This is the thread where we allow ourselves to harp on about childhood achievements that really have no bearing on anything in the present day

I complained about sexism from the local community police officer in 1993, and was visited at home by the Chief Constable. (That isn't really an achievement, more a sign of my brattishness.)

I played Hermia in A Midsummer Night's Dream and toured Europe, in 1992.

Me: "It's not fair! He used two rubberbands instead of one!"

Dad: "You just wish that you'd thought of it instead."

It struck me as common knowledge.

I once took apart a television and put it all back together. I was soooo bored that summer.

anyway in this class he proceeded to give out to me for not coming to his class one day, and i said "i was working on my own steam, you're not here to spoonfeed me".

and he said "I HAVE HAD IT. UP TO HERE. WITH THIS CLASS. GET OUT".

"this is ridiculous".

I was/am such a childish prick.

I don't count any of those episodes as accomplishments.

Oh! I did steal a teacher's chair once, and hung it in a tree. That was pretty cool.

I played the Court Jester in a play in 5th grade.

I got skipped grades too, which was really lame. My whole life would be different if I hadn't done that!

Childhood is a living hell for anyone, get over it already. There's always something. If I didn't go all skippy in school, I probably would've been picked on for my huge, Jim Carreyesque teeth instead.

Ooh when I was 6, I helped show a puppy in a dog show and it won! That's really more his achievement I suppose.

I won a general knowledge quiz when I was 10.

I was sullen and miserable for most of high school.

I made it to state level in the spelling bee.

That was about it, as my achievements went.

My school was horribly elitist - only the kids in the 'advanced' English class were given speaking roles in plays. So the same group of seven or eight who went there from kindergarten on kept getting stuck with these things, when we wanted to be out fucking around on the swingsets like everyone else.

I dunno if this is a childhood achievement, but I became really skilled at forging my mom's signature in junior high. To the point where my signature today is still reminiscent of hers.

From 7th grade on, I don't think I really 'achieved' anything as far as awards or recognition go. My favorite English teacher called me the smartest slacker she'd ever taught - which felt like a huge compliment when I was a sophomore.

a special meeting got called between my teacher, my principal, and my mother after some standardised tests were administered which alleged that i had an IQ of 146 in either first or second grade; can't remember which.

i won some sort of state mathematics award in eighth grade.

In fourth grade, I won a competition in my music class because I could recite "The Twelve Days of Christmas" the fastest. I won a "Music is Fundamental!" bumper sticker.

It's pretty much been downhill since then though I've become a great kisser.

When I was 8, I took the entrance exam to [prestigious British private school] and came top of 120 boys. In my first year, I came top in 9 out of 13 exams.

Bizarrely, it turns out my dad was also extremely gifted until the age of 10, coming in the top 4 in Northern Italy in some test or other. Both of us declined slowly but surely afterwards. Sigh.

Also, I came 2nd in the U12 high jump in 1986. I also managed to qualify for Merton's badminton team, before the powers that be realised I didn't live in Merton and disqualified me.

I won another colouring contest while on holiday in Napier & won tickets to see that Zulu movie - that one with Michael Caine.

Curiously enough, I can't draw for toffee!

*Snagglepuss voice

Is a prefectship a scholarship (in 'merican terms)?

I was also put into classes a year ahead for drama and maths at high school, and still managed to be 2nd in the school for school c maths a year ahead [i woz robbed, the girl who beat me that year had come to the school in the last term and had actually, like, learned stuff].

I was a school finalist in speech competitions several times, even though i was and still am the suck at public speaking. In primary school [Std. 3] i'd made the whole thing up on the spot in class 'cause i'd actually forgotten to write one, then had to make up another [different] one in front of a whole school assembly. I came 4th, all the same.

It's not really childhood, but last week i got the award for Excellence in Marketing for my graduating year...best of the two people that graduated. Winner.

i illustrated a book about indonesia called 'the sultan is at home', in which i also posed in a series of photos with an indonesian family, pretending we were in bali.

i had my first solo piano recital when i was 14 which is kind of pushing the 'childhood' limit here but whatever.

i helped build a giant model of our primary school principal, ms. morgan, for which our school won a cd player, presented to us by molly meldrum! i was responsible for the face and hair.

Oh sadly wot has happened to my levels of fitness hein?

I did alot of debating but never really got to represent the school because the debating society was controlled by a shadowy cabal of dry humoured twats who liked to laugh at their oh so urbane references to the classics. I'm not bitter of course.

I did drama alot which I loved and wish I still did, I won an award one year for playing the lead in the Pickwick Papers, it was an ok play but noone who saw it had any idea what it was about. And the hour long trial scene, yuck.

My best real actual achievement was probably doing stuff for the St Vincent De Paul, I taught kids from the area around the school which is pretty rough. It was great fun.

