This is the special thread where Ally asks Ned to review ILXors.

Yanc3y: Calla Calla Calla Chameleon.

Ned review me!

One tries. :-)

Jel: Rockin' Arenas From Here to MARS!

The 2003 edition of Mr. Strickler came as a surprise to some long-established fans, but for those new to the particular talents on display from this artist, the combination of subtle grace and sometimes extremely bizarre humor turned out to be a killer touch. First circulating as semi-underground tapes among a Manhattan coterie before being hyped and exposed via newer digital means of media access, Strickler's combination of enthusiasms and joyful drunken abandonment received much praise among tastemakers and the general public. Some threads were regarded askance, to be sure -- debates over ARE Weapons in particular led to some fractious commentary, while Calla provoked so much positive comment from Strickler than some believed he was a member of the band. But Strickler's sense of self-sequencing, as well as a firm hand on the production and editing aspect of his work, meant that many saw him as a welcome contribution to the 21st century world of entertainment.

Anthony: Cheerful Catholic Corpulent Canadian Cocksucker

"Blazing through diverse genres without ever becoming tied down to any one sound, M. Matos is an electronica-rock explosion waiting to happen; think Nu Shooz updated for Gen X."

"Every once in a while, a musical genius comes along who challenges our very concept of sound. Jel is that such musician."

"Influenced by the punk-chanteuse-like stylings of Debbie Harry, Exene Cervenka, and Poly Styrene, Ally is half-kitten/half-cat; sometimes sweet but always dangerous."

"With his third album, Anthony Easton expands upon the themes of lust, trust, and sisterhood found on 2000's Just One of the Boys and 2002's Who's Buying the Love These Days?"

http://www.tomheroes.com/images/robbgyro.jpg

Buy this LP

1997
*** 1/2

This one's getting a lot of rotation at the office. Until now, Horace Mann was principally
known as a sultry live act. Caught in the Act lives up to its title. Don't call it a comeback
-- Horace Mann has been here for years -- but never with such rock-rap rock. Imagine the
aching throb of Bob Seger's "Night Moves" grafted, as if by a mad scientist from the
bayou, to the crass hip-hop assault of the No Limit Tank Soldiers, and you haven't come
close to describing the sounds on Caught in the Act. Underneath his antics lies a
melodic artistic maturity that reveals how he has grown since he was a young punk. An
amibitious concept album about John Lennon and riding motorcycles, the main dish of
this formidable meal is the playful "I See You Found The Chips." Horace Mann gained a
reputation early on for being gutsy.

Buy this LP
****

1992

"Surrounded By Myself" shows off his from-the-heart, savvy pop sensibility.

His lyrics about homelessness ("Pants") and the inadequacy of Asian-style centralized
economic planning ("Clever Girl") reach a new level of acoustic and sizzling funk. It's
his most powerful outing in quite a while.

He is an artist as much Brian Eno-produced as he is majestic. Somebody stop me! This
music is understated and quietly assured.

The most audacious cut is the 15-minute prog-rock epic, "Return to My Roots."

At Ned Raggett's most inspired, you think your stereo is going to spontaneously
combust. It's a powerful comeback from a group that never went away.

Our readers respond

Dear Robot,

Glad to see Ned Raggett finally getting some well-deserved praise. I listen to All For Love every day.
Keep up the good work.

-- Ned Raggett fan

Buy this LP

1993
1/2 *

Does anyone over the age of 15 like this stuff?

Does this woman really need more money? Listen for the run-of-the-mill power hooks of
"Again and Again and Again (And Again)" next time you go in for a root canal.

There was a time when Ally was thought to be the future of rock. In 1989, Ally was sitting
on top of the world. Now she's merely disposable. It's hard to believe Ally could get any
more radio-fodder, but he's done it. When Ally sings about slamming old band members
as incompetent flakes, the result is purely bloated and overblown.

I liked it better when it was called Alanis Morrisette's Greatest Hits.

Why are we so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me?

Our readers respond

Dear Robot,

Your review of Ally was dead wrong. Sometimes you just have to enjoy a good rock album for what it is.
For the Love of Rock is the record of the year. Your magazine sucks.

Ally forever,

-- Ally fan

Buy this LP

1990
* 1/2

Most of the time, ILX can't shake its reputation for being loud.

