FEDERICO MUST GO

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Because the other thread was too general and lacked passion.

This is Federico Martone's Friends Reunited entry (it was added last year so I don't think it's someone faking it):

In all it's entirety an overview of my own experiences since my insertion into the civillian landscape would not only render any reader unfairly incomprable, moreover the banality in which you contrive to exist in your futile landscape implicates to one's own that indeed i must strive to march forth with my own avant garde approach to life. In Synopsis, I have came... I have saw... and I have conquered each and every new frontier in which I have had the will to integrate then later excell into. My friends, if only you could see what these eyes have seen. If only you could taste what these very lips have caressed and if only i could share with each and everyone of you all the fruits of my human emotions. I wish for you all the justifacation of your own endeavour........
08/07/2002 18:43:17

(http://www.friendsreunited.co.uk/friendsreunited.asp?wci=MemberNotes&member_key=3633302)

I presume he is taking the piss with this. Perhaps it is actually genius?

But no, Anouska must stay because you can't get rid of the loud kid straight away and she wears no bra. Scott must stay because he is great. And Jon must stay because he is a queer fish.

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 25 May 2003 12:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I love the idea that you are spending Sunday afternoon searching Friends Reunited for Big Brother related entries.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Sunday, 25 May 2003 13:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I love it too! But actually I didn't find that myself - someone on BB forum had already thought to look. In my defence, I am at work and obsessed with distractions.

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 25 May 2003 13:21 (twenty-two years ago)

B-but... this is scientific proof that Federico is the grebtest housemate ever and must STAY!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Sunday, 25 May 2003 18:04 (twenty-two years ago)

OK N you have a good excuse (though you should be playing solitaire or tickling yourself really).

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 25 May 2003 18:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I've been watching this second main show for 15 minutes and it's had maybe one minute of material we didn't see on Friday so far.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 25 May 2003 19:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Federico is wearing shades indoors. I now have to vote for him twice in order to discount my previous vote for Anouska on Friday night. Oh Big Brother, you are a cruel and expensive mistress.

― j0e (j0e), Sunday, 25 May 2003 19:40 (twenty-two years ago)

The poncey smug bastard Jude Law lookalike MUST GO. 09011214403

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 25 May 2003 20:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, get rid of Fed. His "German" joke alienated me.

Keep all the others in. Jon has apparently been regaling the others with his thoughts on Lord Of The Rings. He has the potential to be wonderfully weird - bit like Penny from BB2.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Sunday, 25 May 2003 21:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Jon's excitement at the fact that "this hob can go like from boiling to simmer, like that. Fwmmmmm" endeared the man to me.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 25 May 2003 21:10 (twenty-two years ago)

This is my first time watching Big Brother. Can anyone explain the pedalling, please?

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 25 May 2003 21:46 (twenty-two years ago)

It's their first weekly task Martin, details here...

― j0e (j0e), Sunday, 25 May 2003 23:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Jon is clearly a prince among lunatics. Fed is just a try-hard.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 26 May 2003 01:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Jon is great! Not of this world.

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 26 May 2003 08:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Fed's german joke = a staple of the "Al Murray - Pub Landlord" routine for at least five years...

i think the pedalling is a vicious task and they won't win it. although i approve of durational tasks because it gives them something to do this is going to turn them into sleep deprived nutters

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Monday, 26 May 2003 09:35 (twenty-two years ago)

This is like watching a load of students in Fresher's Week. Drunkenly breaking the diary-room chair was hysterical (not) - I wonder what other jolly pranks they'll get up to before the end of the week?

I like Cameron, though.

― C J (C J), Monday, 26 May 2003 09:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Justine has told the others that she's had a nose job. Apparently she's also usually "the life and soul of the party" - if the party is full of Elizabeth (BB2) clones, perhaps?

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Monday, 26 May 2003 10:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Justine had a nose job? you mean she asked for that ski-jump? blimey.

Cameron is a twat, he's getting right on my tits.

