Methods of demanding cunnilingus

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Purely hypothetical on my end, of course, but...

As we all learned on the "Gigli" thread, pointing at one's crotch, and saying "It's Turkey Time...Gobble, Gobble" is clearly not ideal.

So what is?

― Marcel Post (Marcel Post), Monday, 28 July 2003 20:46 (twenty-two years ago)

From the point of view of the demandee, "Hello" has always worked well for me.

― Marcel Post (Marcel Post), Monday, 28 July 2003 20:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Remind me to think of an alternative greeting when I meet Marcel.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 28 July 2003 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd have to guess the best method is the one where one never has to ask.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 July 2003 20:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours"
/PG version

― oops (Oops), Monday, 28 July 2003 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

khia to thread, of course.

"i want you to eat my pussy right now" works wonders for me, i find.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Ladies: Have you ever encountered a guy who won't go down on you? It's just that it's something I read in problem pages, or see female comedians making fun about, but whenever I bring up the subject, all my male friends say they adore doing it.

Ways to demand cunnilingus? Anyway you want, anyway at all.

On a tangent, I had a bizarre conversation once with a friend who claimed that eating fruit was 'dirty' (in an enjoyable way) because it was like cunnilingus. Never seen the connection myself.

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:07 (twenty-two years ago)

if he's referring to a peach, you probably want to get him help.

yeah i've never understood the male, uh, disdain for cunnilingus. like, every rapper ever to thread.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I didn't think the turkey thing was all that awful honestly.

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:12 (twenty-two years ago)

"Still Talkin' Shit," the definitive statement on said prejudice?

Teeny, test it out on your b/f and see what happens.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:12 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah i've never understood the male, uh, disdain for cunnilingus. like, every rapper ever to thread.

'minds me of that line from Juvenile's "I Got The Fire":

Tiger Woods/But I won't/Eat no pussy/Cause I don't..."

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Teeny, test it out on your b/f and see what happens.

Oh I will, believe me! But not for another week, as he is away. :(

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:14 (twenty-two years ago)

i am going to try out the turkey line asap

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:15 (twenty-two years ago)

You know, when I was a teenager I couldn't keep my boyfriends (both of them) from doing it. That was always the first thing they wanted to try. (Actually, it was the second thing. The first thing they always wanted to do was see me naked.)

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:19 (twenty-two years ago)

i think it's the gift man gives himself.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:20 (twenty-two years ago)

every rapper ever to thread.

except busta rhymes,
with that Jamaican girl who
didn't hook him up

― Haikunym, Monday, 28 July 2003 21:24 (twenty-two years ago)

"baby i wanna nibble on yr giblet"

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

"she said sixty-nine, i said sixty-eight and i owe you one"

― oops (Oops), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:27 (twenty-two years ago)

every rapper ever to thread.

except busta rhymes,

...and the Beatnuts

― oops (Oops), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:28 (twenty-two years ago)

say it with a .gif!

http://www.ezone.com/games/images/gamebuttons/turkey.jpg

― Aaron A., Monday, 28 July 2003 21:31 (twenty-two years ago)

A guy I used to be friends with once said that performing cunnilingus was like "lapping at a bowl of gravy."

― Mandee, Monday, 28 July 2003 21:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Jeez Louise!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:32 (twenty-two years ago)

the actual taste of cunnilingus is closer to metal spoons dipped in butter

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Have you ever encountered a guy who won't go down on you?

yes

― rosemary (rosemary), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:40 (twenty-two years ago)

he didn't deserve you, etc etc.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:41 (twenty-two years ago)

And who doesn't love metal spoons in butter?

― Mandee, Monday, 28 July 2003 21:42 (twenty-two years ago)

What reason did he give?

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I dated one guy who didn't like to do it. One birthday he decided to be generous and I realized his not going down was actually a good thing. . .

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:46 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, see THAT'S the problem, unless you're dating judge judy yr lady friend is not likely to tell you that you suck outright

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:47 (twenty-two years ago)

that comparison is eerily accurate, strongo.

