Roy Orbison wrapped in clingfilm

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!!!!

Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 2 June 2003 12:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

increible! muy divertido.

Andrew (enneff), Monday, 2 June 2003 12:23 (twenty-one years ago) link

For olde time sakes, Astronomy Mod to thread.

Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Monday, 2 June 2003 12:25 (twenty-one years ago) link

Why do I have an association between Roy Orbison and clingfilm in my head already? Maybe I read about this somewhere else.

N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 2 June 2003 12:27 (twenty-one years ago) link

Ah, the work of Micheal Kelly. It's not real slash fiction, it's part of his "Page Of Misery".

Here is the rest of the site. It's quite good.

Chriddof (Chriddof), Monday, 2 June 2003 13:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

Wow. That shits astounding! The pace and lesson-learning aspects of it sorta remind me some ol' Lao Tse proverbs or something.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 2 June 2003 13:19 (twenty-one years ago) link

there was already a thread about this?

RJG (RJG), Monday, 2 June 2003 14:46 (twenty-one years ago) link

'Hello Roy,' I say. 'What are you doing in Dusseldorf?'

'Attending to certain matters,' he replies.

'Ah,' I say.

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 2 June 2003 14:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

Here is an amazing radio interview with Michael Kelly (RealAudio):

http://wfmu.org/listen.ram?show=7624

Colin Meeder (Mert), Monday, 2 June 2003 15:37 (twenty-one years ago) link

seven months pass...
A CHRISTMAS STORY! HOORAY!

Kingfish Funyun (Kingfish), Friday, 30 January 2004 01:46 (twenty years ago) link

This is very very disturbing.

Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 30 January 2004 01:49 (twenty years ago) link

touching as ever

(haha x-post)

Matt (Matt), Friday, 30 January 2004 01:50 (twenty years ago) link

three years pass...

Time can not diminish, nor even dishonor annul it.

Aimless, Thursday, 11 October 2007 00:31 (seventeen years ago) link

three months pass...

Now you may read a novel of Roy Orbison in Clingfilm

wau

Ol Bertie Dastard, Sunday, 3 February 2008 01:11 (sixteen years ago) link

three months pass...

the novel is really good

my favorite book that I had to order online since 'How to Good-bye Depression'

favorite section is a toss-up between the clingfilm yo-yo outside Yul Brenner's party & the section in the middle where he attempts to confront his fetish and starts going to self-help groups

Milton Parker, Sunday, 18 May 2008 01:14 (sixteen years ago) link

Milton are you finished with 'How to Good-bye Depression'?

S-, Sunday, 18 May 2008 04:11 (sixteen years ago) link

Weird, I have no memory of starting this thread, and no idea how I ever came across that page in the first place.

Matt DC, Sunday, 18 May 2008 12:51 (sixteen years ago) link

"came across that page"

There are so many things on that site that I can't believe I'm seeing. "Roy in Clingfilm in Space"? The fact that this guy wrote a novel, which was then reviewed in The Guardian newspaper? Or the dilemma I now have, which is that I actually know an old geezer who looks like Roy Orbison, and how am I going to keep a straight face next time I bump into him in the street?

Film and video game rights are still available

I can just see this as a Nintendo Wii game...

snoball, Sunday, 18 May 2008 13:12 (sixteen years ago) link

This, and Evil Guide Dog.

Mark G, Monday, 19 May 2008 09:20 (sixteen years ago) link

'Are you perchance a doctor?'

'No. I studied at a catering college for some years but was forced to leave for reasons I prefer not to disclose.'

'Ach! Then I am at a loss what to do.'

'There is one thing we might try,' I say with elaborate nonchalance. 'If we were to wrap him in cling-film, this would prevent corruption setting in until we can get him to a hospital.'

I am using your worlds, Monday, 19 May 2008 20:31 (sixteen years ago) link

wtf

HI DERE, Monday, 19 May 2008 20:31 (sixteen years ago) link

It takes a second or two for the penny to drop. 'Black clothes and dark glasses you say. I implore you to think carefully. Could the man's name conceivably be Roy Orbison? This is a matter of extreme urgency to me.'

I am using your worlds, Monday, 19 May 2008 20:36 (sixteen years ago) link

This website is the first match on google for my real name. Peoplethink i write Roy Orbison Clingfilm porn :(

Slumpman, Monday, 19 May 2008 21:26 (sixteen years ago) link

'We have been struck by an asteroid,' I report. 'One of the precision-engineered BMW engines has been knocked out of alignment. Unless it can be mended we will die.'

'Suit me up,' says Roy. 'I'm going out there.'

'Captain,' I say nervously, 'you are not going to like this. I am afraid we forgot to bring space-suits on this mission.'

