Wedding Terror

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what do you do when you dont want to get married in a church but your super catholic parents want you to and are angry at you about it? My fiance hates catholic churches and she has already chosen a different place she loves.

Mike Hanle y (mike), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:30 (twenty-two years ago)

my super catholic parents wanted me to get married in a church. my answer: go fuck yourselves.

Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Couldn't you just have a priest come to where you are?

Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Follow your fiancee's bliss. As was noted elsewhere on a similar thread, marriage is not for your parents, it's for you. Hanle y Deus and his blushing bride deserve what they want.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:33 (twenty-two years ago)

It's your wedding and you should do what you want. If your parents want to renew their vows in a church they can go right ahead.

s1utsky (slutsky), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:33 (twenty-two years ago)

My mom is an ordained minister if you need a nonpriest to perform the ceremony. I'll hook you up.

Seriously--your parents WILL get over it. That's what they do, "We disown you and the Blessed Mother is crying!" then they realize she's not and it's all good.

Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:34 (twenty-two years ago)

my parents got over it fast, now they are harping on the baptism of children thing. My answer to that one will be the same as above.

Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, tell your parents if they wanted you to be a better Catholic they shoulda been better parents.

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)

My opinion of marriage rose when I attended my friend's wedding in San Diego in Balboa Park a few months ago... basically, the priest's speech (priest = friend's former band mate who is legitimately ordained) said something like "You may be wondering why two people are celebrating the sacrament of marriage even though they are both openly atheist, and perhaps one step shy of anarchism. Well, they figured they know each other more than anybody else can, and they have committed to each other for the rest of their lives, and they thought it would be a great idea to choose a day to celebrate this fact.."

I seriously choked up when I heard that. Only in a perfect world would every marriage be like that...

donut bitch (donut), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

The best thing about that wedding was that, at the reception, Herc (duo from Chicago) performed at it. And I ended up taking them back to the airport.

donut bitch (donut), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

and what did you do with them there?

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Doesn't your wife have to be catholic to be married in a catholic ceremony? Because you take communion, right? Please correct me if I'm wrong.

teeny (teeny), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:56 (twenty-two years ago)

You can just get a blessing (don't know if this holds true for weddings, but the rest of my dad's family is Catholic and out of respect we often go to their rituals and get blessed during Communion).

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

no,if your not catholic you have to take this damn exam to make sure you know enough about Catholicism. Plus to get married in a catholic church you have to take classes and shit. "Don't have sex to your married.." Yep, whatever Father Diddler.

Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

It's none of your parents business. They fucked and you were born with a free will and your own life and that is where it ends. You don't owe them shit. They owe you. They had you for them and you had no say in the matter. So, as noted up above, tell them to go fuck themselves.

Scaredy Cat, Friday, 11 July 2003 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Fuck it, I love his family but we're fucking going to Vegas.

teeny (teeny), Friday, 11 July 2003 17:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Uh, thats "until your married".

Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 11 July 2003 17:00 (twenty-two years ago)

BTW, religion as "important tradition" rather than something you actually believe in is about as fucking FAKE as you can get!

Scaredy Cat, Friday, 11 July 2003 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Aren't weddings just for the parents, family and "community" anyway? I mean why get married in the first place if not to declare love and commitment in a ritualistic way?

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 11 July 2003 17:07 (twenty-two years ago)

They're also to divvy up the property and get the dowry settled so the woman can stabilize the family line by always being pregnant. Apparently.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 July 2003 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

It's all about the robot babies.

Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 11 July 2003 17:09 (twenty-two years ago)

You don't need marriage for those, just a permit.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 July 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Not if you plan to mass produce them and sell them on the black market! The marriage makes you look legit.

Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 11 July 2003 17:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I am pretty fucking down on marriage because I think it's a huge hassle and also getting the state involved in your personal life is a real dud, but unfortunately the state has it all worked out so it's a huge hassle to not get married...think insurance/job benefits/inheritance/kid issues etc. That said, it's a really cool thing to stand in front of your s.o.'s family and say YOU ARE ALL SO FUCKING COOL I WANT TO BE PART OF YOUR FAMILY! (If they weren't cool I don't know that it would be so important. Actually it would be a cool thing to declare that you and your s.o. are running away and starting your own family if both of your families suck. But ultimately it's about that health insurance discount.)

teeny (teeny), Friday, 11 July 2003 17:17 (twenty-two years ago)

(If any of my kids say to me what Scaredy Cat just said, I will pack the brats off to an orphanage.)

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 July 2003 17:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I would have made him live in a Meat Palace.

Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 11 July 2003 17:31 (twenty-two years ago)

If you sent me to an orphanage, I would grow up to kill you and fuck your wife/my mom!

If you sent me to a Meat Palace, I would cut a hole in the wall with a steak knife to escape, kill you with the steak knife and fuck your husband/my dad!

Scaredy Cat, Friday, 11 July 2003 17:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Seriously, though, do you have kids to do your bidding? You know, mow the lawn, do the dishes, etc. and eventually get married in your church to whoever you approve of , take care of you when you're old and have grandchildren for you to enjoy and contemplate as you ready yourself for death? Is that what it's all about?

Scaredy Cat, Friday, 11 July 2003 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Your parents will get over it. You're getting married. For that day, at least, they will do exactly what you say.

Douglas (Douglas), Friday, 11 July 2003 17:52 (twenty-two years ago)

They're also to divvy up the property and get the dowry settled so the woman can stabilize the family line by always being pregnant. Apparently.

ok, Ned Levi-Strauss...

Actually, this is such a weird divide. My parents are v. easy going (I mean they have to be right? Chinese Man marries White Woman in miscegenation shockah!), so when/if I get married, we'll probably just defer to what the brides parents want in order to make life smooth and happy for everyone.

I mean, it can be tough when people are of very different backgrounds (though my folks just went to city hall and then had a party at their apartment), but I've seen several really wonderful weddings that really incorporated both families and the couple's wishes, that it's hard for me to understand the "f*ck you" contingent here.

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 11 July 2003 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

"You don't owe them shit. They owe you," is intolerable adolescent narcissisism.

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 July 2003 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, a total narcississy

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 11 July 2003 17:57 (twenty-two years ago)

"You don't owe them shit. They owe you," is intolerable adolescent narcissisism.

Like Chris Rock says, "Big deal if you take care of your kids. You're SUPPOSED TO."

Scaredy cat, Friday, 11 July 2003 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

P.S. :-P Ha, ha!

Scaredy Cat, Friday, 11 July 2003 18:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, I'm sure that CHRIS ROCK is a big booster of kids talking back to their parents.

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Let's hope that you're not still a kid when deciding to get married...

Scaredy Cat, Friday, 11 July 2003 18:08 (twenty-two years ago)

BTW, is my mom here? Mom? Hello?

Scaredy Cat, Friday, 11 July 2003 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know what's funnier... when SC starts ranting about things with extra sides of unintended irony, or when he nags folks about things they've ALREADY EXPERIENCED.

donut bitch (donut), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know which is funnier.... when people become irate at an off-handed not-so-serious comment or when I get them to go on and on for hours, days, weeks...

Scaredy Cat, Friday, 11 July 2003 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Narcississy is so going into my vocabulary now.

Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Aren't weddings just for the parents, family and "community" anyway? I mean why get married in the first place if not to declare love and commitment in a ritualistic way?
-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), July 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They're also to divvy up the property and get the dowry settled so the woman can stabilize the family line by always being pregnant. Apparently.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), July 11th, 2003.

You're confusing marriage (a legal/state concept) with weddings (a cultural/religious concept).

j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm with Nicole on the robot children.

Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:15 (twenty-two years ago)

don't know which is funnier.... when people become irate at an off-handed not-so-serious comment or when I get them to go on and on for hours, days, weeks...

..well, if it starts threads like "Meat for Millar", then I guess it's all good for somethin'..

donut bitch (donut), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Where can you get married that's not in a church and not at the judgement of the peace or whatever the hell that place is called?

