The Dave Matthews Band: In What Ways Would They Have Been Different Had Karl Marx Been Their Singer?

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1. Their singer would have a great big beard

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 11 July 2003 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

2. And he would dress quite differently from the rest of them.

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 11 July 2003 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

3. Means of production in the hands of the band!

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 13:57 (twenty-two years ago)

4. Their singer would presently be buried in London.

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 11 July 2003 13:59 (twenty-two years ago)

5. They'd sound good by default.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:02 (twenty-two years ago)

6. They'd be called the Karl Marx Band.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:03 (twenty-two years ago)

7. They would no longer exist hurrah hurrah

― RickyT (RickyT), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:03 (twenty-two years ago)

7. They would have constant chart run-ins with Engels And The Blowfish.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:03 (twenty-two years ago)

7. The chicks would totally be flinging their panties at them.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:03 (twenty-two years ago)

8. Engels being their old bassist

― RickyT (RickyT), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:04 (twenty-two years ago)

10. Articles would be written about whether Marx/Engels was the new Lennon/McCartney.

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:04 (twenty-two years ago)

(curse you Ptee for almost making me abuse my mod powers)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:04 (twenty-two years ago)

9. Endless confusion with that Richard bloke and his band.

― kate (kate), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:04 (twenty-two years ago)

My bizarro, Ally, gave my hilarious answer. I resign from trying to eb funny.

― Mark C (Mark C), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:04 (twenty-two years ago)

(a hazard indeed)

― RickyT (RickyT), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:05 (twenty-two years ago)

11. Having the name "Dave Matthews Band" would seem like an obscure dadaist joke.

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:07 (twenty-two years ago)

12. Karl's endless harmonica solos would be source of much derision.

― o. nate (onate), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:09 (twenty-two years ago)

12. They'd fucking rock for a start

― James Blount (James Blount), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:10 (twenty-two years ago)

15. german would be spoken by 99% of the world's population

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:11 (twenty-two years ago)

16. Marx/Engels would be like the Tupac/Biggie of the new century.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:12 (twenty-two years ago)

16. They'd rock the house with their hit "867-5309."

― Paul Ess, Friday, 11 July 2003 14:12 (twenty-two years ago)

18. And You Thought Momus Bit "Crash Into Me" Before!

― James Blount (James Blount), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

17. They would shun your filthy late-Capitalist culture, which is due for a worker's uprising any day now.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

19. the band would all live in a commune

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

20. their tours would not be sponsered by anyone

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:17 (twenty-two years ago)

21. all free gigs

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:17 (twenty-two years ago)

21. Hippies would still like them.

― NA. (Nick A.), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:17 (twenty-two years ago)

23. Marx publishes landmark study on the "Dialectics of Funky Jams".

― o. nate (onate), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:17 (twenty-two years ago)

23. hippies and the government would hate them (i think they would na)

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:18 (twenty-two years ago)

24. anarchists would love 'em

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:18 (twenty-two years ago)

25. Their band posters would look like this:

http://www.internationalposter.com/pimages/RUL09658.jpg

Only they'd say, "Tonight at the Gorbechev Auditorium!"

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:20 (twenty-two years ago)

(no way is engels beard real)

― RickyT (RickyT), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:21 (twenty-two years ago)

26. Marius Mueller-Westenhagen would be jealous of them instead of jealous of Herbert Groenemeyer.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:21 (twenty-two years ago)

25. Althusser would wear their T-shirt

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:21 (twenty-two years ago)

28. And girls would plaster their walls with pictures like this:

http://www.internationalposter.com/pimages/RUL06967.jpg

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:21 (twenty-two years ago)

29. Less Abercrombie & Fitch, more standard issue communist stoodent suits.

(haha Kenan, I already do!)

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Fred Jameson would start the KMCB.

― adam (adam), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:23 (twenty-two years ago)

31. "Take off your unfashionable but useful worker-made and inexpensive sacklike overalls / And show your world (which by the way is free of the chains of capitalist oppression) to me"

― Neudonym, Friday, 11 July 2003 14:25 (twenty-two years ago)

32. Free vodka for everyone in attendance!!

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:25 (twenty-two years ago)

33. free government made vodka for everyone.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

34. Assuming that their career arc mirrored the development of the Soviet state, most of their fans would be in inhumanly cruel state-run prisons inside of about twenty years

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:30 (twenty-two years ago)

35. "Workers of the world, give it up for Boyd Tinsley!"

― Neudonym, Friday, 11 July 2003 14:31 (twenty-two years ago)

36. vietnam vets would have cool war-scarred ovation guitars they'd nicked off dead vietcong

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:32 (twenty-two years ago)

37. Song titles like "Hobbes Ain't For Shit"

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:32 (twenty-two years ago)

38. DJ Billy Bragg would be hi-nrg eurodisco king

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:33 (twenty-two years ago)

39. Even longer lines at the port-a-potties

― Neudonym, Friday, 11 July 2003 14:33 (twenty-two years ago)

40. The "free government made vodka" would be proven to be an effective paint stripper and painters and construction-site foremen will start going to concerts just to snag some of this marvelous invention.

