Hopeless Adverts

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(Not just plain crap ones, there's loads of them, I mean ones that are just ill-thought out and/or incompetent.)

There's a lot of suspicious ads on UK daytime TV at the moment for barely legal loan companies - one in particular with what appears to be the head of the company presenting it. Rather unwisely, in fact, as the man is a huge uncharismatic grim-faced lump with what appears to be a small square of dirty carpet for a moustache. I can't imaagine anyone being impressed by it. Has anyone else seen any hopeless adverts?

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Sunday, 13 July 2003 13:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Auckland Glass. Smashing sound/picture. Auckland Glass. Smashing sound/picture. If you have one of these (smashing sound), call Auckland Glass.

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Sunday, 13 July 2003 13:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh yeah, I know which one you're talking about! He doesn't look so much like the kind of guy who would offer you a decent loan, more the kind of guy who would follow you down a dark passage at night and give you a swift punch in the gut then get you up again and say "oh, have you been injured?".

― dog latin (dog latin), Sunday, 13 July 2003 13:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Specsavers to thread once again

― stevem (blueski), Sunday, 13 July 2003 13:54 (twenty-two years ago)

You don't say?

No, I do.

― j0e (j0e), Sunday, 13 July 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Biggest flop ever: years ago a soap powder company had a simple triptych billboard ad - dirty shirt, washing machine at work with the packet in front, clean shirt. It went pretty well. Then they used the same artwork in the Middle East, Saudi Arabia I think it was. They read right to left there.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 13 July 2003 16:09 (twenty-two years ago)

five months pass...

i am astounded they've done a new Actimol ad - the pretty girl has teamed up with the stern dork to try and teach the world about the marvels of good bacteria or something. it's insane.

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 8 January 2004 12:05 (twenty-two years ago)

my current least fave advert, the miners comp one.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 8 January 2004 12:10 (twenty-two years ago)

i am astounded they've done a new Actimol ad - the pretty girl has teamed up with the stern dork to try and teach the world about the marvels of good bacteria or something. it's insane.

Yes! I can't believe they've turned this into a series. Is this a serious attempt to create a new Gold Blend couple?

Surely the more likely scenario:
Stern Dork: Hello!
Pretty Girl: Fuck off.

― Alfie (Alfie), Thursday, 8 January 2004 12:18 (twenty-two years ago)

also that girl seems to be in loads of ads.

― jed_ (jed), Thursday, 8 January 2004 12:21 (twenty-two years ago)

the slut

― Alfie (Alfie), Thursday, 8 January 2004 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, I pointed that out to mr ailsa the other day and he just concluded I watch too much telly. Not only is she in lots of ads, she's in lots of crap ads.

― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 8 January 2004 12:32 (twenty-two years ago)

AD WHORE!!!!!!

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 8 January 2004 12:57 (twenty-two years ago)

[Googles] Her name is Cordelia Bugeja.

― Alfie (Alfie), Thursday, 8 January 2004 13:14 (twenty-two years ago)

No! If you google that, the first link is her flashing her boobs. Bet bacteria dork would run away if she did that.

― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 8 January 2004 13:22 (twenty-two years ago)

That'll be downright filthy bacteria at work.

― Alfie (Alfie), Thursday, 8 January 2004 13:26 (twenty-two years ago)

What about the similar one for spot cream with a cartoon couple a short while back? That was really dumb! The geek tries to get the girl interested in, err.. spot cream or bacteria and she's all like "uh-uh, get real like whatever" and then it just ends. Why would this ever appeal to anyone?

Also the Orange ads at the cinema where they have people presenting some thick-as-fuck Orange Ad-men with a movie script and them just not getting it but going "yeah, cool, gotcha". Doesn't that just show Orange up in a bad light?

― dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 8 January 2004 13:53 (twenty-two years ago)

It shows that there is science behind the product so its not snake oil but it also shows that YOU the consumer are cooler than the geeks that make it work.

