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What are your tastes in porn?

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this is obviously directed for those of you who do watch porn. what do you watch for? what's your favorite thing? i like to watch everything but anal sex, basically. sure the man may be enjoying it but the women isn't physically enjoying it (in fact it's probably quite uncomfortable), which is a major turnoff for me. group sex and oral sex are other turn ons. i like facials, and even multiple facials, but bukkake is just too weird. also, i prefer if everyone involved is attractive, too often you'll see these gorgeous babes being attacked by flabby hairy degenerates that remind you too much of people you know.
i've never actively searched out lesbian sex but i was watching it at someone's house once and i was really turned on.
any hint of fetish or weirdness turns me way off (altho some people consider hardcore itself weirdness). i find nothing boring about watching 'normal' sex. i hate toys and gimmicks. and i prefer if the girls actually seem to be enjoying themselves, even if it's acting that turns me on. so basically those are my druthers what's yours?

― william s. burroughs, Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:45 (twenty-two years ago)

i like to watch everything but anal sex, basically. sure the man may be enjoying it but the women isn't physically enjoying it (in fact it's probably quite uncomfortable)

Now you've never actually spoken with a woman, is this correct?

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:51 (twenty-two years ago)

dnftt

― MrN (Mr Noodles), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I like catalogues.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:56 (twenty-two years ago)

70s production values do it every time

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:03 (twenty-two years ago)

whatever's free

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Millar OTM.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I also like porn where the woman comes in the guy's face and then smears it over his back & chest.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:10 (twenty-two years ago)

There is, in addition, something to be said for slo-mo amputee porn. You can't beat leg-stumps on mastectomised breast tissue. See, I'm into tenderness.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I also like porn where the woman comes in the guy's face and then smears it over his back & chest.

me too!!

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:17 (twenty-two years ago)

i like butt bong porn. rrrowrrr.

― gaz (gaz), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:20 (twenty-two years ago)

bu fuckin kakke

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Now I'm in this addictive spiral, I jack myself off every morning to pre-pubescent tampon-eating. After toast, I'm not averse to a few hours of anal botany. Those woebegotten, rat-faced teenagers, with six months of carrot hanging out their bums! Aye!

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:22 (twenty-two years ago)

gay for pay!

― Elmo Oxygen (elmo oxygen), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:22 (twenty-two years ago)

EK is raising the bar for us all, apparently

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:23 (twenty-two years ago)

don't stop eyeball, don't stop yet!

― gaz (gaz), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:23 (twenty-two years ago)

o!

― gaz (gaz), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm really, really glad Dada has not seen fit to post on this thread

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:24 (twenty-two years ago)

The other evening I was binging on pay-per-view hymen croquet.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Anything involving swim-fins, viking helmets, rooster masks and large jars of Nutella get me goin'.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:47 (twenty-two years ago)

no surprise there alex

― gaz (gaz), Thursday, 10 July 2003 22:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Meeting The Glands is a big favourite, I've also got a lot of time for Painschool 1 thru forty (you'd think it would have tailed off in the mid teens but no! Those kids just keep on violatin!). as far as particular styles go I like FrenetiQ with the accent on the fast forward, and moon-faced cowporn wherein quiet teens are penned and then fed and fed and fed before being surprised loudly with erotic consequences.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 10 July 2003 23:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Search also Gwelf, Melks and Gippids.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 10 July 2003 23:10 (twenty-two years ago)

if you hate toys but like to see women enjoying themselves - well, good luck!

― black plastic (black plastic), Friday, 11 July 2003 00:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I have this incredible video of a woman using one of those spiffy vibrator/dildo combination devices. Most realistic female porn orgasm ever.

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 11 July 2003 00:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Women having orgasms = classic. No doubt.

Dud = having to stifle your instinct to spot the drugged-up runaways. You catch yourself doing that, it's time to go bowling or something.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 11 July 2003 01:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I find this very diverting:

http://www.shockwave.com/sw/content/gutterball

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 11 July 2003 01:38 (twenty-two years ago)

ha ha. i saw "gutterball" and was quite worried about what was on the other side of the link.

― dyson (dyson), Friday, 11 July 2003 01:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Search also Gwelf, Melks and Gippids.

