Great Real Names

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Real names of people that are just brilliant. Brought on by hearing the Ugandan Foreign Minister on the Radio, his name is James Woodpecker Bulo, which is pretty good if you as me.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 24 April 2003 05:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Rufus Longstockings

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:02 (twenty-two years ago)

(ahem)

― M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:03 (twenty-two years ago)

ThatFuckerJessHarvell

― Leee (Leee), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:05 (twenty-two years ago)

okay i made that one up

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Booz Wierdsma exists

― gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:12 (twenty-two years ago)

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

― gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:17 (twenty-two years ago)

alain robbe-grillet ownz enough imo

― Sébastien Chikara (Sébastien Chikara), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Coco Crisp
Samantha Bond
David Duchovny, but only because it fits with "why won't you love me" in that song

Among ilxen, Ned and Matos and Martin and Lara have damn cool names, and if I'm remembering Ally's full name correctly, she sounds like a Barbara Stanwyck character.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Zinedine Zidane.

― James Ball (James Ball), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Wubbo Ockels = first dutchman in space

ps he is a dick

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 24 April 2003 07:37 (twenty-two years ago)

posting this anonymously as these people might just google sometime

anyway.. i used to work for a multinational company which had a searchable online name and address book. So we used to have office competitions to find the best names..

So. here we go with some of the best (and these are real employees)

Nick Sex
Shirley Shallow
Tory S Gaylord
Ricardo Cunto
Eduardo Bastardo
Eric Cartman
Mindy Smelkinson

there were loads more but i can't remember them right now...

― A Nonymous (Jack Battery-Pack), Thursday, 24 April 2003 08:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

He was a great authour, too.

― fletrejet, Thursday, 24 April 2003 10:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I knew a dude once named Ziad Ziady. Also, my step-sister's freshman-year roommate in college was supposed to be someone named Ojabberin Zayden Powpack, but she never showed.

― hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:45 (twenty-two years ago)

As for bad names, a guy in my office just named his new son Laws0n K1ncade H3adl3y. Blech! So snobby sounding!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Come on down top Ukranian footballer, Semen Semenko

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (twenty-two years ago)

There's a lawyers office I came across once when I was lost (wrong bus route) the partners' names were Hartless and Rich.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Spanish teacher at my middle school = AN1TA D1CK. Her husband's name = H4RRY D1CK. I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:51 (twenty-two years ago)

God Shamgod
Lucky Smalls works where I do...haven't met him.

― buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:48 (twenty-two years ago)

There's a hockey player named Miroslav Satan.

Not as crowd-pleasing perhaps, but there's a statue in Madison Square in New York of a man named Roscoe Conkling.

― Nemo (JND), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Rocco Baldelli

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Sometimes I love my job, like yesterday when I registered a student named Bo Ning. Shouldn't laugh, but gotta really...

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

At uni, I knew someone named Peter Handler. He didn't even understand why people giggled when they heard his name. He was such a sweet guy, too!

― colette (a2lette), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:18 (twenty-two years ago)

me.

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Rufus Longstockings

-- jess

Oh, and my middle school band director was named Rufus Long.

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:23 (twenty-two years ago)

martin, I like your name!

― hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Hmong names are great! Friend of mine student-taught in a school with heavy Hmong population and there was a kid named Bee Lor, who signed his name with a little cartoon bee, and I think actually did go out and learn a few things about bees, ie "bee lore." Also many Hmong kids have English names that are still literal and descriptive: the girl named "Pretty Flower [xx]"

Went to school with a girl who's last name was Sexe (p. "sexy") She was, too.

Geoffrey Stuart Cannon is such a bizarre formal name sometimes I can't really believe it's mine (heh "feeling slightly disconnected from one's own name c/d")

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh shit how could I forget. When I was a teenager I had a friend named Pendleton Brewster Wickersham III. Nice kid too. Probably a nice guy by now, but it's been a long time...

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:28 (twenty-two years ago)

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

RAGGETT: "Tell me where's your fancy bread.
I need it for me, and I'm called Ned."

