How should parents prepare their children for work/career?

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[I didn't mean for this to turn out to be so much about me.]

When I was growing up, I remember my parents emphasizing that we could do what we wanted to do (career-wise), and that they thought we had the ability to do anything we wanted to if we really applied ourselves (etc., etc.). I don't remember much, if any, pressure to do anything in particular (no push for us to go into the traditional high-status professions, for instance). Sometimes I wonder if it would have been helpful if my parents had made more suggestions. On the other hand, would I have listened? They did make some suggestions, after all. When I graduated from college, my father said more than once that I ought to go to graduate school, that I was the sort of person who should go to graduate school (given my bookish interests), but I was more anxious to start working and start supporting myself, join the real world and so forth. As it turned out, I ended up moving away from home and starting graduate school at the same time, but it wasn't the sort of graduate course of study I had dismissed earlier. I went back for an MLS, so it was basically a trade school, to my way of thinking. While I was in library school, I became more and more interested in the idea of going for a Ph.D. in philosophy. By the time I graduated, I saw being a librarian as a temporary stop on the way to ultimately becoming a philosophy professor. Of course, I had not plan on how to do that, except that I would get a job in an academic library and do a Ph.D. while working. I had no real plan on how to get a job at an academic library. For various reasons (including the fact that I was quite depressed over personal matters by the time I graduated from library school), that never happened. I don't think I am likely to make it happen at this point, because I'm not ready to suffer the financial consequences; and frankly, I don't burn with that much desire for it anymore. I never really wanted to be a philosophy professor that much: what I wanted was to study philosophy, and that seemed like the only way to make a career out of it.

When I was a senior in college, I remember saying to my parents that I was interested in switching from being an English major to majoring in philosophy. I remember my mom saying, that's okay, but you will have to pay for the extra classes yourself. At the time I really had no realistic idea of how much that would cost, but I just sort of picked up the sense that it would be this terrible hardship for me. I wish that one of them had sat down with me and said: okay, this is how much it would cost. You would need to make such-and-such an amount of money in order to pay for these additional classes. In other words, sometimes I wish they had been less hand's off about things. Of course, I can't actually complain when they paid for my entire undergraduate education and when my father later loaned my some money to live on while in library school.

I also remember that my mother said something to me about writing, after I had graduated from college and was trying to decide what to do. "I don't know why you fight it," meaning, she didn't know why I resisted what she saw as an impulse toward being a writer. But although I am sitting here writing this, I still don't find the idea of being a professional writer, per se, all that appealing. I don't have any real literary ambitions at this point. I wouldn't mind writing out of some sort of expertise, but it's the learning that interests me the most. I don't feel that I have anything major to say, but there is a lot that I would like to learn, if given the chance (if I could just get off ILX).

I don't remember my parents being any more directive with my older brother and sister, though since my sister was interested in art, and showed talent, my mother (an advertising artist by profession, with an unrealized ambition to be a painter) was able to provide a fair amount of guidance.

But to move finally to the general question I am asking: in what way should parents be involved in their children's career decisions? I guess obviously it's going to vary according to the personality of the child. There almost can't possibly be an exact formula. I think we have all seen parents who have been excessively directive on the question of their child's career; but as I say, I sometimes think my parents could have become more involved in going over the possibilities with me (not that I feel they were truly neglectful or anyting). And when they made hints, I argued with them anyway, and knowing how stubborn I could be when I was younger (but never now, of course), maybe any more guidance would have been wasted on me.

(Inspired, of course, by Kate's thread.)

― Rockist Scientist, Thursday, 8 May 2003 16:12 (twenty-two years ago)

What did your parents do? Were they too directive? Not directive enough?

Anyone who wants to ignore my lengthy post and just respond to any of these questions should feel free to do so.

― Rockist Scientist, Thursday, 8 May 2003 16:19 (twenty-two years ago)

my parents really rammed home the idea that I should go to a university and get a degree, but were a bit vague about actual careers. but then I grew up in Ireland in the '80s when having a job or career did not look like a particularly realistic aspiration.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Thursday, 8 May 2003 16:23 (twenty-two years ago)

My parents didn't give me much direction, but did give me tons of encouragement and support, esp. financial (altho that was more about my grandpa leaving money that anything). That has been super, but I do wish sometimes that someone would sit me down and say "Hey, you're really good at this, why not try it?" At the same time, I've spent a huge portion of my life being contrary and unable to follow advice, so maybe that aspect of my personality drove them not to give it? I dunno. Interestingly enough, my mom and stepdad are stockbrokers (not the Wall Street-Gordon Gekko-types, but small-town financial advisors, don't get the wrong idea), and I always thought when I heard their conversations over dinner on work that there'd be NO WAY I'd ever work in finance. So it was a little strange when, 3 years ago, I started working for the crosstown rival to the firm they're at now.

