The Worst Pizza Ever

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..was available at U.C. Irvine that one fateful day back in the flambuoyant mid 90's. It was "Mexican" pizza. The toppings? Crushed corn chips and refried beans.

Top that.

(copy cut paste from syrup & sausage thread as necessary)

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:15 (twenty-two years ago)

someone dig up the thread where i talk about being hung over and putting leftover chinese food on top of left over pizza and then vomiting

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:19 (twenty-two years ago)

No.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:22 (twenty-two years ago)

DO IT

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

No.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:26 (twenty-two years ago)

There is a pizza place here (or at least there WAS) that specialized in exotic, but unpalatable, pizzas. I can't remember any of them offhand though.
When I was but an idealistic twerp in Canada's volunteer youth corps, Katimavik, a woman I was billeting with once served us a pizza topped with fishsticks and apple slices.
I suspect she was very much out of her mind.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:28 (twenty-two years ago)

One time i was served a "Mushroom" Pizza which was put into the oven sans cheese. Why? Becasue after it was cooked, the clerk/cook absolutly COVERED it in white Squeeze Cheese.

I didn't eat it.

― Charles McCain (Charles McCain), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

The bassist in my band bought a slice of "cheeseburger" pizza from a little place in the back of a gas station somewhere in Tennessee. It's toppings? Hamburger meat, pickles, and shredded fucking lettuce. Of course, the lettuce was all wilted and shit cuz they put it on the pizza before baking it. Nummers.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)

The best Mexican pizza has refried beans, ground beef, and onions on it with lettuce sprinkled over the top after it comes out of the environment.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

a place in my hometown does a "pita pizza" which is actually a very large pita (it might be a pizza crus i dunno) like 16 or 18" which is split down the middle and then cut into pizza sized slices and filled with lettuce, tomato, onion, olive oil, salami, ham, cheese, peppers...xcept this is GOOD

wait...new thread idea!

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:42 (twenty-two years ago)

The Best Pizza Ever

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:44 (twenty-two years ago)

One time i was served a "Mushroom" Pizza which was put into the oven sans cheese. Why? Becasue after it was cooked, the clerk/cook absolutly COVERED it in white Squeeze Cheese.

That is more disgusting than bootyflakes. And that is something I did not imagine possible.

― Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:54 (twenty-two years ago)

The best Mexican pizza has refried beans, ground beef, and onions on it with lettuce sprinkled over the top after it comes out of the environment.

You forgot the tortilla chips crumbled on top.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Those are optional, oops.

That is more disgusting than bootyflakes.

EW BOOTYFLAKE PIZZA

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Crumbly, crusty and flaky!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Im a pizzist.

Real pizza - is made only with special, mostly Italian, ingredients: a specific type of flour, tomatoes and mozzarella. You don't put pepperoni on it, let alone salmon or pineapple.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Mmm, salmonella pizza.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

this pizza rockism has to stop

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 17:01 (twenty-two years ago)

You're just being insouciant. No one could really like anything other than cheese and sauce on a pizza.

― Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I once saw a pizza with eggs on it. I didn't eat pizza again for about a year, I was so disgusted.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 17:03 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.vet.orst.edu/extensn/images/lookbak.jpg

― Dada, Wednesday, 9 July 2003 17:03 (twenty-two years ago)

my puckish delight in peppers, onions, olives, anchioves (OMG!!!!), peperoni, sausage and other crumbly or minature comestables is not to be mocked

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 17:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Fuck DAT. Pineapple & ham pizza is delightful. Salmon, on the other hand...

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 17:05 (twenty-two years ago)

it's a circle of dough ppl!! THERE IS NOTHING DOESN'T GO WITH DOUGH

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 17:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Syrup?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

That's bizarre.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 17:09 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.comedy-zone.net/pictures/images/bizarre/bizarre014.jpg

― Dada, Wednesday, 9 July 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Pintaile's Pizza has the most awesome "specialty" pizza evah: the South Bound, featuring "BBQ chicken, homemade mozzarella, fresh plum tomatoes, red onion, select herbs & parmesan cheese." Nice and saucy!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 17:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually, the idea of syrup pizza is wonderfully bemusing. Like a Killer Shrew.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 17:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Biggest Pizza Disappointment: Pizzeria Uno's in Tempe, AZ. Wasn't ANYTHING like their pizza in Chicago. There was NO sauce anywhere up in that bitch. We thought it was a mistake, but the manager said that's how all their pies are. WTF? All the time I spent in Phoenix, I only had one decent pizza.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 17:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Capers, C/D?

My dad once bought a deep fat fried pizza in the Isle of Wight. Eww!