ILX offers more of the usual shameless, leather-clad insanity on this one. ILX has been
coasting on their reputation for hit-and-miss fury for too long. "My Watercolors (Have
Painted the Wrong Shade of You)" illustrates the culpability of those who fight to destroy
humanity. Whether singing about being a rebel ("Every Dog Has Its Day") or visions of
World War III ("Every Dog Has Its Day"), the band takes being disposable to the extreme.

Sometimes it works. When I was in high school, everyone I knew listened to ILX. These
guys are apparently very sensitive.

Strictly for masochists.

Our readers respond

Dear Robot,

Your review of ILX was dead wrong. Sometimes you just have to enjoy a good rock album for what it is.
...but seriously is the record of the year. Your magazine sucks.

ILX forever,

-- ILX fan

Buy this LP

1999
no stars

Do we really need more songs about disillusionment and loss?

Ladies and Gentlemen, It's Yanc3y is a real letdown. He did it. He finally did it. Yanc3y
hits a new low with Ladies and Gentlemen, It's Yanc3y, his ambitious concept album
about the heartland of America and going on camping trips. Unfortunately, too much of
Ladies and Gentlemen, It's Yanc3y -- like the ballad "(Take Me) Higher," about being a
rebel -- is just unlistenable. On the Brian Eno-produced cut "Gravity's to Blame," he
thinks he's Elvis Costello. Ladies and Gentlemen, It's Yanc3y starts with the poppy
harmonies of "Juliet's Gone To Bed," and only gets worse.

News flash: this album is strictly empty and contrived. As soon as I finish typing, I will
sell this album back to The Wherehouse in exchange for a hot meal.

Ned do Dan.

The latest from Chris V starts with the introspective psychedelia of "Realm of Impossibility," and doesn't let up. At its most rapid-fire, Live at Red Rocks recalls the Stones' Exile on Main Street.

Just listen to the Beatle-esque throb of "Ten Seconds to Love." Chris V understands that recycling musical styles is a pop tradition that's older than the blues.

"Spiral Town" is an eerie ballad about their own troubled past and cross-dressing, with strings hauntingly arranged by Led Zeppelin's John Paul Jones. On this album, Chris V overcomes his demons -- and in top form. Live at Red Rocks gets things off to a urgent start with the tuneful "Breathing."

"Keeper Of The Sloth" is a high-octane exercise in soulful pop sensibility.

I rule.

Dan inspires a higher muse.

Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a freaknasty ass on my table.

Buy this LP

1997
****

The most audacious cut is the 15-minute prog-rock epic, "Ten Seconds to Love." It's his
most powerful outing in quite a while.

At Mr. Noodles's most inspired, you think your stereo is going to spontaneously
combust. Somebody stop me!

His lyrics about their own troubled past ("Not the Way It Seems") and the simple joy of
life ("Lend us a Dollar") reach a new level of muscular and visionary roar.

He is an artist as much Springsteenian as he is self-aware. This music is full-throttle and
post-rock. "Mr. Awesome" shows off his middle-of-the-road, majestic emotional honesty.
What's love got to do with it, indeed? That's from a song, by the way.

Our readers respond

Dear Robot,

Glad to see Mr. Noodles finally getting some well-deserved praise. I listen to Live at Red Rocks every
day. Keep up the good work.

-- Mr. Noodles fan

R. Robot: I am a robot, you know.

Chris V: Very impressive. (Laughs) But isn't that the way life is these days?

R. Robot: One of your new songs, "No New Messages," should elicit some sharp responses from women´s groups.

Chris V: Let ?em howl!

R. Robot: There´s a part of your audience that´s attracted to the possibility of disaster. It´s like people are rooting for you to lose.

Chris V: It's like being a gladiator.

R. Robot: You guys live the life of rock and roll to the hilt. How can you stay sane in the midst of all this craziness?

Chris V: The people around me.

Chris V: I have a headache you wouldn´t believe.

R. Robot: Not enough sleep?

Chris V: Too much Jack Daniel´s.

Tracer: Fuck You All, I'm In Europe! (said merrily)

1998

Somebody stop me!
It's their most powerful outing in quite a while.

"Theme From Shaft" shows off their Springsteenian, bittersweet grunge.

The strength of this album is its soulful bravado. They are a band as much muscular as they are savvy. All For Love remains a quietly assured album, packed with amazing sounds.

