Social Kissing: classic or dud?

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You know, hugging and kissing people hello and goodbye. I hate it. Shaking hands is enough contact thanks. I must not be very tactile.

So, do you find this sort of greeting socially embarassing? My question could use some clarifying, but I'm going to be vague, so there. Classic or dud??

― jel, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That kinda stuff happens a *lot* over here- it's pretty much a given social ritual. However!: it's also a surefire awkwardness-inducer if you aren't prone to PDAs (not those handheld computer thingees). And I'm not, really. But if you're comfortable with the company, then no worries. So- occasionally a little Classic, but when it's a Dud, it's a DUD.

― Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I lived in Paris for three years. Out with a group of, say, eight people in a bar, I used to dread the inevitable moment when I would have to say goodbye to them all with sixteen cheek pecks.

Oddly enough, in the 18th century it was the french who shook hands and the english who kissed.

― Momus, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dud. I either grease the ladies or the powder me up. Either way, we both need to rub our cheeks once we turn the corner.

― Nude Spock, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I hug and kiss everyone hello and goodbye! Last night I hugged and kissed Justin hello, because I know Justin, then I hugged and kissed Tristan who I barely know but he's cool and I don't want to leave him out. And I hugged and kissed Justin goodbye, I had to get up and find him. The first week I worked at my company was New Year's a few years back, and everyone hugged and kissed me and they didn't even barely know my name at that point. My friend Adi hugs and kisses literally everyone, even people she doesn't know at ALL (ask Wheeler). That's what we do in NYC!!! I will hug and kiss all of you if I meet you!

― Ally, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

then I hugged and kissed Tristan who I barely know but he's cool and I don't want to leave him out

It's exactly this that troubles me. You're always having to kiss everyone, in case someone feels left out. Or else you don't care about their feelings, and use the kissing to demarcate a social hierarchy amongst your friends -- I kiss *him* but just wave to *her*, etc.

Kissing becomes an obligation when egalitarian concerns replace appetite (as they should). This causes kissing to leave the sphere of truly intimate acts and become merely token.

― Momus, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I hate people making a big scene over hellos and goodbye. Like you walk into the bar and people you barely know are making a scene over you just to keep up appearances, not because they're really pleased to see you.

― Ronan, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

But, see, I LIKE Tristan. I consider myself friends with Tristan, just not close friends because we only just recently met. If I didn't like him or didn't know him at all, I wouldn't have done it. Like, if I ran into my ex-boyfriend, I wouldn't kiss/hug hello. He'd be lucky if I didn't punch him in the face. But someone like that who I like and am BECOMING friends with I would kiss hello. But like I said, cheek kissing is de rigeur in NYC, everyone I hang out with seems to do it, oddly.

― Ally, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would be pleased to see you.

― Ally, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

In NYC it seems like women like to do it but men, betwixt each other, are not so keen to. Friendly touching maybe more acceptable for females, and between f and m provides innocent frottage.... but this undercurrent unnaceptable to hets?? I have never willingly kissed guy friend on cheek to bid adieu except ironically, to point out above...

― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Not too sure about kissing.. but I will give and accept hugs to/from anybody.. no matter what sex, sex pref, etc. The only requirement is that you don't or didn't do something to make me afraid of you. Fortunately, that's not a long list.

Same deal with massages. And without expecting closer physical activity afterwards. (though in some cases, I may desire it.. but that's a different thread)

Alcohol helps all of the above, of course.

― Brian MacDonald, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That last statement could probably be put at the end of any thread and I'd agree. Are you with me, Ally?

― Sean, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

hugging goodbye has just become polite now, especially among the media types that i increasingly find myself hanging out with. when i was younger i found it horrifying but i guess it's OK now.

and yes alcohol does, er, exacerbate this tendency.

― katie, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I hug my friends quite often, not for greetings but spontaneously; friendly kissing is not common here. I wouldn't want to be kissed by strangers, but it would be sweet among friends.

― Maria, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm with anyone who advocates alcohol abuse.