'Ach!' says Roy. 'This is a grave disappointment.'

I clear my throat diffidently. 'There is one thing we might try. As you know I had the foresight to bring many rolls of clingfilm with us for emergencies just such as this.'

srsly wtf

HI DERE, Monday, 19 May 2008 21:28 (sixteen years ago) link

PS. Film and video game rights are still available

o_0

HI DERE, Monday, 19 May 2008 21:29 (sixteen years ago) link

Who would you cast as the Big O?

snoball, Monday, 19 May 2008 21:33 (sixteen years ago) link

Oprah

HI DERE, Monday, 19 May 2008 21:35 (sixteen years ago) link

Cate Blanchett in a daring turn.

Abbott, Monday, 19 May 2008 21:35 (sixteen years ago) link

And clingfilm.

Abbott, Monday, 19 May 2008 21:36 (sixteen years ago) link

David Spade Full Frontal

sexyDancer, Monday, 19 May 2008 21:36 (sixteen years ago) link

Meatloaf

snoball, Monday, 19 May 2008 21:48 (sixteen years ago) link

You can't wrap Meat Loaf in clingfilm!

Mark G, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 08:47 (sixteen years ago) link

So, anyone bought the novel?

krakow, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 09:04 (sixteen years ago) link

I start at the ankles and work up. I am like a spider binding him in my gossamer web. I do it tight with several layers. Soon Roy Orbison stands before me, completely wrapped in cling-film. The pleasure is unexampled.

'You are completely wrapped in cling-film,' I say.

Frogman Henry, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 09:56 (sixteen years ago) link

Two criminals burst in waving shotguns.

'This is a robbery!' they yell. 'You two are hostages.'

'Make them tie each other up,' says the lead robber.

'Ach! I have forgotten the rope,' says his cohort.

'I happen to have a roll of cling-film with me,' I offer diffidently. 'Perhaps that would serve?'

'It will have to. Wrap that man in black in cling-film at once or it will go badly with you.'

'Very well.' Trembling, I take out the cling-film. 'I am sorry Roy, it looks like I have no choice.'

'Do what you have to.'

I start at the feet and work my way up. I wrap him as tenderly as a mother swaddling an infant. I marvel at the play of light on the miraculous translucence. Soon, Roy Orbison is entirely wrapped in cling-film. I thank God that I was born to live this minute.

'He is completely wrapped up in cling-film,' I report.

Frogman Henry, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 10:06 (sixteen years ago) link

Does he ever get to say "I am completely wrapped up in cling-film" ?

Mark G, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 10:07 (sixteen years ago) link

'Good,' says the bandit. 'Now I want you to wrap the clingfilm around the two of you so that you are wrapped up with him.'

My mouth dry, I stand pressed against Roy, who is wrapped completely in clingfilm. Awkwardly, I pass the film around both of our waists several times, until we are bound together by the miracle substance. My synapses overload with joy.

'We are both wrapped in clingfilm,' I tell the robbers. 'I am not completely wrapped, however, but is there more clingfilm in my briefcase if you would care to finish the job.'

'No, that will do.'

It certainly will!

Frogman Henry, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 10:10 (sixteen years ago) link

Well, wrap me up in clingfilm and sellotape me to Roy Orbison!

Mark G, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 10:15 (sixteen years ago) link

You'd think maybe this would all have got a bit predictable by now, and maybe he'd diversify into Bacofoil or something.

Matt DC, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 10:16 (sixteen years ago) link

Well in the Christmas story he does diversify - by completely wrapping santa clause in cling film.

I am using your worlds, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 10:46 (sixteen years ago) link

I remember wrapping a kid called Ben in toilet roll and then clingfilm in halls during my first year at university.

Scik Mouthy, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 10:54 (sixteen years ago) link

Roy Orbison In Clingfilm Haikus

wearing dark glasses
he approached me without clothes
the cling wrap shone brightly
through the flashing lights
reflected off smooth surface
a glimpse of johnson

moley, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 11:06 (sixteen years ago) link

This is a very specific fetish.

moley, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 11:06 (sixteen years ago) link

Jetta the turtle?
Stretch wrap man in black?
Only the lonely.

Flowing like a stream
Rivulets on plastic wrap
Someone's been Cryin'

"Please unwrap me now"
Last words. Dump the corpse
On the Blue Bayou.

Frogman Henry, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 11:07 (sixteen years ago) link

I'd like to try my hand at this.