I mean, there's outside... and that sounds very nice, but wouldn't you be freaked out that it would rain or something?

Sarah MCLusky (coco), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:16 (twenty-two years ago)


..well, if it starts threads like "Meat for Millar", then I guess it's all good for somethin'..

'Zactly. Everyone wants to play til 6 in the morning!

Scaredy Cat, Friday, 11 July 2003 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

You can get married anywhere, really; oftentimes hotels will give you one room for the ceremony and another room for the reception.

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm currently indulging in Tim Buckley and Nutella while reading all this, so I am semi consciouss.

Mike Hanle y (mike), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:24 (twenty-two years ago)

You have to do it your own way - only if the mode of the wedding means nothing to you (this was the case with me, by the way), then you should accommodate others instead.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I wouldnt say the mode means nothing, I'm just trying to keep everybody involved happy. I'm mostly just happy to be getting married to someone I love extravagently(sic). It sreally a choice of fiance sorrow or parent sorrow, and I supose the parents will have to be the sorrow eaters .

Mike Hanle y (mike), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:45 (twenty-two years ago)

They can have their sorrow braised or else frosted and baked into the cake.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 July 2003 18:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I want Puerto Rican too. A lot of the folks at the wedding will be FROM nashville, so meat and 3 and bbq won't be a big deal.

ROAST PORK Y TOSTONES FOR EVERYONE!

molly mummenschanz, Thursday, 13 September 2007 15:40 (eighteen years ago)

That sounds really fun and a bit different than the usual wedding fare.

Sara R-C, Thursday, 13 September 2007 15:46 (eighteen years ago)

Peurto Rican & BBQ!

Great news. Watch out for twisting and convenient memory loss like above (sorry, great news but I just would be a bit cautious but that's only me and I worry about everything so just ignore me. YAY!).

kv_nol, Thursday, 13 September 2007 15:47 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, PR food sounds fun.

Michael White, Thursday, 13 September 2007 15:47 (eighteen years ago)

Also, the PR restaurant here is called, "Los Happy Bellys."

HOW CAN WE NOT HAVE THEM CATER?

molly mummenschanz, Thursday, 13 September 2007 15:54 (eighteen years ago)

With a name like that molly you're just going to have to!

kv_nol, Thursday, 13 September 2007 15:55 (eighteen years ago)

kv, yeah. I set some ground rules before the conversation even started by saying, "If either of us gets too worked up, we need to just end the conversation."

Also, it seems to me (and the counselor I talked to yesterday), that it's very possible she gets worked up into a fugue, and forgets. It's more common than one would think, apparently.

molly mummenschanz, Thursday, 13 September 2007 15:56 (eighteen years ago)

Hooray! Happiness! :-)

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 13 September 2007 16:00 (eighteen years ago)

HAPPY BELLIES INDEED

molly mummenschanz, Thursday, 13 September 2007 16:03 (eighteen years ago)

Isn't there a place called Los Happy Wallets? </obvious> ;-)

StanM, Thursday, 13 September 2007 16:06 (eighteen years ago)

How much do kegs of beer cost?

molly mummenschanz, Thursday, 13 September 2007 16:08 (eighteen years ago)

Happy Wallets all around!

molly mummenschanz, Thursday, 13 September 2007 16:09 (eighteen years ago)

i want to know how mom changed her mind. did a friend talk her around? did she cave? what?

sunny successor, Thursday, 13 September 2007 16:20 (eighteen years ago)

i think she talked to friends, and i'm really hoping my dad helped calm her down. better late than never, dad!

she also asked me to apologize to mr. pike for her behavior, so maybe her own sense of decency kicked in too.

molly mummenschanz, Thursday, 13 September 2007 16:36 (eighteen years ago)

So glad to hear it, molly. Sounds like it will be a kick ass wedding!

luna, Thursday, 13 September 2007 19:05 (eighteen years ago)

hallelujah and fingers crossed for you!

patita, Thursday, 13 September 2007 20:20 (eighteen years ago)

four months pass...

my mother is breathing down my neck and telling me we need to go register.

i do not know how to answer questions about what color linens i would like!

i do not know what kind of shower i would like (theme, kitchen, etc.)!

this is frightening. i am frightened.

molly mummenschanz, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 17:05 (seventeen years ago)

also, i just found out you can legally marry your cousin in tennessee.

weird.

molly mummenschanz, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 17:46 (seventeen years ago)

first cousin or further off?