This sounds as if Tolkien is somehow involved.

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 11 July 2003 02:00 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, hands up: how many regular ilx0rs reading this thread actually have a very specific opinion but aren't stating it for reasons of decorum/shyness/whatevah?

1. Me

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 11 July 2003 02:21 (twenty-two years ago)

2. me, but will spill details if pushed

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 11 July 2003 02:22 (twenty-two years ago)

"spill"

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 11 July 2003 02:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll spill if you will.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 11 July 2003 02:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Who doesn't love (faux, of course)-lesbian porn?

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 11 July 2003 02:31 (twenty-two years ago)

i don't

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 11 July 2003 02:31 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah faux-lesbian porn has always struck me as the most pointless exercise imaginable

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 11 July 2003 02:32 (twenty-two years ago)

i like 70s color climax stuff the best. girls with a few more curves than your average p0rn actor. and a couple of other, more kinkee type things

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 11 July 2003 02:33 (twenty-two years ago)

That hardly constitutes "spilling," but ok.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 11 July 2003 03:03 (twenty-two years ago)

i left out the bit about watersports

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 11 July 2003 03:04 (twenty-two years ago)

err

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 11 July 2003 03:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok, me next.

It's easier to talk about what I don't like, because I see a lot more of that while scouring the web for pics and vids. I don't like cheerleaders or Catholic schoolgirls. I don't like faux-lesbian porn, with the high heels on and all that, although real lesbian porn can be quite captivating. I don't like fake tits, not one little bit. I don't like make-up, except for the standard lights and cameras kind that the guys wear too. I don't like blondes. I like them in real life just fine -- my girlfriend's a blonde -- but in porn they always seem to be wearing too much makeup, and an expression either of extremely contrived passion or high-school play enthusiasm. I don't like fat old guys. I don't like Bang Bus gorilla shit where the point seems to be abuse. I don't under any circumstances like a man saying, "Yeah, you like that don't you, you dirty little whore." Call me Mr. Empathy.

I like girls that seem sweet but not sickly sweet. I prefer brunettes because they more often get the girl-next-door treatment, even when they're strikingly beautiful. I like a girl who looks approachable and, well, womanly, rather than some demon sex goddess or mistress. I am fascinated by the female orgasm -- it's just as appropriate an ending to a scene as a male orgasm, in my book. I dig those orgasm machine thingies that they straddle. I'm not so big on the recent trend toward "fucking machines," these locomotive-like contraptions with big scary spinning wheels and steel rods that exist to do nothing but make noise and thrust a dildo in and out of a woman who has had to assume some unnatural position just to receive the thing. It all smacks of some robot geek fantasy -- "I will build the perfect penis robot! And then, I will take over the world!" Too much work for something so simple. I digress.

A word on cumshots: they're overused and overdone. I like them as punctuation, and it's good to know at least someone is genuinely getting off, but I recoil in horror at a woman drinking sperm from a champagne glass. Semen is not an intrinsically interesting substance. With semen, it's all about the process.

And as for body types, I'm not an ass man or a breast man or anything so fetishistic. I like large breasts, sure, but they're not for every woman, and many women wear small ones just as well. Maybe it's the waist-hip ratio thing, or maybe it's just my personal tastes, but some women come together beautifully regardless of the size of one body part or another, and some women do not. Under the right circumstances, a woman with small breasts who still has her pants on can get me off three times in one day.

That said, though, I do like vaginas. Like, a lot. I'm real big on vaginas. Trimmed and coiffed, preferably -- maintenance is important. I don't like pictures of a woman holding it open -- I can find the hole just fine, thanks. But a shapely symmetrical set of labia is just so damn tasty looking.

I'll stop now.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 11 July 2003 03:37 (twenty-two years ago)

The only circumstances under which I find lesbian porn (faux or not) erotic is when it involves identical twins. I'm so totally not into incest stuff otherwise, but something about this set-up is exciting.

― D@n I., Friday, 11 July 2003 03:42 (twenty-two years ago)

phew.
i wonder if i can see a "this is the porn i like/this is the music i like" connection with jim and kenan?

i sadly like soft focus sub penthouse fantasy.