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:48 (twenty-two years ago)

it is the truest thing my best friend has ever uttered

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Alternately, Dr. Laura.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:50 (twenty-two years ago)

well between the two of them i think i'm off eating out for quite some time

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:52 (twenty-two years ago)

most guys just aren't good at it, though we are mostly too polite to tell them.
i would never demand it.
i figure if he knows how to do it, he will, no words will be necessary (speaking hypothetically, of course).
if it's on the menu fine, but definitely not a deal breaker.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:52 (twenty-two years ago)

I've met several women (a few of whom I've dated and/or slept with, not all though) who actively disliked receiving head. A few are squeamish about other, um, bodily secretions that emanate from the vagina (the reason I suspect most straight men give for not liking to eat pussy as well) even when they're not a factor (i.e. most of the time), while others just get impatient with it--it doesn't get them off like dick does. Or, in one case, she just didn't want me to do it because she preferred women to do it--she'd never met a guy who'd done it right and wasn't about to let me make it a project to try.

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:53 (twenty-two years ago)

okay, cards on the table time, have any men or ladies experience the uh miracle of female ejaculation while uh dining out?

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I have not

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Is this a Bobby Flay restaurant?

― Carey (Carey), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:57 (twenty-two years ago)

"Waiter, what's your pussy du jour?"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:58 (twenty-two years ago)

"I'm Bobby Flay and you're watching Hot Off the Grill! Today, Jacqui Malouf is going to demonstrate the uh miracle of uh female ejaculation!"

"Thanks, Bobby!"

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:58 (twenty-two years ago)

most guys just aren't good at it, though we are mostly too polite to tell them.

I really haven't found this to be true. Maybe I'm lucky or maybe y'all haven't been.

I have known people who wouldn't do it, or didn't want to anyway, so I said 'that's ok, sug, you don't and neither will I.' I'm all about teaching them if they want to learn; I look at it as a gift I give myself.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:58 (twenty-two years ago)

"So, Jacqui, explain to the viewers the concept of ejaculation."

"Well, Bobby, you could do that yourself if you could actually get your thing up."

"Oh, snap!"

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 28 July 2003 21:59 (twenty-two years ago)

thanx matos, i think my dick just turned black and shriveled up

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 28 July 2003 22:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I aim (no not like that) to please

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 28 July 2003 22:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I haven't Jess, but I'd buy stock in whoever could make it happen. I've had a lot of partners who were great at it, guess I'm lucky. If the person doesn't get to it quick enough for me a great way to encourage them is to get into 69 position and start going down on them. They'll usually jump on board at that point.

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Monday, 28 July 2003 22:01 (twenty-two years ago)

female ejaculation is overrated. a good cucumber soup is not.

― Carey (Carey), Monday, 28 July 2003 22:01 (twenty-two years ago)

was that cucumber used for anything else or is sometimes a cucumber just for soup?

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 28 July 2003 22:02 (twenty-two years ago)

"Today on Hot Off the Grill Jacqui and I are gonna make a cucumber soup with kind of an unusual flavor. Right, Jacqui?"

"Get that smirk off your face, you perv."

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 28 July 2003 22:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm all about teaching them if they want to learn;

they better *know* what they're doing by the time they get down there.
otherwise they get tied up and taught a lesson ;-)

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 28 July 2003 22:06 (twenty-two years ago)

"this soup sure is buttery."

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 28 July 2003 22:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 246 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

every rapper ever to thread.

I could go downstairs, little brown hairs everywhere
"You nasty Twin!" I don't care
Round here they call me Big Pun, hit you with the big gun
Thick tongue, known to make a chick come

― President Keyes, Monday, 22 December 2008 15:43 (seventeen years ago)

'pussy stank...but so do marijuana' doot dooo

― that karate douche (╓abies), Monday, 22 December 2008 17:04 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.teapartygirl.com/blog/files/2008/02/woman-licking-spoon.jpg

― StanM, Monday, 22 December 2008 17:15 (seventeen years ago)

Donald Hall has a book of poems called White Apples and the Taste of Stone, and I'm assuming this is about what I think it's about.

― Eazy, Monday, 22 December 2008 17:19 (seventeen years ago)

just plug your nose guys.. don't be a sissy. quit when you feel like it, and then use something other than your tongue duh.

― ❤ⓛⓞⓥⓔ❤ (CaptainLorax), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 04:50 (seventeen years ago)

And you were blaming your solo status on weight in the other thrad?

― Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 04:51 (seventeen years ago)

thread.

― Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 04:52 (seventeen years ago)

lol how do you do it when you're plugging your nose wtf? or do you pull a nose plug out of your pocket like it's the pool

― ill c u n may Schwwwwwww (harbl), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 04:58 (seventeen years ago)

he probably owns a pussy snorkel.

― Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 04:58 (seventeen years ago)

loooooool

― ill c u n may Schwwwwwww (harbl), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 04:59 (seventeen years ago)

you never plugged your nose by just not breathing though it???

― ❤ⓛⓞⓥⓔ❤ (CaptainLorax), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 05:00 (seventeen years ago)

with respect if one is at the point where one can't deal with the smell one prob ain't ready to work down there

― Sherlock HOOS's Baker Steen Motherfuckers (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 05:04 (seventeen years ago)

also i keep seeing this thread title and thinking it is about more challenging ways of performing cunnilingus

― Sherlock HOOS's Baker Steen Motherfuckers (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 05:05 (seventeen years ago)

no waterfalls of pussy for lorax

― Merry Christuomas (electricsound), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 05:06 (seventeen years ago)

i can think of at least one way of performing cunnilingus that would be extremely demanding

― Merry Christuomas (electricsound), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 05:07 (seventeen years ago)

but will not post nsfw pix here

― Merry Christuomas (electricsound), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 05:07 (seventeen years ago)

if you want cunnilingus from a stubborn rapper or someone like me, i'm just saying you owe us. (that smell is strong as fuck)

― ❤ⓛⓞⓥⓔ❤ (CaptainLorax), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 05:08 (seventeen years ago)

Sounds to me like you've been eating out the wrong ladies ihmo.

― Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 05:10 (seventeen years ago)

you may be on to something :/

― ❤ⓛⓞⓥⓔ❤ (CaptainLorax), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 05:14 (seventeen years ago)

Plugging the schnozz occupies the thumb and forefinger but leaves the rest of the hand in a strategic place. I think Lorax is on to something, playa.

― Eazy, Tuesday, 23 December 2008 05:52 (seventeen years ago)

ayo a TMI TMI TMI post follows TMI TMI TMI you been warned
TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI
TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI

capt maybe I'm completely a weird minority here but I'd always been under the impression that pussy is an acquired taste. i dig it, and have appreciated it across a number of gfs. log your practice time and you may find one day "hey i actually am pretty ok with this....hey this is kinda doin it for me!" just make it work for her at first, and maybe it'll be like working in the mines for a minute, but i suspect eventually you will appreciate the pussy in itself. pussy qua pussy if you will.

END TMI

― Sherlock HOOS's Baker Steen Motherfuckers (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 07:01 (seventeen years ago)

chelives1986 (10:59:06 PM): i am currently giving captain lorax cunnilingus

― The Reverend, Tuesday, 23 December 2008 07:19 (seventeen years ago)

maybe it'll be like working in the mines for a minute

― Lingbert, Tuesday, 23 December 2008 07:22 (seventeen years ago)

(18:17:55) PappaWorkie: hoos, srsly, how do you feel about the chatz chelives1986 (10:59:06 PM): i am currently giving captain lorax cunnilingus meme?
(18:18:17) chelives1986: pw to be frank i am down with this meme as i love any and all memes
(18:18:30) tigerlillygrrl: good cause you're going to be giving
(18:18:34) tigerlillygrrl: cap lorax head
(18:18:38) tigerlillygrrl: for the rest of yr life

― chelives1986: i am currently giving captain lorax cunnilingus (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, December 23, 2008 2:19 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

― Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 07:24 (seventeen years ago)

XD omfg

― Sherlock HOOS's Baker Steen Motherfuckers (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 07:25 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.edwardtufte.com/tufte/graphics/Pg293.gif

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 23 December 2008 07:27 (seventeen years ago)

it is pretty funny that you felt the need to put so many TMI warnings on a post on this thread, Hoos....

