Why do women write more letters than they post?

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Why?

― Nick, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I've met Darian Leader, the superstar psychoanalyst whose book title you are paraphrasing. He was at the Groucho Club, trying to pick up chicks. I think he framed the question in his book title this to make a) money and b) chicks. He shares an agent with a much better writer, Adam Phillips, author of books with much funnier titles, eg 'On Kissing, Tickling and Being Bored'.

― Momus, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Gaah! I was going to answer this question but my squinty pal above has beaten me to it (and 'met' in this case means 'accompanied Suzy to Mr. Leader's dinner at the Groucho after some coaxing'). Darian is cool. He's totally nerdly but rabbits on about Lacan and hip-hop with the same degree of enthusiasm and was at Cambridge with my old publisher (yes, I know: p*r*o*j*v*o*m). This is the same Darian Leader that now goes out with Sarah Lucas, so the 'sexy title' ploy worked. He is the Groucho Club's official shrink.

Women (not to generalise too much) draft letters, think there's a wonky bit, rewrite the letter, think there's another wonky bit, crumple letter two, rewrite the letter again, think 'ooh, my handwriting looks a bit Not Special', toss the third letter, and then give up on the whole process because what they perceive to be the recipient's answer will be mocking in tone. Or because what they wanted to say no longer feels spontaneous. You will have to imagine that above I tried inserting several epithets before I came up with 'squinty pal' as workable and non-insulting, but just sarky enough. This is Female Edit Overdrive in excelsis.

― suzy, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Back to the drawing board, woman, 'Squinty Pal' will not wash as it describes you as well as it does me!

― Momus, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Fair point. It's never a good idea to take pics of me when sunlight is in my field of vision. Isn't that right, beanpole?

― suzy, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Give in and wear glasses, the pair of ya! Hasn't hurt my damn sex appeal any! ;-)

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

(ps suzy above pretty much explains why i am apparently unable to deliver legendary longed-for posts on punk, porn, hornby, world music, Meltzer and the Totality etc etc.)

mark s achieves official femaleness hurrah

― mark s, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

how do you know this Nick?...

― jel, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

All it means, Mark S, is that you will eventually finish writing them anyway and we will BASK IN THEIR GLORY. So, uh, get to it. ;-)

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

somehow i'm thinking that to get these fabled scrolls out of mark, we're going to have to exercise cosby's first rule of fatherhood.

― jess, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

would that be cash in large amounts?

― mark s, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"now, ya see...the kids, they listen to the punk rock music, which gives the braaain damage. with their hippin and their hoppin and their bippin and their boppin. so they don't know what the JAZZ is all about."

(it's reverse psychology. as any fule knows.) ;)

― jess, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

May I pre-empt any Jello jokes right fucking now?

May I also mention that I have a really, really great photo of my mother and Bill Cosby? Honestly, if you saw this photo you'd love Bill Cosby forever. My mom, too.

― Nitsuh, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well, the only times I ever really post things or write letters without giving it a good scan or revision is 1. when I'm intoxicated or 2. when I've had no sleep, which actually makes my judgement worse than when drunk. Those are the only times I've actually blurted out things I've come to regret, so for me it makes sense to think things over and revise before committing to sending my missives out into the world.

― Nicole, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm an inveterate editor of everything I write. To the point where you almost have to put a gun to my head for me to print out and distribute whatever it is I'm writing. Thought this was from Pavlovian conditioning, not some sort of "feminine side" of mine creeping up on me.

― Tadeusz Suchodolski, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i write more letters than i post because i write letters then i forget to post them and after a while the news is old so there is no point posting them.

i am not a re-writer of letters.

― di, Saturday, 22 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I send letters as soon as I write them and feel like an idiot later. I need some more femininity (femininety?), apparently.

― Maria, Sunday, 23 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I have a feeling Tim might have to kill Suzy now....

― Pete, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Erm, why?

― suzy, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Please don't kill Suzy. That wouldn't be nice. Threatening posters with homicide shouldn't be allowed on this board.

Besides, I think the topic of this thread is utter rubbish! I send twice as many letters as I don't send! In fact, I can count on the fingers of one hand letters I have written but haven't sent. In fact, if you count emails as well as letters... blimey! I wish I could find something to make me STOP sending the letters that I write cause they invariably get me in trouble.

― Kate the Saint, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I, on the other hand, send far more letters than I write. Because I am a character from Through the Looking Glass.

― Sam, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Not as much trouble as my posts get me in Kate. Let's just put it down to me being enigmatic and say no more on the subject. Tim is a lovely man, if occasionally a self style curmudgeon - and he certainly isn't homicidal towards anyone. Except me right now.

― Pete, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I saw him chat about Lacan with Malcolm Bowie while I was at Cambridge, but it was a cold day and the hall was warm and I fell asleep. I proceeded to have some seriously fucked up dreams about a sexual awakening with a radish. (Lacan fans - maybe sthg on ra(v/d)ish? Diagnoses to the usual address)

The moral? Don't fall asleep during a talk on psychoanalysis.

― Will McKenzie, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Annoyingly enough, women tend to re-read what they've written. At home, w/o email access, I wrote a letter to someone, intending to email it to them when I got into work. Arrived at work. Read letter. CRINGED at myself and put it through the paper shredder. Email never sent.

― Sarah, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Don't be so sure, Pete, don't be so sure. Your posts have yet to make you the laughingstock of the entire internet, as people forward your stupid, ill considered posts round the entire internet until you feel like the latest "I Kiss You" thing.

― Kate the Saint, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

two years pass...

i don't write more letters than i post. i write hardly any letters at all. when i do write them, they are sent off: if i bin them they weren't finished - written - in the first place. i'm trying to write one now but i'm having a lot of trouble

― minna (minna), Friday, 26 December 2003 04:13 (twenty-two years ago)

This idea is completely contrary to what I've observed. 1 - women send just as many letters, if not more, than men, so they must be doing a lot of preparation and revision if this theory is true. 2 - I was kind of creeped out by observing how guys who post to this forum consider carefully what they say, revise, delete mistakes, etc etc. I just post whatever comes into my head. Unfortunately. 3 - the 'masculine style' of contemporary stereotype is the heavily revised style, with a lot edited out, and pithy passive sentences, and all that, whereas the feminine includes all that sort of thing. On so many levels, this is a weird idea to have come up with. If the underlying point is supposed to be, 'women are uncertain about saying what they want to say, and are embarrassed of themselves' well sure, why wouldn't they be, when people are always coming up with weird stereotypes about them.

― Amity (Amity), Friday, 26 December 2003 05:21 (twenty-two years ago)

minna - write me a letter please.

― cozen. (Cozen), Saturday, 27 December 2003 23:04 (twenty-two years ago)

ten months pass...

I wonder if she did.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 16:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think they (women) do, do they?

Even I don't, I don't think.

― the bellefox, Tuesday, 9 November 2004 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I shall ask to see Darian Leader's licence.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 17:05 (twenty-one years ago)

His poetic licence, I mean.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 17:05 (twenty-one years ago)

if my most recent batch of letters didn't make it to the box, it's ally's fault.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 17:08 (twenty-one years ago)

A number of my letters have been ripped up and flushed down the lav. I never intended to post them, but it felt good to, you know, get it out.

― Madchen (Madchen), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 17:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Jayzus.

I would not give Cook letters, to post. I might post him something, now and again.

― the bellefox, Tuesday, 9 November 2004 17:14 (twenty-one years ago)

They were postcards. I saw him box 'em.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 17:46 (twenty-one years ago)

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