Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Saw it. Don't want to talk about it.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 01:02 (twenty-two years ago)

ok, but i'm dying to know: did they ride together? did they die together?

― j pantsman, Tuesday, 15 July 2003 01:07 (twenty-two years ago)

that bad, eh?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 01:09 (twenty-two years ago)

It made me fucking sick to my stomach. Michael Bay loves death.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 01:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean I realize most if not all action movies are going to involve people dying, but Bay seems to really relish it, to fucking love the way people's bodies rip apart, their death gurgles. Horrible horrible horrible. It was the kind of movie that characters in some Verhoeven dystopia might watch.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 01:11 (twenty-two years ago)

It was two-and-a-half hours long.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 01:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Sounds great! So is there gonna be a revival of ultraviolent big budget buddy movies, 80s style? How is Shane Black doing these days? Are Ed O'Ross and Al Leong ready for their well-earned comebacks? Will Steven Soderbergh make a clever anti-buddy movie? Ahh maybe Hollywood is not lost yet.

― Sommermute (Wintermute), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 07:39 (twenty-two years ago)

(I was just thinking that S1utsky's description was only making me want to see the movie more.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 14:02 (twenty-two years ago)

isn't e the big drug killah in it or sone such balloxx ?

― piscesboy, Tuesday, 15 July 2003 14:06 (twenty-two years ago)

what this thread needs is some vomit-inducing photos of michael bay:

http://i.imdb.com/Photos/Ss/0213149/img0039.jpg

http://i.imdb.com/Photos/Ss/0112442/fcstil_0615.jpg

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 14:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder if there is a Will/Martin animal crackers scene?

― Lars (Nicole), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 14:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Jeanine Basinger, of Bay's alma mater and mine, in the liner notes to the Armageddon DVD:

Despite what you may have heard, Armageddon is a work of art by a cutting-edge artist who is a master of movement, light, color, and shape—and also of chaos, razzle-dazzle, and explosion. (It was no surprise to me to learn that as a thirteen-year-old, director Michael Bay blew up his toy train set with firecrackers so he could photograph the result with his mom’s 8mm camera.) If he weren’t working in Hollywood, Bay would be the darling bad boy of the intelligentsia. As it is, he sometimes falls under suspicion for having been nominated for multiple MTV Awards, and for having won every accolade available to directors of commercials, including the Clio and the prestigious Director’s Guild of America “Commercial Director of the Year” title. Armageddon is only his third movie, but it came under fire from some critics who had praised his second, The Rock, and for its same characteristics: fast cutting, impressive special effects, and a minimum of exposition.

...followed by some self-aggrandizing claptrap about her being welcoming of his visual talents blah blah blah.

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 14:12 (twenty-two years ago)

The whole essay is a masterpiece of sycophantry and notions of classical hollywood stretched and misapplied.

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

isn't e the big drug killah in it or sone such balloxx ?

The guy from Eels?

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Tuesday, 15 July 2003 14:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Interview with Bay; make of it what you will.

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 14:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I saw a clip on some talk show where Smith and Lawrence are in some giant yellow SUV/jeep thang, being chased by bad guys on a truck with a big gun, driving through a shantytown in what I presume is some South American country, and I mean driving THROUGH it. They were driving down a hill, plowing through these shacks which were densely packed together, with no apparent regard or concern for the people who actually live in these shacks. The short clip I saw had them drive through at least 30-40 shacks, some blowing up for no apparent reason. I'm not overly PC when it comes to entertainment, but it made me kind of sick.

― NA. (Nick A.), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 15:11 (twenty-two years ago)

THIS MOVIE IS AN ABOMINATION

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I just saw How to Deal, the new Mandy Moore movie, and I think my brain is seizing up from seeing these two in such close succession.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 15:41 (twenty-two years ago)

This is the most fatuous phrase in Basinger's essay: "If he weren’t working in Hollywood, Bay would be the darling bad boy of the intelligentsia."

Basinger is a hack, and a toadie. It works, though, as numerous Hollywood types contribute to her film program.

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 15:53 (twenty-two years ago)

hahahaha

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 15:54 (twenty-two years ago)

"Today's all-American girl can be an actual all-American, like Rebecca Lobo, the basketball star. She can come in all shapes and colors and sizes from Ricki Lake to Brandy or Chelsea Clinton or Alicia Silverstone. And she definitely has a future!"