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

Seconding Fletrjet on both the name and his writing.

Working at a university as I do, I've come across many a mysteriously cool name. Current favorites, with slight non-google alterations (as these are folks I am currently having to bill for late books): the very Thai (I believe) Nar1n Charanvattank1t, the quite Scottish yet somehow naughty 1an Mu1r Duckles and the prime winner, someone I can only guess is from an Arabic/Dutch family of some sort, Azareen Vandervl1et Oloom1.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)

he's like the rai beefheart prince!

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:49 (twenty-two years ago)

i actually really like the name Martin Skidmore. It sounds noble. Sir Martin Skidmore.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Ransom Williams, an old friend of mine. Sounds like a black detective character in a series of mysery novels.

― Scott Kos (Scott Kos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Best with his actual rank/title: Brigadier General Sylavanus Taco Gilbert (recently fired commandant of the US Air Force Academy).

― Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry, make that Sylvanus Taco Gilbert III. Really.

― Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Peter Peters, not sure who he is, but he was the keynote speaker at a Prayer Breakfast round these parts.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Doing some data entry I ran across "Oral Honeycutt"...

― cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I paid $30 for that one time...

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:20 (twenty-two years ago)

You got ripped off.

― cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I know. But I did get the clap. Sort of an added value thing.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:24 (twenty-two years ago)

me to thread!

― slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I just saw another one: Dune Combs

Also, I saw a guy named John Hancock, which is not all that unusual, but I wonder if he would make his signature an exact forgery of the founding father of the same name.

― cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks Chris and possibly Tep (he might have meant the other martin). Can't say I'm so keen on Skidmore myself, but I'm used to it.

At work today the person who I was given as a sample that would show a particular system error was Mr Doh. I like to imagine that to say his name correctly you have to slap your forehead.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:27 (twenty-two years ago)

hey Martin, Martin is a cool name regardless of which of us he was talking about. It's a good thing at least one Chris thinks that.

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I like your name too, Martin. It's got a nice rhythm to it.

― slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

There was a boatbuilding expert on telly today called Brian Labyrinth.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

old schoolmate: April Blue
friend who blogs: Gwenda Bond

― M Matos (M Matos), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Best Names

i loved that thread, largely because spectra got so into it! :)

― ron (ron), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:15 (twenty-two years ago)

There was some important politician or someone back in the mid-nineties who was called Tokyo Sexwhale. And more recently, I was looking through my old school's Friends Reunited page searching for someone and I saw this girl from the class of 2000 who was called Jo King.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 25 April 2003 11:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Names of a couple I encountered while data entering:

Mr Dickie & Miss K Titmus

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 1 May 2003 09:27 (twenty-two years ago)

sexwhale is pronounced sex - while (with just a hint of the wahl from mark wahlberg) - eh

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Thursday, 1 May 2003 10:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 1911 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

um, Max Chill

― j.o.h.n. in evanston (john. a resident of chicago.), Wednesday, 11 June 2025 03:04 (seven months ago)

Former Hecate Enthroned vocalist

Ian Maiden

― Neanderthal, Saturday, 21 June 2025 17:42 (six months ago)

three weeks pass...

Vivabiancaluna Biffi

― Black Sabaoth (Boring, Maryland), Tuesday, 15 July 2025 16:46 (six months ago)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morris_Pleasure

― Posts That Witness Madness (Tom D.), Friday, 25 July 2025 15:41 (five months ago)

And as Marylou Fabbo, an employment lawyer in Massachusetts, said, it doesn’t matter if the company has a policy that other people can use the room occasionally.

― Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Monday, 28 July 2025 07:26 (five months ago)

I was shockingly old when I found out his real name was Robert Nicholas Crush.

https://vinylrecordsuk.co.uk/images/Wimg/art_705/w70593_Full.jpg

― Corny Capitalism (Tom D.), Thursday, 7 August 2025 12:21 (five months ago)

.. is rather than was, Bobby is still with us.