My dad has given good advice, but not so much on career path. Some of his advice has been shit, too, since he's been screwed over a bunch and made some pretty poor decisions. The funniest (in retrospect) thing he told me was during a tough moment during my first year out of school, he said that I should consider joining the military. This from a guy who always told me as a kid about how much the Navy sucked (not to mention knows first-hand my contempt for authority)!

― hstencil, Thursday, 8 May 2003 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I was 17. Old Man Mann found out I wasn't attending school, and that I was going to be one credit short of graduating high school.
"Horace," he said. "Life is a shit sandwich. The more bread you have the less shit you have to eat."

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 8 May 2003 16:56 (twenty-two years ago)

all my mother has ever wanted from me is to write (and publish i would guess) a book. i have no idea why, other than the fact that a. it somehow justifies all the faith she put into my writing over the years and b. fills some kind of class-based idea of "respectable art". i have tried to explain to her that a. i dont have any desire to write a book, b. they don't make any money, and c. they don't make you famous anymore. but she doesnt believe me. i really do think if the women dies and i havent written a book she will go to her grave deeply disappointed in me.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 8 May 2003 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

my parents tried to give me direction throughout high school and failed miserably. They eventually gave up. I was one signature away from joining the marines when I was 17, but thankfully never did. But my father always pushed for me to go into banking as he was a Private Banker for years. (cue Tina Turner) My mom is a lab technician and I've never had an interest in blood, poop or pee. So with no direction in life I met my wife and she got me off my ass.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't let them grow up too privileged.

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:03 (twenty-two years ago)

aside from Papa Mann's one cynical moment, my parents have always actually been very supportive of my flakey ambitions.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Parents should just make sure their kids have healthy self-esteem, all the while encouraging them to seek advice or mentoring when they need it. Unless you're going to encourage your kids to go into the same field as you, specific career advice is probably not worth much.

My parents had no concept of a university education and basically gave me the idea that all college graduates became millionaires or something, so when I found myself in college and deeply confused about a suitable career, they weren't of much help. I don't blame them for that, but I could have used some mentoring.

― Kerry (dymaxia), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I actually used to ask my parents all the time what advice they had for me career-wise (this was when I was in high school & early college). They always said "we'll stand behind you in whatever you want to do," which was nice but not quite what I wanted. Finally, I pressed them pretty hard, and my father owned up: "Well, I always sort of privately hoped that my son would grow up to be a... a statesman."

― Douglas (Douglas), Thursday, 8 May 2003 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

other career advice i got: "well you like arguing so much you should be a lawyer."

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 8 May 2003 18:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"well you like arguing, so much you should be one of those homeless people who shouts at fire hydrants."

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 8 May 2003 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I got no career advice whatsoever. Very little encouragement besides the rather useless "you can do anything you want" blah blah blah. Dad was MIA for most of my teenage years, and all Mom ever wanted was for me to buy her a house. Which leads me to where I am today: temp by day, amateur rock critic by night. Sorry about that, Mom.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 8 May 2003 18:48 (twenty-two years ago)

other career advice i got: "well you like arguing so much you should be a lawyer."

That's exactly what my mom always told me!

Also, she wanted me to become a writer: I did a great deal of creative writing when I was younger and I think she always expected me to follow up on that. Because I haven't, I think I have been something of a big disappointment to her.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 8 May 2003 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

cat-o-nine-tails

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 8 May 2003 19:02 (twenty-two years ago)

My mother encouraged me to be a writer, and my father wanted me to write the next testament of the Bible, but both of them went to MIT and did "practical" things (computers for my father; tax collection, accounting, and math textbook proofreading for my mother), so I've always felt that I've missed the mark in their estimation. (My father is vehemently opposed to liberal arts education -- "there's a reason it's called liberal, you know" -- or anything that doesn't teach you how to build or repair something, as the remainder of knowledge worth having is clearly in the Bible.)