― chris (chris), Monday, 26 May 2003 10:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I like Cameron, purely because he puts me in mind of The Wicker Man.
"Corn dolls, and barley rigs..."

Fed and Anouska in the pedallo/playpen - potential comedy double act. Fed must still go. He made a casual remark about being gay, possibly to sow seeds with the audience, and frankly seems to be exhausting his limited repertoire very quickly.

I wonder if Jon is a Doctor Who fan as well as LOTR?? I'm hoping he's got a floppy hat and an absurdly long scarf in his case along with the fake boobies.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Monday, 26 May 2003 11:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Fed told Anouska he had a boyfriend during one of their cycling shifts together last night.
His "confession" came after Anouska commented that most people in the house were single. To her surprise, Fed told her that he had a boyfriend named Frank on the outside, who he'd been seeing for a couple of months.
"He's really sexy," he said with a smile. "He often goes out of the night though whilst I'm indoors doing the ironing."

It's unknown whether Fed was just joking or being serious in a light-hearted manner -- either way, it's caused a fuss on the DigitalSpy forums, with some even suggesting it's a tactic to "win the gay vote".

Oh gawd. Please, please, please can we eventually have a gay male BB contestant who isn't a complete fucking dickhead?

― j0e (j0e), Monday, 26 May 2003 11:10 (twenty-two years ago)

12.58pm: [..] outside, Jon tells Sissy that his longest relationship was a couple of months since he left middle school. 'I haven't had a girlfriend in a decade', he says as Sissy asks him whether it bothers him or not.

Go Jon!

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 26 May 2003 12:48 (twenty-two years ago)

[not in a 'must go' sense]

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 26 May 2003 12:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Federico must go for singing 'Mysterious Ways' by U2

― Andrew L (Andrew L), Monday, 26 May 2003 14:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Jon's terrific post to a rec.arts.books.tolkein.:

Um, sorry if I'm being very dense, but I've never seen any mention of
Numenorean flying machines before. What are they?
Ta,
Jon Tickle

From Google's collection of his USENET posts

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 26 May 2003 15:54 (twenty-two years ago)

That's fantastic, N. Let's hope one of the tasks is in Dungeons & Dragons format. "As an aside, can I re-roll my chrisma?".

Jon's voice really reminds me of David Baddiel.

― Alfie (Alfie), Monday, 26 May 2003 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

For mastering the art of wearing lemon and not looking like one, Federico must be granted another week.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 27 May 2003 20:08 (twenty-two years ago)

am i the only person who loves cameron's accent?

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 27 May 2003 20:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I think so.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 27 May 2003 20:36 (twenty-two years ago)

but it reminds me of home

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 27 May 2003 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

but further south...

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 27 May 2003 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

He sounds like he's been chewing the cud for too long and his jaw's become loose.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 27 May 2003 20:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know if these British shows work this way, but the first week of American reality shows and dating shows, when everyone's getting to know each other, some people have this odd little "my personality and the way I am" patter that they pull awkwardly out of their sleeves and will often just KEEP TALKING, their voices rising in pitch, eyes growing wider, realizing perhaps that they have just flown right off the edge with no ground beneath them but are powerless to stop the inanities that flow, unhindered, from their nonsensically flapping jaws. The classic here is of course "I like to get wild" said in the most boring voice imaginable. Or "I'm really straightforward. Like, I'll ALWAYS say what's on my mind. I'm very assertive." Okay, so assert something already. Sorry.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 27 May 2003 21:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Ha, you have described Nush. Nush = Lady Victoria Hervey= DUD!

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 27 May 2003 21:22 (twenty-two years ago)

am i the only person who loves cameron's accent?

Archel to thread!

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 09:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Cameron to win, indeed! But it's not the accent. I just can't help rooting for these country bumpkin religious fisherman types. And he seems like he's a good boy to his parents.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 10:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm going to laugh at you all when Cameron turns out to be a web designer.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 10:16 (twenty-two years ago)

he only is if it's a web to catch FUSH in, like a big underwater spider...