Embarchie, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 17:49 (seventeen years ago)

first cousin!

molly mummenschanz, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 17:49 (seventeen years ago)

Oh dear.

Laurel, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 17:53 (seventeen years ago)

I am so overwhelmed by the industrializing/commercializing of weddings. Not to mention grossed out. If you need stuff to make your lives better, tho, then I guess register for it! Like bedding, kitchen utensils, a set of dishes that didn't come from Target, etc. Otherwise I dunno...choose a charity and ask people to donate? An animal shelter or a literacy program or SOMEthing?

Laurel, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 17:54 (seventeen years ago)

I mean I think it's considered "okay" manners to let people know that cash would be more useful than a gift...esp if the cash is going to something specific that you can cite, like your honeymoon or saving to buy a home or something. I was raised to find any mention of money kind of horrifying, though, so I'm not sure I could do it. Not to mention at least one of the mothers might keel over....?

Laurel, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 17:56 (seventeen years ago)

My mom said letting people know we wanted cash was an absolute no. My wife's Israeli family is totally the opposite - apparently there you're more-or-less expected to bring money. Which makes at least equally as much sense as buying dishes from a registry and a LOT more sense than buying a decorative pitcher. (Thanks, parents' friends who I don't know! This is really helping us start out in life!)

Hurting 2, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 17:58 (seventeen years ago)

Apparently, you can marry your cousin in NY too.

http://www.ncsl.org/programs/cyf/cousins.htm

xpost Laurel, yeah. The themed shit makes me want to barf. But, I am in dire need of nice things (hello, stainless steel cookset!). I just don't know how to answer questions about color schemes and shit.

My cousin is getting married (NOT TO ME) and his fiancee has EVERTHING sorted already, and they're getting married in August. She has even told me the color details of her living room.

I think I'm bad at this!

molly mummenschanz, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 17:59 (seventeen years ago)

Envelopes of cash can be classy, just pretend you're in Goodfellas.

Jordan, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 17:59 (seventeen years ago)

I would not turn down whatever family and friends are kind enough to give us. Cash would be good. We'd like to buy a house eventually, but we'll probably wait until the housing market tanks entirely.

Blah. What color towels do I want? I have no idea!

molly mummenschanz, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 18:01 (seventeen years ago)

I think cash is pretty acceptable. Wedding I went to last year there was no mention of gifts at all I mentioned it to my friend, the groom and he so that they didn't really want gifts for the sake of getting a whole load of homewares they already had but they had an amazon wish list with some art books they wanted for anyone who felt they had to give something. Which was nice.

Ed, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 18:02 (seventeen years ago)

I think the mention of registries is just going in the shower invitation. I think. Actual wedding invitation may not say anything. If people want to know where we're registered, they can ask, but I'm not going to say, "YOU MUST BUY ME THIS BRIGHT RED KITCHEN AID ELECTRIC MIXER."

molly mummenschanz, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 18:04 (seventeen years ago)

If you don't know what colors you want, pick white or natural and point people to 100% cotton/linen. You can dye it later, or pair it with colorful stuff.

Jaq, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 18:04 (seventeen years ago)

Get beige everything. It will most likely match with whatever you are moving into and, if you save the receipts, you can exchange them for an equivalent thing in a better color if you survey your new surroundings and say "oh no THIS WILL NOT DO".

The details about what you are registering for aren't nearly as important as getting a fuckload of things on there that you could conceivably return for store credit so you can shop at your leisure later.

HI DERE, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 18:05 (seventeen years ago)

I think we wound up putting out the registry word through the parents. We made it just big enough to avoid even more pointless ceramic gifts (and get a few things we'd probably never buy like all-clad pans), but small enough that some folks would still give us cash.