― gaz (gaz), Friday, 11 July 2003 03:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Which is really ironic considering, and i swear unrelated to, what i do for a living.

― D@n I., Friday, 11 July 2003 03:43 (twenty-two years ago)

kenan, yr the bravest. THAT, my friends, is SPILLING.

I like stuff in books. Gravity's Rainbow and Mulligan Stew have the most ridiculous sex scenes ever, completely goofy stupid stuff, meta-porn if you will--and I will, because damned if they don't do the trick after all these years.

― Neudonym, Friday, 11 July 2003 03:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I want reality in my porn - none of the boob-jobs and heavy make-up and all hair removed. Could care less about the male cum shots - they usually make me chuckle, though. Basically I like seeing people who look like someone you'd see in the aisle at your local grocery store - I like the thought that behind all of the closed doors in my neighborhood, all of these normal, average people are doing all sorts of 'kinky' things.

But I actually prefer written porn to most other forms - photographs don't seem to get much out of me, except for comments about poses and lighting and such (everyone's a critic). Movies are okay, if I am already in the mood - if not then they don't hold my attention. But give me a decent book of raunch and I am off in lala land, no matter what my mood was before I started reading.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Friday, 11 July 2003 03:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Yer such a girl. :)

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 11 July 2003 03:48 (twenty-two years ago)

i wonder if i can see a "this is the porn i like/this is the music i like" connection with jim and kenan?

i can only boggle as to what the pron equivalents of Jandek and Whitehouse and the Field Mice are

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 11 July 2003 03:48 (twenty-two years ago)

i was thinking of the watersports bit. in 70's color. with more, ahem, curves than is usual.

― gaz (gaz), Friday, 11 July 2003 03:50 (twenty-two years ago)

whimper

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 11 July 2003 03:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 209 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.
I mean, (almost) no one does that in real life, so to me it just looks kinda ridiculous

Haha, IRL nobody has sex in a swimming pool with a police detective while wearing a vampire costume and surrounded by dry ice smoke, either.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Shit.

― Inspector Van Helsing (afarrell), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

do ladies like it when guys say they will 'beat that pussy up'? (150 new answers)
W. Mark Felt Deep Throat? (21 new answers)
What are your tastes in porn? (76 new answers, 260 total)

― Ian Riese-Moraine's exploding hamster zeppelin! (Eastern Mantra), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 16:33 (twenty-one years ago)

bella donna

― g e o f f (gcannon), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

six months pass...
threesomes can be a real turnon, particularly two men/one woman.

That totally turns me off. I just don't get double penetration. Isn't it painful for the woman?

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 30 December 2005 20:47 (twenty years ago)

Are you sure you're allowed to think about things like this when there's a baby in your belly who can feel everything you type? :-/

― StanM (StanM), Friday, 30 December 2005 20:52 (twenty years ago)

Uh, shit, uh... Maybe it's better now before the baby is born? Then I have to (pretend to) be prim 'n' proper? ;-) But seriously it really fascinates me: doesn't it hurt?

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 30 December 2005 20:56 (twenty years ago)

I don't think they do that kind of stuff without practicing at home with various kinds of fruit and vegetable first, so everything that needs to be elastic and stretchable and painless has been prepared. But I could be wrong and they're all on epidural when they're filming, I'm just guessing.

― StanM (StanM), Friday, 30 December 2005 21:02 (twenty years ago)

*rofl* I know, but I just wonder if it turns some women on.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Friday, 30 December 2005 21:04 (twenty years ago)

threesomes r only good if every member has both sexes' good bits.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Friday, 30 December 2005 21:13 (twenty years ago)

So these boobs I seem to be growing whenever I gain weight are actually going to get me... Alright!

Oh. The female members will be having male bits too, I suppose. Nevermind then.

― StanM (StanM), Friday, 30 December 2005 21:21 (twenty years ago)

Hermaphroditism always seems like such a good idea, but trannies kind of gross me out.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 30 December 2005 21:22 (twenty years ago)

bigot

― [use of street parade as pivotal set piece] (nordicskilla), Friday, 30 December 2005 21:23 (twenty years ago)

bella donna

That's just creepy.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 30 December 2005 22:36 (twenty years ago)

I find it an amazing display of retraint that there have nto yet been any pictures on this thread.
Does anyone look at antique porn?