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 10:18 (twenty-two years ago)

He said on his introductory video bit that he's a Fish Trader.

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 11:13 (twenty-two years ago)

ITAE? (I know we've done that joke elsewhere already but never mind.)

Um, NUSH MUST GO?

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 11:28 (twenty-two years ago)

But she's so beautiful!

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Federico must go! (just getting the thread back on track)

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Yep, they've got failed the pedallo task all because Fed wanted some chewing gum.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Yep, they've just failed the pedallo task all because Fed wanted some chewing gum.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:56 (twenty-two years ago)

also, dreadfully biassed editing last night i thought, showing poor old jontickle talking about star wars ep 7 (or whatever) and seemingly sending everyone to sleep...

i'm sure he is having non sci-fi/physics/geekoid conversations, but they don't seem to want to show them...

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Thursday, 29 May 2003 10:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Heat Magazine wuvs Jontickle - i saw it on mel and sue this morning.

― Alan (Alan), Thursday, 29 May 2003 10:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I want Jon to win now, just because he's such a geek.

― caitlin (caitlin), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Also his name is Tickle. I've not watched since Friday though so what do I know.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe he's *so* geeky his name is actually Jon Tcl.

― caitlin (caitlin), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:01 (twenty-two years ago)

http://community.channel4.com/6/ubb.x?a=tpc&s=162603557&f=31360877&m=84560648

― Alan (Alan), Thursday, 29 May 2003 13:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I've learnt more from JT in four days than I did from the past 3 series, when are people going to get past the idea that big wabs are the be all and end all.

BIG WABS MUST GO!

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 29 May 2003 14:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 350 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Particularly considering that it's in the information they provide during the selection process.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 12 June 2003 11:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Cynicism there. But birthdays = excuse to crack out the bouze = good TV,

Nick will tell us shortly exactly how many Big Brother contestants have had birthdays in the house. I believe the figure is over 50% (I have a vague memory that BB2 had 8 birthdays). Statistically it should average out at just under 20% - 2/3 contestants.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 12 June 2003 11:55 (twenty-two years ago)

prob that none of them have a birthday during entirety of that period = (1 - (295/365)^10)

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 12 June 2003 11:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Birthday celebrations have never been that big of a deal, surely? And certainly not enough to justify selecting people on that basis. BB will take any excuse to chuck a bit of extra booze & food at the housemates, this year's secret disco / bingeing room shows that.

― Emma, Thursday, 12 June 2003 11:58 (twenty-two years ago)

sorry, that's the prob at least one of them has a b/d during that period (if there were 10 to start which there weren't oop)

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 12 June 2003 12:00 (twenty-two years ago)

The format is constantly being tweaked. The SECRET PUB is a compromise from last years grebt TV Saturday tasks vs back to basics week long tasks which were fun to watch and a challenge.

Birthdays are good because they allow parties, but also much introspection from the person involved (age, their friends and families) good for show.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 12 June 2003 12:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Stop calling it a secret pub. The only resemblance it bears to a pub is that it has booze in it.

Maybe the birthdays thing can be explained using astrology. Geminis / Cancerians = more likely to have an urge to appear on reality TV.

― Emma, Thursday, 12 June 2003 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

WHo was the BB contestant with an identical twin who they stuck pins in trying to see if the twin in the house felt the pain?

B-b-but Emma, what have whizzing pieces of rock in ver Universe got to do with my personality.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 12 June 2003 12:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Cynicism there. But birthdays = excuse to crack out the bouze = good TV

Right. So where's the cynicism? The purpose of the selection process is to pick people who will make good TV, and birthdays are a factor. I'm not saying "Capricorns need not apply" or anything.

Was it mostly the boring people in BB2 that had birthdays during the show?

