Masterbation:morally worng addiction or new olympic sport ?

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I was given advice on the bus today on how to quit masterabting. It involved getting a buddy . so do i need a buddy to quit ?
Do i need to quit at all ?

― anthony, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think the first question is how the topic came up in the first place! Was someone like, "Ew, stop that! Go get a buddy or something! Yuk!"

At any rate, getting a buddy might not stop the masturbation; it may escalate it.

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

All depends on the buddy, surely. And how well lubricated said buddy is.

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

no no you have it along wrong.
according to the book " The Lords Way to Stop Lust" you need a same gender person to "check in" with
they also recommend a catchphrase, like : "Still Pure"
The guy on the greyhound from vancouver was reading it and i foolishly asked him about it.
He then asked about my masterbation habits
i told him and he is offering to be my email buddy.
nutters they are

― anthony, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Masturbation: class....sorry, I can't read the question, my eyes aren't so good.

― Tom, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

RSI, here we come...

― DG, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Must be awfully hard to type what with those hairy palms.

― michele, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Masturbation is GRATE. BUT the first person to quote Woody Allen on this thread is a monstrous DUD.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

So if you're gay are you supposed to get a different-gender 'buddy' to 'check in with'? (Now thinking of: the non-masturbating contest on Seinfeld.)

I suppose in that case he'd just pull out a different book, and attend to the whole self-abuse problem later.

― Josh, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Masturbation as an olympic sport? Damon Albarn wins the gold for Britain!!

― Michael, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Isn't it a health fact that regular ejaculation allows men to stave off prostate cancer when they're older? This topic (for whatever reason) was broached @ work a couple of weeks ago. I didn't really need to see my father miming a chicken choke.

Plus, it keeps you primed & ready for that blessed day when you don't have to rely on yourself to get your rocks off. (Oh, blessed day...)

― David Raposa, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Why are there no women on this thread? Are we allowed to masturbate to our hearts content?

― masonic boom, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

As a woman, I personally don't care if men masturbate themselves silly for the rest of their lives. My theory is, it teaches them how to be more disciplined as far as holding out longer. Practice makes perfect, you know. Even in orgasms.

― michele, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I can't believe that anyone thinks masturbation is morally wrong. Next thing they will be telling us that having a shit is bad karma. All the boys in the Big Brother house had a wanking amnesty last night and got knuckle shuffling under the covers, so it can't be morally wrong.

― Pete, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

you know that other forum "i love music.not!" that someone mysteriously started? i went to have a look, but it had been taken down. i had a look at the other forums and there was one called "masturbation"! mysteriously that ones gone as well now...

― gareth, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

chicks wanking rocks - but as my female flatmate found out in her studies, the word wank means a stong blow....so, go figure.

― Geoff, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

How do you wank a rock? Does it come with a lava flow or something?

― Pete, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

DAMN YOU PETE for stealing my joke!

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think men "wank", or "jerk off". Women "get off". Involving rocks is just a bad idea. Unless you're getting your rocks off - even then, though, that's a messy notion. And, really, can't rocks just get themselves off?

― David Raposa, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Getting off with rocks wouldn't be so bad, provided it was a pretty large boulder type thing and insertion wasn't part of the equation. It would be your basic dry humping.

― michele, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Somebody should correlate the responses here with the "do you wear glasses" thread.

― Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Thursday, 28 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hey, don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I....oh, sorry Richard. Does it count if the buddy does it for you?

― Ally C, Wednesday, 4 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Blimey.

Madchen!

― the pinefox, Wednesday, 4 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Did somebody call my name? See, Ally C and I live at opposite ends of the country and only get to see each other for a few days every month. So, er...

― Madchen, Wednesday, 4 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You people have dirty minds.

― Ally C, Wednesday, 4 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

three weeks pass...

Its a question really. We were all talking at work today and one of the guys says yeah I am going to wank off tonight. I said well you should n't need to because you have a girlfriend. I nearly died every one laughed at me, I thought men wanked off if they didn't have sex my boyfriend claims he never wanks off is that normal?

― Jenny Stapleton, Saturday, 28 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

okay, who's gonna tell her?

