Pervs And Your Website

Sorry closed the parentheses too early in the first para. I doubt many of the visitors to your website are specifically after smut on NYLPM. They'd be looking at NYLPM if that was the case (or the new FT Reader's Wives section).

quite a few actually.

i get loads looking for 'hoes and sluts', in the last couple days i've had people coming looking for "enemas and sex" and "sweet female ass"!

i'm not sure what impression this is giving of my site. hmmm

Considering my most popular site is a PORNOGRAPHIC FAN FICTION site, I'd say all of them are after smut.

Except random people that type in things like "pop music" looking for the Backstreet Boys, and land in the Naughty Zone, reading about backdoor boys.

I've had: jockstrap +sex; animal sex; janet +reno +horses +nude; thom yorke +penis; banging +animals +orgasm; and I have had a few that turned my stomach, mostly about tampons or children.

Searches to FT in the last 100 hits (my referrals are down currently cos of the old site's disappearance):

"lovely head text goldfrapp"
"i'm lonely need a friend please help"
"bassment jaxx romeo"
"Munich Olympic Stadium"
"britneysex"
"Halifax easy commodores"
"where can i download the basement jaxx romeo mp3"
"sack music"
"basement jaxx romeo mp3"
"new york city strip clubs"
"Harmony London"
"Abba in Paris"
"club guide london indie belle friday"
"this mess we're in"

So two definite smutseekers, one probable (Harmony is a sex shop in London), and I'm very glad Fred reviewed the Jaxx single so early.

thom yorke +penis

Sorry, that was me... ;-)

Actually, "i'm lonely need a friend please help" was me. Does anyone else find that they're sitting there looking for stuff and almost all they can find is stuff that they've written? I'm always getting excited about finding new sites about my favourite stuff and then realising it's just NYLPM.

I think the best search hit I ever got was "giant tickle feather", although, "Can I see defecation?" is a close second.

Well, Tom, while I inadvertently named my site after a porn term (my roommate told me after the fact, whereupon the proverbial lightbulb started sparking above my head as I said, "cooooooooool..."), it's purely intentional that I include li'l naughty words in the META tags to try & coerce those nasty, nasty boys (& girls - no discrimination here) to read about some music & poetry. I also titled one of my li'l essays "Arousing Intercourse" - it's about talking to women. Suckers.

Here are some of the top Googles for my site from yesterday:

portrait of lady godiva
essays on g strings
back street boys notations
intercourse
woman arousing
i saw my mom nude
long bitch picture
scissor sex
monte carlo method and finance
free intercourse positions

I keep meaning to post the most interesting & ridiculous ones to my site, but my own searches for porn keep derailing me. (Yeah, I know that "monte carlo method & finance" isn't pervy, but it could be.) Also - I received 37 hits on the phrase "tara ried nude" this past month. And 11 on "britney spears teeth". Some people...

There are sites which charge for intercourse positions?

I just get hits for things like "Nelly Furtado smoking" and "Shirley Manson in boots and smoking" and "Pokemon smoking". People who like smoker's porn come to my website. I also get searches for "Richey Edwards Girlfriend" (possibly a picture of her smoking), "Nicky Wire why is he a dick?" and "That boy from Blur".

This all makes it seem very chaste, but the problem is judging by my emails most of them come looking for smut, regardless of the actual search.

How do you find out such information?

It's not the smut searchers that really bother me. It's people who come to my site looking for 'Justin Timberlake hot photos' and 'Backstreet Boys fan fiction' that make me ill. Oh, and that one who came looking for 'Invader Zim in my pants'

Christ, I once received E-MAILS asking for Dave Matthews Band tickets. E-MAILS. Gramatically retarded e-mails, at that. Christ. I try to sucker people into reading stuff regarding US Maple & the Scissor Girls & Tsunami by writing about popular music (Jewel, DMB, the Dead), and I get E-MAILS asking for Dave Matthews Band tickets. Christ on a crutch, even.

As far as how we know what folks are searching for - my webhost (Dreamhost.com) tracks daily traffic to my site, offering detailed info on which files they access, how many people access these files, and how people arrive at the site via search engines. I know Freakytrigger & Josh Blog use some sort of free tracking utility that allows for up-to-the-minute stats. Is that right, Mr. Ewing?

What the hell is "scissor sex"?

I use hitbox.com but I have also used sitemeter.com (both free).

Scissor sex sounds incredibly dangerous. Unless they are child scissors with the blunt points.

The other day I got a request from someone apparently looking for the erotic writings of Toni Morrison - "bluest eye porn".

and since i last posted i got someone looking for incest sex. wtf? on much less disturbing ground i also had "empty suit and dance"

isn't 'essay on a g string' a classical piece?

No, that'd be "The Thong Song".

I'm sorry, I'm still laughing at "bluest eye porn".

I keep thinking of a porn version of the Bluest Eye, the way they always come out with porn versions of sucessful movies a la Shaving Ryan's Privates...

The Bluest Thigh, maybe?

and, sadly, a huge percentage of my google referrals still come looking for nathan barley. although thats hardly pervy

femail

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