Sex myths garnered from seaside postcards and porn

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Have you or do you know anyone [actually know not heard of] who has engaged in coitus with any of the following:

1. nurse, policeman, traffic warden in uniform on duty
2. twins sisters/brothers
3. mars bar or biscuit [about to be soggy]
4. best friends mum/dad, glamourous grannie/grandpa, madonna/warren beatty
5. snake/gerbil/sheep/horse
6. plumber/window cleaner
7. teacher in detention
8. spontaneous office orgy involving all in room

it is my firm belief that no one has ever done these things apart from in the fictional context of erotic entertainment...
or maybe all the people i know are just boring or liars.

you dont have to add details and you can hide under the disguise of
"my friend told me they had..."

[apologies if this has already been done. i checked the sex section quickly yesterday and could not find it.]

― arthur woodlouse (arthur woodlouse), Friday, 16 May 2003 07:57 (twenty-three years ago)

3. yes (mars bar not biscuit)

Others. no.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Friday, 16 May 2003 08:39 (twenty-three years ago)

nick dastoor does not count as an "asian babe" [not on list anyway]
no matter what he tells you.

― arthur woodlouse (arthur woodlouse), Friday, 16 May 2003 09:32 (twenty-three years ago)

No, but I have overheard someone saying "Come on Norman, get it up"

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 16 May 2003 09:41 (twenty-three years ago)

I have heard people confess to nos. 8 & 2.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Friday, 16 May 2003 09:44 (twenty-three years ago)

am fascinated by the technical difficulties of the mars bar thing [temperature/melting, crumbs, etc.]
but i am not sure really want that fascination satisfied by details.

i hope you left the wrapper on- safe sex!

― arthur woodlouse (arthur woodlouse), Friday, 16 May 2003 09:46 (twenty-three years ago)

what is this mars bar lark? have they been re-marketed?

― nickie (nickie), Friday, 16 May 2003 11:21 (twenty-three years ago)

It was just a normal Mars bar not a Mars Midnight one or anything, we don't go in for all that kinky stuff.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Friday, 16 May 2003 11:24 (twenty-three years ago)

This month's Cosmo has the REAL life story of one woman who had a saucy encounter with her gasman.

But if milkmen/gasmen/sewing machine technicians were really so inundated with bootie calls to their handyman hotlines, why wouldn't more people take up these noble professions?

― nickie (nickie), Friday, 16 May 2003 12:13 (twenty-three years ago)

are people taking their erotica seriously enough!

or will the world's toolboxes go rusty with futile anticipation?

― arthur woodlouse (arthur woodlouse), Friday, 16 May 2003 12:17 (twenty-three years ago)

could you use a snickers if you had a nut allergy?

― arthur woodlouse (arthur woodlouse), Friday, 16 May 2003 12:33 (twenty-three years ago)

I knocked the bag out of my assistant professor in college. I got an A for the semester too.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 16 May 2003 12:45 (twenty-three years ago)

It was just a normal Mars bar not a Mars Midnight one or anything, we don't go in for all that kinky stuff.

RACIST

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 16 May 2003 12:47 (twenty-three years ago)

6. presumably explains why they will never commit to an actual time of day (same goes for viking delivery couriers rowr)

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 16 May 2003 12:52 (twenty-three years ago)

knocked the bag

I am unfamiliar with this phrase (though I guess the implications).

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 16 May 2003 13:30 (twenty-three years ago)

is it like when you blow up an empty bag of crisps and make it explode?

i do know someone who shagged our tutor at college, too? they did not get an A though. maybe her bagging knocking qualities werent explosive enough.

i was thinking more faye and peter off grange hill though. although, fair play, it definitely counts.

― arthur woodlouse (arthur woodlouse), Friday, 16 May 2003 13:42 (twenty-three years ago)

she was 31 and I was 19 at the time. The best thing about it was that we were supposed to be keeping journal entry's, random poetry stuff in it and all I did was copy Toad the Wet Sprocket lyrics in it. I used to get comments written "very sensitive, lovely, amazing..." She thought I was a writer. Oops.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 16 May 2003 13:57 (twenty-three years ago)

TS Eliot would have been proud of your "borrowing"

― arthur woodlouse (arthur woodlouse), Friday, 16 May 2003 13:59 (twenty-three years ago)

I had a teacher in high school who had some special afterschool "sessions" at her crib with a couple of the senior dudes. She was totally hott too. She quit & went back to grad school my junior year. *frowny face*

A buddy of mine got his bidness on with two girl twins at the same time. This wasn't that big a deal though, cuz they were total hos; he was SOOO not the only one to bear this 'distinction'.