― ethan, Saturday, 28 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's simple, really. Men wank off. In general. With girlfriends, without girlfriends, in front of girlfriends. Men wank off. Regardless of the amount of sex they're receiving. They wank. Has nothing to do with their attraction to the woman they're seeing, of course - please understand that. Men just wank. If you think that this need to wank (regardless of their state of coupledom) means they're hard-up and constantly over-sexed, IMAGINE IF THEY DIDN'T WANK.

Scary thought, isn't it?

Be thankful that most Christian men (or the Catholics, at least) know better than to listen to that dogmatic drivel in the Bible. Otherwise... Truthfully, a nation of hard-up, under-sexed men afraid to enjoy themselves is a VERY frightening concept. Bad enough most are all thumbs around ladies...

An addendum - MOST men wank, I should say. Not all. I'm sure some of you beautiful male specimens will step up & say that you're in a relationship and, no, the bishop stays in his pew when the congregation is off on a mission. I'd just like to make all the posts from you types irrelevant with this disclaimer.

But, yes - men wank off. Should I go into the benefits, or has that already been touched upon? (heh heh..."touched"...)

Man, all I talk about is sex & music. I need to start doing drugs to complete the cliche.

― David Raposa, Saturday, 28 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Doomintroll & Missus are obviously a right pair of wankers.

― DG, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Its good for us all. Puts us in charge of our horns and holes.

― Mike Hanley, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

> Its good for us all. Puts us in charge of our horns and holes.

Is that why you chase Ally around all these threads, Mike?

― Tadeusz Suchodolski, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

one month passes...

It's a tricky one,that's for sure. Am I the only one who receives a strange sense of guilt whenever I finish it and then try to swear that I should stop? This may just come from myself being a Catholic. I don't know whether I regret it.... but to say I don't enjoy it would be a lie. One thing for sure,it hasn't taken over my life and that's what I consider to be important.

― Jerffrey Jimson, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Catholic sex guilt = DUD. Unless it involves an all-girls school and short, pleated skirts.

All you doubters out there should scroll up & read Michele's response to this thread. It'll save your life.

― David Raposa, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

three weeks pass...

I have been practising wanking for years and looking forward to cum the time when I'm an expert,meanwhile I can recomend it's a great pastime.

― Ian Wood, Friday, 28 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

one month passes...

Well i started when my father showed me and i havent looked back since i especially prefer rubbing cheese over it first do u?

― Calum Morton, Saturday, 10 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Brilliant! Another thread to aid my thesis!

Q1. Do you think that love and sex inextricably linked? Q2. Regardless of your answer to Q1, do you think self-love and masturbation are inextricably linked?

Personally, I'm a chronic masturbator and I make no apologies for it, it helps keep my fingers supple for typing, playing guitar, and working my mojo ;) I recently received a booklet from Jehovah's Witnesses with two whole chapters devoted to the perils of wanking. It was hilarious.

― Mascara, Saturday, 10 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Anyone who touches themselves has got to be gay.

― Irwin Petoir Daly, Saturday, 10 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Okay, this is slightly, *ahem* awkward for me. But. I read somewhere that men can actually 'in-jaculate'--come without the mess. You are supposed to apply pressure to the 'perenium' in the pre-cum moments of the wank. Not that I'm a big expert about this or anything. Well, Ok, maybe I experimented a couple a times. Anyone else hear about this/ practice it?

― turner, Saturday, 10 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

turner - a friend of mine bought a book about it when he stayed with us insydney, all about men having multiple orgasms...it is possible, apparently.

― Geoff, Saturday, 10 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A guy told me about it once. Apparently ejaculating and orgasming are two different things but they usually happen at the same time. He reckoned you could learn to have an orgasm without ejaculating - he claimed to be multi-orgasmic. Based on the fact that another guy I knew claimed he had only ever had a couple of orgasms in his life and that the rest of the time he was just ejaculating without orgasming, I reckon it might be true.

― toraneko, Sunday, 11 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

There was an interview with Woody Harellson a while ago in some mag or another where he discussed that very issue in-depth - he's a pro apparently. I can't remember the tag line, but under the circumstances I'm sure it was good.

― Tim, Sunday, 11 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Erm, I can do that.

― AP, Sunday, 11 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm so disappointed. I thought... "Finally! A real sport was recognized by the Olympic committee!". You've all shattered my crystal palace.

― Brian MacDonald, Sunday, 11 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

We're all going to hell!

