Great Real Names

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Real names of people that are just brilliant. Brought on by hearing the Ugandan Foreign Minister on the Radio, his name is James Woodpecker Bulo, which is pretty good if you as me.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 24 April 2003 05:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Rufus Longstockings

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:02 (twenty-two years ago)

(ahem)

― M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:03 (twenty-two years ago)

ThatFuckerJessHarvell

― Leee (Leee), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:05 (twenty-two years ago)

okay i made that one up

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Booz Wierdsma exists

― gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:12 (twenty-two years ago)

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

― gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:17 (twenty-two years ago)

alain robbe-grillet ownz enough imo

― Sébastien Chikara (Sébastien Chikara), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Coco Crisp
Samantha Bond
David Duchovny, but only because it fits with "why won't you love me" in that song

Among ilxen, Ned and Matos and Martin and Lara have damn cool names, and if I'm remembering Ally's full name correctly, she sounds like a Barbara Stanwyck character.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Zinedine Zidane.

― James Ball (James Ball), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Wubbo Ockels = first dutchman in space

ps he is a dick

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 24 April 2003 07:37 (twenty-two years ago)

posting this anonymously as these people might just google sometime

anyway.. i used to work for a multinational company which had a searchable online name and address book. So we used to have office competitions to find the best names..

So. here we go with some of the best (and these are real employees)

Nick Sex
Shirley Shallow
Tory S Gaylord
Ricardo Cunto
Eduardo Bastardo
Eric Cartman
Mindy Smelkinson

there were loads more but i can't remember them right now...

― A Nonymous (Jack Battery-Pack), Thursday, 24 April 2003 08:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

He was a great authour, too.

― fletrejet, Thursday, 24 April 2003 10:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I knew a dude once named Ziad Ziady. Also, my step-sister's freshman-year roommate in college was supposed to be someone named Ojabberin Zayden Powpack, but she never showed.

― hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:45 (twenty-two years ago)

As for bad names, a guy in my office just named his new son Laws0n K1ncade H3adl3y. Blech! So snobby sounding!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Come on down top Ukranian footballer, Semen Semenko

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (twenty-two years ago)

There's a lawyers office I came across once when I was lost (wrong bus route) the partners' names were Hartless and Rich.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Spanish teacher at my middle school = AN1TA D1CK. Her husband's name = H4RRY D1CK. I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:51 (twenty-two years ago)

God Shamgod
Lucky Smalls works where I do...haven't met him.

― buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:48 (twenty-two years ago)

There's a hockey player named Miroslav Satan.

Not as crowd-pleasing perhaps, but there's a statue in Madison Square in New York of a man named Roscoe Conkling.

― Nemo (JND), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Rocco Baldelli

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Sometimes I love my job, like yesterday when I registered a student named Bo Ning. Shouldn't laugh, but gotta really...

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

At uni, I knew someone named Peter Handler. He didn't even understand why people giggled when they heard his name. He was such a sweet guy, too!

― colette (a2lette), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:18 (twenty-two years ago)

me.

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Rufus Longstockings

-- jess

Oh, and my middle school band director was named Rufus Long.

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:23 (twenty-two years ago)

martin, I like your name!

― hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Hmong names are great! Friend of mine student-taught in a school with heavy Hmong population and there was a kid named Bee Lor, who signed his name with a little cartoon bee, and I think actually did go out and learn a few things about bees, ie "bee lore." Also many Hmong kids have English names that are still literal and descriptive: the girl named "Pretty Flower [xx]"

Went to school with a girl who's last name was Sexe (p. "sexy") She was, too.

Geoffrey Stuart Cannon is such a bizarre formal name sometimes I can't really believe it's mine (heh "feeling slightly disconnected from one's own name c/d")

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh shit how could I forget. When I was a teenager I had a friend named Pendleton Brewster Wickersham III. Nice kid too. Probably a nice guy by now, but it's been a long time...