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 8 May 2003 19:08 (twenty-two years ago)

My parents were rather negative until I just stopped talking to them - when I was in high school I wanted to be a lawyer or a teacher, and they disapproved of both. They had it in their mind that a lawyer just couldn't make ends meet, and a teacher certainly couldn't (!). I never figured that out, since both professions pull in more a year than what my parents were making at the time. They wanted me to be a techie of some sort - a programmer of some sort. This was the late-90s at the height of the tech boom, so it makes sense.

They've actually been mildly supportive of my art education - apparently the fact that I'm going to class and pulling a 4.0 now has perked them up.

They assume I'm going to go into graphic design in some form, though I keep moving away from that. I don't want to be stuck at a fucking computer for the rest of my life.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 8 May 2003 19:14 (twenty-two years ago)

a lawyer can't make ends meet? Some lawyers fresh out of school make six figures at big firms!

― hstencil, Thursday, 8 May 2003 19:18 (twenty-two years ago)

My dad's only words on the subject "Go to school and become a psychiatrist so you can tell me why your mother is so goddamned crazy."

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 8 May 2003 19:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Here's a third who's mother did the "you like to argue so much why don't you become a lawyer." Which she still says in addition to the one out of 2 lines of advice she's been giving me since I was 5-
"Never marry for love, Cawey (she's chinese), only marry for money. Getting married will ruin your life."

And my dad still says, "You have an excellent bedside manner and you like to watch surgeries, why don't you become a doctor."

― Carey (Carey), Thursday, 8 May 2003 19:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Carey, I think you should be a veterinarian.

― hstencil, Thursday, 8 May 2003 19:39 (twenty-two years ago)

me too

― Carey (Carey), Thursday, 8 May 2003 19:41 (twenty-two years ago)

except that you'll have to learn to sew squirrels tails back on, instead of throwing them.

― hstencil, Thursday, 8 May 2003 19:44 (twenty-two years ago)

hstencil i'm moving to your side of town soon. watch your back.

― Carey (Carey), Thursday, 8 May 2003 19:47 (twenty-two years ago)

pin the tail on the hstencil?

― hstencil, Thursday, 8 May 2003 19:50 (twenty-two years ago)

My mother: "Anna, I'd rather you were a waitress than ended up in the Civil Service. It's soul destroying."

My dad: "Do what you like kiddo, just try not to end up stuck in a boring office."

My Dad has now developed a fixation with me working for the BBC. The rest of my family seem to think I'd make a good TV presenter.
(Anna's Nan: I've still got that tape of you on Radio WM. You were ever so good.
Me: That was five minutes when I was nine.
Anna's Nan: But you used to do all that drama and now you're a journalist. You could be just like that Anne Robinson.)

Worryingly I tested the TV presenter theory out on my friend S and she said: "Ooooh. I can see that."

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 8 May 2003 20:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Two contradictory impulses: I was adopted, and my total knowledge of my biological parents is this: she was an unmarried student nurse, he was a married surgeon. My parents therefore believed I would grow up to be a doctor. The contrary part is that my mother hates intelligence - she is one of those people who says that someone is "too clever by half" or "he's so clever" and the like in a way that drips with extraordinary bile and contempt. This does not encourage a child to excel.

The other career advice I remember was when I started working professionally as a comic book editor: "If you must work in journalism, can't you work for something respectable, like The Sun?"

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 8 May 2003 20:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Teach their children to read and love reading--then they can do anything they want.

Of course, I am a slack depressive bastard now, but in theory I could do anything. Yah!

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Thursday, 8 May 2003 20:45 (twenty-two years ago)

This is an interesting thread -- it's been great to hear everyone's responses. On a related note, I find the American school system really fosters the mentality that 'you can do anything you want.' Then you graduate from high school or college, and surprise! you can't really do anything you want, unless doing what you want happens to revolve around working in a mind-crushing office environment.

― Mary (Mary), Friday, 9 May 2003 01:50 (twenty-two years ago)

My parents didn't give a rat's ass what career I went for as long as I finished school with high marks. I still haven't particularly forgiven them for all the pressure they put me under while I was at school but it was nice that it stopped when I got to uni and did a degree that I have never and will never use.