― Corny Capitalism (Tom D.), Thursday, 7 August 2025 12:22 (five months ago)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marmaduke_Tudsbery_Tudsbery

― Dan Worsley, Tuesday, 12 August 2025 08:34 (five months ago)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ernest_William_Goodpasture

― Peter No-one (Tom D.), Tuesday, 19 August 2025 07:13 (four months ago)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monster,_South_Holland

― AI Jardine (Tom D.), Friday, 22 August 2025 06:44 (four months ago)

Elizabeth Wrigley-Field.

― ShariVari, Friday, 22 August 2025 07:01 (four months ago)

i went to summer camp with Elizabeth, she used to dress up as Magenta from Rocky Horror for dances

― czech hunter biden's laptop (the table is the table), Friday, 22 August 2025 15:17 (four months ago)

After the president’s physical in April, White House physician, Captain Sean Barbabella, declared him in “excellent cognitive and physical health.”

― Kim Kimberly, Monday, 25 August 2025 16:48 (four months ago)

I've always wanted to visit Mhoon Landing, in Mississippi:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mhoon_Landing,_Mississippi

Purely so I can say I have been to the site of Mhoon Landing. Named after Feyton "Faithful" Mhoon. It appears to be just a swampy riverbank, but it's only thirty miles from Memphis, so perhaps one day.

― Ashley Pomeroy, Monday, 25 August 2025 20:23 (four months ago)

I don't want to sound horrible, but Sean Barbarella's face doesn't look finished:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sean_Barbabella

Oh. It's Barbabella. Not Barbarella.

"The President does not make love. He is love."

― Ashley Pomeroy, Monday, 25 August 2025 20:24 (four months ago)

Multitudes:

https://bsky.app/profile/bunkieperkins.bsky.social/post/3lxa4n552ns2a

― underminer of twenty years of excellent contribution to this borad (dan m), Monday, 25 August 2025 20:31 (four months ago)

I'm Reed Usury

― Crispy Ambulance Chaser (Boring, Maryland), Monday, 25 August 2025 20:39 (four months ago)

I drove past the sign for Zzyzx earlier this month on the way to Las Vegas.

― Madchen, Monday, 25 August 2025 21:22 (four months ago)

Barbabella psychedella
There's a kind of fishy smell about you

― Josefa, Monday, 25 August 2025 22:09 (four months ago)

two weeks pass...

https://i.ibb.co/s05qvpL/Screenshot-2025-09-14-at-11-54-31.png

Bienvenidos, Coronel Pringles

― Tow Law City (cherry blossom), Sunday, 14 September 2025 09:57 (four months ago)

Named after Colonel Juan Pascual Pringles, killed in battle in 1831 in one of Argentina's civil conflicts. He's on a horse:
https://maps.app.goo.gl/mRGrSfEdNhEDs9M68

The horse does not appear to have a bean. That is something I learned from Ilxor.

Today I also learned that the salty parabolas - that's a sick cultural reference - are technically called Pringle's, so presumably Colonel Pringles' descendants have no legal case.

― Ashley Pomeroy, Sunday, 14 September 2025 13:55 (four months ago)

https://bsky.app/profile/mags.colvett.online/post/3lzhst6rqe22v

― underminer of twenty years of excellent contribution to this borad (dan m), Tuesday, 23 September 2025 02:08 (three months ago)

Met a Madel1ne Kahn today. The crazy part is that when I said "you must get this all the time, but were you named after the actress?" she said that I was the first person ever to ask.

― Jordan s/t (Jordan), Friday, 26 September 2025 16:28 (three months ago)

She must only know super dull people.

― cryptosicko, Friday, 26 September 2025 16:41 (three months ago)

I think you mean young

― Jordan s/t (Jordan), Friday, 26 September 2025 16:46 (three months ago)

Fair. I mean, my adolescent nieces at least know Clue, but I'll walk back my unwarranted snark nonetheless.

