This is the thread where we come up with ideas for how I can get my co-worker to SHUT THE HELL UP!

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So, it's been about 2 months or so since the co-worker started... my cubicle is open and faces him. And, what was at first just an odd habit, has now turned into a full-blown blood-curdling ANNOYANCE.

See, it's not so much that he talks to me or to other people, but he talks to himself. A LOT. Usually it consists of...

"[loud sigh] why does it do this?... oh I hate it when.... where is the?... [loud sigh] what?"

It's like he's working on something, you know, difficult or something. And the thing is, the chatter is constant! I have my headphones on almost the entire day but sometimes I like to take them off, or change CDs, and there he is TALKING TO HIMSELF! And it's obviously starting to get to me.

At first I countered by sighing or shuffling in a futile attempt to get him to recognize that he's being annoying. No luck. If anything, I think he WANTS me to pay attention to him (here at work, I'm like, I'm in my world, you're in yours, let's keep it that way). So now I just try to have absolutely no reaction -- you and your noise do not exist. But I don't know if I can keep it up.

Ideas? Remember that confrontation/communication at this job is impossible. Throwing something at him might be possible though.

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 18:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Get yourself moved? Beat him round the head?

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

An electroshock collar fitted 'round his nads. Everytime he does this, ZAP!, testicular electrocution dawg.

(ps I do the exact same thing, but A) not constantly, and B) I have my own office)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 18:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Is beating him senseless possible?

I know violence isn't the answer, but I think it would be cool if you just walked over to him one day and put your hand on the back of his head and then put his face through his monitor.

Man I need to go home early today or something. I'm tired of being at work, and I like the guy who shares this office with me.

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

he must be me.

― 4mateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Awwwwww... yeah, see, in "real life" he prolly wouldn't be all that annoying, but at 40 hours a week it's........... maddening!

The violent approach, while impractical, does give me something fun to fantasize about!

(god, there he goes again... and I've got my headphones BLASTING and I can still hear him!)

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 18:40 (twenty-two years ago)

He's probably incredibly lonely and hates his life. Maybe if you chatted him up a little bit he'd feel satisfied and wouldn't have to talk to himself. Or you could just try to find out how to get yourself a different cube.
Do you know anyone else at work who ever does this? Or someone who could be in on it? Then you could tell talks-to-himself, "Isn't (this other person) really annoying? He's always talking to himself!"

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 18:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Jokingly ask him to tone it down over there.
Otherwise don't be so bloody passive agressive.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 18:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Sarah OTM sob.

― 4mateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 18:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Sarah's got a good idea... unfortunately, he seems to be the only one who does it all the time and who I can hear. The moving around thing is another good idea but not gonna happen. I've been in this same cube for the last year and a half, all the cubes are taken, and there's a pecking order (people who have been here the longest get to be by the window... which isn't me).

I think if it gets much worse I might have to suck it up and talk to the guy. It sort of goes against my don't-leave-a-trace way of dealing with this job, but desperate times call for, you know, talking to annoying co-workers.

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 18:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Otherwise don't be so bloody passive agressive.

I know. It's horrible.

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

In the middle of one of his rants, look up at him, look him squarely in the eye, pull off your headphones, and say: "Hey! Are you coming on to me?"

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 18:52 (twenty-two years ago)

"Hey, keep it down to a dull roar over there, okay?"

― Douglas (Douglas), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 18:56 (twenty-two years ago)

be on time, work hard, and keep your mouth shut and one day you'll have an office with a door!

― dan (dan), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 19:05 (twenty-two years ago)

be on time, work hard, and keep your mouth shut and one day you'll have an office with a door!

*cries* I like the idea of putting up love beads.

These are all great suggestions by the way!

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 19:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I just got back to my cube from the bathroom and hear him say to a visiting co-worker....

"The diarrhea is what concerns me. How long has he had that?"

Apparantly they were talking about a cat. You can't make this stuff up folks! I'll be back tomorrow for more!

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Are "love beads" anything like "anal beads"?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 20:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Sort of... except for not going up the butt.

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 20:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Strategically deployed tear gas cannisters, ie I don't think there's any solution short of telling him to STFU

― buttch (Oops), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 20:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Come in early tomorrow and take a shit on his desk.

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I have had this exact same problem. The answer is:

1. walkman
2. ear plugs

Wear one of the two in your ears at ALL times throughout the work day. Also keep extra ear plugs strewn over the surface of your desk. When anyone, including the noisy co-worker, asks you anything or says anything to you that seems to require a response, make a BIG show of slowly and dramatically removing 1. or 2. from your ears. If the person (with luck, your supervisor) asks why you have to wear them, or why there are ear plugs/headphones all over your work space, say nothing but roll your eyes in the direction of the noisy co-worker's cubicle with a martyred expression on your face. This will draw attention to the problem without marking you out as a complainer. With luck, someone else will get equally annoyed with "Noisy" and have a word. Good luck.