This music is Beatle-esque and sizzling. It's the best thing I've heard since 1987. Now this is what I call rock.

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Our readers respond

Dear Robot,

Glad to see Sweaty Vagina finally getting some well-deserved praise. I listen to All For Love every day. Keep up the good work.

-- Sweaty Vagina fan

Doom-E
Megaforce
Buy this LP

1999
1/2

He spends most of his time talking about his favorite subject: disillusionment and loss.
Stylistically, Doom-E's sound can be ferocious, achieving loud racket.

The subject matter runs the gamut from being a loner ("Call It A Day") to slamming old band members as incompetent flakes ("Mr. Awesome"). In 1990, without much fanfare, Doom-E released his debut single "Be Cool, But Care" on an incredibly obscure indie level. Its muddily-produced, inconsistent noise was a revelation, at least for me, since I was one of four people who heard it. But times have changed. Piece together the story of Doom-E and you have something unique in the world of contemporary music. This defies the logic of the music industry. Megaforce continues the formula perfected on Doom-E's debut: a steady supply of tasty stomp. On the headbanging "What On Earth Do You Mean," Doom-E is exploring new territory. Everybody knows this is nowhere. That's from a Neil Young song, by the way.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our readers respond

Dear Robot,

Your review of Doom-E was dead wrong. Sometimes you just have to enjoy a good rock album for what it is. Megaforce is the record of the year. Your magazine sucks.

Doom-E forever,

-- Doom-E fan

1999
1/2

Listen for the hit-and-miss fury of "My Mind's Got a Mind of its Own" next time you go in for a root canal. When The Jel sings about mental illness, the result is purely shameless. I liked it better when it was called Pearl Jam's Greatest Hits.

The Jel is not so much of a musician, but an exercise in marketing. There was a time when The Jel was thought to be the future of rock. Does this guy really need more money?

In 1989, The Jel was sitting on top of the world. Now he's merely stagnant. Singing about emptiness in the muddily-produced "I'm With Stupid," The Jel sounds like he's having about as much fun as a dying hyena. Everybody knows this is nowhere. That's from a Neil Young song, by the way.

1993
***1/2

A penchant for bone-crunching noise makes Euromantique truly formidable.
Until now, Ally was principally known as a compelling live act. This one's getting a lot of rotation at the office. Ally's apocalypse is truly gutsy, all thanks to the thudding production by Brian Eno. Her pandemonium has made her the hero of a whole new generation. Ally gained a reputation early on for being sizzling. Underneath her antics lies a explosive artistic maturity that reveals how she has grown since she was a young new-waver. Imagine the aching aggression of Joni Mitchell's "Clouds" grafted, as if by a mad scientist from the bayou, to the crass hip-hop assault of the No Limit Tank Soldiers, and you haven't come close to describing the sounds on Euromantique.

I'm just kidding, I never actually listened to this album.

Gear: "I’ve seen things you people wouldn't believe. Analin' hipsters all wired on the cushions of my couch. I watched midgets glitter in the dark near my old desk job. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. And thank god, I don't want to think about them any more."

Trayce: Supporting Hair Coloring Products Since 1647.

J.D.: not richey edwards but an incredible simulation

Mullygrubber: When wallabies fear, Super Carrot's dad is there!

PinkPanther: "For life!" *hoists drink skyward, accidentally falls into the Cam*

Not-Goodwin: *review removed on legal advice*

Kate: I AM THE PAISLEY QUEEN, I CAN DO ANYTHING!

I’m intrigued Ned.

shot down like a dawg, yo.

Huk-L: ...so what WOULD a Can-Con for comics result in? I think it would go something like this...

M. White: Elegance, decadence, M. White endless

(Alternately, substitute "Raggett" for "Malkovich.")

Luna: This is the post where I say: "FUCK ALL THE HATERS!" *applause, drinks all around*

O'so: When Dorothy Parker meets Bad Badtz-Maru

Allow me to apologize in advance.

Afterwards he was gladiate her.

Nickalicious: Making Love To the Trees -- sorry, IN AMONG the Trees -- Is My Business. *lights up*

Walter Kranz: "I apologize for not looking like I 'should' just because I'm a responsible adult. Fucker." *sets cell phone to vibrate*

Ian Reise-Moraine: Now I see as through a glass darkly.