Bobby Flay - Classic or Dud

Yeah, actually I should have mentioned: Feel free to use the thread to discuss Food Network in general (checked the archives and there doesn't appear to be a dedicated thread).

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you haven't lived until you have seen morimoto's restaurant in philly. it's way dreamy. i also want to commend everyone for not skinning me alive over my flay-love. he is obnoxious. there is no doubt. i dunno why i think he's cute. i've never been to a shrink.

Nah, one is the squashed troll version of the other.

Yeah, he annoys me but he doesn't have the same evil chuckleheaded vibe that Flay does.

you want good Southwestern recipes, get a Mark Miller book

I don't watch any of these extreme cooking shows. Begins and ends w/ Julia Child afaic.

But for wholly different reasons, right?

In a recent episode Malouf dared to use a "big" word -- Flay was so thrown off by this that he spent the next five minutes making fun of Malouf and trying to put her in her place. Malouf had this look on her face like "OK, whatever, shut up!"

The guy is a cockholster of the highest/lowest order.

Me, I love Iron Chef, like Alton Brown (in half-hour doses only), Anthony Bourdain (again, half an hour is enough though Kitchen Confidential was fantastic), and want to kill Sara Moulton (the fact that she hasn't been mentioned on this thread confirms my suspicion that she is the most insipid TV chef ever). I also like that French guy who makes spun sugar cages and fabulous pastries, but I can't remember his name right now. Jacques Torres?

Emeril: Essence of Emeril is fine, but Emeril Live is without a doubt the most Satanic cookery show ever broadcast. Putting him in front of an audience was the worst thing they could have done. He's gone from presenting quite good recipes and cooking tips to reading, like, five cue cards per show ("AW YEAH BABY," "CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE," LETS KICK IT UP A NOTCH," "BAM," and "BUY MY PRODUCTS") and pandering to the meatheads in the studio audience who can be triggered into orgasm every time he holds up some "gaahlic". He shouldn't be on the Food Network, he should be a professional pornographer.

Mario Batali has good recipes, but he reminds me too much of the Comic Book Store guy from The Simpsons. Rachael Ray is hot but way too perky, and her shows suck balls. "How to Boil Water" is maddening.

Oh Christ, I'd only meant to write a one-line response.. I think I watch too much FoodTV.

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You've just described a wonderful fantasy of mine. Minus the hubby, of course (seeing as though I'm not married), but I would absolutely love to get Tyler to come to my home and show me how to cook something whilst touching me nonstop and "flirting" with me through his cooking. Mmmmm. Tyler = fox.

In fact, let me try and round up the Food Network Hotties (hetero female version):

And I'm really sorry if this puts many of you off, but I do quite enjoy Bobby Flay. I think his personality's really huge and bold and flavorful, much like his cooking seems to be. Plus, I love how on "Boy Meets Grill" he always seems to have something to make me cheer over, from the UT Longhorns t-shirt he sported on the barbecue ep to the fannish ravings over Mexican food on the fish tacos ep. He does also have this little boy look to him that is -- OMG.

What? It's the hormones working overdrive, I tell ya.

Alton Brown: The coolest TV chef out there, IMHO. His programs are always incredibly fun to watch, I've learned a ton from him, his recipes always seem very appetizing, and I totally agree with him on the whole "charcoal grill" thing, i.e. that they're the best ones out there. He satisfies my intellectual side. (Though it was surprising to find out he wasn't very good at math in school AND that his [regular college] degree is in drama, making him more of a creative geek than anything.)

Emeril Lagasse: Every time I think I'm beyond annoyed with him and that I would snap his head off should I meet him in person, I see a little bit of something in him that says, "Don't hate me because I'm for the masses." Truth be told, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be interested in cooking shows in the first place. But he does get grating at times, and his schtick is overworn to the point of being a cliche (oh yes, let's see Emeril add an overexaggerated amount of garlic to the dish... and let's see him spout off on the virtues of pork fat... oh, and let's see him say the whole "you thought those were the cheap seats" or "food of love" thing... oh, and yes, let's see who Doc Gibbs and Cliff are and see if they'll perform some more so-called "food music"... and go ahead and throw in the "bam!" one more time because I haven't heard it enough in my life).