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:28 (twenty-two years ago)

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

RAGGETT: "Tell me where's your fancy bread.
I need it for me, and I'm called Ned."

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

Seconding Fletrjet on both the name and his writing.

Working at a university as I do, I've come across many a mysteriously cool name. Current favorites, with slight non-google alterations (as these are folks I am currently having to bill for late books): the very Thai (I believe) Nar1n Charanvattank1t, the quite Scottish yet somehow naughty 1an Mu1r Duckles and the prime winner, someone I can only guess is from an Arabic/Dutch family of some sort, Azareen Vandervl1et Oloom1.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)

he's like the rai beefheart prince!

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:49 (twenty-two years ago)

i actually really like the name Martin Skidmore. It sounds noble. Sir Martin Skidmore.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Ransom Williams, an old friend of mine. Sounds like a black detective character in a series of mysery novels.

― Scott Kos (Scott Kos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Best with his actual rank/title: Brigadier General Sylavanus Taco Gilbert (recently fired commandant of the US Air Force Academy).

― Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry, make that Sylvanus Taco Gilbert III. Really.

― Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Peter Peters, not sure who he is, but he was the keynote speaker at a Prayer Breakfast round these parts.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Doing some data entry I ran across "Oral Honeycutt"...

― cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I paid $30 for that one time...

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:20 (twenty-two years ago)

You got ripped off.

― cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I know. But I did get the clap. Sort of an added value thing.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:24 (twenty-two years ago)

me to thread!

― slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I just saw another one: Dune Combs

Also, I saw a guy named John Hancock, which is not all that unusual, but I wonder if he would make his signature an exact forgery of the founding father of the same name.

― cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks Chris and possibly Tep (he might have meant the other martin). Can't say I'm so keen on Skidmore myself, but I'm used to it.

At work today the person who I was given as a sample that would show a particular system error was Mr Doh. I like to imagine that to say his name correctly you have to slap your forehead.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:27 (twenty-two years ago)

hey Martin, Martin is a cool name regardless of which of us he was talking about. It's a good thing at least one Chris thinks that.

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I like your name too, Martin. It's got a nice rhythm to it.

― slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

There was a boatbuilding expert on telly today called Brian Labyrinth.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

old schoolmate: April Blue
friend who blogs: Gwenda Bond

― M Matos (M Matos), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Best Names

i loved that thread, largely because spectra got so into it! :)

― ron (ron), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:15 (twenty-two years ago)

There was some important politician or someone back in the mid-nineties who was called Tokyo Sexwhale. And more recently, I was looking through my old school's Friends Reunited page searching for someone and I saw this girl from the class of 2000 who was called Jo King.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 25 April 2003 11:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Names of a couple I encountered while data entering:

Mr Dickie & Miss K Titmus

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 1 May 2003 09:27 (twenty-two years ago)

sexwhale is pronounced sex - while (with just a hint of the wahl from mark wahlberg) - eh

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Thursday, 1 May 2003 10:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 1945 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Apparently there is a quarterback for Southern Mississippi University named Landry Lyddy. Don’t know whether I love or hate that one.

― tobo73, Saturday, 8 November 2025 19:09 (five months ago)

three weeks pass...

https://i.ibb.co/hRrqsxpT/Screenshot-2025-11-30-at-4-01-20-PM.png

― pee slowly and see (Deflatormouse), Sunday, 30 November 2025 21:04 (four months ago)

a two-fer!

― andrew m., Monday, 1 December 2025 21:10 (four months ago)

two weeks pass...

Mary Greenleaf Plant

― Modollno Kahn (Boring, Maryland), Thursday, 18 December 2025 19:19 (three months ago)

https://mdhs.unimelb.edu.au/study/meet-us/student-life/afs-profiles/planning-saw,-doctor-of-medicine,-bachelor-of-biomedicine-degree-with-honours-and-bachelor-of-biomedicine

― Bellend Sebastian (S-), Saturday, 20 December 2025 01:14 (three months ago)

Planning Saw is his name, if you didn't follow the link or parse the URL correctly. Seems like "Planing Saw" was right there, c'mon, parents!

