Let's talk about houseguests.

I like having people stay over, so long as they don't smell and don't use my towels (this happened in the past and I was furious as all my towels were wet with someone else's water as I stepped out of the shower ewwwwwww - this is not acceptable)

We're talking about people who know in advance that they are going to be in country/travelling/whatever and staying for more than one night.

My housemate Doug has a habit of falling asleep on the sofa. I usually go downstairs to make late-night drinks/ come in drunk and try to wake him up or chuck a duvet over him. One week his friend Nils was over from Norway. I came in drunk, saw a body on the sofa and stated shouting "wake up you stupid bastard, have you fallen asleep stoned AGAIN?" and throwing cushions at the figure's head. The figure woke up with a stream of Norweigan and I slunk off upstairs.

Leave notes for your drunk housemates.

when we were in arsenal nalini had nat to stay over for 2 weeks in the front room. it was totally fine. getting on with the guest is a big plus though i guess.

i'm totally fine with there being houseguests staying, as i also have houseguests staying from time to time. usually i have had a room big enough for them to stay in also.

i guess anything up to 3 or 4 night can be kind of ad hoc, more than that i guess it needs to be cleared in advance with everyone else in house.

I think guests should always let you know how long they plan on staying for & should bring gifts of wine & flowers if it's more than a couple of nights.

I didn't know my last housemates that well, and whenever anyone had friend staying over the rest of us would make ourselves scarce, and keep to our bedrooms, unless we felt very comfortable with the guest.

Notice is a must for anything other than last minute crashing, especially at weekends. We often ended up double booking the front room!

putting them in the room/bed of an absent housemate is an absolutely no no.

-S.O.'s or people of that nature staying in your room are pretty much your own business. If they stay there 4 nights or more a week, maybe they should make a contribution to living expenses, but...

-Overnight guests are pretty much OK so long as they're not making a lot of noise on schoolnights. (But that's just common consideration, not an issue with houseguests)

-Guests of more than one night require advance notice, preferably a week or so.

Obviously, there are extenuating circumstances, and if someone is stranded due to an Act Of God or other circumstances beyond their control, I will bend over backwards to make sure they have a place to sleep and feel welcome.

However, there are limits even to that, and sometimes you really feel like someone is taking the piss...

It doesn't really have a whole lot to do with how much you like the person/get along with the person. Someone can be my best friend in the world, but that doesn't mean that I can live with them under my feet every day. It's an introvert/extravert issue.

Space is a real issue. We live in a tiny flat with only one common room, so it's not like you can retreat to the kitchen or living room to have some privacy. Gareth, I remember your old house had a door on the living room, so it really was like a spare bedroom, and you had an eat-in kitchen which served as an alternate living room - I could see how having an unplanned guest for 3 or 4 days would not affect the living habits of other housemates *that* much.

And as to putting guests in absent housemates' beds... ONLY if the housemate has agreed in advance that this is OK. (In my case, it really depends on the person. When Slumber Party stayed at my house, I rang my former housemate to ask if they could sleep in his room while he was away, and he messaged back "make them stay till I get back!")

um sorry rosemary! But what if the absent housemate is gone for like 3 months and his subletter hasn't shown up yet?

I really think this depends. If the guest is an equal friend of the whole household then it's fine.

The situation that triggered this question has started to bug me because of its frequency.

We have a friend called Person X, who does not live in England, but is here quite frequently. Person X usually makes plans to stay with Person Y, and they ALWAYS fall through, so Person X ends up on our doorstep with no notice.

I *do* actually like Person X, they are a considerate houseguest and I get along with them. If it were a simple case of Person X ringing up and saying "I am coming to the UK, do you mind if I stay on your couch?" the answer would always be, within reason, yes.

If it were a question of extenuating circumstances with Person Y, that it really was a last minute emergency situation, I would be understanding, and I *have* been very understanding in the past when Person X has lived at our house for weeks at a time. However, this has happened 3 or 4 times in a row at this point and I'm really starting to feel like I am being treated like a hotel. Person X *KNOWS* that Person Y is unreliable.

I brought it up with my housemate, saying "Look, Person X is taking the piss, I'm starting to have an issue with this" as Person X is their friend, and it really is up to my housemate. My housemate responded that as far as they are concerned, Person X has carte blanche to come and go as they please.

Erm... no, they don't. Not in my house. It's very much a consideration issue, and I don't know who I should be cross at, my housemate or Person X, and who I should bring this up with to say that this is not acceptible, and that it has crossed a line. Person Y flaking out is no longer "an emergency" which means that Person X and/or my housemate are excused from giving notice of houseguests. Person Y flaking out is A GIVEN. This has happened 3 or 4 times at this point and I am sick of it.