― Innocent Dreamer (Dee the Lurker), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:35 (twenty-two years ago)

41. Fewer accountants and economics geeks at concerts, more panhandlers.

― Innocent Dreamer (Dee the Lurker), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:37 (twenty-two years ago)

42. Their breakthrough album would've been titled Under the Table and Plotting the Revolution of the Proletariat!

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

(I would think Economics Geeks would be keen on other economic theorists but that's just me!)

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

43. hotter and hornier babes in attendance at concerts

― Neudonym, Friday, 11 July 2003 14:39 (twenty-two years ago)

44. Chuck Eddy would be replaced by Dostoyevsky at the Voice.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

(Economics geeks, at least the ones pursuing degrees in the subject, mostly think conservatively. Maybe those who think of economics as a big hobby interest of theirs would be otherwise, but we in the econ. dept. weren't exactly known for our forward thinking.)

(p.s.: I loved # 44.)

― Innocent Dreamer (Dee the Lurker), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah but Dostoyevsky was a right-winger...although if the idea was to oppose the Karl Marx Band, hm...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:42 (twenty-two years ago)

45. One of my old government profs would've really, really gotten into them. He would've been their biggest fan and their music would've been played for us while we were taking tests.

― Innocent Dreamer (Dee the Lurker), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:42 (twenty-two years ago)

46. Less hackey sacks, more molotov cocktails!

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:43 (twenty-two years ago)

47. Rage Against the Machine would be rendered redundant

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Number threads remind me of Diana Ross's drunk-driving attempts at sobriety.

― Mark C (Mark C), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)

48. fewer annoying facial and body contortions from the lead singer

― Neudonym, Friday, 11 July 2003 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)

49. All the white russians served at the concerts would actually be made from White Russians.

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, the facial contortions would invariably be hidden by his big, shaggy, unkept beard, nyet?

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:49 (twenty-two years ago)

50. No one would refer to them as "an alternative band with a soul singer"

51. After dropoff in sales, band would continue to be financially supported by English industrialist benefactor

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I am tearing up with laughter at # 49. Brilliant, lawrence!

52. Their record label would be government-owned. Their t-shirt manufacturer would be government-owned. Their concession stands would be government-owned.

― Innocent Dreamer (Dee the Lurker), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:51 (twenty-two years ago)

53. Concert security provided by scary secret police.

― Innocent Dreamer (Dee the Lurker), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:52 (twenty-two years ago)

(Ned, are you saying Chuck Eddy is a tool of Dave Matthews Band propeganda!?)

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Good lord no. That would be evil. Besides, did Lenin et al make Dostoyevsky's work Marxist propaganda in retrospect or something?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:55 (twenty-two years ago)

54. While in the band, Marx would invent a new instrument combining elements of the thesizer and antithesizer.

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:55 (twenty-two years ago)

55. Press hails them as the best thing to come out of Germany since Falco; searches on ILM find no less than four threads about how this is offensive because Falco was actually Austrian.

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:58 (twenty-two years ago)

56. Austria claims them anyway.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:02 (twenty-two years ago)

57. Ned Raggett will take jokes about Russian novelists way too seriously and flounce off in a huff when I point it out.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:12 (twenty-two years ago)

58. Ally will take Ned's taking her jokes about Russian novelists too seriously too seriously and will act petulant when Ned flounces off in a huff.

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:13 (twenty-two years ago)

59. Chris P will want to totally ahve all of Ally's babies.
60. Manic Street Preachers rendered irrelevant. Or more so.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

61. The line in that one song would've gone "eat drink and be merry by proclamation of the state".

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

62. Darni3ll3 posts thread "What would the Dave Matthews Band be like if it were actually fronted by some schmoe named Dave Matthews?"

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

But what if I don't flounce off?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

We ship you to Castro's Cuba, my friend.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:30 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread needs to be retitled "The Manic Street Preachers: In What Ways..."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:38 (twenty-two years ago)

You know, if you just replace various references to "she" with various references to "a state of the workers," "Ants Marching" goes totally socialist on you.

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

That works with Tom Jones's "She's a Lady" too.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:48 (twenty-two years ago)

But not with Suede's "She"

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:18 (twenty-two years ago)

How about with Andrew WK's "She is Beautiful"?

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:19 (twenty-two years ago)

63. The Ben & Jerry's flavor would be named "One Whirled For All"

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

64. Atari Teeenage Riot would be their warm-up act.

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:34 (twenty-two years ago)

65. They'd play free improv

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:38 (twenty-two years ago)

66. Prob'ly a lot less merchandizing.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:44 (twenty-two years ago)

64. Atari Teeenage Riot would be their warm-up act.

As fronted by Lenin, Stalin, Trotsky, or Ian Svenonius?

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:46 (twenty-two years ago)

diamond is completely OTM again.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 11 July 2003 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

While in the band, Marx would invent a new instrument combining elements of the thesizer and antithesizer.

This joke ~~rules~~ dictates by the proletariat.

― Momus (Momus), Saturday, 12 July 2003 07:46 (twenty-two years ago)

"Too many rappers give the fans what they want instead of what they need. This hip-hop game needs an overhaul."

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Saturday, 12 July 2003 14:41 (twenty-two years ago)

sixteen years pass...

Dave Matthews Band is the sigh of a repressed creature

― Jordan Pickford LOLverdrive (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 26 November 2019 16:57 (six years ago)

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