C+

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 15:59 (twenty-two years ago)

So How to Deal is really terrible as well?

― Lars (Nicole), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 16:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Quick? Name some "darling bad boys of the intelligentsia"!

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 16:10 (twenty-two years ago)

1. Oscar Wilde
2. Eminem

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I like Basinger's contention in the Armageddon essay that Bay is something pushing the boundaries of narrative compression, that his films make great demands on their audiences' perceptual abilities. Like his films aren't as infatuated with redundancy as any Hollywood movie, if not more so. I'm not necessarily a Bay-hater (he's more talented than most, less than many, but above all the porngraphic, amoral quality of his films is a big turn-off), but Basinger is trying to hype him on terms that aren't at all appropriate. She wants him to be Otto Preminger or something. But she can be counted on to make a case for any of her more successful former students being unsung geniuses.

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 16:19 (twenty-two years ago)

(See also Miguel Arteta and Mike White, Scott McGehee and David Siegel, and Joss Whedon.)

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 16:21 (twenty-two years ago)

That sentence drove me nuts too "darling bad boy" I mean.

And you're right about redundancy--I was amazed in Armaggedon how the scenes of the team's training for their mission played almost as the actors rehearsing for the climax.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder if there is a Will/Martin animal crackers scene?

HOW DARE YOU REMIND ME OF THAT ABOMINATION UNTO GOD.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)

The best thing about that interview is how he keeps on referring to the box office of the film to justify it as a good film. I mean, I agree that there are film snobs who look down at anything that does gross well. But doing the opposite and celebrating the hits because they are hits is just as baseless.

― Girolamo Savonarola, Tuesday, 15 July 2003 16:39 (twenty-two years ago)

How to Deal actually has one of the weirdest instances of the stock "dog humps leg" joke I've seen so far. This dog, who you've never seen before, just appears out of the blue at the end of an unrelated scene and begins to hump Allison Janney's leg, and everyone laughs. The dog is never seen again. It's like they had some contractual obligation to the dog or something.

Thank you.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorta like the monkey at the end of Mallrats?

― Girolamo Savonarola, Tuesday, 15 July 2003 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I saw that same scene and I got mad because I felt like they were showing all of the good scenes.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

s1utsky, is this the kind of movie you usually avoid?

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

What, Bad Boys 2? Or How to Deal? And what do you mean "usually avoid?" I don't usually avoid any kind of movie.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I guess I mean, apart from your aversion to Bey's depictions of death, is Bad Boys II a good action movie?

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

No. (And I do watch a lot of action movies.) It's way too long and really hard to follow and not very funny at all, for all it tries. There's one chase scene that's kind of impressive (and would've been way more if I had any idea what was going on), and the big finale I suppose is OK.

It's just ugly and tiring.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 18:11 (twenty-two years ago)

yes!

http://www.fadeinonline.com/bruckheimer/cover.jpg

http://www.bizcotti.com/bay-bruckheimer.jpg

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 18:36 (twenty-two years ago)

There should be a heart around that last one.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Look how neatly Jerry trims his beard!

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 18:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Also:

Oh how I hate Michael Bay's self-conscious director cameos.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 18:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean obviously director cameos are always self-conscious but still.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 18:56 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, that last photo needs a "= tru luv 4 eva"

― rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 18:58 (twenty-two years ago)

The more I look at these photos, the more I'm sure Lorenzo Lamas pulled a Michael Knight and resurfaced as "Michael Bay." My suspicions will be confirmed if he directs a Renegade movie.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Each of those guys needs a violent real-life encounter a la Steve Martin's character in Grand Canyon. On the other hand, it didn't work there either. *shrug*

― Girolamo Savonarola, Tuesday, 15 July 2003 20:36 (twenty-two years ago)

That is an astounding and innovative idea!

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Tuesday, 15 July 2003 22:28 (twenty-two years ago)

This movie was fantastic non-stop brainless entertainment from beginning to end. I would go see it again in a heartbeat.

(For the people unnerved by the shantytown scene; that isn't really a shantytown.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 27 July 2003 01:06 (twenty-two years ago)

http://cgi.sexlist.com/counter.cgi?TSLID=125764=2001
This movie was fantastic non-stop brainless entertainment from beginning to end.