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 9 May 2003 02:01 (twenty-two years ago)

a lawyer can't make ends meet? Some lawyers fresh out of school make six figures at big firms!

the key words there being some and big firms. not every law school graduate goes to work for Cravath or Skadden Arps, you know!

re my parents: i think my Dad was always disappointed that i never had any athletic talent. since he came from a blue-collar background, he was originally suspicious of college (even though both he and Mom encouraged me to go), but he became very much more supportive during the roughest parts of undergrad and l-school (when he realized that i was serious about it and not just going to college to get drunk and get laid). Mom was originally disappointed that i didn't become an accountant like her father.

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 9 May 2003 02:18 (twenty-two years ago)

as fer what i'd tell my kids -- if they're really interested in what i do for a living, i'd probably just take them to work one day and just let them watch me in action (without me violating any ethical or professional rules of course). i think that the "take your kid to work day" thing is an excellent idea. i will definitely encourage them to go to college. all the same, i might discourage them from going to l-school unless they're bright enough to get into a school like Columbia or Harvard.

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 9 May 2003 02:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it was that most of the lawyers my parents knew were alcoholics.

One thing I'd avoid is pressuring my kids in any way, but I would encourage some kind of real work ethic. Buy your own first car, or at least part of it, from summer jobs. That sort of thing.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 9 May 2003 03:26 (twenty-two years ago)

How should parents prepare their children for work/career?
Fuck 'em in the ass... HARD

― oops (Oops), Friday, 9 May 2003 04:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, I wrote stories as a kid so my whole family still thinks I'm going to be a writer. I am getting an English degree in a month but I haven't written anything remotely creative for years. They don't really care what I do as long as it is a 'career' type job that will make money. Also, they support my music and love coming to my shows, but I think they see it as a fun side thing as opposed to a possible living.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 9 May 2003 04:55 (twenty-two years ago)

My mother always insisted that we all learn to type, so we'd "have that to fall back on." She never had any advice on what one might want to do as a primary career, only what to do if it failed. My father assured me that I'd fail at anything I tried; as a result, I mostly ended up typing.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Friday, 9 May 2003 06:37 (twenty-two years ago)

My father wanted to be (and was) an actor, got scared about supporting his family, and started selling cars. It has never made her happy.

My mother wanted to be (and was) a singer, got scared about not being around for the family, and became a housewife and then a nurse. It has never made her happy.

I quit lawyering last week.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 9 May 2003 07:08 (twenty-two years ago)

My parents always pushed the 'you can do/be whatever you want', and I had a strong 'career woman' model in my mum. But when I finished my undergrad degree and was unemployed for a while, I discovered that there were in fact expectations - I was the first one of our family to go to university (though my parents both had librarianship diplomas) and mum thought I would be ambitious like her and automatically get a 'graduate career'. Publishing, journalism, law, teaching, management - not exactly selling my soul but certainly respectable blah blah.

In fact, I have had badly paid office jobs for four years now and my degree is worth bogger all. I think my mum still secretly thinks I've wasted some of my potential, but I don't think I necessarily had it in the first place. I'm just not career-minded. I'm going back to uni to take a library MA now, but am glad I waited/wasted four years before deciding that, and mum has certainly never pushed me into following in her footsteps, whatever else.

My dad is not particularly supportive, but nor is he particularly negative. I don't think he likes his own job much, so just wants me not to fuck up I expect. Meanwhile, M's mum is more concerned about money and security than anything else, which I find weird as neither her nor her husband have followed particularly lucrative or traditional career paths... though maybe I'll want my own kids to be rich bastards too when the time comes too!

― 4rch3l (Archel), Friday, 9 May 2003 07:50 (twenty-two years ago)

My father didn't give a rats ass either way. All he ever wanted to do was play with his computer and play guitar. (Is it any wonder I ended up a musician and a computer programmer?)

My mother push push pushed me towards becoming a doctor. Really high pressure, in a way that made me think it was actually my idea - when I was younger I'd read James Herriott and wanted to be a vet. I think this was actually really detrimental to me in that I was pushed so hard towards medicine (and studying science and maths) that I often didn't have the time to study art or music or any of the things that I wanted to, because my high school days were crammed with AP science courses to get first year bio or chemistry out of the way, so I could get into a 6-year med school and be a doctor by the age of 25.

