In Eastenders after Shane Ritchie has one of his 'moments' with Kat and she seemingly fails to twig that he's attempting to declare his undying love for her and bustles away from him in a huff, he te

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He's not just the DAZ CLOWN, y'know. It's really really great that he's getting a chance to prove it.

― Alex in Rotherham (Alex in Doncaster), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 11:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm sorry. It's been a long day.

― Alex in Rotherham (Alex in Doncaster), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 11:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Eastenders is a disgrace - that is all.

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 11:53 (twenty-two years ago)

this is funny cos it's true. EastEnders still has a way to go. This is not unlike Sharon's twitchy mouth and sardonic asides which was rightly ripped into on one of the Big Impression shows. It should be on the script editors "no no" list alongside:

* "Ere, I wanna word wiv you"
* "It's sorted"
* Barry

― Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 12:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Sharon's 'twitch eyes rapidly to the left to indicate great emotional torment' schtick to thread!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 12:25 (twenty-two years ago)

others that should be on the black list:

"faaaaaaaaammmly"
any character attempting to write poetry
peggy

also can i take a moment to say, "SEE, SEE, I *TOLD* YOU DEN (Snr.) WASN'T DEAD, THE BODY THEY FOUND DIDN'T HAVE A HEAD"

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Vicki's string vests and her angst that Martin won't hang around with her!

― Sarah (starry), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 14:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I only realised the other day that 'Derek' used to be in "Dads Army".

How astonishingly acute of me

― Fuzzy (Fuzzy), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 14:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I will never understand how there are no manifestations of non-race-specific-back-seat-of-bus-london-yout' patois on this show when the real east end is a stronghold of this particular accent-nouveau. also why does no one swear on eastenders? this area of london is full of people with absolutely foul mouths irl...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

7.30 EastEnders - Soap opera so transparently fictitious it may as well be set on the fucking Moon (Subtitles 888)

― Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Alfie's one of the few characters in Eastenders I like.

Along with Sonia, Derek and all the Slaters.

The Mitchells can fuck off though - they sum up everything that's bad about Eastenders.

― James Ball (James Ball), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

where do you think Walford East tube station actually would be on the tube map? i figure its on the District/Hammersmith & City lines between Stepney Green and Bow Road - but none of them ever talk about Mile End so it could be as far out as Bromley/West Ham - it wouldn't be on the Central line as the tube line is overground and elevated (aren't The Arches garages underneath it supposedly?)

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Walford has a proper train line AND a Tube, Steve. A train went over it once at someone's funeral - mark of respect, like.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

they make out Walford's quite big i.e. as big as Bow but there's surely no room for both of them in that vicinity

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Isn't this like asking what they all watch at 7.30 in the evening on BBC1? (Obviously the answer to this is nothing because they're all in the pub every single night despite being mostly skint).

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

And Jack Dalton used to be James Shelley when he was 50lbs lighter and didn't have black hair. How odd.

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:00 (twenty-two years ago)

i remember once Arthur Fowler was watching Postman Pat on TV one time (when he was jobless and depressed) and i wished they'd show Postman Pat watching Eastenders on TV...thus triggering a eschatalogical spacetime paradox and subsequent fatal reality inversion

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:07 (twenty-two years ago)

for fricking crying out loud man, arthur had that mondo breakdown and everything wasn't that enough for you...
also has anyone noticed that wehenever anyone has a breakdown on tv, they always sweep whatever is on the tabletop/mantelpiece/sheves onto the floor in a gesture of inner tumult and despair... do you have to do this if you have a mental collapse or are there other way to go about it?

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

i think the way Arthur exited the show was dreadful - there's no way he shouldve gone to prison after being framed by Willie Roper...how many injustices have beset the Albert Square residents? why does no-one innocent ever go to court and actually win?

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:14 (twenty-two years ago)

i tried drawing a diagram of how everyone in eastenders was related to eachother once, but i got a headache and had to stop

― Robin Goad (rgoad), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:25 (twenty-two years ago)

surely someone out there on the wibbly wobbly web has managed to do this (possibly not using MS Organisation Chart though...)?

