Hug Your Father Tonight

Weird. I haven't even seen my father in over 3 years. I don't know how I'd react if I heard something had happened to him. Probably just a "Oh, that's too bad" and maybe a vague twinge of... I don't know. Disappointment? I'd probably just go blank. And that's really shitty. But every time I've tried to make some kind of connection with him, it doesn't go much further than "how are you?" "Oh, fine."

However, he's hurt his back recently, and he's in a lot of pain sometimes. I wish he could learn from this--to be more empathic, maybe to relate a little better to me--but he's acting just the same. Nonetheless, I love him and don't want to see him in pain. I feel such concern for him and just want him to be well.

Dee, you know you're in my prayers.

To those of you still resisting, don't. Please. I just wish to God I could see Dad lying asleep in his bed, in his bedroom, with his pajamas on, one more time. I just wish to God I could come downstairs at 8 a.m. one more time and see Dad in the kitchen eating his cereal on dialysis days. I just wish to God I drive Dad to Eckerd again, open the car door for him, and see him picking up four candy bars, one more time. I even wish I could go past his bathroom on my way upstairs or downstairs and smell all of those horrible odors one more time.

Missing my daddy already....

I cannot comprehend what you are going through, but you are in my thoughts and meditations.

I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through right now. Do you have any other family or good friends nearby who can help comfort you?

Please email me if you'd like a chat.

Anyway, one day when I was 11, my parents sat me down and told me they'd be getting a divorce. It was one of the hardest days of my life because I had no idea anything was going on. I was the oldest of three daughters, so both my parents began to confide in me all the time. I suddenly became a best friend to each of them instead of just their kid. It was really tough to hear my dad being so emotional, but I think that the whole situation brought me much closer to both of my parents individually.

I love my dad very much. I just saw him this past weekend - he took us all to Water country :). I hug him every time I see him.

I'm sorry to read about your pain, Dee, but I'm glad you can share it with us. It's obvious there are a lot of people who care about you. Do you have any siblings?

:-(

I'm so sorry, Dee. My thoughts are with you:<

(and you are right, life is too short not to hug those closest to you)

*hugs*

It's been rather hard on Mom and me, but thankfully we've got a wonderful familial support system to lean on and for the moment are still too much in shock to process little about the incident. I'm sure anywhere from two weeks to a month from now, when all of this action has subsided and we're back to the normal grind, I will be in for some severe mental breakdown, but hopefully friends, family, and chemicals (IN THE FORM OF ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH) will help out then.

I'll let you know how things went at the visitation, rosary, and funeral. Thankfully we got the priest Dad would've wanted. And we're going to have wonderful music at the funeral Mass. My two really good offline friends are going to perform the music. Thank God.

Love you guys. Tremendously.

One year ago today. Where did the time go? I think at this time last year we were just leaving the hospice place and Mom and I were going to be driven home (in the vehicle I drove to hospice) by an aunt and uncle of mine, who then took care of us for about an hour and a half before they left us to take a nap. The first thing I did when they left was to rush upstairs and see who was online so I could determine if that time was the right time to update someone, and I found that Julia was online, so I knew then it was the right time.

Julia, Ned, Bryan, Nichole, Julio, db, s1utsky, luna, teeny, Pink, Chris V, and Colin, I once again thank you for your warm sentiments this time last year. It's that sort of kindness that will make today an easier one to go through.