(btw, I tried dan's suggestion too but it didn't solve the problem.)

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

DREAGAN'S SUGGESTION NOT DAN PERRY'S

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 20:25 (twenty-two years ago)

TOO LATE!!!!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 20:27 (twenty-two years ago)

The answers are here:

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail37.html

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)

felicity's advice is solid (solid as a rock!)(whatever happened to Ashford&Simpson?)

― buttch (Oops), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

As I hinted upthread, I worry that I am "that guy." I mean, I don't mumble all day, but every few minutes I let out a (not terrifically loud, but audible) "Shit!" "Fuck!" "Oops" "Goddamit" or even a "Hmmmm." The area where I work is not necessarily a place of quiet--when we have work studies or interns present, they're chat-chat-chatting all the time. And there is the faint hum of two or three people playing CDs on their computers. And my nearest workmate and I feel free to talk to each other through the cubicle walls fairly often (though I worry that I initate such chatter a bit too often). Generally though my mumblings have to do with my forgetting something, my dropping something on my foor (fairly common), my having received some stupid email from my supervisor asking me to do something I've already done (because she forgot that I had done it), etc. Just normal work stuff. I generally take these things in stride, but I suppose that's only because I channel my frustration into these periodic exclamations. Am I "that guy"?

― 4mateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 20:55 (twenty-two years ago)

*crickets chirping*

― buttch (Oops), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 21:03 (twenty-two years ago)

*small animals scurry underbrush*

― 4mateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 21:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Kill him.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 21:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Whenever it gets particularly bad: take off your headphones, look at him, and say, "Sorry, did you say something?"

Repeat as necessary. If he cracks and says, "Stop asking me if I was saying something!" you can legitimately reply, "Stop saying things!"

― Paul in Santa Cruz (Paul in Santa Cruz), Thursday, 24 April 2003 02:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Noise cancelling headphones are really the only way to go here - they may not cut down on the ravings of your cube neighbor completely, but they should help. The problem with engaging him in conversation that then he'll actually try to talk to you and interrupt whatever you're doing.

If all that fails, document everything and go to HR. Tell them that so-and-so is bothering you and keeping you from completing your job.

― Chris Barrus (Chris Barrus), Thursday, 24 April 2003 05:58 (twenty-two years ago)

4mateurist, I'll join you in the "meep" corner! I quite often mutter things to my PC at work if something crashes or I typo something or whatever. I dunno, I think its the cubicles - they give you a half-assed feeling you're alone. If I knew other people thought I was annoying/insane because I say stuff half to myself, I'd be mortified.

FWIW I dont do it to get attention or a response at all - its pure habit, I talk to myself at home ALL THE TIME.

OK maybe I am slightly loopy. Gah. Now I'm paranoid!

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:31 (twenty-two years ago)

me too! and i'm not tying to get attention either, i just get really annoyed with myself at work.

― 4mateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I am married to a lovely and intelligent person who mutters nearly constantly when she's working hard at anything to do with the written word. It's dyslexia, not loneliness.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Thursday, 24 April 2003 07:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Awww.... if it was one of you guys doing it I wouldn't mind. I'd probably think it was endearing and we could joke about it. The problem is... this guy's a bit of an assclown (as witnessed by the half-hour conversation he had with another co-worker yesterday about cats, cat photography, and cat illnesses). So don't be paranoid!

I am married to a lovely and intelligent person who mutters nearly constantly when she's working hard at anything to do with the written word. It's dyslexia, not loneliness.

That's a really good point, except that I work in a copy editing department and the guy has apparantly worked as an editor for a long time. And I hope I don't sound like an insensitive prick... you know how office aggravation is one of those things that gets exaggerated because you're there ALL the DAMNED TIME. (It's also something amusing to talk about.)

Anyhoo, the headphone suggestions... That's definitely been my tact so far. The thing is, he's sort of oblivious to my exaggerated putting on of headphones. Paul in Santa Cruz might have something there with his suggestion..... I think it might at least make the guy aware that I'm aware that he's talking (I'm starting to think that he doesn't even realize it).

Today he is mumbling and saying "here we go" while surfing the internet! He's not even doing work, apparantly! And he didn't notice my pointed glare. Okay, headphones going on.

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:18 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

"Better run for the hills because I just had tacos for lunch!"

-My boss, as I was exiting the restroom.
― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 4 November 2004 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

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