Great Real Names

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Real names of people that are just brilliant. Brought on by hearing the Ugandan Foreign Minister on the Radio, his name is James Woodpecker Bulo, which is pretty good if you as me.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 24 April 2003 05:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Rufus Longstockings

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:02 (twenty-three years ago)

(ahem)

― M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:03 (twenty-three years ago)

ThatFuckerJessHarvell

― Leee (Leee), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:05 (twenty-three years ago)

okay i made that one up

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:10 (twenty-three years ago)

Booz Wierdsma exists

― gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:12 (twenty-three years ago)

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

― gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:17 (twenty-three years ago)

alain robbe-grillet ownz enough imo

― Sébastien Chikara (Sébastien Chikara), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Coco Crisp
Samantha Bond
David Duchovny, but only because it fits with "why won't you love me" in that song

Among ilxen, Ned and Matos and Martin and Lara have damn cool names, and if I'm remembering Ally's full name correctly, she sounds like a Barbara Stanwyck character.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Zinedine Zidane.

― James Ball (James Ball), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Wubbo Ockels = first dutchman in space

ps he is a dick

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 24 April 2003 07:37 (twenty-three years ago)

posting this anonymously as these people might just google sometime

anyway.. i used to work for a multinational company which had a searchable online name and address book. So we used to have office competitions to find the best names..

So. here we go with some of the best (and these are real employees)

Nick Sex
Shirley Shallow
Tory S Gaylord
Ricardo Cunto
Eduardo Bastardo
Eric Cartman
Mindy Smelkinson

there were loads more but i can't remember them right now...

― A Nonymous (Jack Battery-Pack), Thursday, 24 April 2003 08:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

He was a great authour, too.

― fletrejet, Thursday, 24 April 2003 10:05 (twenty-three years ago)

I knew a dude once named Ziad Ziady. Also, my step-sister's freshman-year roommate in college was supposed to be someone named Ojabberin Zayden Powpack, but she never showed.

― hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:45 (twenty-three years ago)

As for bad names, a guy in my office just named his new son Laws0n K1ncade H3adl3y. Blech! So snobby sounding!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Come on down top Ukranian footballer, Semen Semenko

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (twenty-three years ago)

There's a lawyers office I came across once when I was lost (wrong bus route) the partners' names were Hartless and Rich.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Spanish teacher at my middle school = AN1TA D1CK. Her husband's name = H4RRY D1CK. I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:51 (twenty-three years ago)

God Shamgod
Lucky Smalls works where I do...haven't met him.

― buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:48 (twenty-three years ago)

There's a hockey player named Miroslav Satan.

Not as crowd-pleasing perhaps, but there's a statue in Madison Square in New York of a man named Roscoe Conkling.

― Nemo (JND), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Rocco Baldelli

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Sometimes I love my job, like yesterday when I registered a student named Bo Ning. Shouldn't laugh, but gotta really...

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:16 (twenty-three years ago)

At uni, I knew someone named Peter Handler. He didn't even understand why people giggled when they heard his name. He was such a sweet guy, too!

― colette (a2lette), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:18 (twenty-three years ago)

me.

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Rufus Longstockings

-- jess

Oh, and my middle school band director was named Rufus Long.

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:23 (twenty-three years ago)

martin, I like your name!

― hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Hmong names are great! Friend of mine student-taught in a school with heavy Hmong population and there was a kid named Bee Lor, who signed his name with a little cartoon bee, and I think actually did go out and learn a few things about bees, ie "bee lore." Also many Hmong kids have English names that are still literal and descriptive: the girl named "Pretty Flower [xx]"

Went to school with a girl who's last name was Sexe (p. "sexy") She was, too.

Geoffrey Stuart Cannon is such a bizarre formal name sometimes I can't really believe it's mine (heh "feeling slightly disconnected from one's own name c/d")

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh shit how could I forget. When I was a teenager I had a friend named Pendleton Brewster Wickersham III. Nice kid too. Probably a nice guy by now, but it's been a long time...

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:28 (twenty-three years ago)

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

RAGGETT: "Tell me where's your fancy bread.
I need it for me, and I'm called Ned."