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Thursday, 29 May 2003 08:13 (twenty-two years ago)

There's one here, but it's out of date ALREADY!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 29 May 2003 08:21 (twenty-two years ago)

hey i was going to do that once, i also toyed with devising an Eastenders Drinking Game e.g. everytime someone unwittingly sleeps with their in-law, thats a double shot at least

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 09:15 (twenty-two years ago)

everytime Pauline Fowler chews a wasp, chug chug chug!

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 09:16 (twenty-two years ago)

the overground line is surely the one from liverpool street up past hackney marshes etc etc

(some of the overground lines round these parts are vestigial and grassed over: there is a cool scene one this grass in otherwise the utterly worthless LOW LIVES HIGH HEELS dir.m.smith)

the irl people of fassett square off graham rd, hackney, all insist that they are living in the real actual albert square

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 29 May 2003 09:26 (twenty-two years ago)

ie eastenders needs more vietnamese characters to be "realistic"

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 29 May 2003 09:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I've been to Fasset Square! It looks exactly like the Eastenders set - only without the Vic and the market.

As far as I'm aware there has never once been any kind of east Asian character in Eastenders whatsoever.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 29 May 2003 09:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Fuzzy - did u only realise that Derek was in Dad's Army due to a terrible program about british sit coms? My boy told me about 2 mins before & I was like 'wow'!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 29 May 2003 10:35 (twenty-two years ago)

i can't beleive in all of this there isn't an eastenders one...

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Thursday, 29 May 2003 10:39 (twenty-two years ago)

As far as I'm aware there has never once been any kind of east Asian character in Eastenders whatsoever.

erm...Sanjay? Geeta? Mina? or do you mean Far East?

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 10:58 (twenty-two years ago)

i can't imagine the Far East quotient in East London is greater than in the West (esp. Acton and surrounding area) - so by the ratios determined by the Eastenders team, what with there ever only being ONE SOLITARY black family in Eastenders at any one time, there would only be 0.06 Chinese/Korean/Japanese characters in the show...which amounts to old Mr Miyagi-esque guy ambling around the market once every six months

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:00 (twenty-two years ago)

IT'S A FUCKING SOAP OPERA NOT A FUCKING DOCUMENTARY.

― Emma, Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:21 (twenty-two years ago)

sorry for shouting

― Emma, Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:22 (twenty-two years ago)

and swearing

― Emma, Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:24 (twenty-two years ago)

but you're not sorry for shattering my belief system?

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Bah. You are all being such total men about it ie trying to make maps and draw diagrams etc. It's not a documentary and it's not a role playing game either. grrr.

― Emma, Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:42 (twenty-two years ago)

no its a steaming pile of crap, and thus we are fools for trying to polish it

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:43 (twenty-two years ago)

EASTENDERS THE ROLE PLAYING GAME!!!

that's genius.

Main characteristics:

gruffness, drinking, sterotypicalness, caprice, fidelity and charm

― Alan (Alan), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Can I roll my drinking again?

― Tim (Tim), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Alan do you now see why I didn't want to involve myself in this so-called 'thread'?

― Emma, Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:46 (twenty-two years ago)

also there has never been a storyline about the skinned bears in the marshes

also it lacks vampires/goblings etc

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:52 (twenty-two years ago)

you walk into a 10 by 10 room to find peggy mitchell, please all make saving throws vs "didn't they used to be famous for something else"...

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:53 (twenty-two years ago)

i hate all soaps now, but Eastenders i loved deeply for years...i can't remember the exact point where i just gave up with it but nominations would include the Arthur Fowler decline, Grant/Michelle tryst and subsequent sprog, the Grant/Tiff's mum thing, Ian/Melanie, Matthew Rose murder trial (ok this was quite good but still too predictable) and the endlessly disturbing Pat/Frank/Peggy love triangle putting the sex in sexagenarian (shudder) - i just couldnt enjoy any of that shit

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Taking Sides: Ozcabs vs Patcabs

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Dagmar vs E20

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:57 (twenty-two years ago)

stevem in calumspasm shockah!!

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:58 (twenty-two years ago)

ha ha, i think i am insulted

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:01 (twenty-two years ago)

E20 vs Angie's Den, shirley?