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 12 June 2003 12:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Stop calling it a secret pub
STOP GETTING BIG BROTHER WRONG

― Alan (Alan), Thursday, 12 June 2003 12:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Mostly the ones that stayed. Oh, but Elizabeth and Dean certainly did (Helen did but she wasn't boring). I have a feeling Brian didn't, and Penny probably didn't have the time. Bubble had a birthday, pretty sure Paul Clark did too. Stuart may have gone too quickly, but Josh and Narindar had one I think.

I think the perception might become Capricorns need not apply".

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 12 June 2003 12:39 (twenty-two years ago)

couldn't they just all be like the queen and have an official birthday in june?

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Thursday, 12 June 2003 12:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, its my official birthday on Sunday!!!

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 12 June 2003 12:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Re: Dean, he demanded to be served in the back room rather than go round to the actual bar bit where the queue was, girl explained that there was a queue and she couldn't serve him, he says 'Ah, well you're too fat to serve me anyway', and is subsequently barred after her mates glared at his mates for a bit in that awkward way.

― Ferg (Ferg), Thursday, 12 June 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Fed just said "I think I may inadvertently been in a porno film". He is getting desperate.

― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 12 June 2003 20:19 (twenty-two years ago)

This is on the highlights of last night (just before he launched into his dirty slag routine, which I thought was quite funny actually)

― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 12 June 2003 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

He is getting desperate.

Explain this to me? He's given up his life to be om BB4 and now he's getting desperate?!

― Lara (Lara), Thursday, 12 June 2003 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Getting desperate to stay in...trying to provide "controversial" "entertainment value" I think in an attempt to hang on in there

― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 12 June 2003 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

evict Jon! he's too well hung for my liking.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 12 June 2003 20:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Part of the whispering campaign about the size of Federico's penis involved this exchange, according to someone on the DS:BB forum:

steph: "It's like a worm!"

nush: "Perhaps that's why he's so angry at the world!"

sissy: "you'd have to say 'Are you actually fooking me?''"

Silence.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 12 June 2003 20:46 (twenty-two years ago)

bump. GET RID OF HIM AND LET HIM BE TORN APART BY BAYING WOLVES/DAVINA

― Alan (Alan), Friday, 13 June 2003 07:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Julio, it was Ray who Tania said was well hung. Poor Fed, I bet he's a grower not a shower.

― Emma, Friday, 13 June 2003 08:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I am on the horns of a dilemma now, because Fed and Sissy are equally deserving of being kicked out. I think I'm going to decide that FEDERICO MUST GO because that will at least redress the gender balance. Although... if he stays in there's the tantalising possibility that Ray will at some point pick him up and snap him like a bug-eyed twig.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 13 June 2003 08:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Nah, him and Ray are OK again now, they were just having a boyish tussle, they punched each other's arms affectionately after the row had died down. I have seen blokes have heated rows then 2 minutes later be best buddies again loads of times. not like girls who plot vengeance while pretending everything is ok. Men are simple souls. well Fed and Ray are at any rate.

― Emma, Friday, 13 June 2003 08:20 (twenty-two years ago)

surely ray was mainly just marking out his "oh girlie viewers i wd never say such stuff ever my respect fr yr gender is unimpeachable and i always pick up the bill ps vote for me later" territory?

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 13 June 2003 08:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Such cynicism in one so old... And I know Ray and Fed made up, but a girl can dream can't she?

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 13 June 2003 09:33 (twenty-two years ago)

OH no no, I would absolutely LOVE the gender divide to continue. Their completely OTT reaction last gtime will surely mean that if Sissy goes this week that Nush's head will explode. HURRAH!

― Sarah (starry), Friday, 13 June 2003 09:35 (twenty-two years ago)

The best bit was when, in response to Ray's warnings that he might be blowing his chances with the female population by coming out with all this stuff, Fed blurted out "I don't care, I'll move to Italy!"

It wasn't clear to me whether this was because the women there won't have seen BB4, or just that Italian women like their men to be men or somesuch.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 13 June 2003 09:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Or men to be mean.