I saw you crying
Bound incling wrap, so you were
You could not play guitar

In the north, they say
Are dragons, proud and hopeless
They, too, cannot sing

moley, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 11:14 (sixteen years ago) link

I shop: I purchase wrap
At home, Orbison awaits
We are both hungry.

moley, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 11:16 (sixteen years ago) link

Roy, I wrap you tight
Hold still, songwriter, I gasp
My mouth - so very dry.

moley, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 11:20 (sixteen years ago) link

Oops extra syllable there.

moley, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 11:21 (sixteen years ago) link

Roy, it is raining
And you have no umbrella
There's a solution.

moley, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 11:22 (sixteen years ago) link

I'm satisfied with that last one.

moley, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 11:23 (sixteen years ago) link

In clingfilm I walk with you, in clingfilm I talk to you.
In clingfilm you're mine, all of the time we're together
In clingfilm, in clingfilm.

But just before the dawn, I awake and find you gone.
I can't help it, I can't help it, if I cry.
I remember that you said goodbye.

It's too bad that all these things, can only happen in clingfilm
Only in clingfilm, in beautiful clingfilm

Tom D., Tuesday, 20 May 2008 11:25 (sixteen years ago) link

I stare at my lunch
One sandwich, wrapped in clear film
Why can't you be Roy?

moley, Tuesday, 20 May 2008 11:28 (sixteen years ago) link

one year passes...

^^^ == ^_^

Aimless, Wednesday, 28 April 2010 18:26 (fourteen years ago) link

it's an amazing book. how will we protect ourselves from those menancing earwigs?

Milton Parker, Tuesday, 11 May 2010 18:04 (fourteen years ago) link

there is one thing we might try

Milton Parker, Tuesday, 11 May 2010 18:05 (fourteen years ago) link

Who would you cast as the Big O?

Russell Crowe

Chris L, Tuesday, 11 May 2010 22:15 (fourteen years ago) link

thirteen years pass...

The dream starts the usual way, with the arrival of a mysterious man with dark glasses, dressed in all black from head to toe. I know who it is. We all recognize him. It is the legendary singer Roy Orbison, alive and in his prime.

Roy Orbison says ‘Let us say my name together’ and we all say ‘Roy Orbison’. Then he turns to me and says ‘Thank you, but please, call me Roy.”

‘You bet”, I say. The others who had recognized him and spoken his name with me disappear.

With charisma to spare, Roy Orbison says ‘I trust you know what I need.’

‘Where would you like to be cling-wrapped?’ I ask.

‘Around the ankles, to start’, says Roy. ‘Then work your way up toward my head. You can cover up my mouth with the cling-film, but leave the nostrils free. Appreciate it.’

‘You bet’, I say. ‘Please stand still, Roy.’

He towers above me, sharp, against the flat gray sky. His pants are within a foot of my face. I see his matte black slacks have been recently ironed. They smell like fabric softener.

‘I no longer belong to this time’, says Roy. ‘The space is the same, more or less, but the time is no longer right.’

The clingfilm unfurls around Roy Orbison’s legs in tight overlapping layers. I am efficient, wrapping firmly but not unreasonably so. There is a reason Roy comes to me for clingwrap. There are reasons. I pull the plastic counter-clockwise up and around his tibias, fibulas, patellas, femurs, up toward the hips.

The others returned, and this time without promption we all spoke his name again, ‘Roy Orbison’. Roy is on stage while I work diligently underneath his gesturing arms.

‘The elephant in the room is the clingfilm. I’ve come to rely on it. It preserves me in my current state - what I still perceive to be my current state - including my voice, my undeniable set of pipes.’

Roy sings his heart out.

I see them joyfully lost in Roy’s dream as I pass behind and in front of him with the clingfilm. I pin his arms down to his sides, keeping his hands pressed hard against his pockets. Roy Orbison, outside of time but inside our space, is still the man in black, covered in a shifting transparent film gloss sheen like oil in water.

He stops singing when the clingwrap reaches his throat.

‘One last thing’, he says, ‘as I drift away into my magic night, I must trust you to wake me up when you feel the time is right. Perhaps in a different place.’

The others disappear. It’s just me and Roy again. I think I am about to say something, but as my mouth opens he says ‘Also, again, just a reminder about not covering up the nostrils. Love ya.’

Roy Orbison nods in a way that seems to end an era. I cover his mouth with clingfilm, then carefully cover the nose and cheek area while leaving a small gap for the nostrils. The top of a dome is a difficult area for any clingwrapper, and the top of Roy Orbison’s head is no exception. Nonetheless I quickly and skillfully finish covering up the top of his head. I tear the last of the clingwrap off with the sawtoothed edge of the dispenser, securing the film to itself with a modest but sufficent slab of transparent shipping tape. I place my finger near the nostril gap and feel Roy exhale.

We wait for the right time.

z_tbd, Tuesday, 16 January 2024 21:27 (eleven months ago) link


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