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

Seconding Fletrjet on both the name and his writing.

Working at a university as I do, I've come across many a mysteriously cool name. Current favorites, with slight non-google alterations (as these are folks I am currently having to bill for late books): the very Thai (I believe) Nar1n Charanvattank1t, the quite Scottish yet somehow naughty 1an Mu1r Duckles and the prime winner, someone I can only guess is from an Arabic/Dutch family of some sort, Azareen Vandervl1et Oloom1.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:46 (twenty-three years ago)

he's like the rai beefheart prince!

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:49 (twenty-three years ago)

i actually really like the name Martin Skidmore. It sounds noble. Sir Martin Skidmore.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 15:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Ransom Williams, an old friend of mine. Sounds like a black detective character in a series of mysery novels.

― Scott Kos (Scott Kos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 16:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Best with his actual rank/title: Brigadier General Sylavanus Taco Gilbert (recently fired commandant of the US Air Force Academy).

― Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Sorry, make that Sylvanus Taco Gilbert III. Really.

― Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Peter Peters, not sure who he is, but he was the keynote speaker at a Prayer Breakfast round these parts.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Doing some data entry I ran across "Oral Honeycutt"...

― cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:19 (twenty-three years ago)

I paid $30 for that one time...

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:20 (twenty-three years ago)

You got ripped off.

― cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:21 (twenty-three years ago)

I know. But I did get the clap. Sort of an added value thing.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:24 (twenty-three years ago)

me to thread!

― slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:36 (twenty-three years ago)

I just saw another one: Dune Combs

Also, I saw a guy named John Hancock, which is not all that unusual, but I wonder if he would make his signature an exact forgery of the founding father of the same name.

― cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Thanks Chris and possibly Tep (he might have meant the other martin). Can't say I'm so keen on Skidmore myself, but I'm used to it.

At work today the person who I was given as a sample that would show a particular system error was Mr Doh. I like to imagine that to say his name correctly you have to slap your forehead.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:27 (twenty-three years ago)

hey Martin, Martin is a cool name regardless of which of us he was talking about. It's a good thing at least one Chris thinks that.

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:37 (twenty-three years ago)

I like your name too, Martin. It's got a nice rhythm to it.

― slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:48 (twenty-three years ago)

There was a boatbuilding expert on telly today called Brian Labyrinth.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:59 (twenty-three years ago)

old schoolmate: April Blue
friend who blogs: Gwenda Bond

― M Matos (M Matos), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Best Names

i loved that thread, largely because spectra got so into it! :)

― ron (ron), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:15 (twenty-three years ago)

There was some important politician or someone back in the mid-nineties who was called Tokyo Sexwhale. And more recently, I was looking through my old school's Friends Reunited page searching for someone and I saw this girl from the class of 2000 who was called Jo King.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 25 April 2003 11:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Names of a couple I encountered while data entering:

Mr Dickie & Miss K Titmus

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 1 May 2003 09:27 (twenty-three years ago)

sexwhale is pronounced sex - while (with just a hint of the wahl from mark wahlberg) - eh

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Thursday, 1 May 2003 10:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Skipping 1981 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

https://totalfootballanalysis.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Christian-Titz-at-Hannover-96-20252026.jpg

― Schlub 7 (Tom D.), Monday, 2 March 2026 11:56 (five months ago)

... didn't work, hold on...

― Schlub 7 (Tom D.), Monday, 2 March 2026 11:57 (five months ago)

https://1.fc-magdeburg.de/fileadmin/user_upload/Trainerstimme_Thumb20231214.jpg

― Schlub 7 (Tom D.), Monday, 2 March 2026 12:00 (five months ago)

Sonny Blu Lo-Everton (born 15 September 2002) is a professional footballer who plays as a midfielder for National League South club Torquay United.

― Kim Kimberly, Thursday, 5 March 2026 20:09 (five months ago)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Brilliant

― Schlub 7 (Tom D.), Wednesday, 11 March 2026 13:40 (four months ago)

Today I learned that the Houston Chronicle has a reporter named Gwen Howerton, which must lead to some confusion with a very small subset of people.

― Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 12 March 2026 12:26 (four months ago)

Richard Brilliant reminded me of Margaret Faultless

― Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Friday, 13 March 2026 06:00 (four months ago)

Velvet Cool, municipal employee

― andrew m., Friday, 13 March 2026 16:11 (four months ago)

(Gerry) Adams wished the judge, Mr Justice Swift, “a very happy St Patrick’s Day” after entering the witness box on Tuesday.

― Andy the Grasshopper, Tuesday, 17 March 2026 17:04 (four months ago)

two weeks pass...

From an article about a high school in Pacific Palisades that had to move into a temporary space last year because of the wildfires:

“They nailed it,” said Ocean Silkman, a junior.

― jaymc, Thursday, 2 April 2026 16:58 (four months ago)

The Silkman family—David, Tannaz, and their three children, Ocean, Sky, and River—have been a cherished part of the Palisades community for over a decade.

― Kim Kimberly, Thursday, 2 April 2026 18:37 (four months ago)

SLikman

― Minty Gum (Latham Green), Thursday, 2 April 2026 20:21 (four months ago)

Should call their next kid Oil

― Mallard Reaction (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 2 April 2026 20:44 (four months ago)

Or Exxon Valdez

― Mallard Reaction (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 2 April 2026 20:45 (four months ago)

two weeks pass...

Tanguy Destable

― o. nate, Saturday, 18 April 2026 02:39 (three months ago)

honestly, good for him

― mookieproof, Saturday, 18 April 2026 03:13 (three months ago)

gotta be a good anagram in that

― Josefa, Saturday, 18 April 2026 05:32 (three months ago)

Neatest ladybug

agenda subtlety

Dylan baguettes

beady gauntlets

debates gauntly

debutant sagely

― the savior with the flavior (Ye Mad Puffin), Saturday, 18 April 2026 14:12 (three months ago)

Guest Table Andy

― Josefa, Saturday, 18 April 2026 14:26 (three months ago)

Lequincio Zeefuik

― Clarinet Cop (Tom D.), Tuesday, 21 April 2026 21:36 (three months ago)

William Wouldhave

― Clarinet Cop (Tom D.), Wednesday, 29 April 2026 07:12 (three months ago)

That Wikipedia entry reads like a Dickens chapter

― bendy, Wednesday, 29 April 2026 10:24 (three months ago)

yesterday I learned about Wynkyn de Worde, early printer and colleague of Caxton

― Critique of the Goth Programme (Neil S), Wednesday, 29 April 2026 13:03 (three months ago)

Tim Rex

― willem, Tuesday, 5 May 2026 07:32 (three months ago)

Omar Shaffiuzzaman

― April is Cruella's month (Ye Mad Puffin), Monday, 11 May 2026 17:49 (two months ago)

Norwegian designer Per Spook

― Andy the Grasshopper, Friday, 22 May 2026 22:40 (two months ago)

https://i.postimg.cc/T27sMWF8/image.png

― sonic catterdales (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 29 May 2026 10:44 (two months ago)

Cocks held

― Tom D, focussed with getting on with the job (Tom D.), Friday, 29 May 2026 10:55 (two months ago)

Dicks out. Small swing.

― Tim, Friday, 29 May 2026 10:57 (two months ago)

Red cheeks for Red Cheek.

― Tom D, focussed with getting on with the job (Tom D.), Friday, 29 May 2026 11:07 (two months ago)

Full name Michael Francis Lovell Cocks, Baron Cocks of Hartcliffe

― sonic catterdales (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 29 May 2026 11:17 (two months ago)

Great swinging, Cocks!

― . (jamiesummerz), Friday, 29 May 2026 11:19 (two months ago)

Late surge

― Buffalo buffalo Springfield buffalo (Ye Mad Puffin), Friday, 29 May 2026 11:42 (two months ago)

local realtor M4risa Mango, of M4ngo & August Realty

― a tv star not a dirty computer man (the table is the table), Monday, 1 June 2026 17:23 (two months ago)

MLB Transaction Bot
‪
Arizona Diamondbacks selected the contract of 3B LuJames Groover from Reno Aces.