― Maria, Tuesday, 23 December 2008 14:36 (seventeen years ago)

― Mark G, Tuesday, 23 December 2008 16:17 (seventeen years ago)

yeah that occurred to me after the fact xp

― Sherlock HOOS's Baker Steen Motherfuckers (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 16:23 (seventeen years ago)

but then i don't talk about my sex life on the internet as a matter of course

― Sherlock HOOS's Baker Steen Motherfuckers (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 16:24 (seventeen years ago)

I'm proud to be a meme,
Where at least I know I'm free,
And I won't forget the man who lied,
To give cunnilingus to me,

And I proudly lay down, next to him, and defend his right to be gay,
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love chelives, god bless the pussy, che.

― ❤ⓛⓞⓥⓔ❤ (CaptainLorax), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 21:12 (seventeen years ago)

I think it's best to be casual, like, "hey, pass me that cunnilingus over there." That way the other person will just do it without thinking. If you act too pushy, though, they'll probably get cagey, like, "fuck you, man, I'm gonna keep it for myself." The thing is, it might come in handy.

― Bored American Aerospace Defense Command (BORAD) (contenderizer), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 21:41 (seventeen years ago)

I can't think of any occasion where somebody has had to ask me for head. If anything I've been asked to stop mucking around down there.

― La plus perdue de toutes les journées est celle où l’on n’a pas (Michael White), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 22:18 (seventeen years ago)

referring to it as mucking probably didn't help

― Merry Christuomas (electricsound), Tuesday, 23 December 2008 22:41 (seventeen years ago)

referring to it as mucking probably didn't help

http://img3.ifilmpro.com/resize/image/stills/films/resize/istd/2811048.jpg http://topkool.free.fr/images_seriestv/manimal01.jpg

― Charlie Rose Nylund, Tuesday, 23 December 2008 23:17 (seventeen years ago)

That's like a rebus that I just can't solve.

― Eazy, Tuesday, 23 December 2008 23:39 (seventeen years ago)

I don't know any guys who dislike this either. Mind you I have noticed really varying results when I do this....no idea why, my technique seems the same yet have had experiences where girl seemed to have zero interest and experiences where girl went crazy v quickly.

― Local Garda, Wednesday, 24 December 2008 00:10 (seventeen years ago)

THIS JUST IN: ALL WOMEN NOT THE SAME. STAY TUNED TIL 11 FOR DETAILS.

― One Community Service Mummy, hold the Straightedge Merman (Laurel), Wednesday, 24 December 2008 00:20 (seventeen years ago)

haha yeah okay...

― Local Garda, Wednesday, 24 December 2008 00:21 (seventeen years ago)

(what are these details at 11)

― Local Garda, Wednesday, 24 December 2008 00:22 (seventeen years ago)

THIS JUST IN: ALL WOMEN NOT THE SAME. STAY TUNED TIL 11 FOR DETAILS.

― One Community Service Mummy, hold the Straightedge Merman (Laurel), Wednesday, December 24, 2008 11:20 AM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I am prepared to wait 11 hrs + 40 minutes

― Pope Bend + Dick XVI (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 24 December 2008 00:22 (seventeen years ago)

Sorry, Ronan, I couldn't resist!

― One Community Service Mummy, hold the Straightedge Merman (Laurel), Wednesday, 24 December 2008 00:31 (seventeen years ago)

she's lying you know

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Wednesday, 24 December 2008 00:32 (seventeen years ago)

Sounds to me like you've been eating out the wrong ladies ihmo.

Sounds to me like you've been eating ladies out of the wrong hole.

― Eggwhite Mandrop (libcrypt), Wednesday, 24 December 2008 00:33 (seventeen years ago)

no such thing

― Merry Christuomas (electricsound), Wednesday, 24 December 2008 00:39 (seventeen years ago)

ihmo?

― Mark G, Wednesday, 24 December 2008 00:42 (seventeen years ago)

in her muff obv

― Pope Bend + Dick XVI (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 24 December 2008 00:43 (seventeen years ago)

ha that's okay Laurel...who knew!

― Local Garda, Wednesday, 24 December 2008 00:47 (seventeen years ago)

steve albini feeds his cat comic to thread

― Merry Christuomas (electricsound), Wednesday, 24 December 2008 00:51 (seventeen years ago)

That's like a rebus that I just can't solve.

"I want to muck you like a..."

― Charlie Rose Nylund, Wednesday, 24 December 2008 01:11 (seventeen years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.