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Friday, 30 December 2005 22:51 (twenty years ago)

Does anyone look at antique porn?

like brian eno's postcards?!?

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Friday, 30 December 2005 22:53 (twenty years ago)

I didnt realize Eno posed nude. I dont think I would like to see them.

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Friday, 30 December 2005 22:56 (twenty years ago)

Didn't either Miss Misery or Miss Laura have a collection of "antique" pornography? Apologies to either/both if I am misremembering who had this, but there is a female ILXor who collects this and for some reason I'm associating one of them with it...

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Friday, 30 December 2005 22:58 (twenty years ago)

well, i wasn't referring to THAT. more to the ancient porno postcards he has on the cover to here come the warm jets.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Friday, 30 December 2005 22:58 (twenty years ago)

seriously now -- i don't get the attraction to ancient porno (which i define to mean "porn from the early 80s on back").

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Friday, 30 December 2005 22:59 (twenty years ago)

Bush.

― Erick Dampier is better than Shaq (miloaukerman), Friday, 30 December 2005 23:02 (twenty years ago)

I have a book of reproductions of French erotic engravings from the 18th century.

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 30 December 2005 23:08 (twenty years ago)

QUELLE SURPRISE

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Friday, 30 December 2005 23:41 (twenty years ago)

do you jack off to it though, micheal? i mean, really? in a frilly shirt?

― kyle (akmonday), Friday, 30 December 2005 23:46 (twenty years ago)

if you do and you wear a powdered wig, you get bonus points

― kyle (akmonday), Friday, 30 December 2005 23:46 (twenty years ago)

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/3822819565/qid=1135986452/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-2329239-9735128?s=books&v=glance&n=283155

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 30 December 2005 23:47 (twenty years ago)

I heart Taschen.

― truck-patch pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Saturday, 31 December 2005 01:23 (twenty years ago)

Buy it together with "Naked Happy Girls" for a discount! Now there's an intriguing title.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Saturday, 31 December 2005 01:24 (twenty years ago)

i like the Tom Of Finland drawings, i find them really gorgeous. i know he did cartoon strips but i like the way the single images have multiple implied narratives that you can fill in.

― jed_ (jed), Saturday, 31 December 2005 01:39 (twenty years ago)

"ILX doesn't want pussy with good taste, ILX wants pussy that tastes good!"

― truck-patch pixel farmer (Rock Hardy), Saturday, 31 December 2005 01:41 (twenty years ago)

Nathalie, in my experience there are women who find anal sex painful, so want nothing to do with DP, and there are women who find anal sex tolerable or pleasurable and they sometimes feel the same about DP, but there are certainly women who don't much like anal sex in itself, but find DP the most exciting and pleasurable thing ever. The one I'm particularly thinking of didn't, I'm pretty sure, practice or stretch herself in preparation - I think it was the extra vaginal tightness that made it so good. Like everything else, there is undoubtedly a very wide range of possible responses.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 31 December 2005 02:19 (twenty years ago)

Oww vs. Ooh

― remy (x Jeremy), Saturday, 31 December 2005 02:21 (twenty years ago)

Didn't either Miss Misery or Miss Laura have a collection of "antique" pornography? Apologies to either/both if I am misremembering who had this, but there is a female ILXor who collects this and for some reason I'm associating one of them with it...

Well, I don't collect them, but I do have half a dozen antique porn cards. Maybe you were thinking of me cause I think I have mentioned this before on ILE. My parents got them through a sale or something and I more or less *stole*'em. I also have a few porn comics. They are quite funny: for example a bloke in slippers and socks with a gigantic cock and a naked woman at his side. I can't help but think at times: this guy is now probably dead or too old to remember having posed for this card. :-)

Thanks for replying, Martin. I figured as much but didn't realize that anal penetration would tighten the vagina and, hence, make the experience more pleasurable. I'm dumb. :-)

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Saturday, 31 December 2005 10:34 (twenty years ago)

I don't collect it, but there are crates upon crates of old school (sixties/seventies) dirty mags in the basement at my work. i have taken a couple home, to read articles and such. Oui! was a really good magazine for a while.