― mookieproof, Saturday, 6 June 2026 03:09 (two months ago)

That reminds me. A while back The Guardian had a feature on Elizabeth Blackadder, painter:
https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2026/may/31/elizabeth-blackadder-exhibition-burlingham-gallery-kingsclere

She is "best known for accessible paintings of flowers and cats", which raises the question of whether there are any painters best known for inaccessible, audience-alienating paintings of flowers and cats. Still, I didn't realise that Blackadder was an actual real name. Her mother was called Violet, which is ironic because flowers. Presumably if her mother had been called Lady Chimney Blackadder she would have become a top painter of chimneys, and cats.

Also I remember a story fairly recently. About a sporting event. Or something. One of the participants was called Nasa. It was their first name. But I can't find it. I did however stumble on Nasa Hataoka, professional golfer:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nasa_Hataoka

She actually is named after Nasa, the space programme. That's also a quick way of remembering the difference between an acronym and an initialism. An acronym is a word you can say, whereas an initialism is just a bunch of letters, such as for example FBI or CSA. All you have to do is train yourself, with electricity, to remember that Nasa is an acronym. And not an initialism. You can't call a baby FBI.

No, I found it! The man in question was Sterling Nasa, who stepped in to play piano at a concert where the pianist fell sick:
https://symphony.org/audience-member-steps-in-play-piano-at-la-la-land-screening-with-orchestra/

Nasa is an uncommon Asian surname.

― Ashley Pomeroy, Wednesday, 10 June 2026 17:01 (one month ago)

Blackadder is a Scottish name.

― Tom D, focussed with getting on with the job (Tom D.), Wednesday, 10 June 2026 17:45 (one month ago)

Eloy Room

― mookieproof, Sunday, 21 June 2026 02:59 (one month ago)

Ulysis Cababan

― bendy, Monday, 22 June 2026 15:15 (one month ago)

District Judge Sparkle Sooknanan

― Andy the Grasshopper, Monday, 22 June 2026 20:42 (one month ago)

two weeks pass...

M4rshall M0ist

― Illegal Algae (Boring, Maryland), Monday, 6 July 2026 22:03 (one month ago)

Granit Xhaka

― m0stly clean (Slowsquatch), Monday, 6 July 2026 22:32 (one month ago)

when the walls fell

― mookieproof, Tuesday, 7 July 2026 03:31 (one month ago)

Delano McCoy-Splatt

― stanes on the knees and blood on the jumber (Tom D.), Tuesday, 7 July 2026 21:27 (one month ago)

There are some good ones at this Chicago country fest: https://www.windycitysmokeout.com/music

Braxton Keith
Sterling Elza
Noeline Hofmann
Hudson Westbrook
Chandler Walters
Blake Whiten
Alexis Wilkins
George Birge
Tyler Nance

Country performer names basically announce themselves as such. Like, what else can you do if you are named Blake Whiten?

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 7 July 2026 22:06 (one month ago)

tbf *mark* whiten was not in fact a country singer

but he was hard-hitten'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlZNCjURSWk

― mookieproof, Thursday, 9 July 2026 02:50 (four weeks ago)

Also I remember a story fairly recently. About a sporting event. Or something. One of the participants was called Nasa. It was their first name. But I can't find it. I did however stumble on Nasa Hataoka, professional golfer:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nasa_Hataoka

Not a real name, but evidence that Nasa as a non-Japanese first name predates NASA: Clara Bow's character in Call Her Savage (1932) is named Nasa Springer.

― Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Thursday, 16 July 2026 07:11 (three weeks ago)

Carl3ton Monster

― out of the cradle endlessly party rocking (the table is the table), Friday, 17 July 2026 20:09 (three weeks ago)

two weeks pass...

https://www.mcad.edu/faculty/murphy-pizza

― sous-vide summer camp (seandalai), Saturday, 1 August 2026 10:36 (one week ago)

luther vandross

― mharbed angle (gaudio), Thursday, 6 August 2026 02:30 (two days ago)

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