Is it wise/acceptable to enter a relationship when you are "on the re-bound"? Does it depend on how long you've been out of a relationship before you can enter another? Is it right to enter a relationship when you've still got feelings, after a considerable time of being single (a year), for your ex-lover? Or is it unfair and selfish? Will the relationship you're entering be destined to be a big fuck up?
― ThErEdNeD (ThErEdNeD), Saturday, 26 April 2003 12:15 (twenty-two years ago)
I've mentioned elsewhere that my 23-year marriage came to a traumatic end nearly two years back. Within weeks I was confident that I was over it, and was seeing someone new. I was completely wrong, though I'm not sure that 'rebound' is at all a useful word in describing my circumstances. Frankly, I was very lucky I didn't end up hurting someone. She was really only after a very light relationship, fun and chatting and especially the most fantastic and extraordinary sex. This was, through dumb luck, just what I needed then.
― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 26 April 2003 12:31 (twenty-two years ago)
Is it wise/acceptable to enter a relationship when you are "on the re-bound"?Acceptable, sure. Wise, it depends. Watch for rapid intensification of how you're feeling, watch for falling into habits similar to those of the previous relationship. If you're not periodically struck by how different new-person is from ex-person, something is probably wrong.
Does it depend on how long you've been out of a relationship before you can enter another?
Depends a lot on the relationship. Sometimes a relationship ends and really "breaking up" is a pronouncement of something that's been the case for a while. Sometimes it's abrupt and painful cause, you know, she came home and you were screwing her ferret. There can be such a thing as too soon, but it's not a universal. Go by feeling, not the calendar.
Depends on the new relationship, too, for that matter.
Is it right to enter a relationship when you've still got feelings, after a considerable time of being single (a year), for your ex-lover?
Now we're kicking some specifics around. How long were you together before that year of singleness?
Depends on the feelings. I'm saying depends so much I'm gonna get an adult-diaper sponsorship check in the mail. But it does. I mean, you ought to have feelings of some sort for someone you cared for for a significant period of time, but if they're "I wish we were still together/back together" feelings, that's no good.
If you only have them from time to time, or when you're feeling down, or when a Marisa Tomei movie is on, that's natural. You're just leaning back against the most recent set of romantic/comforting habits.
Or is it unfair and selfish? Will the relationship you're entering be destined to be a big fuck up?
It ... you guessed it ... depends. I think you can usually tell by feel, if you pay attention to what's going on in your head and how you're responding to things.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 26 April 2003 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)