Hurting 2, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 18:06 (seventeen years ago)

Jaq, that's a super idea! I even have dye!

Srsly, that is a really good idea. I was looking at the Macy's catalog online and became totally overwhelmed.

xpost - Yes, yes yes! This is the advice I needed. My mom is freaking out in the most excited way possible. She's calling me tonight, so I need to be mentally prepared and have answers to her questions.

On the plus side, wedding shower is going to be at a BREWERY (the same place we were originally going to have the wedding).

molly mummenschanz, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 18:08 (seventeen years ago)

Your mother thinks you need to register for a complete kitchen re-make? Oh golly. Way, way too much. And you're right -- wouldn't you rather buy your OWN tea towels when you see ones you really like in a store at some random time?? If a few family members chipped in for the KitchenAid, maybe you could even afford some extra dishcloths down the road....

This is not Barb's wedding This is not Barb's wedding This is not Barb's wedding and so on

Laurel, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 18:26 (seventeen years ago)

Actually, she's been pretty good about all of it. The thing is she gets SO EXCITED and it's hard to calm her down. Also, she talks about it ad nauseum.

molly mummenschanz, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 18:28 (seventeen years ago)

She talks about it more than I do. That being said, I'm not as gung-ho in the planning process as she is. I'm not sure if that's a poor reflection of myself.

molly mummenschanz, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 18:29 (seventeen years ago)

Kekeke

Laurel, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 18:29 (seventeen years ago)

register for yarn and roving ;)

tokyo rosemary, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 18:40 (seventeen years ago)

OMG YES.

or maybe a new spinning wheel!

molly mummenschanz, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 19:40 (seventeen years ago)

"Wanted: butter churn"

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 19:41 (seventeen years ago)

YES PLZ

molly mummenschanz, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 19:42 (seventeen years ago)

ned! butter churning would be A+. i also want to learn how to make cheese! (for realz)

molly mummenschanz, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 19:44 (seventeen years ago)

MOLLY TELL THEM TO BUY YOU GOATS. Then see who would rather send a check.

Laurel, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 19:54 (seventeen years ago)

Even if you don't want or need gifts, people will still be buying you stuff anyway. Have a wishlist/gift registry somewhere, seriously, or you will have 8 squillion vases and no things you'd actually (we never lived together before we were married and I had always been a tenant in flats with people who owned stuff so had pretty much nothing to start with in our first house and thought it was pretty great that friends wanted to buy us things like an ironing board).

We got some cash/cheques - just make sure you write a thank-you note telling them you spent it on something specific ("we used it to buy a casserole dish that we had been looking at") rather than telling then it went in a big fund of drinking/holidays/rent/whatever. Several people also got us vouchers for the shops we'd placed the registry with which was good too for the things we'd have liked but which no-one bought us.

ailsa, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 20:26 (seventeen years ago)

ailsa, excellent advice. thank you!

we are going to do a registry at macy's and perhaps target. or linens'n'things. i'm not sure. i've heard tales of people who registered at target and got a bunch of junk, which wasn't on their list.

molly mummenschanz, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 22:11 (seventeen years ago)

In my experience, some people will still give you random junk that wasn't on your list, but registering really does cut down on that. It feels weird, but it helps your guests a lot, and it saves you from having things that you dislike but feel compelled to keep so as to not hurt someone's feelings.

Sara R-C, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 22:13 (seventeen years ago)

i just had a conversation with my neurologist (she's around my age) and she told me of the glory of returning things to get what you really want. and then we talked about migraines.

molly mummenschanz, Wednesday, 23 January 2008 22:15 (seventeen years ago)

one year passes...

wow

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wrlEWQ9eIs

Ømår Littel (Jordan), Friday, 16 October 2009 19:15 (sixteen years ago)

http://weddings.theknot.com/pwp/pwp2/view/MemberPage.aspx?coupleid=8890821830833235&pid=3671975

M. Grissom/DeShields (jaymc), Friday, 16 October 2009 20:03 (sixteen years ago)


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