I don't think it's any wonder that I had a nervous breakdown, dropped out of high school and went off to study art and play guitar.

Of course, now I look back and think that I wouldn't have liked being a doctor at all, but I would kind of liked being a scientist or a mathematician.

So I guess my answer is DO NOT PUSH your child. If you push your child too hard towards one direction, they will dig their heels in and go in exactly the opposite direction, just to prove you wrong.

― kate, Friday, 9 May 2003 08:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I was supposed to be some sort of wunderkind so it always seemed to be assumed I'd just find my way to success on my own.
I haven't, obviously.
I'm a major family embarrassment/disappointment for not having finished high school, for not going to Harvard...
Both of my parents, and their siblings and their parents completed college. My mother has her masters.

I'm just floundering with absolutely no direction.

I don't know if it's just depression, or something more...
I don't know why I couldn't work through it.
My mother delights in telling me about all the obstacles that she overcame to get her masters.

Obviously this means I am weak and lazy. I don't know if she's wrong...

I wasn't pushed to be anything in particular except "well-rounded and well-educated". Well, I've failed at that...

I don't know if anything would have changed if I'd been pushed in some direction.

I always had such a respect for academia, I always dreamed of going ivy league and about reading books all the time and blah blah blah.
But now it seems to me something like gymnastics.
In some strange way beautiful to watch, but impossible for me to do.

I was the most ambitious straight D student you could ever meet.

― Melissa W (Melissa W), Friday, 9 May 2003 08:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I think that being a wunderkind or a prodigy is the worst thing that can happen to a person.

If you accomplish too much too *easily* too young, you never learn to struggle, or apply yourself. I know that I never did. When everything is easy, nothing becomes interesting, and the moment that you meet a challenge, it seems insurmountable and you give up, thinking "If I can't do it, it can't be done" and give up where a less bright person would slog away until they'd got it.

The lesson is, confront your child with the impossible, as soon as possible, so they get used to the idea.

― kate, Friday, 9 May 2003 08:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Kate's right - young prodigious types often hit the wall at the first sign of having to do a bit of real work, and I'll add that it's a particular problem if the prodigy in question is spoiled rotten and/or the centre of attention, because it's not always going to be like that.

People literally queued up to tell me what to be when I grew up, to the point where I was getting offered book deals BEFORE I was a grown-up (I'd always and very obviously been headed towards a career as a writer). My mom was dead-set on me becoming a doctor - something to do with my obligation to society to find the cure for cancer, since I'd been SAVED from same - but I got to the level of biology where you dissect CATS and oncology lost yet another foot soldier. My grandmother, a fashion buyer and the only woman in my family besides me to finish university, wanted me to become a designer. A lot of people wanted me to go into advertising as a copywriter/creative but I had serious doubts about the industry because even the coolest people in the profession are stealth yuppies at the least, and I am a bit nologoist unless the label is Pucci or Eley Kishimoto or something.

None of the people giving me advice had much to say about university or mentoring and our regular high-school counselors appeared to be taking kickbacks from utterly useless lib arts colleges in Iowa (the gifted/talented counselor at least had horizons outside the five-state area).

The most important thing *I* could add on this thread is if you are one of those young, brilliant types, actually FINISHING the hard work you start is the best way to show people you're not all lah-de-dah about yourself. The world does not owe you a living just because you didn't happen to ask to be born. Nobody did.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 9 May 2003 09:36 (twenty-two years ago)

All the people I went to college with qualified as wunderkinds but
unlike what kate says:

After going through 1 year of this, the remaining 3 years of university really made us feel like we could master ANYTHING!

Maybe this happens because at the time, all your peers are going through the same thing, and you sort of get this, US versus school thing in your head, and feel power in numbers! So I guess I would feel sad for really bright people that don't get to go through this sort of breaking down then phoenix like renewal of self esteem.

― marianna, Friday, 9 May 2003 09:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe if I'd gone to a school that actually engaged me, past about the tenth grade... Sadly, I never got that "breaking down then phoenix renewal" feeling. I just felt permanently bored or else simply frustrated. And then wandered off.

Much like my work career...