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Ed and I walked past Wendy Richards on Sunday; she was going home from Marylebone Waitrose.

My friend Georgina, an artist, wants to know when they're going to get AN ARTIST in The Square due to East London having highest concentration of same per capita in Europe, if not the world.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:03 (twenty-two years ago)

don't those artists live as close to the City as you can get but still be in East London tho i.e. Shoreditch? the only creatives slumming it in Bow are the professionals who moved from Essex i thought ;)

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 70 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Hahahahaha. Thank you, Mark S.

― Venga, Monday, 16 June 2003 19:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Best EastEnders ever!

― Cozen (Cozen), Thursday, 26 June 2003 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

aaaargh!! i will never open my eyes again!!

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 26 June 2003 18:25 (twenty-two years ago)

ooh what happened?

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 26 June 2003 19:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Entire episode = Shane Ritchie running about London looking for a condom!

― Cozen (Cozen), Thursday, 26 June 2003 19:05 (twenty-two years ago)

pity he didn't ring me, i have fucking loads of em.

― Fuzzy (Fuzzy), Friday, 27 June 2003 07:23 (twenty-two years ago)

It was classic, only because it was alfie. I really dont think you would have been endeared if it had been Phil Mitchell!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 27 June 2003 07:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Comedy classic.

― James Ball (James Ball), Friday, 27 June 2003 08:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Phil Mitchell wouldn't have bothered anyway, resulting in another hilarious unwanted pregnancy

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 27 June 2003 09:54 (twenty-two years ago)

YEah, I've got a drawer full.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 27 June 2003 10:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Of unwanted pregancies Pete?

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 27 June 2003 10:16 (twenty-two years ago)

disturbing...

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 27 June 2003 11:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Indeed! I mean I could understand if he had a drawer full of condoms!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 27 June 2003 11:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Those abortions have got to go somewhere. You can't flush 'em down the toilet you know.

I subcontract for"Backstreet wiv a Coathanger". I can reek a bit in the summer, and he bunged a colostomy bag in there without me noticing last week.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 27 June 2003 11:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Bloody cutbacks.

― Sam (chirombo), Friday, 27 June 2003 11:36 (twenty-two years ago)

That's not all they cut Sam.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 27 June 2003 11:42 (twenty-two years ago)

two weeks pass...

I watched it on Monday for the first time in a couple of weeks. Why does evil gangland boss Hywel Bennett want to kill Dennis? And why is Dr Trueman in Estonia?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Anthony has gone travelling to find himself after sacrificing his whole life to fulfil his mother's dream of him becoming a doctor then killing someone. Shelley wants to kill Dennis cos Dennis wants Shelley to give him £££s to compensate for him doing time for Shelley and also as a device to bring back Dirty Den at some point (speculation only).

― Emma, Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Is this the sort of travelling that means he will never come back (see also Marlene's cruise in Neighbours)?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:33 (twenty-two years ago)

'the door is still open' ie when he gets fed up with The Bill he can come back. Like Lisa whose return is imminent.

― Emma, Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Lisa should never have left Press Gang.

― j0e (j0e), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:35 (twenty-two years ago)

who should?

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:37 (twenty-two years ago)

So when is Dirty Den due to come back? (Prob last night as I missed it!)

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I believe it is next month, well they had to find him some work seeing as though Fort Boyard got axed

― j0e (j0e), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Nyaar do you mean to say the rumour I heard about Laura Beale giving birth to a black baby and Anthony taking the blame thus taking the rap for Paul, the real father, and then disappearing wasn't true? Gah! The tabloids have LIED to me!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:45 (twenty-two years ago)

My boy was convinced that she was gonna have a black baby! And what is going on with Paul & Janine? eurgh!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:46 (twenty-two years ago)

i think Den's return will be a disappointment - if you love Eastenders i doubt you're gonna love it anymore when he's back, and if you hate it then there's no hope for you either way

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:50 (twenty-two years ago)

You just reminded me - anybody else know that bloke who hangs around Covent Garden with no shoes and a broken 1970s television set? Last night he was singing "Janine, Janine, Janine JERN-EEEEEEEEEENE" to the tune of Jolene. I like him.