― Ally, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I hug those who are recptive to it. some of my friends are noticeably uncomfortable about it. In italy it was always two kisses for girls and a firm handshake for the boys.

a good firm hug is best

― Ed, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh, also: if some unacceptable person swans over and deigns to air- kiss you like some fucking cosmopolitan simulacrum, burst their balloon by making a loud "MWUAH!" kissy sound and smacking your lips. And insist on giving them THREE kisses.

― Tracer hand, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would be pleased to see you.

Is that a gun in your pocket, Ally?

― Momus, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

a good firm hug is best

Oh yes, we don't want to appear gurly now, do we?

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I always get the Fear in that moment of indecision as someone leans towards you- I never know how many kisses are required, which cheek to kiss first,etc - then you add hugs to the equation. All very confusing.

But with friends, it's cool, as it doesn't matter is you screw it up. Which I normally do. So classic for friends, dud for New People.

Friends are more important than new people. So classic.

― Simon McD, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Huge Dud, especially when it's an elderly relative who has Alzheimer's and mistakes you for her dead husband and sticks a finger up your ass.

― dave q, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Aw thanks, I'm glad you'd be pleased to see me. I mean I'm even pleased to see me in the mirror every morning.

― Ronan, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

We do the double cheeck kiss hug in our circle of friends. Does this mean were art phags?

― anthony, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Plus Kisses add levels of intimacy. If you are closer to a person the kiss lasts longer, it is closer to the lips. If it is trhe bishop it is the hand , if it is your lover its his lips. It becomes a complex semotic system. I thought you would be into that Momus ?

― anthony, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My most dreaded phrase uttered by a stranger or new aquaintence - 'Enough with the formalities! Give me a hug you!' -- annoying variation once I know them better - 'You don't know how to hug. Come here. Put you're arms around my waist. Now hug me... Like you mean it!'

― jason, Thursday, 20 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yeuch! If someone did that to me I'd freak out. Uninvited invasion of personal space = DUD.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

tounge kissing strangers who you are introduced to - classic gripping their ass - dud.

― Geoff, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ugh........yeah. "Give me a proper hug"...........no thanks go find a tree or something.

― Ronan, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I like social kissing. You get to kiss people!

― Nick, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nick is on the money here

― cabbage, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Isn't all kissing fairly anti-social? I can't remember the last time I discussed the finer points of Faust with my tongue in someone elses mouth.

― Ronan, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think you have misunderstood the rules of social kissing.

― Nick, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What about *air kissing*, GAWD I hate that even more. Then there's also the problem of the amount of kisses you have to give. There you are thinking Dutch people give three kisses on the cheek like us lot (Belgians). They stop after one... and you have to grab them to finish. In some regions in Belgium guys kiss eachother (socially) as well.

― nathalie, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It would be more classic if I didn't wear too much lip gloss which means I have to wipe it off anyone I kiss socially as if I were some ancient aunt. It would be nice if my male friends kissed my hand when we met up. No slobbering, mind. I would curtsey back.

― Emma, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The rules of social kissing? I treat it like freeform jazz

― Ronan, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's more trad. You really can't go sticking your tongue in willy nilly.

― Nick, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Of course I know this. It's indeed like trad in that its boring as hell.

― Ronan, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

it is socially embarassing, espec. if not familiar with etiquette. 3x amongst the Dutch, but not men/men (why?). but rules for who/when + where still unclear. merrily kissed family members - to later learn it was inappropiate- and avoided it with certain social acquaintances when it apparently was expected ('But why, I don't even like her?'). roguish father quickly caught on, dishing out kisses whenever during visit. now that was embarassing.

― stevo, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My tactic for avoiding this kind of situation is to be at least 6 feet away from the group or on the other side of the road. Or, just up and leave suddenly, giving no time for hugs and kisses. Practiced at the art of aviodance.

― jel, Friday, 21 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

blowing kisses is nice and non-invasive, and you can make big amusing sweeping movements.

― Maria, Sunday, 23 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

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