"Open marriages," classic or dud, search and destroy.

Open marriages: I've known married couples who are perfectly happy with this arrangement, and this actually makes a little more sense than open relationship..(though I stress "little"), given the frightening stigma of "MATE4LIFE" that comes with being married. However, unless it's well established that both involved are completely happy with this (which is very difficult), it's a complete fucked dud.

Open marriages with kids: Never known an open marriage where kids were involved, but, after doing some straining thinking here... I can't see how this could be any worse than the above, or a "normal" marriage for that matter, as long as the couple were very comfortable and very loving to their kids and each other. I think the "openness" should be a bit more discreet during the impressionable years for the kid, perhaps.

However, I actually consider myself to be in a closed relationship, in that although I do have the two lovers (Glenn and David) we are a fluid-bonded triad, which means that we do not seek out sexual relationships outside of our threesome. This has been a long-term arrangement, and we are all content with how it works for us. We have discussed the possibility of bringing in a fourth person, and while we are all open to and comfortable with that idea, it is not essential for us - when and if we meet someone that we feel would work well within the structure that we have established, then we'll reevaluate the situation and go from there.

One of the biggest challenges in our relationship, especially for me, is making sure that we all get enough time for ourselves and also time with each other - we consciously work to make sure that no-one is being left-out or otherwise excluded, and the boys go so far as to point out to me when one of them feels that the other is not getting enough time with me.

The boys are both straight, which adds another interesting dynamic - they're both my lovers, but for each other they're close friends - and part of our arrangment is that if one of us wants to seek out someone else for an intimate relationship, then that other person is brought in and we all get to meet them and discuss the situation in the open. Oddly, they both tell me that they are not interested in seeking out another woman; that I am enough for them. But for me, well, it's different - I am definitely not monogamous, but at the same time I am unwilling to go behind their backs. So when I am interested in someone, then I talk it over with the boys and we decide where to go from there.

Overall, this is working for us. I do not recommend it for others, as it's a complex and occasionally painful situation, especially when the initial kinks are being worked through. But I do feel that it is viable and for us it is wonderful.

but as far as open relationships go, they suck. it is usually one sided and everyone involved gets hurt.

as for open relationship, i think you'd have to be pretty secure and enlightened to do it in the spirit of goodness. i know many people who do it out of pain and revenge and resignation that they'll never have the kind of relationship they want (kinda like how groupies have 'open relationships' with rock stars). and then you'd have to find someone as enlightened and secure as you. at which point you probably don't even need sex or relationships because you have everything figured out.

Is your friend Steven Wright?