― dog latin (dog latin), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I was going to make a joke title "Monte Cristo: The Pizza" but it seems real life has trumped me AGAIN.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 18:11 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.thomasmontgomery.net/monte.gif

― Dada, Wednesday, 9 July 2003 18:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Usually the Hawaiian pizzas I've seen present the ham in thin slices or small cubes, but once I was served one that had really thick slices of ham on it. We're talking thicker than the crust SLABS of baked ham. Thank you to the Fogg 'n' Sudds (your first choice for dire company xmas parties) for putting me off Hawaiian pizza (not to mention ham) for life. HAM SLABS!! my god.

― Poppy (poppy), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 18:16 (twenty-two years ago)

(I am frightened because Dada's pic looks like a very good friend of mine from college.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

You had a friend who was a suave NOI loverman?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 18:20 (twenty-two years ago)

i reckon egg on pizza = classic. Pizzas are there to be built UPON not stripped down to the bare bones. That said, pepperoni pizza = big dud cos that's all you can taste when you eat it.

― dog latin (dog latin), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 18:23 (twenty-two years ago)

capers are godlike

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread cannot be complete without a mention of Japanese pizzas, specifically THIS:

http://www.chachich.com/mdchachi/images/ikasumi.jpg

Of course, no intro to Japanese pizza would be complete without mention of the Squid Ink Pizza. In these pizzas (and pastas) the tomato sauce is replaced with a black-as-sin squid ink sauce. To be honest, squid ink sauce doesn't taste all that bad but tomato sauce is ten times better. Plus squid ink looks terrible & stains your mouth black, so I have never found a reason to eat more than a spoonful of the stuff.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 18:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Shit, I screwed up the image thing. I mean, THIS:

http://www.chachich.com/mdchachi/images/ikasumi.jpg

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 18:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Mmm, shrimp, red peppers and Chiclets floating in poo sauce.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 18:45 (twenty-two years ago)

You forgot the dried vomit crust.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 18:46 (twenty-two years ago)

dan if your poo is that black i'd advise you to see a doctor

or superfly

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 18:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I may have to see a doctor for the gut you just made me bust, you fiend.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 18:49 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.markworld.com/fool.jpg

― Dada, Wednesday, 9 July 2003 18:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Despite the pear and boar pizza hare I must say that I will always stick up for the ham and pineapple pizza. Perhaps it's a tribute to Elvis Does Hawaii that my subconscious feels it needs to make. Either pizzas shd be super fine thin and floury fine garlic feasts OR they should go the WHOLE HOGG eg DEEP PAN STUFFED CRUST HAWAIIAN. Preferably eaten the morning after you ordered them when slightly congealed and hungover. Mmmmmm lovely.

I find ONIONS on pizza to be a bad thing. They are always soggy and stringy and make my mouth wince. Am more convinced than ever that the way forward is GARLIC more GARLIC oregano and cheese and tomato backing. And black pepper. Oh god I want pizza. Perhaps the broccoli and sossidge one. Sossidge always good on pizza.

― Sarah (starry), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 19:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Worst pizza evah = Little Caesars plain cheese with shrooms* on it

*shrooms = y'know they grow under cow shit don'tcha? that's right

I still ate it.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 19:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I am surprised this thread has gone this far without mention of the baked beans pizza. Do Heinz sell those in the US too?

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 21:09 (twenty-two years ago)

No they do not. They know they'd get LYNCHED.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 21:11 (twenty-two years ago)

..was available at U.C. Irvine that one fateful day back in the flambuoyant mid 90's. It was "Mexican" pizza. The toppings? Crushed corn chips and refried beans.

that's hilariously coincidental. yesterday i bought a slice of veggie pizza for lunch, and deciding it wasn't extreme pizza! i for some reason chose to push sweet chili'n'sour cream chips into the cheese. i ended up cutting the roof of my mouth open.

― fields of salmon (fieldsofsalmon), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 21:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I ate a pizza last week after it fell JUICY SIDE DOWN on my carpet. It was full of dust and cigarette ash and some other textural oddities. It was the worst pizza ever.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 21:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Japanese pizzas! They are the worst, aren't they? I mean, look at this:

http://www.erdoboy.com/images/seafoodspec.jpg
Squid, shrimp, tuna, broccoli, onion, mayonnaise, double cheese.

WTF?!?!

I'm not even entirely picky when it comes to pizzas, though I've had some utter and complete horrid disasters here locally. It really depends on what part of town you are. If you're in the North side, then pretty much any pizza place you find will be good. If you're in the East side, then half of the pizza places will be good and the rest will be horrible. If you're in the West or South sides, however, do NOT, I repeat, do NOT try a single pizza place. Over there, pizzas resemble oil tanker disasters more than they do actual pizzas, and even when I take my "dairy digestive aid" pills I still end up spending half the night in the bathroom regretting every single bite I took of the pizza. I've had to learn this the hard way.

― Innocent Dreamer (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Squid, shrimp, tuna, broccoli, onion, mayonnaise, double cheese.

WTF?!?!