― nickn, Saturday, 20 December 2025 02:44 (three months ago)

A.C. Button II

― bendy, Saturday, 20 December 2025 16:45 (three months ago)

A.C. Button II

sounds like a poorly translated owner’s manual

― Modollno Kahn (Boring, Maryland), Saturday, 20 December 2025 17:39 (three months ago)

Lolita Fatjo, a pre-production person for Star Trek, DS9. Incredible name.

― a tv star not a dirty computer man (the table is the table), Monday, 29 December 2025 03:03 (three months ago)

I am reluctant to google that

― m0stly clean (Slowsquatch), Monday, 29 December 2025 03:38 (three months ago)

https://cdn.imago-images.de/bild/st/0056515329/s.jpg

nog, lolita fatjo, damar

― mookieproof, Monday, 29 December 2025 04:11 (three months ago)

my kids, and their middle names to boot. subscribe for more info.

― My homies buttthole surfers' record sounds like a f (Western® with Bacon Flavor), Monday, 29 December 2025 09:10 (three months ago)

https://bsky.app/profile/danthat.bsky.social/post/3mbtgjn3wzs27

― nxd, Wednesday, 7 January 2026 14:17 (three months ago)

https://www.linkedin.com/in/lexy-booms-78438b26/

― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 14 January 2026 12:02 (two months ago)

^ Lexy B00ms

― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 14 January 2026 12:03 (two months ago)

for presidetn

― Bertolt Blecch (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 14 January 2026 14:36 (two months ago)

Tad Heuer, a lawyer representing the National Trust for Historic Preservation [...]

― Kim Kimberly, Sunday, 25 January 2026 18:50 (two months ago)

Harry Wham

― Gentler Death Squads Please (Boring, Maryland), Tuesday, 27 January 2026 19:54 (two months ago)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lex_Shrapnel?wprov=sfla1

― calmer chameleon (Ye Mad Puffin), Sunday, 1 February 2026 01:20 (two months ago)

tbf Shrapnel is a surname, and shrapnel is named after the guy who invented shells filled with, er, shrapnel.

― Wearing red lipstick and maintaining a neutral expression (Tom D.), Sunday, 1 February 2026 01:31 (two months ago)

Of course, but you're not obligated to appear in action movies just because your name is Alex Shrapnel.

The Peasant's Revolt of 1381 began with an attack on a revenue collector named Bill Payable.

(William Payable, but hey)

― calmer chameleon (Ye Mad Puffin), Sunday, 1 February 2026 01:58 (two months ago)

Mustang Chang (colleague at a recent training)

sw4n1lda suar3z

― map, Friday, 6 February 2026 03:00 (two months ago)

This thread has reminded me of a story my dad told about working in a factory in California where the boss's name was Marty Cohen, which all the Mexican employees found very amusing.

― Instead of create and send out, it pull back and consume (unperson), Friday, 6 February 2026 03:09 (two months ago)

Capolavoro Lollobrigida, Italian speed skating gold medalist with a starry great-aunt you might’ve heard of.

― einstürzende louboutin (suzy), Saturday, 7 February 2026 19:35 (two months ago)

Angela Olive Stalker

― Eric Blore Is President (James Redd and the Blecchs), Sunday, 8 February 2026 07:03 (two months ago)

Judge Rosie Speedlin Gonzalez

― Glen Warren G (Neanderthal), Sunday, 8 February 2026 14:52 (two months ago)

I don't get the Marty Cohen one, and I speak Spanish...

I was able to figure it out pretty quickly by sounding it out and doing a couple searches.

