Someone has been at my email

Martin, I really don't know what to say apart from I can't believe someone would do such a thing. If there is only one person it could be, then you might have some case against them; after all, you have proof of where you were when it was sent. Contact your solicitor straight away.

Though I wonder why this person went to that trouble? If he/she knew your password, couldn't he/she access your account from anywhere?

Hm. That is pretty illustrative.

Sorry about the fucked-up sitch, but I think that the damage control was sufficient for most purposes that this shouldn't really be a problem except for the feeling of intrusion, etc.

If you know who it is, I'm not sure whether it would be better to confront said person face-to-face about it or phone the police. As it's someone you are/were close to and nothing has been stolen I suppose getting the police involved might not necessarily be a good idea. At the very least you can prove you weren't in a position to send the email at the time... its also time to change your locks (never mind the password).

As for the email, it was left in the outbox, so it was sent after 6 today, when I connected. All my email up to about 5.30 had already been downloaded - one possibility I fear is that I had been connected for ages and ages at daytime phone rates.

(I realise this isn't especially constructive but might be worth bearing in mind if she's deliberately setting out to humiliate you)

Obviously mailing something to your friends/aquantainces saying, "Someone has sent an email from my account. If you could kindly delete and disregard the message sent to you around 6pm I would very much appreciate it" will probably do much (if you haven't already sent one). People tend to be pretty sympathetic about invasions of privacy like that, and being embarressed only let's this person win.

Anyway, sorry mate!

As for goggling, I am open and honest here, under my own name, because I am not worried about anything true getting out. She had to put in lots of lies as an attempt to humiliate. It's the fact of her being in here that is worrying.

I'm also pretty pissed off that the stereo has suddenly gone wrong (it was fine last night), but I can't see how that can have been done deliberately, and it is cheap and not very new. I just know that attack on my ability to play a lot of my music would be in keeping.

Can't SOCO get fingerprints off your keyboard at all?? (STOP TYPING IMMEDIATELY!!!) They only need to match one with the person you suspect and they'll be able to prosecute.

Have you got a door chain on the front door that you can put on tonight while you're asleep? (not wishing to scare you with ideas of someone possibly letting themselves in at night or anything)

This is all just horrible.

And condolences, of course.

Therefore, I'm not advising - I'm *telling* you to:

1. Change the password on your email account, computer, etc.
2. Change the locks on the house.
3. Have a beer.

I wouldn't confront her about it, as the nature of this already puts you at a disadvantage. It's very easy for her to deny responsibility and then attack you for even considering it. Again, apologies for not following the complete details up to this point, but if this is her one temper tantrum, then you're OK. If not, then it's important to document everything that happens.

One last question, does she have any of your other personal info like credit card numbers and/or bank account stuff?

A few entirely irrelevant facts, because I obviously wouldn't accuse anyone. My ex-wife has a key still. My ex-wife knows the password I had in place. There are things in the email that are in the style of my ex-wife. My ex-wife has extracted nearly £2,000 from my bank account in recent months - I have closed this old account and opened a new one. I had the first communication from her in over a year last week, from an email address she imagines is not identifiable as hers (Sean C will understand why this isn't so): despite being unable to work in the long term through illness and so broke she is claiming maintenance, she offered to buy out my share of the house and take over the mortgage, which is over £100k. I wrote back to say that the offer was too small at the weekend. There is a court case over the financial settlement next month. I assume the money is coming from her partner, from whom I have also had email in the past and can therefore identify its source.

But god, I'm sorry -- that simply can't be a good feeling. "Have a beer" has been one of the best suggestions yet.

And yes, I will lodge a record of this with the police. It can do no harm, and I can see ways that it might be beneficial. Maybe if I make the point that the intruder(s) sent pornographic mail to my family, which they did, they will take this seriously.

In its quiet sort of way, this is one of the best pieces of advice on this thread. Call the police, and give them a statement, then ask for, and make a careful note of the "incident number". If this is something that is going to be part of a pattern (I hope not!) it will be as well to have all the incidents registered w/the cops.

Then absolutely go to the police on this now - you never know if this incident could become admissable, but if there's a court case involved, anything goes, and the more police documentation you have, the better. In your statements don't take a position that is anything other than defensive right now.

Again, I'm really sorry about this. It's *very* easy to just get anxious and depressed right now, but it's incredibly important that you take some basic steps right now to protect yourself. Get those done first, then chill out with the beer as a reward.

I can only echo the sympathies and recommendations of others in this thread, Martin. Here's hoping this was a one-time thing.

Again, my sympathies. If I were on the other side of the Atlantic I'd stop by and bring you some nice chicken noodle soup and/or beer.

:-)
@ ( thats a hug, btw, and i 'dont do hugs' normally but you deserve one over this )

I have yet to read through this whole post, but something you mentioned up above (points upward in thread) has me thinking.

You say you can't even prove it wasn't you who sent the e-mail -- well, what makes you think that? It was obvious to me from your original post that you were out of the house at the time the e-mail was sent. You could have a strong alibi there, esp. if you were somewhere where you didn't have access to the Internet or if people saw you doing non-online things, which could cover your butt if you had web-based access to your e-mail account, which might not even be the case. I know with my ISP, I have to be at home to access my messages because I have to dl them onto my system before reading them. It will be very good for your case if you operate under similar circumstances.