Actually, if it didn't have the mayonnaise, I'd try it. Still, I believe that the further you get away from classic Neapolitan pizza -- thin crust, tomato sauce, cheese, basil, and maybe prosciutto -- the greater a disaster it's likely to be. And for the love of god what is so great about dried-out pineapple that people here are willing to defend Hawaiian pizza?

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought it had corn on it too? I also like the South Bound (there's another pizza there with "Phish" in the name - ah marketing); I even once served it at a party. But Pintaile's super-thin pizzas are a bit precious - if not right out of the even, a slice can seem like it's not quite there.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 22:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Isn't egg on pizza quite a traditional way of having it in Italy? Or did I maka that up?

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Thursday, 10 July 2003 00:03 (twenty-two years ago)

egg = v common on "Australian" pizza

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 10 July 2003 00:35 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.fresnostate.net/JUAN/homecoming/pizza/P1009322.jpg

― Dada, Thursday, 10 July 2003 00:38 (twenty-two years ago)

There was a pizza buffet here for a while. One of the things they served was cheeseburger and fries pizza. Yep, you read that right--ground beef, yellow American cheese, and french fries. It tasted just like it sounds.

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Thursday, 10 July 2003 03:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Egg on a pizza can be nice but to smear it all over one's body is just demented.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 10 July 2003 07:26 (twenty-two years ago)

who here will defend the right to eat anchovies on pizza?

i for one.

― Chris Radford (Chris Radford), Thursday, 10 July 2003 07:36 (twenty-two years ago)

What above a pube & vomit pizza, ala 'Dirty Sanchez'??

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 10 July 2003 09:46 (twenty-two years ago)

three weeks pass...

A pizza's not a pizza without anchovies my friends.

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Monday, 4 August 2003 11:23 (twenty-two years ago)

bbq sauce on a pizza, with some nice chicken, yeah thats classic. otherewise i tend to like things simple, although i usually have meat, i dont like it when they overload it with meat and you can't taste anything else. except if bbq sauce and chicken is involved

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Monday, 4 August 2003 11:52 (twenty-two years ago)

BBQ sauce on pizza = the work of the devil. That's about as bad as putting maple syrup on it.

― Larcole (Nicole), Monday, 4 August 2003 12:20 (twenty-two years ago)

THE DEVIL HAS THE BEST TUNES AND THE BEST PIZZAS

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 4 August 2003 17:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I had a nightmare the other night where I was watching a whole shitload of kids and I ordered us all pizzas and they got there and smelled really good like pizza should, but when we opened the boxes they were squid-ink pizzas and all the kids started puking BLACK everywhere. WOAH.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 4 August 2003 17:34 (twenty-two years ago)

fourteen years pass...

EW BOOTYFLAKE PIZZA

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, July 9, 2003 12:58 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

― Neanderthal, Monday, 14 August 2017 05:26 (eight years ago)

I once asked for extra mushrooms, but the vendor misheard me and put some mussels on instead. Now, two things are weird about that. First, I ordered in Danish, and there's no way to mishear mushrooms as mussels in Danish. And secondly, there was no mussels on the menu. Not on any pizza, not on anything else, to this day I have no clue where those mussels came from. And it tasted horribly.

― Frederik B, Monday, 14 August 2017 07:49 (eight years ago)

pretty sure that was jizz, sorry

― for sale: clown shoes, never worn (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 14 August 2017 09:19 (eight years ago)

mussels are a valid topping on a frutti di mare pizza

― imago, Monday, 14 August 2017 10:46 (eight years ago)

I agree. I don't really like it, but I've had it before, and it makes sense. As a weird topping where it doesn't fit in (probably prosciutto and gorgonzola), it's awful.

― Frederik B, Monday, 14 August 2017 11:23 (eight years ago)

You all know what's surprisingly good with prosciutto and gorgonzola? Onions. I've always thought onions on pizza was wrong, but they can fit in really well.

― Frederik B, Monday, 14 August 2017 11:27 (eight years ago)

🤦🏼‍♂️

― As an ilxor, I am uncompromising (El Tomboto), Monday, 14 August 2017 12:51 (eight years ago)

Oh boy, caramelise some onions, bake on pizza with rosemary leaves, sea salt and good pecorino or parmigiano reggiano YOU WILL THANK ME.

― attention vampire (MatthewK), Monday, 14 August 2017 13:16 (eight years ago)

Place in Prague I used to go to had a four cheeses pizza, and one of the cheeses was a full tub of ricotta dumped in the middle of the pizza, which seeped through and turned the base into an inedible doughy soggy mess. That wasn't great. Also everything sold at Pizza Hut in China.

― Camaraderie at Arms Length, Monday, 14 August 2017 13:52 (eight years ago)

eight months pass...

pineapples on pizza are the devil's invention

― fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Saturday, 14 April 2018 18:49 (seven years ago)

agreed but lock thread

― imago, Saturday, 14 April 2018 18:53 (seven years ago)

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