― j0e (j0e), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:51 (twenty-two years ago)

should read 'any more' rather than 'anymore'

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Please tell me he was doing the 'Jer-neeeen' bit in the style of Frank Butcher?

I've worked out what bothers me about Dennis now... the actor is far too middle-class.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:53 (twenty-two years ago)

yep he was Mike Reid-tastic

― j0e (j0e), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:59 (twenty-two years ago)

one month passes...

I've missed it for the last few episodes, and because EastEnders moves so bleedin' quickly these days its impossible to catch up having watched the first five minutes.

Who exactly is that bloke threatening Billy for doing his own club over? And why was there a comedy middle-class couple living in Phil's house?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 29 August 2003 14:23 (twenty-two years ago)

two months pass...

BEST EASTENDERS EVER!

(No, really this time)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:38 (twenty-two years ago)

It's like Sodom and Gomorrah!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I saw about a minute and it looked great

"Wha' ah thay tahkin' abaht?"
"Ah dunno, Zoop?"
"Zoop? Why ah they tahkin' abaht zoop?!"

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

bbc america cancelled eastenders the week before Den came back so I've had to resort to internet piracy.

― anthony kyle monday (akmonday), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

This cockney accent was brought to you by a boy from the "little English town of Devon."

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I like seeing Shane Ritchie get punched, but I hate seeing Alfie Moon getting punched. Punch him! No, don't punch him!
And while we're on the subject of Stenders, Phil Mitchell as the best Hook evah!

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:47 (twenty-two years ago)

'S all the rage in 'ackney...

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, come on - the prospect of Alfie Moon escaping getting bumped off by EVIL GANGSTAS again and again in all kinds of scary and comical ways is miles more appealing than weeks and weeks of Lisa getting drunk and Den telling her to sort herself out and Den telling Lisa how he'll sort anything out and then failing to do any such thing and then Phil threatening to sort Den out and doing no such thing and then Sharon going up to both of them and doing that eyes-right thing to indicate GRATE EMOTIONAL TORMENT!

Which is what EastEnders has basically consisted of for months on end, interspersed with rubbish stories about the Ferreiras who no one cares about because they have zero relationship with any of the other characters in the soap except for that equally rubbish put-upon tormented neighbour woman who no one cares about because she was only bought in to be a slightly rubbish love interest for the entire family, including probably the girl at some point.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Incidentally, this is apparently the REAL reason for Barry leaving EastEnders, which is funny because its exactly the sort of shite belligerant excuse the real Barry Evans would come up with.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 November 2003 21:02 (twenty-two years ago)

yeh but the one with the condom huh?

― athos magnani (Cozen), Friday, 14 November 2003 21:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I missed it.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 November 2003 21:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I was a little disappointed by the lack of cliffhanger tonight. I mean, it is Friday, after all.

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 14 November 2003 21:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Tonight they were having a party in the Vic to celebrate Kat and Alfie's engagement and a record came on. "I love this" squealed La Slater and turned it up full volume. The record? "I'm Your Man". (The Wham! version).

― ailsa (ailsa), Monday, 24 November 2003 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

so clever!

i was mildly enjoying Den's return actually, but i missed the episode where he reveals himself to the Square again e.g. Dot and Pauline (being as they are the only two characters who would know him although i'm sure even the Ferreiras's jaws probably dropped when they saw him even though they would have no idea who he was)

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 25 November 2003 11:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Hold on, Barry's LEFT?!

― Sarah (starry), Tuesday, 25 November 2003 11:43 (twenty-two years ago)

A friend of mine told me that Barry was going to get shot dead by Janine on their honeymoon but this struck me as being too implausibly ridiculous even for Eastenders.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 25 November 2003 11:47 (twenty-two years ago)

remember Vanessa? the woman who stitched Barry up and ran off with all his and Roy's money (they were quite successful until they shacked up with Pat) around ten years ago? you'd have thought ~~the writers~~ he'd have learnt his lesson.

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 25 November 2003 12:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I watched the omnibus purely to see Lynn Slater's Elvis impression, which Harry Hill hilariously pointed out on his show last week.

― Fuzzy (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 25 November 2003 14:52 (twenty-two years ago)

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