Ie, it works and you are cool and don't worry your pretty Eastenders filled head about how it works just fucking buy it and smear it on your pale skin then go to the cinema to see Love Actually.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 8 January 2004 14:09 (twenty-two years ago)

And the Orange one, its all about showing that Orange can cope with having the piss taken out of them, so you can trust this huge faceless corporation not to give you brain cancer with their radiation spewing babble devices.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 8 January 2004 14:11 (twenty-two years ago)

The orange one has managed to be repeated over fifty times at me without annoying me.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 8 January 2004 14:24 (twenty-two years ago)

like dog latin i think the Orange self-deprecatory ads are rather risky

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 8 January 2004 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I've seen two Orange ones now - one with an old guy trying to show a black and white film and there's a new one with a black guy talking about an historic baseball movie (I'm not too up with my baseball/american history so i lost the point a bit). It's not really an annoying advert, I just don't think I want to have anything to do with a company whos head honchos are supposed to be that stupid.

― dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 8 January 2004 14:59 (twenty-two years ago)

!!! black guy = Spike Lee, you ignorant fool!

There's a Carrie Fisher one as well, which goes as you'd expect.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 8 January 2004 15:01 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, i think the orange ads require knowledge of whoever the person is that's making the pitch. i'll admit to laughing when the guy made lightsabre noises as carrie fisher was leaving.

and there's nothing worse that the linda from trading spaces on every freaking ad. couches. skin cream. electronics. and she's a really bad actress, too! i can't imagine she manages to sell anything.

― colette (a2lette), Thursday, 8 January 2004 15:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, are they all famous people, sorry I'm crap with names! Lol! Maybe I'm missing the point entirely in that respect. All the same, the admen are portrayed as totally obnoxious yes-men. I wouldn't want anything from them.

― dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 8 January 2004 15:11 (twenty-two years ago)

The new low: "That buzzer means it's time to wash our hands!"

(RFI: Actimol/Yakunt - Does anyone recommend this stuff?)

― Alfie (Alfie), Tuesday, 20 January 2004 14:03 (twenty-two years ago)

three years pass...

I can't seem to find the other thread (the better one) for annoying adverts. But I want to know - does anyone even understand that KIA ad (you know "Where, Where, Why, How, When, Where, Who?) because the only question I'm left asking is "WTF?". I mean I know you've got some drivel on TV at the moment but this could have been written by monkeys! Does it actually make sense to anyone, anywhere? Is it a matter of an advertising guy having forgotten to work on the project and he remembers that he started brainstorming a spider-diagram with a sort of compassy thing and then started jotting down "When Where Why Who" on it. For good measure he also doodles a picture of a dog in a car crash. At last minute he's asked by his boss to produce the work and he feebly hands over this bit of paper. The boss looks at it and goes "THAT IS BRILLIANT!" and lo telelvision history is made?

― the next grozart, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 12:31 (nineteen years ago)

Yes, baffling. Perhaps it's some kind of Chris Morris style spoof? At least that's what I thought when I first saw it!

― Neil S, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 12:38 (nineteen years ago)

(you know "Where, Where, Why, How, When, Where, Who?)

now i do. i srsly wouldn't have been able to tell you what it's an ad for. not what make of car (KIA is a car right?) but what sort of product/service at all

― Alan, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 12:41 (nineteen years ago)

I'M BARRY SCOTT

― peteR, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 12:43 (nineteen years ago)

the one with the flocking swallows and the 'inspirational' music seems to completely fail.

― koogs, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 13:02 (nineteen years ago)

the 'goin out tonight' one? i like that

― blueski, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 13:03 (nineteen years ago)

It goes a bit quickly, but I'm pretty sure there's a shot of a corpse in the back seat in that "who? when? why?" advert, which makes it a bit hopeless, unless the message really is "KIA - the car you might die in."

There's an advert for something or other where the voiceover talks about differences in culture and says something along the lines of "65% of Japanese people consider their pets to be part of the family, but 39% of Americans won't let their dog sleep in their bed. We understand different attitudes, we're great!" which is kind of pointless. Majority of one country does something to show they love their pets and the minority of another country does something to show they maybe don't = two ways of saying the same thing, rather than a difference, surely? And they're hardly mutually exclusive anyway, I consider my uncle Stewart part of the family but wouldn't be too happy if he climbed into bed with me.

― V, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 13:38 (nineteen years ago)

x-post

The message of that advert seems to be: "drink Carling if you wish to be an unthinking, undifferentiated member of the flock!"

