Obvious Small Town Questions

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"Excuse me sir, could you tell me where the bank is?"

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Obvious small town answer:

"It's opposite that lady's house, the lady with the cats".

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

"What do you mean you can't get there from here?"

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

"Now, is that Main St. or Main Ave.?"

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"Is it just me, or is my sister looking HOT lately?"

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:14 (twenty-two years ago)

"Did you hear about that pigeon incident? Awful."

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:19 (twenty-two years ago)

"Which of the two restaurants here is best?"

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:20 (twenty-two years ago)

(spoken at 11 AM:) "When does the library open?"

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I lived in a two restaurant town once. There was a blue one and a red one. They had identical menus.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Restaurants? Don't know what that was, my old town where I spent summers has a tavern and a cafe, non of this high class resturant shit.

I'm not joking either.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:25 (twenty-two years ago)

The red restaurant had a special Ski-Doo parking lot.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I must visit Canada one of these days.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:29 (twenty-two years ago)

"How do I get ______?" Go down that road there, make a left at the store, take that road down past Pete's place, then go about half a mile to the store, make a right, and it's down past the old Brookman place on the left.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:30 (twenty-two years ago)

"Does my ass look fat in these hip-waders?"

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:31 (twenty-two years ago)

"Have you heard? The shoes have arrived!"

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:34 (twenty-two years ago)

"Where's the feed store?"

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

"where'd everybody go?"

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:38 (twenty-two years ago)

where does that fellow live that cn put cats to sleep?

― doom-e, Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

"Jimmy, your dog is at the ladies' auxiliary meeting again - will you come get him?"

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:40 (twenty-two years ago)

This isn't a dry county is it?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:42 (twenty-two years ago)

The north-of-Boston version of most of the above:

"Ah yeah?"

"Hey Sully?"

will cover most of your interrogative needs.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:42 (twenty-two years ago)

And "Hmm," or "Ayuh" will do nicely in response.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:46 (twenty-two years ago)

"Do you want to come knock over some mailboxes with us?"

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:47 (twenty-two years ago)

'where's the monorail, old-timer!'

― doom-e, Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)

how did we get this far with the most obvious:
"hot'nuff for ya?"

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)

"What do you wanna do tonight?"

"We could go down to the Tast-E-Freez."

"Nah."

"How about the mill pond?"

"Nah."

"Do you wanna have sex?"

"OK."

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Acadiana mix:

"Where y'at?" (or "Y'at?")

will, again, cover most of your needs. If you know the interrogant, you can ask how's their momma n em. (Yankees beware not to attempt this, trip over your bilabials, and say "how's your M&M?")

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:52 (twenty-two years ago)

that is owen sound. the last two posts. i'm scared!

you forgot.

'd'ya want to do some acid? five bucks.'
'yeah, sure'

― doom-e, Thursday, 3 July 2003 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Acadiana mix:
"Where y'at?" (or "Y'at?")

man, what have you Americans done to my Acadian brothers & sisters?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:00 (twenty-two years ago)

The Americans had nothing to do with it! They weren't here (whoops, "there," dammit) till later.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:04 (twenty-two years ago)

You saying the Spanish did this to them?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:04 (twenty-two years ago)

"You and me! After school! In the graveyard!" (our town's fightin' spot was the Baker Prairie Cemetary)

― Neudonym, Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:05 (twenty-two years ago)

You and me! After school! Behind the church!

― Jodi (Celerina), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:05 (twenty-two years ago)

You and me! After school! Behind the gym! I already slipped the janitor a 40 and the latest copy of Big Jugs - he's willing to look the other way!

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:06 (twenty-two years ago)

"Kids, if you do all your chores and behave today, tomorrow, and the next day, we'll drive out to McDonald's this weekend!"

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Le Grand Dérangement was in 1755, the Lousiana Purchase was 1803, I guess thats two generations right there.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:10 (twenty-two years ago)

You saying the Spanish did this to them?

Oh yeah, you're right, that wouldn't make any sense (since "where y'at" is English of a sort). Hmm.

Look! A unicorn!

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

What's all this restaurant/cafe/tavern stuff? Where are you guys from, the big city? Everyone knows that in the small town you eat at the food bar at the gas station.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:13 (twenty-two years ago)

sigh

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:14 (twenty-two years ago)

And sometimes that's one town over, if you don't actually HAVE a gas station in your small town!

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Your gas station had a food bar? Goddamn cityfolk. We had a vending machine. One. In the whole damn town. It sold Coke, and also Coke.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:16 (twenty-two years ago)

(And we walked uphill both ways to school, in the snow, because it was located on Mystery Hill. Actually, fuck, they should build a school on Mystery Hill for the sake of tomorrow's grandparents.)

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

We got a Cumberland Farms in the last year I lived there - also, a drug store! Wooooooooooo, we's livin high on the hawg now, Ma.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Uphill both ways, barefoot in the snow. Get it right.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Hah, do any of you small townies remember those old soft drink vending machines with the clamp on the neck of the bottles, either the standup version or the deep-freeze style ones with all the holes like on a whack-a-mole machine?

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:19 (twenty-two years ago)

(I'm sure those existed in the big cities too but we seemed to have them in smaller towns a lot longer.)

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I remember when the "grocery store" in Hollis opened (it was about the size of a studio apartment, and half of it was hardware), and people drove out to look at it. No one shopped there until they started carrying beer and movies. (This was a year or two after The Traffic Light was installed.)

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Hell yeah, Crudders -- we had those till like 1991 or something (which probably means "until the machine broke"). Ten-ounce bottles, I think, but I could have that wrong.

(And we didn't walk through the snow barefoot, fer Chrissakes, we had moon boots. Hand-me-down moon boots from the neighbors' kids. Royal blue and canary yellow hand-me-down moon boots from the neighbors' kids. We frickin wish we'd been barefoot.)

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Ah moon boots, how we miss ye.

NOT.

Who the fuck invented those things?

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Argument overheard just outside Sooke, British Columbia on Vancouver Island...

"I TOLD YOU not to get drunk and drive! That's the FIFTH time this month... what if the police decide to drive through town??"

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Moon people, duh.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:27 (twenty-two years ago)

You. Meet me on the playground. After school. So I can pound you.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't, I have to, um, deliver ... puppies ... to old people ... for church.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Wuss.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 3 July 2003 18:33 (twenty-two years ago)

What's all this restaurant/cafe/tavern stuff? Where are you guys from, the big city? Everyone knows that in the small town you eat at the food bar at the gas station.

Well the cafe was at the resturant. The tavern was the bar, a 100+ year old brick thing that supposedly was tavern at the crossing people had to use before the "river" was dammed. I think they made the whole thing up. Damm I hated that place.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Thursday, 3 July 2003 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Well the cafe was at the resturant.

Duuuuh, the Sunshine cafe was at the gas bar, which was a Hello Gas or something odd like that.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Thursday, 3 July 2003 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

My boss didn't go to Mcdonalds til he was 17. On a class trip to the capital.

My most common small town question is "where?" followed by "what corner where that big gumtree was before the 1991 storm?" / "where is the house that got burned down by those punks?" / "the old highschool?"

― isadora (isadora), Thursday, 3 July 2003 19:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Anyone want to go watch the traffic lights?

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Thursday, 3 July 2003 20:13 (twenty-two years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/6302814596.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 3 July 2003 20:16 (twenty-two years ago)

double sigh.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 3 July 2003 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)

seventeen years pass...

this is pretty hilarious

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3uSkN11MOQ

― Punster McPunisher, Thursday, 17 June 2021 04:29 (four years ago)

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