Defend The Indefensible: Babies

Not the best starting point for an intimate relationship.

At present, there is a disturbing phenomenon wherein parents just do not want to be parents, instead wanting to be their children's "best friends" and considered the "cool parent". I feel like these children do not need a "best friend" parent or a "cool parent", but rather a parent who is firm, strict, loving, and protective. The boundaries between parent and child need to be set. (Thus speaks the product of an extremely strict household.)

Back to original topic: Most babies are cute. Some are not. Love them all the same. Teach them that they can't get away with murder. Teach them manners and how to read others' emotions. Encourage them to be intelligent and to develop their interiors before they develop their exteriors. This is what I've learned by observing all the parent-child interactions that have surrounded me throughout my life, as well as whatever wisdom my mother has passed down to me.

If raised properly, children are lovable. If not -- you want to strangle them. It's as simple as that.

(Note: I know there are exceptions to the rule, yes.)

*runs away*

LOOK, A UNICORN!

(for once that line fits.)

plus, people are always trying to show you pictures of their dumb brats.

Recently she was bitching about motherhood to me over the phone and I said, "Yeah, and I mean, maybe it wouldn't be so bad, you know, if you're baby was actually cute." Dead silence on the other end.

(Sometimes I forget that having RL conversations is a bit different than posting smart-ass shit on ILX. I had also forgotten that baby-makin' hormones have robbed her of a sense of humor -- another reason to hate babies IMHO.)

That was wicked awesome. I think my life just peaked.

HSA and I went to a "Bring Your Own Baby" party over the weekend, and I swear we were the only couple of childbearing age without children. They were actually very sweet en masse.

I started trying to imagine what mine would have been like by this point. And then fell into a black pit of depression from which Medicine was the only thing that could rouse me. :-(

After about 8pm however this no longer applies.

My mom tells me she had me because she wanted a friend. She didn't even want a baby, she just had me because my dad wanted kids and she figured she'd get a friend out it (she was a v. lonely housewife). So I came along and she said even though she grew to love me it was very hard waiting until I could learn to talk and actually do fun stuff with her.

I'm really on and off about babies. I think they can be very sweet, but then I've had nightmares for years about all these horrible things that could go wrong. And about, uh, getting pregnant in general when I don't feel ready yet. And then there's all these people talking about unbelievable pain and I'm such a wuss...

Labor is so 20th century.

I think a person should be very, very sure that they want and can handle a baby before they have one -- too often "have baby" seems to be the default setting. I leave the baby-having to those who are up to it -- and there are plenty enough of you that my failing to reproduce will not threaten the continuation of the human race.

This, unfortunately, is true..too often. Much of the time, it appears that it is the teenagers who want babies---not to bring another generation into the world, but to treat like dolls (they forget) cannot be neglected.

Sometimes, I waver on whether I want to have a child. However, I wouldn't do so unless I was sure I could financially support it....and unless its father was around to help. (Not to belittle any of the single parents; I'm aware how difficult that is.)

This is good advice on paper. Except...I was so sure that I didn't want a child and was positive that I couldn't handle one (these continued to be my feelings for a long time after my son was born). But now I am extraordinarily glad I have him and I never would have had I not been almost railroaded into parenthood. As I said on another thread on this subject, don't underestimate your capacity for change.

They require constant surveillance to avoid getting hurt or killed

This is a curse. I'm quite pessimistic and negative so I am terribly anxious about my son's physical safety.

I agree that it's a bad idea to rush into babymaking, but it's even worse to
make excuses for not doing it -- and you don't have to be completely "mature" to
have a kid - i believe the parents who say that having children is the only thing that
ever made them mature - it was that sense of being responsible for something
totally outside yourself, the total lack of selfishness it takes to care for a helpless
creature.

also, i should mention that "not enough money" is a very bad reason to not
have kids. one of the biggest fallacies is that babies are inordinately expensive
(they get that way when they're older).

"is a very bad reason to not have kids"

i have an incredible problem with the tone of this.

there is ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. WRONG. with any reason (or even no reason at all) a person gives for not wanting to have children.

I was absolutely terrified of handling them (probably much worse than you) but it's a tiny bit like driving a car or bike * ie once you've learned (and there isn't much to learn in this case) you wonder what all the fuss was about. Very young babies (under 2-3 months? perhaps less) need to have their heads supported because of lack of neck muscle control so you have to be a bit careful there but once past that just grasp them firmly under the arm pits and away you go. My ex-partner has a delightful new baby (coming up to a year old) who has just worked out how to crawl and is so pleased with herself. Great fun to be around.

* neither of which I can do and have never tried to because of similar anxiety.

http://www.wendyk.org/cutekatie.jpg

As far as kids go (as um, opposed to babies), NA and I agree that the whole 11-14 year old (or higher) stage is a nightmare. I mean, their bodies are horribly awkward and... blah... I hate remembering what I was like then.

This lady (my age) at my work was telling me that when she had her daughter, she thought she was ugly and horse-like. She didn't want people to come over because she was embarassed of her! Can you believe that? But after a couple of weeks she looked more like a person and less like a little alien and she started to love her.

I was talking to my sister about baby fever and she was very insightful. Perhaps women my age get baby fever and have baby scares because, other than the possibility of actually wanting children, they want their lives to be different. This made a lot of sense to me. I know that I can't have babies now and that, in the end, I don't really want them in my life right now. But sometimes I get sort of obsessed thinking about it.

It reminds me of my high school crash fantasies. I used to wish I would be in a horrible wreck. I didn't actually want to be in pain. And I didn't want to die. I think, in the end, I just didn't like my life and I wanted it to be different SOMEhow.

Having a baby would obviously change my life quite a bit. It makes since that I'd think about having a baby when I'm stressed out at work because I wouldn't have to be at work so much if I had a baby or at least I'd be working somewhere else. And my life would be, I don't know, different.

Ok, now pull this theory to bits.

In case anybody asks you...

How A Baby Is Made, by Per Holm Knudsen. Piccolo Books, 1975. #FridayFeeling #education pic.twitter.com/PCgjsDsxVG

— Pulp Librarian (@PulpLibrarian) November 18, 2016

In hindsight, the old 'when a man and a woman love each other very much' construction might go a long way toward explaining many unwanted pregnancies.

'B-but I only think you're sorta all right!'

real motherfuckin rory mcgrath hours

just milliseconds, but they feel like hours. Like the way time seems to stop when you have a naked sweaty rory mcgrath bearing towards you, eyes ablaze.

Defend the Indefensible: Sex

I had that Claire Rayner book in the 2nd tweet. Spent endless hypnotised hours staring at that cartoon erection.

lol at the detail of the dad's dick being flaccid while mom is pregnant

I’m no neonatologist but the baby in that third panel does not look too healthy

I'm no sexpert but her hair in the 2nd panel looks way too tidy