibly market (everybody buy it right now!) = a book Felicity is in the process of reading, I think on Josh's recommendation?

Sterling's Saussure pun = made it onto 69 Love Songs.

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

My favorite joke in Jokes is this really lengthy story about the town idiot offering himself to compete in a battle of wit for the protection of a Jewish ghetto.

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 16:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I took a class from Ted Cohen! Funny guy. Used to chain smoke in class. I gather this isn't acceptable these days.

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 16:44 (twenty-two years ago)

glad to help out with your marketing nitsuh (btw, did you get my e-mail?)

― H (Heruy), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 17:19 (twenty-two years ago)

my favorite joke at the moment involves 2 prawns and a lot of actions. If you get me drunk an promise to do the actions maybe I'll tell it.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 18:01 (twenty-two years ago)

H: No, I didn't -- could you resend it, to nitsuh@pitchforkmedia.com?

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 18:11 (twenty-two years ago)

how many anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb?

you don't CHANGE A LIGHT BULB YOU SMASH IT!!!!

― gabriel (gabe), Tuesday, 22 April 2003 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

five years pass...

there are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary, and those who don't

― Mark G, Friday, 7 November 2008 12:18 (seventeen years ago)

So the hotdog guy gives the buddhist a frank with the works and says "That'll be $3.75."

The buddhist hands him a five and the guy shouts "Next!"

"Hey what about my change?"

"Change comes from within, pal. NEXT!"

― There is no Grodd but Mallah and Congorilla is His Prophet. (Oilyrags), Friday, 7 November 2008 16:34 (seventeen years ago)

"Who was that famous old psychiatrist, not Freud but uhh..."

"Jung?"

"Since when does 'old' sound like 'young'?"

― begloved smoked salmon sandwich (wanko ergo sum), Friday, 7 November 2008 16:49 (seventeen years ago)

The Philosophical lexicon

hume, pron. (1) Indefinite personal and relative pronoun, presupposing no referent. Useful esp. in writing solipsistic treatises, sc. "to hume it may concern." v. (2) To commit to the flames, bury, or otherwise destroy a philosophical position, as in "That theory was humed in the 1920s." Hence, exhume, v. to revive a position generally believed to humed.

peter song, n. Related to the patter song (e.g., "Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it.") a popular ditty exhorting one to love all creatures great and small, except those born deformed. Hence peter singer, n. a singer of peter songs.

My sides!

― ledge, Friday, 7 November 2008 16:57 (seventeen years ago)

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