100 Worst 'List' Pundits

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Inspired by the ridiculous Channel 4 100 Worst Britons programme, to which I responded not by agreeing or disagreeing with the mind-numbingly obvious/irrelevant/ephemeral choices on the list as it dragged on, but by becoming increasingly bothered by the talking heads themselves. And I was delighted to see that other ILXers feel the same, having read the response to said programme.

We have now reached utter overkill on the he was/is crap, do you remember blah, oh yeah what about doodah scenario.

So, let's get our own back. Who really is the worst of them ? Who annoys the fuck out of you while they're talking about something they can't actually remember first-hand (take a bow, Lisa Rogers), lean back and state the bloody obvious (Stuart Maconie) or diss people they have never met and know nothing about (award to Gina Yashere).

My vote goes unhesitatingly to Gina Yashere. What a totally unpleasant, not to mention desperately unfunny, woman she seems to be. OK, to a point she's got a TV/stage persona, but what is she for ?
She is a third rate comedienne, so so bitter about people she couldn't even dream about moving among. A loathsome character.

Lisa Rogers comes close but I saw her at the BBC reception last month and she smiled at me.

― darren (darren), Sunday, 11 May 2003 19:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Come on, Gary Bushell exists!

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 11 May 2003 19:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Darren was Yashere the one who made that awful comment when David Beckham was named. Something like "the knuckle dragging football fans can't stomach his love for fancy clothes" or whatever.

Plenty of sympathy for that view of course. Stupid.

― Ronan (Ronan), Sunday, 11 May 2003 19:27 (twenty-two years ago)

1. Stuart Mock Mock-A-Maconie
2. Garrrrrry Bushell
3. Vernon Kaye
4. that fat comedian bloke with the crap hair (no not Johnny Vegas or Peter Kay)
5. Mark Frith
6. Lisa Rogers
7. Gina Yashere
8. Emma Jones
9. Paul Morley (come on Sir, you're better than this)
10.David Quantick (i quite like him really)

i can't think of anyone else who appears on those shows

― stevem (blueski), Sunday, 11 May 2003 19:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Inriguingly, Maconie was on the original shortlist for '100 Worst Britons'. He wasn't in the final hundred, though, which was quite skillz considering the shortlist consisted of, er, 100 people.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Sunday, 11 May 2003 19:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Paul Ross. Paul Ross.

Paul Rossss.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE HIT PAUL ROSS IN THE HEAD WITH A SHOVEL

― Ferg (Ferg), Sunday, 11 May 2003 19:42 (twenty-two years ago)

BTW, who the fuck was that club entertainer geezer - was he a pisstake a la Phoenix Nights, or was that all that Channel 4 could afford? I couldn't quite decide.

Oh, and seconded for Gina Yashere. I think her entire comments last nights revolved around dissing Jamie Oliver / Guy Ritchie / everyone in the world for not being Cockneys. I mean, FUCK OFF! Who cares what you think? Who the fuck are you anyway?

― ailsa (ailsa), Sunday, 11 May 2003 19:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, and my vote goes to...

Amanda Platell. The living embodiment of odiosity.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Sunday, 11 May 2003 19:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought Tara P-T's dissing of Lady Victoria Hervey was classic "I mean, what is she famous for any way?". Miss Pot, meet Miss Kettle.

― ailsa (ailsa), Sunday, 11 May 2003 19:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Much as I loathe Gary Bushell (who claimed that being Jim Davidson being a misogynist doesn't make him a bad person), the cut from Robbie Williams staged sobbing to Bushell's "Oh fuck off!" made us all belly laugh for quite some time afterwards.

― Tag (Tag), Sunday, 11 May 2003 20:05 (twenty-two years ago)

4. that fat comedian bloke with the crap hair (no not Johnny Vegas or Peter Kay)

bernard manning?