― trm (tombotomod), Wednesday, 11 February 2026 00:07 (one month ago)

Breezy Johnson is a new one for the week

― Andy the Grasshopper, Wednesday, 11 February 2026 00:13 (one month ago)

Capolavoro Lollobrigida, Italian speed skating gold medalist with a starry great-aunt you might’ve heard of.
― einstürzende louboutin (suzy), samedi 7 février 2026 19:35 (four days ago) bookmarkflaglink

Up there in the list of names of women that my father mentions with a slight quiver of boyish emotion. Capolavoro is a bit of mouthful compared to Gina.

― Naledi, Wednesday, 11 February 2026 09:43 (one month ago)

Anthony Philip David Terry Frank Donald Stanley Gerry Gordon Stephen James "Charlie" Oatway

1999–2007 Brighton & Hove Albion 224 (8)

I don't know if this one is great or abysmal

― Tow Law City (cherry blossom), Saturday, 14 February 2026 05:53 (one month ago)

both his parents were Queens Park Rangers fans, and decided to give their son the names of QPR's entire 1973 first-team squad.[8] When his parents told his aunt the proposed name, she said "he'd look a right Charlie", and the name stuck.[9]

― Kim Kimberly, Saturday, 14 February 2026 06:11 (one month ago)

AC Spark Plug executive[2] Basil Winter de Guichard

― cinematic hobo hip-hop rock ‘n’ roll blues-jazz soul-review (Dan Peterson), Thursday, 19 February 2026 16:12 (one month ago)

I though Bim Pepple was great enough but his full name is a cracker too.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aribim_Pepple

― Schlub 7 (Tom D.), Thursday, 26 February 2026 09:38 (one month ago)

I just had an email exchange with someone named Trandafira-Florina. Marvellous!

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 27 February 2026 11:29 (one month ago)

https://totalfootballanalysis.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Christian-Titz-at-Hannover-96-20252026.jpg

― Schlub 7 (Tom D.), Monday, 2 March 2026 11:56 (one month ago)

... didn't work, hold on...

― Schlub 7 (Tom D.), Monday, 2 March 2026 11:57 (one month ago)

https://1.fc-magdeburg.de/fileadmin/user_upload/Trainerstimme_Thumb20231214.jpg

― Schlub 7 (Tom D.), Monday, 2 March 2026 12:00 (one month ago)

Sonny Blu Lo-Everton (born 15 September 2002) is a professional footballer who plays as a midfielder for National League South club Torquay United.

― Kim Kimberly, Thursday, 5 March 2026 20:09 (one month ago)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Brilliant

― Schlub 7 (Tom D.), Wednesday, 11 March 2026 13:40 (four weeks ago)

Today I learned that the Houston Chronicle has a reporter named Gwen Howerton, which must lead to some confusion with a very small subset of people.

― Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 12 March 2026 12:26 (four weeks ago)

Richard Brilliant reminded me of Margaret Faultless

― Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Friday, 13 March 2026 06:00 (three weeks ago)

Velvet Cool, municipal employee

― andrew m., Friday, 13 March 2026 16:11 (three weeks ago)

(Gerry) Adams wished the judge, Mr Justice Swift, “a very happy St Patrick’s Day” after entering the witness box on Tuesday.

― Andy the Grasshopper, Tuesday, 17 March 2026 17:04 (three weeks ago)

two weeks pass...

From an article about a high school in Pacific Palisades that had to move into a temporary space last year because of the wildfires:

“They nailed it,” said Ocean Silkman, a junior.

― jaymc, Thursday, 2 April 2026 16:58 (one week ago)

The Silkman family—David, Tannaz, and their three children, Ocean, Sky, and River—have been a cherished part of the Palisades community for over a decade.

― Kim Kimberly, Thursday, 2 April 2026 18:37 (one week ago)

SLikman

― Minty Gum (Latham Green), Thursday, 2 April 2026 20:21 (one week ago)

Should call their next kid Oil

― Mallard Reaction (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 2 April 2026 20:44 (one week ago)

Or Exxon Valdez

― Mallard Reaction (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 2 April 2026 20:45 (one week ago)

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