But the general rule is keep me sweet, buy me bouze.

If I have people staying most of the time I'll put them in my bed and I'll sleep on the sofa. Its easier for my flatmates to deal with. And also puts me in a more powerful position if I wish to evict.

I'd love to be kate's houseguest sometime.

As far as I am concerned, NOBODY is excused from things that affect EVERYBODY in the house, unless EVERYBODY in the house agree that they should be.

Besides, it's not as if talking to said housemate about things that bother me is any much more use than talking to a brick wall much of the time!

and yes, its a very fair point that the living room in arsenal was pretty much like a spare room, and anyone staying in there didnt affect the actual day to day running of the house.

i think its worth noting that i'm not actually in my house very much, so its easier for me to be tolerant if i'm not really there that much.

anna is correct if they are friends of all equally. i'm dubious about putting them in someone elses bed if they are not there, if only because when i go out at weekend i am likely to get home around 6am, which means if housemates looked in at 3 and saw room was empty and put someone in my bed, i'd have nowhere to go:( thankfully this hasnt happened to me, but it did happen to my friend h who found a strange man in her bed after arriving home from airport after overnight flight. not ideal.

The time we let someone sleep in our flatmates bed it was with the knowledge (on both sides) that he would never find out. Hence its U&K not to allow bedwetters to do this.
[name removed at request of Kate]

This is a discussion of how much consideration housemates and houseguests should show each other, and what is expected.

You know, if Sonic Boom himself turned up on my doorstep and asked if he could stay for a week, I would tell him "I have to check with my housemate first."

(sorry that was truly uncalled for)

i'm not so keen on this, i think if you have done this you should tell the housemate what happened

I really don't want to have to go to Person X and say something, because I don't want them to think that they are not welcome here. What *I* want, is some advance notice if Person X is going to be staying here on a regular basis, which it seems that they are.

How do I accomplish this without totally alienating Person X, pissing off Housemate, or have I done this already thanks to blabbering bigmouths on ILX?

(However, I do believe that anyone who stays over more than 4 nights a week on a regular basis should start paying rent, otherwise it's just not fair to other housemates.)

With the exception of the use of capitals for emphasis I agree with this astatement entirely. (And also consistent with letting someone sleep in lfatmates bed without him knowing as it never affected him, unless he caught cooties off the guy).

Person X (ahem) no matter how much you like them is partially to blame for this scenario since they are aware
a) Of Person Y's unreliability
b) Of the unquestioning good nature of your household.

If he or she was aware that b) cannot be relied on without causing potential aggracation within the household I am sure they will be a bit more understanding.

Or maybe I should give up and move already.

Ironically, I think Kate is otherwise OTM on this thread, and doesn't even paint Person X in an unfavourable light.

I suppose if people want to leap to conclusions about this situation, then that is their right. And if there is anyone for the parties involved to get upset at, it is those who are childish enough to engage in these guessing games.

ironically the only time a houseguest has pissed me off was when it was my own houseguest, who i felt crossed some lines that shouldnt have been crossed, and left a situation that took a while to sort out after he had gone:(

Little is added to the basic question being asked here by speculating (or knowing) who the other people concerned are, surely?

(NB neither Pete or Emma were in the bed with me at those times).

Getting back to the qn in hand, it sounds like Person Y is acting badly - Kate, you pay rent as well and therefore should have some rights WRT to the shared areas, and person Y should realise that Kate is being offended. I wouldn't say the situation was normal, not in the tiny size of your flat.

Generally, I'd like notice of about a week if they were going to stay for a while. And if I didn't know them I'd really want them staying in housemates room rather than shared area if they were going to be around for a while. Good job none of us in Lunacy Lodge have any other mates!!

*remembers rickyt staying over on sofa first night we moved in*

Oh well.

I dealt with this issue by quietly seething about it, and then playing American Civil War games with him (which he always won).

And thick skin, Baran? I don't think so. Housemate trial by ILX sucks, is tacky and boring - that's why I don't do it, or start threads which I know could mutate into it, even anonymously. In fact I've never been anonymous here for any reason as a matter of principle and responsibility.

(Crossposting - see above)

or housemates gossiping about each other's sordid love lives. ewwww, some things should stay behind four walls.

And I lied above, its only better than Eastenders when Eastenders is really crap (like at the moment).

How long till the skinheads show up here eh?

I'm keeping out of this thread, it makes baby jeebus cry when youre all so mentalist to each other *pout*.

PERSON X MUST GO!

Kate, only a small fraction of all the people that post to ILx got involved in the problems on this thread. Stay for the sake of the silent majority?

please make this thread be about big brother now.