― matthew james (matthew james), Sunday, 11 May 2003 20:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Vernon Kaye: "Oh aye, I remember the Holocaust like, it were dead good an' all that. I'm from the North, have I mentioned this yet?"
Stuart Maconie: Can we just find every music journo from the 80s who is still on TV and just bury them in a ditch somewhere?
Rick Sky: Who are you?
Gina Yashere: Loudmouth Cockney fuckwit. Sole talent revolves around shit impressions of Mr T or Gary Coleman.
Dave Quantick/Paul Morely: See Stuart Maconie
Paul Ross: hi, you're not as famous as your brother. He also insisted on calling "Jackass" "Jackarse", because "this is England". If Paul could show me what kind of animal a "jackarse" is, I'd be much obliged. I'd guess said animal would have a backside like his face, though.

And who on God's green planet is Jupiter Joy? And can we please put a pickaxe through his skull now, please?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 11 May 2003 20:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Vernon Kaye is such a fucking wanker, that show "Girls and Boys" is so terrible, I can just imagine him thinking up all the fucking ridiculous middlebrow ideas, the pseudo swinging 60s vibe for drooling idiots, his shite dancing, BABE OR MINGAAAAH, hoho you're a mingah mate, twat. Can anyone think of a worse pairing than Verny boy and June Sarpong, she is about as genuine as a fucking bucci bag.

― Ronan (Ronan), Sunday, 11 May 2003 21:01 (twenty-two years ago)

(As pointed out by Ian Penman).

girl wins holiday to Turkey

Vernon: "That's a cracking holiday."

So, classic, surely?

― Cozen (Cozen), Sunday, 11 May 2003 21:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, My, God. June Sarpong can go eat a crotch full of needles.

(We need some Morley love, someone revive the thread. Nicole?)

― Cozen (Cozen), Sunday, 11 May 2003 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

how did i forget Paul Ross? oh yeh, thats how.

― stevem (blueski), Sunday, 11 May 2003 21:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Can anyone think of a worse pairing than Verny boy and June Sarpong, she is about as genuine as a fucking bucci bag.

Vernon Kaye and Orla. Jesus Christ, that woman's about as easy on the ears as tinnitus. She speaks like a Japanese POW camp leader. "And the next lucky boy is.... NUM-BAH FO-TEE-FREEEEEE!!!!!!"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 11 May 2003 23:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Stuart Maconie was on the radio last week saying that he was now embarrassed by the whole talking heads phenomenon and hadn't accepted any invitations for a couple of years.

I love Orla.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 12 May 2003 00:29 (twenty-two years ago)

(I am so relieved that this isn't about me, you have no idea)

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 12 May 2003 06:35 (twenty-two years ago)

but maconie WRITES THEM ALL (inc saturday's) the two faced get.

june sarpong is entirely made of lip gloss you know.

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Monday, 12 May 2003 07:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Is stevem hinting that Paul Morley should be knighted? I thoroughly concur.

Emma Forrest?

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Monday, 12 May 2003 09:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Good grief did they have Emma Forrest on? Her career makes me cry.

Maybe I have misprepresented Stuart Maconie. He definitely said something about overkill but then he seemed to be backtracking and just saying that he couldn't participate in I love the 90s because it didn't hold memories in the same way.

They should totally make an I love the 20s etc. with old folk.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 12 May 2003 09:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh I 'missed out' on the 100 Worst Britons, I was just taking the thread title as general when I mentioned EF. Also I was thinking of Kate Thornton anyway.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Monday, 12 May 2003 09:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Please explain why Emma Forrest's career makes you cry, Nick.

― Tag (Tag), Monday, 12 May 2003 10:04 (twenty-two years ago)

thing is Maconie on the radio comes across as no better with his 'Definitive Guide To The Essential Albums You Simply Have To Own' or whatever its called

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 12 May 2003 10:11 (twenty-two years ago)

William is SO OTM re: Amanda Platell.

Although I'd like to nominate Johnny Vegas anyway - his one joke is "look I'm fat, northern and pissed off" and I do it loads better

June Sour Pong has slugs for lips

― j0e (j0e), Monday, 12 May 2003 10:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Alex Zane is a nice newcomer, an irritating, poserite, art-school graduate jockey of knob, with an amazingly punchacble face. "I fancied her, and then she opened her mouth!!!". Yeah, the working class hey Alex? Always trying to ruin your appreciation of breasts.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 12 May 2003 10:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm the only Emma Forrest apologist on ILX, aren't I?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 12 May 2003 10:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Good grief did they have Emma Forrest on? Her career makes me cry.