― Ally C, Sunday, 11 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Based on the fact that another guy I knew claimed he had only ever had a couple of orgasms in his life and that the rest of the time he was just ejaculating without orgasming

'The rest of the time' - woah! Like 'the gush' you mean? What a mess!

― Nick, Monday, 12 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Woody Harrelson's dad shot JFK, you know

― mark s, Monday, 12 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Shooting up your squit to death... squit to death... squit to death..."

― Sam, Monday, 12 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Crikey!

― DG, Thursday, 15 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I have some handy literature on the subject from my 1960's christian manual on 'Everything a Teenage Boy should know' Perhaps I should type it up and purvey it to the public

― Menelaus Darcy, Thursday, 15 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It lets off steam.

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 15 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Skipping 66 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

LOL its threads like this that make me wonder, when they keep coming up unexpectedly, about whether we really have any choice about what we are posting to...the arbitrary nature of what random Googlers are searching for dictates the conversational patterns around here, we are all subject to their whim and are compelled to post on threads like this which pop up again and again beyond our control

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 13 January 2003 03:35 (twenty-two years ago)

And back to the subject...

― Newb, Tuesday, 14 January 2003 04:52 (twenty-two years ago)

one month passes...

Morally wrong? Absolutely not, and anyone who tries to tell that it is is both repressed and a vehement enemy of fun. Addiction? Maybe so. New Olympic sport? Hmmmmmmmm.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 17 February 2003 19:30 (twenty-two years ago)

People who spell masturbation as "masterbation" have been masturbating too much as they have clearly already gone blind.

that dogmatic drivel in the Bible

As far as I know (help here?) the only time masturbation is mentioned in the Bible is the Old Testament story of Onan--hence Onanism. Onan's sin was not masturbation, but rather that by not engaging in standard sexual intercourse with his brother's widow, instead "spilling his seed" or something, he deprived his sister-in-law, and by extension his dead brother, of an heir. So Onan could have done the nasty with his sister-in-law, made her happy, made God happy, and then retired to the lavatory with the periodical of his choice and let his fingers do the walking.

The danger here is, as always, and in all religions, mistaking what is preached and taught with what is actually expressed in the respective putative scriptures, or ur-sources.

― JeremyZag, Monday, 17 February 2003 21:15 (twenty-two years ago)

jess' tAtu pic to thread!

― James Blount (James Blount), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:17 (twenty-two years ago)

The Bible tells us it is our moral duty to impregnate our sisters-in-law if they are widowed.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:20 (twenty-two years ago)

or passed out on the couch

― oops (Oops), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan, that was the Old Testament. In the New Testament, which for Christians must ultimately take precedence, we are taught to love our neighbors as ourselves. Now this clearly means to impregnate your neighbor, esp. if that person is your sister-in-law, or possibly simply to masturbate said neighbor, hence "as yourself." The specifics are somewhat fuzzy, probably because of an excess of masturbation. The main point, however, is that the Bible doesn't really come out one way or the other on the issue of masturbation.

― JeremyZag, Monday, 17 February 2003 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Keeping sperm inside you for too long is dangerous. Spilling your seed through your own means is beneficial to your health when a wench is unavailable to draw it out of you.

― Mustard, Monday, 17 February 2003 21:31 (twenty-two years ago)

You misspelled "wrench".

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Keeping sperm inside you for too long is dangerous.

WHAT HAPPENS??

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:33 (twenty-two years ago)

a watermelon grows in your stomach

― James Blount (James Blount), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:34 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/images/iraq_banner.gif

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:37 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/images/cum_banner.gif

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Keeping sperm inside you for too long is dangerous.

Depends on how you got it in you in the first place.

― JeremyZag, Monday, 17 February 2003 21:38 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/images/bush_banner.gif

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:38 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/images/trout_banner.gif

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Masturbation: morally wrong addiction or dud?

― JeremyZag, Monday, 17 February 2003 21:50 (twenty-two years ago)

well this thread has certainly got better since last time i looked

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 17 February 2003 22:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Keeping sperm inside you for too long is dangerous.

WHAT HAPPENS??

