Although I've been with my boy ten years this August it just keeps getting better and better. When we were students and first living together we had separate bedrooms although we would often sleep in the same bed. We've only shared a bed consistently for the past two years. Now I want to go to the next level and crawl inside of him like a tonton.

Okay not really but you know what I mean. I'm so delighfully surprised that my feelings toward him only deepen and get more complex with time. A lot of this has to do with being 18 vs being 28 maturity stuff and us starting to have more equivalent sex drives and things like that but I feel like there's something more to it to that I can't quite grasp. What must couples who've been together 50 years feel!

I find I spend my time
Waiting on your call
How can I tell you, babe
My back's against the wall
I need you by my side
To tell me it's alright
Cos I don't think I can take anymore

Is this love that I'm feeling
Is this the love that I've been
searching for
Is this love or am I dreaming
This must be love
Cos it's really got a hold on me
A hold on me

I can't stop the feeling
I've been this way before
But, with you I've found the key
To open any door
I can feel my love for you
Growing stronger day by day
An' I can't wait to see you again
So I can hold you in my arms

Is this love that I'm feeling
Is this the love that I've been
searching for
Is this love or am I dreaming
This must be love
Cos it's really got a hold on me
A hold on me
Is this love that I'm feeling
Is this the love that I've been
searching for

Is this love or am I dreaming

NOW THATS WHAT I CALL..........LOVE

It's not all plain sailing beds of roses though - mostly due to both being busy lots of the time and the fact that we started off knowing each other professionally, then personally, now I'm his student plus I know ex and his kids quite well but they don't know about him and me and it's important to both of us that our relationship is not public knowledge - I think more-so to me than him - I don't want my friends who are also his students to know, I don't want his ex to know and be upset and, um, well, most of my friends know me as a lesbian and he's kind of not female.

I feel really clear headed about how I feel about him - which is strange for me. Although, if he's too busy to see me or spend time on the phone chatting about nothing I get all panicky and impatient but that's coz of self-doubt stuff and so even though he tells me I'm a fantastic and interesting person I can't believe that is true and I'm sure he'll realise I'm not one day and then not want to see me anymore and so I wonder if he really is too busy or if that day has come.

If I tell myself that he's only interested in me for sexy reasons then I don't panic coz sexy is easy and then I don't have to deal with the pressure of being a fantastic and interesting person! What a cop out.

So anyway, I'm learning lots about myself and there's a chance I'm also learning a bit about love too.

"Don't sleep with someone unless you're happy for everyone to know because everyone *will* find out"

so I suppose hiding it is pretty silly really.

If not - it's being a stalker

Ah, but there's nothing more sweet and more bitter than an unanswered love.

Luckily, this doesn't seem to be the case here.