More than cry in my case. Sobbing, wailing, pointless hysteria.

(Dom, have you read Namedropper?)

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 12 May 2003 10:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Is it possible to read Namedropper? I though it was a stress toy = built for throwing across the room dripping in your disgust.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 12 May 2003 11:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I always quite liked Collins & Maconie's Hit Parade, if only for Quantick's bits. The fact that this whole phenomenon could have been concocted there saddens me muchly.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 12 May 2003 11:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I really haven't paid attention to Emma Forrest's career. Indeed, I'd kind of forgotten about her until she turned up on the 100 greatest film stars thing. But she used to go out with a friend of mine so I was curious. Is her writing so very bad?

― Tag (Tag), Monday, 12 May 2003 11:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I saw some unedited copy of hers once and it was beyond bad, yes. Though it read like she was drunk or coked up or something so maybe that was an unfair example.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 12 May 2003 11:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I really like "Namedropper". And "Thin Skin". Why the hatred? This is a serious question, by the way.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Good god, why has no-one mentioned Chris Moyles?

― Nick H, Monday, 12 May 2003 17:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd also like to say how much I enjoyed Collins & Maconie's Hit Parade - espesh Quantick's bits. Quantick was the only person on these nostalgia shows who managed to actually be genuinely funny and not roaringly annoying.

Does anyone remember that completely hopeless parody of I Love The 70s/80s/90s on Alistair McGowan's Big Impression? The one person they singled out as being the most annoying and frequent of the talking heads was, for some insane reason, Arabella Weir of The Fast Show, which was totally wrong as she only appeared on I Love The 80's a few times. And all the people they did impressions of for the talking heads were only people they could "do", so you had Frank Skinner and Victoria Beckham going "I remember Spangles!", etc.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Monday, 12 May 2003 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

twenty-two years pass...

luminary [immensely flattered]: ive been invited to speak at the world's largest philsophy and music festival!
same luminary [months later, too late to cancel, opens the link to read the full list of whose considered their intellectual peers]: oh no

https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:qfwinostecndnbvwwunsmihi/bafkreiashwy3ape3bciqi6hv3fd5bo4vdu3a7rl35ivdbms7nb3l7etmke@jpeg

― mark s, Thursday, 21 August 2025 09:23 (one week ago)

is it spiteful of me to be quite so pleased that terry eagleton is here, up on the pantheon with michael buerk at last

― mark s, Thursday, 21 August 2025 09:25 (one week ago)

we have a new bar for the most nightmarish blunt rotation

i like Terry, soz

― baka mitai guy (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 21 August 2025 09:45 (one week ago)

Had to look up who Mary Trump was.

― xyzzzz__, Thursday, 21 August 2025 11:06 (one week ago)

Neil Kinnock lives!

― hungover beet poo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 21 August 2025 11:41 (one week ago)

HowTheShiteGetsIn, amirite?

― Saxophone Of Futility (Michael B), Thursday, 21 August 2025 12:24 (one week ago)

How embarrassing must it be to be one of the four people at the very bottom there.

― AI Jardine (Tom D.), Thursday, 21 August 2025 12:32 (one week ago)

not really sure who John Gray is

who are the musical guests? Dodgy, Barron Knights, Kanye

― nashwan, Thursday, 21 August 2025 13:10 (one week ago)

Is John Gray the Men are From Mars guy?

― New Jack Cutie (President Keyes), Thursday, 21 August 2025 13:11 (one week ago)

this guy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Straw_Dogs_(book)

― ledge, Thursday, 21 August 2025 13:14 (one week ago)

(I read it a long time ago, it's bad)

― you have 27 outdated formulae installed (ledge), Thursday, 21 August 2025 13:24 (one week ago)

Why is this not in the “worst festival lineup” thread?

― Crispy Ambulance Chaser (Boring, Maryland), Thursday, 21 August 2025 15:52 (one week ago)

I had to Google to ascertain there is a different Brian Cox, but I assume it's this guy? https://briancoxlive.co.uk/

― paper plans (tipsy mothra), Thursday, 21 August 2025 16:15 (one week ago)

Yup

― xyzzzz__, Thursday, 21 August 2025 16:45 (one week ago)

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