Your girlfriend gets pregnant. BY ANOTHER MAN.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 17 February 2003 22:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I do think keeping sperm inside you for too long is dangerous.
That's why I bought an extra refrigerator.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 17 February 2003 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

>Keeping sperm inside you for too long is dangerous.<

>>WHAT HAPPENS??<<

I can think of a number of things that might happen you could call dangerous. Three right off the top of my head are:

1. Spontaneous emission during important job interview.
2. Testicular swelling that may inhibit bloodflow.
3. Temporary lapse in reasoning which leads to sex acts with fat, disfigured or felonious females.

― Slappy Johnson, Monday, 17 February 2003 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

...speaking of masturbation... what are your favorite terms for the sport? Here are some of mine (male masturbation terms):

1. Rubbing one out
2. Polishing the pud
3. Spanking the monkey
4. Choking the chicken
5. Turning the knob
6. Beating the meat
7. Yanking the crank
8. Meeting the bishop
9. Taking care of business
10. Throwing a load
11. Dropping a nut
12. Slapping the Johnson

― Slappy Johnson, Monday, 17 February 2003 22:56 (twenty-two years ago)

pereing the ubu

― James Blount (James Blount), Monday, 17 February 2003 22:57 (twenty-two years ago)

miking the skinner

― James Blount (James Blount), Monday, 17 February 2003 22:59 (twenty-two years ago)

manuvering the root

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:01 (twenty-two years ago)

cleaning out the pipes

― oops (Oops), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:03 (twenty-two years ago)

HAVING A WANK.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:04 (twenty-two years ago)

ruling your ja

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:04 (twenty-two years ago)

500m freestyle

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:06 (twenty-two years ago)

you must get pretty good distance

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:06 (twenty-two years ago)

bombing iraq

― gareth (gareth), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:07 (twenty-two years ago)

tracing the hand

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:08 (twenty-two years ago)

pereing the ubu
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 17th, 2003.
miking the skinner
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 17th, 2003.
manuvering the root
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), February 17th, 2003.

Pretty funny....
The funniest sex related terms I remember are:
"Talking to the canoe driver." and "Let's talk about Uganda." The first is code for cunnilingus and the second is a coded invitation or request for the same act.

― Greaseball, Monday, 17 February 2003 23:08 (twenty-two years ago)

"cleaning out the pipes"

in the same vein: "Changing the oil."

― SINISTAR 7, Monday, 17 February 2003 23:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"cleaning out the pipes" can be used both literally and euphemistically

― oops (Oops), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:13 (twenty-two years ago)

What's your favorite wanking technique? "The White Knuckler", "Fists of Fury", or the "Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder"?

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:36 (twenty-two years ago)

the "gentle walk through the fields"

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Boulder Holder?? Ha!

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:39 (twenty-two years ago)

"What's your favorite wanking technique?"

Right over left.

"...speaking of masturbation... what are your favorite terms for the sport?"

Five knuckle shuffle
Jacking off
Jerking off
Waxing it
Buying balloons for the dog

― Jacques Auff, Tuesday, 18 February 2003 00:42 (twenty-two years ago)

speaking of technique... to lube or not to lube? And if you lube, what is your lubricant of choice?

― Bob the Priest, Tuesday, 18 February 2003 00:45 (twenty-two years ago)

term/phrase: Terning Yapaneeze

― orca, Tuesday, 18 February 2003 00:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Lubricant of choice:

http://www.pennzoil.com/penn/images/new_promo.jpg

― Skottie, Friday, 21 February 2003 00:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Hi tech pleasure

http://www92.thomasregister.com/olc/endura/cover2.jpg

― JeremyZag, Friday, 21 February 2003 10:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Rebooting your hard drive.

― Skottie, Saturday, 22 February 2003 08:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Tickling the clam is great. Mutual masturbation is EVEN BETTAH!!!

Love, peave, love, peace, love love love love love love self love makes the world go round, the world go round...

― kate, Saturday, 22 February 2003 15:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Roughing up the suspect.

― nickn (nickn), Sunday, 23 February 2003 05:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Pleading with the Cosmic Life Hose

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Sunday, 23 February 2003 08:20 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

"Remain calm and tell yourself, 'You don't own me, masturbation! I'm taking my life back!' (or something of that nature)"

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Thursday, 20 May 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

five years pass...

this thread is all over the place with lulz

― Aerosol, Friday, 19 March 2010 22:01 (fifteen years ago)

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