― Neil S, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 13:38 (nineteen years ago)

― the next grozart, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 13:42 (nineteen years ago)

am very surprised the starlings advert is for carling. i had no idea (= failure)

footage was great the first time i saw it and in context (springwatch?) but it just screams 'library footage' at me in the actual advert.

http://www.carling.com/contactus/comments/advert.html

― koogs, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 13:52 (nineteen years ago)

matthew from Peterborough

i love advert its grate you need to keep coming up with adverts likes this because it makes poeple buy it or bring out a new carling out with a lemon and lime flavor it will be lovely.

― koogs, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 13:52 (nineteen years ago)

"I've switched our car insurance! On the Internet!"

no wonder teenager is not listening.

― Mark G, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 13:56 (nineteen years ago)

That Carling site has some funny comments!

Laura from Stoke-on-trent

Really like this advert but still don't understand the connection between the birds and Carling.

― Neil S, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 13:57 (nineteen years ago)

as usual Lynx are the worst.

― blueski, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 14:01 (nineteen years ago)

but as Lynx are aiming for people who literally believe the claims in the ads, they do fine

― Alan, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 14:04 (nineteen years ago)

i can't think of any other male deodorant adverts on at the moment. have Lynx totally blown the competition all out of the water?

― blueski, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 14:08 (nineteen years ago)

plus when was the last time you saw an advert for Boddingtons?

― blueski, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 14:08 (nineteen years ago)

Wayne Rooney's brother wtf

― Mark C, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 14:11 (nineteen years ago)

footage was great the first time i saw it and in context (springwatch?) but it just screams 'library footage' at me in the actual advert.

I find this about a lot of ads, that if they cut it off before the tagline came on, you'd never be able to guess what it was for. They seem like a clever idea and everyone gets to play with their computer packages, and the end result is some WOW MODERN warping of reality on the screen and no product recognition, like someone just went 'please buy our phone service' at the end of a student film.

― accentmonkey, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 14:28 (nineteen years ago)

Like that "Exploding towerblock of colour paint" one?

― Mark G, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 14:31 (nineteen years ago)

Kind of, yes, although I can at least see the "wouldn't this look incredible on our telly" argument to it. It's the one where the people wander around the city with stuff stuck to them and it turns out to be a beer ad, I think, although it could just as easily be a phone ad or an ad for dryer sheets.

― accentmonkey, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 16:34 (nineteen years ago)

SCS don't seem to have had a sale for a while. I do hope Steve off Eastenders is OK.

― Not the real Village People, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 22:22 (nineteen years ago)

what gets me is the cosmetic adverts which seemed to be dubbed even though the actors seems to be speaking in english

― secondhandnews, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 11:55 (nineteen years ago)

Well, you'd not buy any lippy from a yank accent, right?

― Mark G, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 11:56 (nineteen years ago)

I would love for someone to enlighten me re: the brit teleeecom ad, where the New Boyfriend Blokey is planning a best man speech. He goes on the internets to get good ideas for his speech. Then we see him doing his speech and everyone is laughing. Then he says something about Nairobi. Everyone is still laughing. Then he says "look at his face!" and then everyone suddenly stops laughing. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. Am I not supposed to know why?

― Zoe Espera, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 12:03 (nineteen years ago)

I get the impression it's just because he let the joke go on too long and appears to be a little bit too into it.

― accentmonkey, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 12:07 (nineteen years ago)

Right. I see. Okay. My life can now continue. I'm accepting that answer and moving on. Thank you.

― Zoe Espera, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 12:09 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, those adverts are shit. I think the actor's pretty good but he's let down by appauling script.

― the next grozart, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 12:18 (nineteen years ago)

Surely it's because he's showing them all a really indecent photo on the projector screen? (XPOST)

― blueski, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 12:19 (nineteen years ago)

like, he misjudged how offensive the photo would be to a wedding audience...i dunno. it is stupid no doubt.

― blueski, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 12:20 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah I think that's what it's supposed to be, I was baffled by that BT advert for weeks as well until my wife explained it to me.

― Colonel Poo, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 12:23 (nineteen years ago)

I want to know why Nairobi and not anywhere else.

― peteR, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 12:25 (nineteen years ago)

The whole thing is extremely annoying! I think the fact that we have to be working out what on earth happened in the advert shows how very useless it it. I'm pretty sure it wasn't a ruse to make it a 'talking point'.