― pio, Sunday, 27 July 2003 03:23 (twenty-two years ago)

It so IS a shantytown!

― s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 27 July 2003 04:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Also, this movie sucks.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 27 July 2003 04:48 (twenty-two years ago)

It is a fake shantytown that is a front for cocaine production. Did you miss that part of the dialogue?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 27 July 2003 16:10 (twenty-two years ago)

They didn't say it was fake, they just said something like "oh they make cocaine in there." And there likely would've been people in there no? And also it's pretty much implied that they blow up the drug lord's young daughter.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 27 July 2003 16:44 (twenty-two years ago)

They did too say it was fake! They said flat-out "This is a gigantic cocaine factory". THe people who were there were the people who were making the cocaine.

Also, one of the first things the commando team did was snatch the young daughter and the mother and take them out of the house.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 27 July 2003 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I must've been catatonic at that point.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 27 July 2003 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, it's hard to keep your mind on the plot when a dude with no leg flies across the screen and smacks into a pole.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 27 July 2003 16:54 (twenty-two years ago)

It was amusing, MAYBE a little too long. I like how there was one chase scene where cars are flying at them and then they have to top it later, so in the exact same manner, they have bodies fly at them. The hotness of Gabrielle Union was a plus.

― Vinnie (vprabhu), Sunday, 27 July 2003 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

wait, Dan, did they actually take the little girl and mom OUT of the house? I just saw them get found, not evacuated.

While it was thrilling in a Freidkin kinda way, the Cuba part was so nakedly tacked on. We have no idea how the Cuban Scott Stapp dude got out of his house in Florida and onto a plane. We get told he just "slipped away." But Will Smith had some genuinely funny moments (argh, I guess Martin did too). For a rollercoaster type movie it was pretty watchable.

Since they always made a calculated point to have positive examples of whites, blacks, women, etc., it's hard to call the film racist or sexist. I don't think I've ever seen a movie that MENTIONED race more. Everybody was called a spanish something or a russian something or a danish something. It was like that scene in What's Up Tiger Lily: "Saracen pig!" "Spartan dog!" "Spanish fly!" "Turkish rat!" The haitians and russians were TOTALLY tacked on to.

But for calculated Hollywood horseshit, this was WAY more viscerally entertaining than Erin Brokovich.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 27 July 2003 22:12 (twenty-two years ago)

actually if the film ain't racIST, it's definitely race-baiting or race-exploiting. One could DEFINITELY argue it's homophobic as hell. Unless Joe Pantoliano's character was meant to be gay or something (I wouldn't put it past Bay to assume a well furnished house was implication enough).

Plus, they already had the ectsacy and the money. So all those CIA, DEA, and Miami PD people AND THE ENTIRE CUBAN UNDERGROUND teamed up to a rescue a single hostage? They really should have blown the head bad guy up MUCH earlier.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 27 July 2003 22:18 (twenty-two years ago)

They all had well-furnished mansions.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 27 July 2003 22:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Plus movies like this should never ever EVER be two-and-a-half hours long. Ever. They shouldn't even be over 90 minutes.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 27 July 2003 22:56 (twenty-two years ago)

The length of this film and the fact that many other similarly lightweight films are reaching epic size is another sign that Hollywood is getting more Bollywood.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 28 July 2003 00:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Not to mention the disco number with Will Smith in a gold lamé sari.

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 01:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, think of it this way:

They expended all of that time and energy getting to the mother and the little girl when they could have just blown up the house and run. Is it more likely that they took them out of the house or locked them in a closet?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 July 2003 12:22 (twenty-two years ago)

three years pass...

martin lawrence is pretty fucking incompetent as a cop.

― That one guy that quit, Saturday, 23 June 2007 20:41 (eighteen years ago)

hahaha cosign

― HI DERE, Saturday, 23 June 2007 21:37 (eighteen years ago)

But for calculated Hollywood horseshit, this was WAY more viscerally entertaining than Erin Brokovich.

totally random and also not true

― ☪, Saturday, 23 June 2007 21:54 (eighteen years ago)

erin brockovich isn't any kind of entertaining.

― That one guy that quit, Saturday, 23 June 2007 22:07 (eighteen years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.