― kate, Friday, 9 May 2003 09:51 (twenty-two years ago)

'Well-rounded' is all well and good Mel, but a few sharp corners are just as valuable. And academia per se is no 'higher' a goal to aim for than writing passionately about music/working for your community/producing beautiful art/passing on your skills to others/wiping up old ladies' pee/building dry stone walls/looking after babies etc etc. You know? Best of luck with whatever you find to fulfil you!

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 9 May 2003 10:02 (twenty-two years ago)

That's too bad Kate. After 10th grade I started taking extra classes at a university nearby, in things like Multivariable Calculus, Philosphy and Photography. It was fun and kept me from being bored!

― marianna, Friday, 9 May 2003 10:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, all wasn't bad, cause at about that age, I started taking summer courses at the local art college, and started playing guitar in a local punk band - both of which interested and engaged me. Which turned out to be the two things that would have the greatest effect on chosing the path of the rest of my life for the next 15 years. BUT! I now wish I'd paid attention to, or at least been interested by the other options. :-(

― kate, Friday, 9 May 2003 10:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I quit lawyering last week.

! I was wondering what that big change you were alluding to was.

My parents never gave me specific suggestions on what to do or try -- the concern was more to raise me well in general and to encourage me to succeed in school and do what worked from there. Reasonable balance, I think.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 9 May 2003 15:46 (twenty-two years ago)

(I hate this job. I see no way to quit. I'd have to just kill myself.)

― Rockist Scientist, Friday, 9 May 2003 19:44 (twenty-two years ago)

my problem is that i'm just very fundamentally lazy. and if a school subject didn't interest me, or if i saw no practical reason why i should apply myself in a particular class, i wouldn't. so my academic transcripts show me doing quite well in classes in which i gave a shit, and mediocre-to-bad in classes where i didn't give a shit.

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 9 May 2003 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)

My parents try very hard not to push me...even with the college selection thing last week they wouldn't tell me where they thought i should go because they wanted it to be my decision. They're both science career people, I'm sure Dad would be unbelievably proud if I was going to be a math major but yeah right (he's never pushed, he just loves it so much), Mom'll be pretty happy as long as I'm self-supporting.

I want to be an archaeologist or a writer or something (but not a reporter for the town's tiny little paper, I want to GO somewhere)...maybe a museum curator, that would be cool, or a lawyer...if all else fails maybe I'll try to be a forest ranger. I find it somewhat doubtful that I will be able to be an archaeologist because there are so many people who want to and not that many opportunities, but I'll try and see what happens.

― Maria (Maria), Friday, 9 May 2003 20:04 (twenty-two years ago)

oh and tad, when you said "all the same, i might discourage them from going to l-school unless they're bright enough to get into a school like Columbia or Harvard," do you mean for undergrad or law school?

― Maria (Maria), Friday, 9 May 2003 20:05 (twenty-two years ago)

law school.

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 9 May 2003 20:06 (twenty-two years ago)

my parents never pushed me to do anything in particurlar.

I only did really well at uni. I was pretty avg at school/college and they showed their disappointed which wasn't nice but I can't blame 'em i suppose.

''I'm just floundering with absolutely no direction.

I don't know if it's just depression, or something more...
I don't know why I couldn't work through it.
My mother delights in telling me about all the obstacles that she overcame to get her masters.

Obviously this means I am weak and lazy. I don't know if she's wrong...

I wasn't pushed to be anything in particular except "well-rounded and well-educated". Well, I've failed at that...''

well you're only 19 no? There is time for all of that degree stuff. really. plenty of time.

A piece of paper saying you've got a degree does not mean you're 'well rounded and well-educated'. A good degree just means you can learn 'stuff' and that's abt it. Many go away from it and do something unrelated. its an industry of its own.

many ppl have no idea what they want to do (I didn't, only knew i liked science, for instance): many go into degrees and get disappointed/wished they did something else/took their time etc. so don't get down if you feel there is 'no direction' in yr life bcz many ppl haven't a clue.

I am doing a science postgrad but even i'm not sure whether I'll be doing this stuff in five yrs time.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 9 May 2003 20:43 (twenty-two years ago)

My mother: "Anna, I'd rather you were a waitress than ended up in the Civil Service. It's soul destroying."

this is certainly true. My soul has been destroyed to such an extent that my only career ambition is to work for another, hopefully more interesting bit of the civil service.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Friday, 9 May 2003 22:41 (twenty-two years ago)

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