― cryptosicko, Friday, 26 September 2025 16:56 (three months ago)

Barr Peat

― Mr. T's Ballroom (Boring, Maryland), Wednesday, 1 October 2025 22:51 (three months ago)

I’m assuming this one is real: a president of a “biopharma” company named Dr. Mihael Polymeropoulos.

― Mr. T's Ballroom (Boring, Maryland), Wednesday, 8 October 2025 13:43 (three months ago)

two weeks pass...

Albert Parody

― Webinar in Wetherspoons (Tom D.), Thursday, 23 October 2025 20:05 (two months ago)

Got an email today from a G1ng3r M@y0 that included a reference to a Dw1ght Sl33p3r.

― jaymc, Thursday, 23 October 2025 20:08 (two months ago)

Wh1sp3r R00d

― she freaks, she speaks (map), Friday, 24 October 2025 19:11 (two months ago)

https://aahms.org/fellowship-archives/professor-ego-seeman/

― Bellend Sebastian (S-), Thursday, 30 October 2025 02:03 (two months ago)

My psych’s name is N1c0le S1lverna1l which is a pretty badass name.

― Cow_Art, Thursday, 30 October 2025 02:08 (two months ago)

Jim Jump, the chair of the International Brigade Memorial Trust in London

― Andy the Grasshopper, Tuesday, 4 November 2025 19:52 (two months ago)

Apparently there is a quarterback for Southern Mississippi University named Landry Lyddy. Don’t know whether I love or hate that one.

― tobo73, Saturday, 8 November 2025 19:09 (two months ago)

three weeks pass...

https://i.ibb.co/hRrqsxpT/Screenshot-2025-11-30-at-4-01-20-PM.png

― pee slowly and see (Deflatormouse), Sunday, 30 November 2025 21:04 (one month ago)

a two-fer!

― andrew m., Monday, 1 December 2025 21:10 (one month ago)

two weeks pass...

Mary Greenleaf Plant

― Modollno Kahn (Boring, Maryland), Thursday, 18 December 2025 19:19 (four weeks ago)

https://mdhs.unimelb.edu.au/study/meet-us/student-life/afs-profiles/planning-saw,-doctor-of-medicine,-bachelor-of-biomedicine-degree-with-honours-and-bachelor-of-biomedicine

― Bellend Sebastian (S-), Saturday, 20 December 2025 01:14 (three weeks ago)

Planning Saw is his name, if you didn't follow the link or parse the URL correctly. Seems like "Planing Saw" was right there, c'mon, parents!

― nickn, Saturday, 20 December 2025 02:44 (three weeks ago)

A.C. Button II

― bendy, Saturday, 20 December 2025 16:45 (three weeks ago)

A.C. Button II

sounds like a poorly translated owner’s manual

― Modollno Kahn (Boring, Maryland), Saturday, 20 December 2025 17:39 (three weeks ago)

Lolita Fatjo, a pre-production person for Star Trek, DS9. Incredible name.

― a tv star not a dirty computer man (the table is the table), Monday, 29 December 2025 03:03 (two weeks ago)

I am reluctant to google that

― m0stly clean (Slowsquatch), Monday, 29 December 2025 03:38 (two weeks ago)

https://cdn.imago-images.de/bild/st/0056515329/s.jpg

nog, lolita fatjo, damar

― mookieproof, Monday, 29 December 2025 04:11 (two weeks ago)

my kids, and their middle names to boot. subscribe for more info.

― My homies buttthole surfers' record sounds like a f (Western® with Bacon Flavor), Monday, 29 December 2025 09:10 (two weeks ago)

https://bsky.app/profile/danthat.bsky.social/post/3mbtgjn3wzs27

― nxd, Wednesday, 7 January 2026 14:17 (one week ago)

https://www.linkedin.com/in/lexy-booms-78438b26/

― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 14 January 2026 12:02 (yesterday)

^ Lexy B00ms

― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 14 January 2026 12:03 (yesterday)

for presidetn

― Bertolt Blecch (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 14 January 2026 14:36 (yesterday)

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