He could go on BB Italy and get shagZor even with his weeny winkle.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 13 June 2003 10:04 (twenty-two years ago)

''Julio, it was Ray who Tania said was well hung. Poor Fed, I bet he's a grower not a shower.''

oh i only saw the bit where the other girls were trying to get tania to say who it was.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 13 June 2003 10:09 (twenty-two years ago)

20 seconds after saying 'No I can't tell you' she mouthed 'Ray' to them.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 13 June 2003 10:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Ri:SE poll (which admittedly is voted for by the stupidest people int he world - why pay to vote on a poll about BB when you could spend the same money actually voting) suggests Fed will go tonight, which is a swing from earlier in the week. Did this outburst do Fed in? I think it will be close.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 13 June 2003 10:47 (twenty-two years ago)

''20 seconds after saying 'No I can't tell you' she mouthed 'Ray' to them.''

N: I was on aim at the time so i wasn't paying as much attn as i should've.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 13 June 2003 11:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Sometimes I doubt your commitment to reality TV.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 13 June 2003 11:20 (twenty-two years ago)

really?! I'm sorry. forgive me! I will try harder in future.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 13 June 2003 11:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I think Fed's penis should be called 'little scrounger'.

Little penis jokes ('a worm', 'tiddler', *waves pinky* etc) != funny?

Also, not mentioned above - Fed, after saying 'all women who don't offer to pay is dirty slagXors' added 'and I would also say 'but I'll have sex wiv you if you like'.

Sissy must go because her teeth are too big for her gums are too big for her mouth.

Trania.

― Cozen (Cozen), Friday, 13 June 2003 11:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Sissy must go, us second generation I-Talians have few enough role models in the media as it is. If he goes, it's just Dominic Matteo and Marcello.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 13 June 2003 11:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Why shouldn't Jon go then?

Incidentally, I think he should: he represents a fetishised 'safe' version of 'queerness'.

― Cozen (Cozen), Friday, 13 June 2003 11:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Also, Ri:SE late-in-the-week poll is normally a good indicator (it twigged Anouska & Justine) of who is going to go.

― Cozen (Cozen), Friday, 13 June 2003 11:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Sissy must go because her teeth are too big for her gums are too big for her mouth.

Man, you're out of order & a pervert to boot. How can gums be too small? Would you prefer she had the gums of, say, Ronaldinho? The perfection of Sissy's whole teeth arrangement makes me wanna cry.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Friday, 13 June 2003 13:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Off ya go, you mediocre little gobshite.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 20 June 2003 18:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Thank fuck for that.

Trania HAS to go next week. She is the embodiment of nearly everything I despise in the world.

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Tania has grown on me quite a lot. She has manners and tact, which is more than can be said fo some in the house.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:03 (twenty-two years ago)

She's also self-obsessed, vacuous, thick as pigshit and looks like an air hostess on Monarch.

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Also she lied and said she'd shagged DANE BOWERS when she hadn't. which is possibly the most desperate act the world has ever seen. I mean - Dane Bowers - for fuck's sake.

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I am beginning to develop a serious dislike for Steph. She reminds me of my irritating colleague that I never speak to because every time she opens her mouth I want to punch her. I realise there are two threads for such people, but I have too much anger to vent so I will direct it towards Steph instead.

So who's next? I would much rather either Steph or Trania or Ray went now and we could keep both Cameron and Jon. Can they change the rules now and not have a second eviction tonight?

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Jon can fuck off, the self-satisfied, boorish fuck up.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:08 (twenty-two years ago)

said she'd shagged DANE BOWERS

Did she claim what Jordan claimed about him too? Same as what they were accusing Fed of?

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Dunno. But I was really hoping that one of the boys would start a rumour that one of the girls had, in the words of Germaine Greer, "a twat like a horse collar". That would have livened things up a bit.

Another thing I hate about Trania: the way she does four sit-ups and goes on about it like it was an entire workout.

― j0e (j0e), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:14 (twenty-two years ago)

haha see you later Fed!

― Cozen (Cozen), Friday, 20 June 2003 19:21 (twenty-two years ago)

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