When I worked at this one restaurant, I had just got done cleaning the kitchen and went to the bathroom to change into my street clothes, and the door to the restroom was locked, and I heard at least 4 different voices moaning and groaning. As I went back to the kitchen to change, the bar was empty. When I came back out, there were SIX people sitting there, all sweaty and grinning like fules. Hmmm....

And I know it's not on your list, but I know a guy who likes to stick a broomstick handle or other such implements into his ass while getting it on. We call him "broomhandle" quite a bit. He seems to find it funny.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 16 May 2003 15:01 (twenty-three years ago)

two girl twins

As opposed to three?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 16 May 2003 15:10 (twenty-three years ago)

still it was an impressive contribution

although if that was the UK i can absolutely guarantee
that the grinning fools would have been playing a gag on you
and absolutely no sauce would have taken place.

i am sure you incident was a genuine exchange of bodily fluids however.

― arthur woodlouse (arthur woodlouse), Friday, 16 May 2003 15:15 (twenty-three years ago)

I maybe tooting my own horn here...but what else is new. I came close to a night with two girls once. I was at a party and this girl I had been with a few times had been drinking and been dipping into chicks lately came up to me and said "this is where Jenn and I fuck...you want to join in tonight." So I was all fired up for this to happen and I completely chickened out when the moment was upon us.

About a year later I was at another party and two girls asked me to take a shower with them. Of course I said yes. After about 5 minutes of watching these two girls wash each other up, I freaked out and left.

Something is wrong with me.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 16 May 2003 15:15 (twenty-three years ago)

if my wife ever checks this board, im getting divorced.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 16 May 2003 15:16 (twenty-three years ago)

I maybe tooting my own horn here

Or thats how it ended up, anyway.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Friday, 16 May 2003 15:17 (twenty-three years ago)

exactly.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 16 May 2003 15:17 (twenty-three years ago)

that sexual politics of hyena's is full of shit.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 16 May 2003 15:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Two girls - done it. My ex-girlfriend and my girlfriend at the time. They fully lezzed up. Not an altogether successful evening, but quite the story to tell. (Hence this post.)

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 16 May 2003 15:20 (twenty-three years ago)

i luv girls.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 16 May 2003 15:21 (twenty-three years ago)

i think most people i have ever heard about doing 3 somes generally find that one of the triangle feels a bit left out/unappreciated

but i also imagine there are a no. of people for whom that is the fun bit. and they probably keep schtum.

― arthur woodlouse (arthur woodlouse), Friday, 16 May 2003 15:30 (twenty-three years ago)

can we turn this into a seaside postcards thead? um, gareth?

― Mary (Mary), Friday, 16 May 2003 16:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Twin brothers, yes - but um, they were more into one another.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 16 May 2003 16:04 (twenty-three years ago)

i once got busy in a burger king bathroom

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 16 May 2003 16:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Was that you with my friend Jill, Humpty?

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 16 May 2003 16:08 (twenty-three years ago)

and my nose is big like a pickle.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 16 May 2003 16:11 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm disappointed that, given that I've done a few things in my 40s that I had thought were the stuff only of porn fiction, that I cannot claim a single one of these.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 16 May 2003 20:36 (twenty-three years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0000024ZT.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― we do what we can (gabbneb), Saturday, 17 May 2003 01:33 (twenty-three years ago)

1. Repeatedly.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Saturday, 17 May 2003 02:21 (twenty-three years ago)

I think this is what arthur was getting at
http://www.tias.com/stores/tecc/pictures/046a.jpg
http://www.tias.com/stores/tecc/pictures/017a.jpg
http://www.tias.com/stores/tecc/pictures/043a.jpg
http://www.tias.com/stores/tecc/pictures/030a.jpg
look they're sexist and racist all at once.

― Ed (dali), Saturday, 17 May 2003 07:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Golden memories. The little Dutch Boy's "excuse" is quite lame.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 17 May 2003 17:14 (twenty-three years ago)

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