I can't remember if I did anything else, I was miffed at not winning an award at graduation cos i felt i did so much stuff. But noone knew this. I suppose I didn't get one cos the teachers who I didn't like didn't like me either.

Someone please slap me silly.

*creeps on off to bed*

At secondary school i won both the maths prize and the maths competition. (I am now useless at maths)

My most proudest acheivment that quickly turned to shame was the presentation of my 1 width swimming cert. only to be outshone by the girl who had just swam 70 lengths. (but hey...both acheivments were good....hmmm)

I won the jack part of the pontins jack and jill competition which was kind of a glorifoied swim suit competition for the under 7's (that couldnt happen today could it???) but hey i did look buffed. (actually i cried because i thought we were going to have to swim..see above..and the man told me i would win to shut me up)

Oh and i won the running race against D@mian Mcgr@th (fastest kid in the school) and J@mes G0rh@m called me a c..t. We were only 10, such bad language.

I was told I was 'The best winger in the Bury and Radcliffe Junior Sunday League'. I could have been a contender and this is incredibly relevant to my over-inflated sense of my footballing prowess to this day.

I lost a shot-put aged 13 by a record margin, as everyone in my form skipped school on sports day, so i was in the discuss, shot-put and 400M. In the throwing events, the fact that puberty had not yet hit significantly weakened my challenge. In the 400M, i came second and gained sweet revenge over the arsehole who for an entire year had pushed me out of the dinner queue thus causing me to get the rancid chips instead of the slightly less rancid chips straight out of the deep fat fryer. I had an agreement with a fellow competitor that we would cross the line close to each other (so as to not have one subjected to finishing horribly behind everyone else) but when i rounded the last bend, i saw that my enemy was in striking distance and went for it. Chariots of Fire has nothing on thhis event, which to this day, is talked about in the school. That is a lie.

I won a fancy dress competition aged 3 in Newquay (Devon) dressed as Emperor Claudius. This is my first real memory, as opposed to vague flash of recollection.

Winner of statewide drawing contest at 10; I'd drawn a horse and done a strange application of watercolour to it where you use very feint shades of a colour, dab them off with Kleenex or toilet paper, and keep layering colours to indicate shadow and muscle tone etc.

I could say I won the contest to sell the most Tupperware in Camp Fire but I'd be lying: my mum did because she took the catalogue to work whereas all the other mums were homemakers who talked to their own walls. However I did get highest number of sales of chocolate bars to send younger sibling to YMCA camp, two summers running, because I went to Edina (posh WASP suburb next door) dressed up like a preppie. My sales pitch: "Just to make sure she gets out of my hair for two weeks, I'm helping her sell chocolate." Worked like a charm.

I am intrigued now. Not that I would remember her name, I imagine.

I was in every school play ever from the age of 6 and everyone always said I was great in them. I played a Sky King, an Australian, Fagin, and lots of other things. By age 12 I was writing the drama scenes which were added to a big multi-school production of Yanomamo, some hippy musical about rainforests. I ended up getting an A* for GCSE drama and directing a Strindberg piece in my first year at uni that got the highest first they'd ever awarded.

I have awards for public speaking from when I was 16 and 17.

I was always voted to be the class rep on the year council, and then voted to be the year rep on the school council, and then the student rep on the board of governors.

I was voted as principal student by my fellow sixth formers. This involved cleaning a fountain with a toothbrush and giving talks to parents of prospective students at open evenings. It also meant me and my mates had an office to doss around in during the sixth form (this has no, I am informed, been reclaimed by members of teaching staff, the buggers).

I made a video, age 16, which functioned as an alternative sixth form prospectus. I am now 24; they only stopped showing it two years ago.

I played for the school football team twice.

There are other things but they have passed.

No, not at all. Prefects are the senior pupils who the teachers think are the most worthy of respect. They are given power over other students (imposing detention and the like) and are supposed to represent the best things. That description is basically a whole set of reasons why they never wanted me as one, but until then being a serious contender for Oxford or Cambridge was always enough. I would have turned it down if they had offered it. I did get my hands on the detention book once, and put the headmaster on detention. That was another stiff talking-to...

Not to brag, but I won a number of creative writing competitions when I was in grade school and middle school -- I even got featured in the local paper as a young writing genius in the making!

It hasn't had any bearing on the present day, it has been years since I've done any creative writing.

Every Monday morning at school (when I was aged between 7 and 11) we used to have a Latin vocabulary test given by the Headmaster. If you got 100% in the test, you won money 50p. I won it every single week, without fail.

I was Head Girl and Head of House at my little school and my big school. I won scholarships to both those schools.

I sound like a right swot (I'm not, btw)