Odd Request: Iranians?

Hi, Ummm, I'm sort of in a jam, and of course I turn to ILX for help: Does anyone know any Iranian nationals living in Iran who would sponsor me for a tourist visa? I'm quite harmless and I've never read any Rushdie - though I have a US passport which makes things difficult in obtaining an Iranian visa. Basically, this person has to apply for me at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Tehran and vouch for me and tell them where I want to pick up my visa. Then they would be given an authorization number which they are to pass on to me - then I go to the agreed-upon place and yay! I get visa. And if I murder someone or commit some heinous crime [which is, um, unlikely] they might be in trouble, but other than that - its really fine. I'd be willing to pay - though can't really afford that much.

So... Anyone? Anyone? Please?