And yeah, waste of a good actor (as it was when he was in that sit-com). Bring back M Lipman as Beattie! (No, don't.)

― Zoe Espera, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 12:27 (nineteen years ago)

Clearly I haven't moved on.

― Zoe Espera, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 12:28 (nineteen years ago)

four months pass...

Dear Gaymer's

An advertising campaign that implies that everybody who drinks your product is a complete fucking wanker is prolly a bad idea, ok?

― Noodle Vague, Sunday, 5 August 2007 13:07 (eighteen years ago)

Well I for one can't wait to see the TV adverts, unless you're talking about them already. I've seen one poster on a few bus shelters around London and it's absolutely awful. Partly because it seems to imply drinking cider over ice is the best way to relieve your homoerotic urges by involving an innocent waitress in your threesome, but mainly because there's no sense of perspective in the portrait, and pint glasses and bottles and people have no relation to each other.
Can't find it online, so you'll have to imagine that.

http://www.morningadvertiser.co.uk/news_detail.aspx?articleid=15413

And in what way is losing a game of pool on your opponents first shot 'as good as it gets'? I suppose if you're the sort of wanker they're aiming at you might've bet your house on the game, but even so.

― Bocken Social Scene, Sunday, 5 August 2007 15:20 (eighteen years ago)

I've seen about 3 different posters round here. Haven't seen the TV adverts. First poster I saw featured the immortal phrase "Chilled beats". These twatmongers deserve to go bankrupt. YOU CAN STICK YOUR "ASPIRATIONAL" ADVERTISING UP YR CORPORATE ARSE

― Noodle Vague, Sunday, 5 August 2007 15:30 (eighteen years ago)

Publicans have been watering down their draughts for years so it's only right that now we can achieve the same taste sensation in our own homes through the miracle of ice cubes.

― Mark C, Sunday, 5 August 2007 15:51 (eighteen years ago)

MICKEY'S GOT A LOOK FOR EVERY OCCASION

― Dom Passantino, Sunday, 5 August 2007 15:55 (eighteen years ago)

Carlsberg's TV ads are in a similarly twuntish vein.

― Noodle Vague, Sunday, 5 August 2007 15:58 (eighteen years ago)

MICKEY'S GOT A LOOK FOR EVERY OCCASION

-- Dom Passantino, Sunday, 5 August 2007 15:55 (49 minutes ago) Link

I see now that you are wise, mr passantino

― Jarlrmai, Sunday, 5 August 2007 16:47 (eighteen years ago)

one year passes...

A TV ad for the Oasis fruit drink has been pulled by Coca Cola following complaints from viewers.

The Advertising Standards Agency (ASA) upheld more than 30 objections to the commercial, saying it should not be aired again in its current form.
The ad features young lovers Cactus Kid and Cactus Girl, who elope after she falls pregnant.
The ASA said in a statement: "We considered that because the ad could be interpreted to condone underage sex and teenage pregnancy, the innuendo was inappropriate and likely to cause serious or widespread offence."

Coca-Cola said it did not mean to upset viewers, adding that the commercials are aimed at people in their 20s who would like the "edgy humour".

― Annoying Display Name (blueski), Thursday, 9 October 2008 14:50 (seventeen years ago)

Ha, I wondered how long that would last...

The best advert ever was the Mr Kipling "realistic birth of Jesus" one.

One huge Ha Ha OMG!!

― Mark G, Thursday, 9 October 2008 14:57 (seventeen years ago)

three years pass...

just seen new bt infinity advert with him loking for student digs. it makes the apprentice advertising task output look ok.

― koogs, Saturday, 14 January 2012 17:46 (fourteen years ago)

ok, the vibe i'm getting from that is "BT Infinity is for cunts"

― little blue souvenir (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 14 January 2012 17:50 (fourteen years ago)

one year passes...

BT UK‏@bt_uk37m
You’ve seen Simon get his date, now help him steal a kiss on our Facebook game to WIN #IOWFestival tickets! http://on.fb.me/18kM9rc

This is beyond dismal..

― Mark G, Monday, 3 June 2013 14:42 (thirteen years ago)

five years pass...

"Would that work?" (adopts smug pose...)

― Mark G, Monday, 1 April 2019 10:18 (seven years ago)

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