― ian j (laurah), Sunday, 1 January 2006 02:58 (twenty years ago)

speaking of classic smut, one of the odder things my dad inherited when his dad died was the complete 4-issue run of Eros. Big hardcover books, I don't think there's ever been a classier porno publication. My dad sold them a while back, I think (they're collectors items), but I read and ogled them cover to cover as a teen. My introduction to Lady Chatterley's Lover, Anais Nin, the smutty side of Robert Burns, Bert Parks' great "last sitting" photos of Marilyn, lots of other stuff. I don't know very much about my grandfather, but I'm sort of intrigued that he was a subscriber.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Sunday, 1 January 2006 07:36 (twenty years ago)

Piss. Oral. Women dat Roll.

― Noodle Vague (noodle vague), Sunday, 1 January 2006 07:38 (twenty years ago)

Crack! Frosted Crack! Leprechaun-Smothered Trotsky-Crack! Dead White Middle-Class Fuckers!

― Noodle Vague (noodle vague), Sunday, 1 January 2006 07:41 (twenty years ago)

Reading an erotic passage & letting the brain interpret it(most erogenous zone) turns all other body parts to melted butter. Watching people have sex on film is interesting for about a minute then it (forgive the pun) peters out.

― Wiggy (Wiggy), Sunday, 1 January 2006 09:24 (twenty years ago)

Somebody a few months ago sent me a video of ten or so cheerful mid-20s types having a party that had devolved into everyone having sex with each other (and cracking up giggling, whooping and high-fiving when somebody came, grabbing the camera from each other, etc.). That was close to ideal for me.
-- so loggged out it's not even funny (lo...), May 29th, 2005 11:05 PM.

so loggged out, you are Tuomas and I claim my five.

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Monday, 2 January 2006 00:19 (twenty years ago)

oh yeah Tuomas always logs out when he's talkin' about sex

― Mr Straight Toxic (ghostface), Monday, 2 January 2006 02:18 (twenty years ago)

speaking of classic smut, one of the odder things my dad inherited when his dad died was the complete 4-issue run of Eros.

when i was sorting through my grandma's belongings after she passed on, one of the first things i grabbed from her bookshelf was sir richard burton's the perfumed garden of the shaykh nefzawi: the classic arabian treatise on physical love.

― it was jody that killed the beast (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 2 January 2006 03:45 (twenty years ago)

"No man knows women better than I; they are the occupation of my life. No one has studied all their concerns more than I. I know what they are fond of; for learn, oh, lady mine, that men choose different occupations according to their genius and their bent. The one takes, the other gives; this one sells, the other buys. My only thought is of love and the possession of beautiful women. I heal those that are lovesick, and carry a solace to their thirsting vaginas."

― it was jody that killed the beast (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 2 January 2006 03:49 (twenty years ago)

THIRSTING VAGINAS!! omgwtf.

― Special Agent Gene Krupa (orion), Monday, 2 January 2006 16:48 (twenty years ago)

Your search - thirsting vaginas - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:
Make sure all words are spelled correctly. ...

Damn!

― nickn (nickn), Monday, 2 January 2006 21:48 (twenty years ago)

Ahem. The quote in question is in chapter 1.

― StanM (StanM), Monday, 2 January 2006 22:10 (twenty years ago)

hours of fun, that book.

― it was jody that killed the beast (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 2 January 2006 22:32 (twenty years ago)

to clarify though, it's not my answer to the question "what are your tastes in porn." but it is great for its trash-culture value.

― it was jody that killed the beast (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 2 January 2006 22:34 (twenty years ago)

The money shot in horror films is often better than the money shot in porn.

― Mestema (davidcorp), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 10:48 (twenty years ago)

^ This remark reminds me of manga which uses violence as a sex/orgasm metaphor, no?

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 11:12 (twenty years ago)

I can't decide if "I like catalogs" or "Anything involving swim-fins, viking helmets, rooster masks and large jars of Nutella get me goin'" is the best response possible.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:00 (twenty years ago)


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