David Rosengarten and "Taste": Thought it was boring at the time it aired (hey, I was just getting into cooking shows), but maybe by now I'd find it interesting. That is, of course, unless David turns out to be a snob. I've had enough bad experiences in my TV cooking show-watching life with snobbery; in fact, it was the utter contempt for the masses that I saw in most of the '80s-era PBS cooking show hosts that originally put me off cooking shows. (Thank God that's been mostly rectified -- Lidia Bastianich and co., thank you!)

Mario Batali: The only way I can watch him is if he's on "Mario Eats Italy", with his silly friend right there by his side playing the audience's role of "ooh, what's this?" One interesting thing, though -- right when "Mario Eats Italy" was starting, my dad watched a promo for it on the Food Network while watching something else. My dad's comment? "Yeah, it sure looks like he's eaten Italy, all right." (My dad can be a bit of a comedian at times.)

Rachael Ray: I may look like her, but my personality's not like hers. Trust me. Sometimes I find myself looking in horror at her mannerisms and behavior, because it reminds me of a former friend of mine who used to act almost exactly like that. This is not good news. But at least Rachael will go to a museum and learn stuff, which my former friend would never even consider (this is one of a million reasons why she's my former friend). Still, Rachael is talented at what she does, and I always root for her to either finish the meal in under 30 minutes or get through the day without going over $40 on dining.

Jacques Torres: Sadly missed on PBS (where he was one of the first TV chefs with a personality AND respect for the masses), but joyously embraced on the Food Network. "Chocolate with Jacques Torres", much like "Dessert Circus", shows desserts that you would never actually do at home, but would rather like to have made for you should you have the money to purchase something like that.

Other Food Network favorites of mine -- Paula Deen of "Paula's Home Cooking", Ina Garten of "Barefoot Contessa", and Gordon Elliott of "Follow That Food". I absolutely cannot stand either "Date Plate" or "Food Fight", and the places "The Best Of" goes to are so cliched that you could make a mint betting on which places will be featured on the program ("I bet you $100 either Minnesota, Chicago, New York, Baltimore, or Philadelphia will be on shown on this episode. Double it if more than one of the places get shown. Oh yes, and I bet you that if this is about ethnic foods, Jill Cordes will completely butcher any of the foreign words she encounters. [How did that dumb bimbo get this job, anyway?]")

As you can tell, I'm a Food Network junkie.

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(Sorry to sound like an ad there - but I do love the darn thing!)

Jamie Oliver sucks wind. He's afraid to let the cameras get real close up to what he's cooking because his technique is awful. In just one show, I just watched Oliver commit the following crimes against food, drink, and nature...

-Pour a mixture of ordinary corn cooking oil, gelatin, and champagne over some relatively nice fruit. Then he added a half-cup of sugar over the mess and put the whole works in the fridge to solidify.

-Amusingly, he held up a bottle of Italian spumante and claims that it's "identical to champagne, except that since it doesn't come from Champagne it can't be called champagne".

-For another dish (raw oysters), his dipping sauce is a chopped shallot dumped in a bowl with red wine vinegar (no sauteing, just cold), a half-cup of sugar, and a chopped up red pepper.

-Oliver then claims the oysters will be wonderful since they "smell like the ocean". (where I come from, if *any* food smells like the ocean it means it's not fresh and about to go bad).

-The oysters are then dumped into a bowl with a couple of halved lemons on top and then placed in the same refrigerator with the cooking oil/gelatin monstrosity from above. (Congratulations, now your entire dinner will smell like the bottom of a boat.

-Then for a fish marinade, he took a whole jar of capers, mixed it with an entire can of anchovies, and then dumped in some olive oil with a little bit of rosemary. Nothing to balance the extreme amount of salt in there, but the alleged marinade wasn't used as a marinade at all - he dumped some fish in there and removed it immediately without soaking (even though he still refers to it as a marinade)

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HI THERE, Dee the Lurker!

Flay comes across like a total egomaniac who has no respect for anyone else's opinion or conversational input. It inflames me to watch him.

Also, Rachael Ray = hot?! She looks like a suburban mother, plus she sold out to Burger King. Meh! She is pretty helpful on 30-Minute Meals, though.

Sara's Secrets is the f-ing WORST, though -- how dull can food TV get?

And Jacques Torres is ultra-surreal -- ziss iss a shockolitt model of Versailles, see Louis in zere? It's the most avant-garde show on the network -- I have never even entertained even the faintest possibility of hoping to recreate to any extent anything I've seen that man make.