Your lodger also has a strong alibi -- you admitted the individual doesn't have a password, nor does it appear that the person has any particular motive to send such a damaging e-mail to the people in your address book. You also mention that the only other person with easy access to your place is your ex-wife -- process of elimination! If she has the motive and has the means to do so, she will look very guilty in this situation. I know that in certain murder cases that are very difficult to solve, police use process of elimination to determine the only person who could've possibly committed the crime. (And if this isn't a crime, well it's about as harmful and serious as one.)

I'm glad people have recommended you change your locks and report the incident to the police. Even if you don't think it's that serious, think of it this way -- she could've easily walked off with numerous personal items, and that would've been serious enough to be an arrestable offence. Changing your locks -- gosh, you really should've done that as soon as she moved out, but since you learned that the hard way, it's better late than never. Deadbolt locks are good, and multiple locks are safer than just the one.

Good luck, and hope something really good comes out of this. Also, remember this -- revenge is a dish best served cold, and living well can be the best revenge. Show her who's the top dog here.

Take care.

Keep your chin up - hopefully you'll be able to put all this behind you soon. All the best.

I've had my email account hacked - several years ago - by a jealous ex-boyfriend who sent nasty emails to everyone in my inbox. (However, he only did it online, I can't imagine how scary it would be to have them physically *in your space*.) In my case, there was very little I could do except call my ISP - who were extremely helpful and understanding.

But honestly, protect yourself. Get the police involved.

if it is the person that you have intimated that it is, i think there is serious cause for concern, especially if there has been no contact for over a year. that would indicate an ability to move on from the situation, and what would seem to be a burning anger on their part. is there any reason that you can think of that would drive a person to such lengths? (could they have a misconception about something, think you are responsible for something you are not?).

surely there are mutual acquaintances/friends/people? what do they think? if the other person is this enraged and obsessed then i think it is likely to an extent that they are unable to hide this, something that is consuming them this much they must surely be giving vent to somewhere?

its difficult to think that someone would go to such lengths, without somehow having some sort of self-justification about it. do you have any way of knowing what this actually is? and who they are telling?

Dee, the email was in the outbox, and only went out when I logged on, so the timing doesn't help me. Given that the last email downloaded was ten minutes before I got home, the 'send' can only have been pressed on the THREE emails to everyone in my address book (I emphasise three - if any recipient could come up with any reason for my writing such things in an email, and could imagine my accidentally sending it out to everyone in my address book, which isn't easy to do, it's obviously inconceivable that I'd accidentally send three!) within ten minutes of my getting home. I could have stopped it if I'd looked in my outbox before connecting, but who does that?

Gareth, the person in question has nothing to be angry with me about, and no reason to feel malice towards me, to the best of my knowledge. Changing the subject completely to my ex-wife, who I would never accuse in print of doing anything like this: we parted amicably, after my suicide attempt (her last words before I took 120+ pills: "Go on then"). It stayed amicable for a while. She'd ask how I was regularly. About 5 months after the split, I confessed to feeling really low, and clearly into the first bad bout of depression I'd suffered since the split. She immediately turned nasty in ways that, in retrospect, she'd plainly been saving up for her chosen moment.

More recently, I mentioned her extracting almost £2,000 from the 'joint' bank account, which she hadn't otherwise touched since our split, and has certainly paid nothing into. That was to her gain, but this incident isn't. If it were her doing this, it might be because she thinks that tipping me back into another bad depression, especially when I have no money left to hire a lawyer, might leave me in no state to defend myself in the court case next month.

There are no common friends. Every time she has changed location or job over the years, all her friends have been discarded. I don't know how much she would have called my friends hers too, but I'm pretty sure she has had no contact with them in ages. As far as I know, and as usual, she has kept in touch with no one from her life with me.

Dr C, I had a look at a few CDs and records and other things that I thought would be first to go, both for a random burglary or for the only person who could possibly have done this. Nothing missing, nothing damaged.

Andrew, I hope so. Certainly I can see no way in which, even if all of the email's contents were true, which they aren't, anyone could imagine my writing this into an email, then sending it to everyone, then sending it again. I've been pretty open about sexual matters here and with friends, but I've no idea whether anyone will think the false parts true. There's little I can do but continue to be open and honest. I'm not terribly bothered about that - I am bothered by the malice, and the fact that this stuff was sent to my family, who don't want or need to hear any of it, true or false.

martin i emailed you last night, but if you didn't see it yet, just to echo all possible best wishes (and gobsmacked outrage) as per above, and yes, what gareth said (w.typo corrected)

And thanks again for all the kind words and thoughts, everyone.

Very worrying, and Martin I do hope you resolve this and it doesnt become ugly, best of luck...

# Someone has been at my email [Started by Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), last updated 11 minutes ago] 1 new answer

huh

Someone taking zing kultur a little too far into the realms of cretinousness/cuntishness, Ethan.

ile is crazy today

There was a new post deleted. Reviving sensitive threads for a lame joke isn't cool, guys.