is having sex with someone other than your partner the only way to be 'unfaithful'?

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is it?

― donna (donna), Friday, 1 August 2003 06:21 (twenty-three years ago)

― oops (Oops), Friday, 1 August 2003 06:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Whether or not you have been unfaithful depends entirely on your partner's definition of unfaithful.

― toraneko (toraneko), Friday, 1 August 2003 06:31 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd say kissing (which, in itself, isn't quite 'having sex') would count as being unfaithful.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 1 August 2003 06:38 (twenty-three years ago)

im not sure why, on these threads, people are so keen on universals. as toraneko says, it only really matters what you and your partner think. so the answer to the above question is "no its not the only way" and also at the same time "yes it is the only way"

― gareth (gareth), Friday, 1 August 2003 06:49 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd say the real sting of being unfaithful isn't so much the 'act' itself (be it kissing or sex or whathaveyou) but rather the thought-process and intentions behind the act. If the motivation prompting the act was strong enough to override the guilty party's sense of loyalty/love for their partner, how strong could that loyalty/love have been in the first place? It's not so much that they did it (although that's not good), but that they even considered doing it to begin with....or were weak enough to give into it. That's what hurts.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 1 August 2003 06:56 (twenty-three years ago)

who here said anything is universal?

― oops (Oops), Friday, 1 August 2003 07:22 (twenty-three years ago)

You're all Ally McBeal

― Alex in Rotherham (Alex in Doncaster), Friday, 1 August 2003 07:54 (twenty-three years ago)

watch the movie.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 1 August 2003 10:12 (twenty-three years ago)

So you've exhausted the having sex with other people thing and are looking for other ways to betray your partner? Or did I misunderstand?

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 1 August 2003 10:31 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't let any girl of mine go to a hairdresser. "From now on I'll cut your hair," I say, "no one else gets to touch you there".

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Friday, 1 August 2003 10:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Is masturbation an act of unfaithfulness?

― Kissin' Kate, Friday, 1 August 2003 10:50 (twenty-three years ago)

It depends if you've made a commitment to your penis.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 1 August 2003 10:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Another penis, I mean.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 1 August 2003 10:53 (twenty-three years ago)

That kind of made sense in my head for a second back there.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 1 August 2003 10:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Thanks for clearing that up, Nick. My man sometimes listens to indie music. If he keeps it up, am I justified in sleeping around?

― Kissin' Kate, Friday, 1 August 2003 11:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, yes, that does sounds reasonable.

Actually I'm in favour of most women sleeping around. I find angry, jealous men endlessly amusing.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 1 August 2003 11:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Jimmy Carter to thread.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 1 August 2003 14:25 (twenty-three years ago)

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Friday, 1 August 2003 14:28 (twenty-three years ago)

"lusted in my heart" etc

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 1 August 2003 14:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Of course, even looking at another woman/man is grounds for divorce!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 1 August 2003 14:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Gotcha Horace.

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Friday, 1 August 2003 14:32 (twenty-three years ago)

does that mean that we've been unfaithful together ddg?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 1 August 2003 14:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Hey on the other thread I said I didn't do monogamy so. . .

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Friday, 1 August 2003 15:43 (twenty-three years ago)

...I'll promise to be unfaithful to you if you'll promise to be unfaithful to me.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 1 August 2003 15:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Kissing is most definitely cheating. I guess I define cheating by what would make me feel cheated on. I'd be devastated if my S.O. kissed another lady.

But yeah, like Nick, I find jealous dudes pretty funny, but I don't know many. I know way more jealous chicks.

― Mandee, Friday, 1 August 2003 16:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Whether or not you have been unfaithful depends entirely on your partner's definition of unfaithful.

But sometimes these things are unspoken. Not everyone sits down and comes to a verbal agreement as to what is acceptable and what isn't.

― Mary (Mary), Friday, 1 August 2003 21:40 (twenty-three years ago)

"I thought we had an unspoken understanding that it was OK to sleep with your sister!"

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 1 August 2003 21:44 (twenty-three years ago)

"Well, yeah, it's OK for me to sleep with my sister..."

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 1 August 2003 22:07 (twenty-three years ago)

I only get pissed when they sleep with somebody stupid (besides me). I have a frail enough ego to find that insulting.

― Ann Sterzinger (Ann Sterzinger), Friday, 1 August 2003 22:09 (twenty-three years ago)

I think it's ok if they know they know the bit on the side is stupid and they lord it over them sexually.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 1 August 2003 22:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Hm... true... actually, yeah, I only really get pissed when the stupid person is causing problems by trying to lord it with their physical attributes, as this tends to be an immense waste of time for all involved.

― Ann Sterzinger (Ann Sterzinger), Friday, 1 August 2003 22:47 (twenty-three years ago)

To make it clear, it is the partner who should be doing the lording.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 1 August 2003 22:53 (twenty-three years ago)

What does lording involve? Getting people to kiss the hem of one's garment?

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Friday, 1 August 2003 22:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, that could come into it. Looming over them in an imposing manner.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 1 August 2003 22:58 (twenty-three years ago)

A whore is a whore is a whore... and sometimes a slut.

― joan, Saturday, 2 August 2003 01:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Only every second Tuesday, and I'll thank you to keep the language to yourself young lady.

― Matt (Matt), Saturday, 2 August 2003 01:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, she's much better when she's being a slut! I like freebies.

And yes, when your partner is lording something over somebody else sexually, twisted as it is, shouldn't you feel proud of them?

― Ann Sterzinger (Ann Sterzinger), Saturday, 2 August 2003 01:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Mary you know that ol' saying assume and well. . , you know.

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Saturday, 2 August 2003 01:56 (twenty-three years ago)

can't we call it "fucking around"? "unfaithful" is soooooo unsexy.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Saturday, 2 August 2003 01:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Actually, my question would be: If don't consider having sex with somebody else to be fucking around, well, when ARE you fucking around? God forbid we breed unethical polygamists, that'd be a disaster...

― Ann Sterzinger (Ann Sterzinger), Saturday, 2 August 2003 02:16 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't think that having sex with someone other than one's partner is the only way to be unfaithful, though I do agree with what was said up-thread about it depending on the agreement between you and your partner. And maybe the reason that so many people feel betrayed by their partner being 'unfaithful' is because they've assumed that their partner agrees with the same definition and not having actually discussed the topic.

In my mind, being emotionally intimate with someone other than your partner, behind their back (er, your partner's back, that is) is as bad a betrayal as being physically intimate with someone else. I think that anytime something intense is experienced without your partner it can be viewed as being some form of unfaithfulness.

But, really, it can all be taken dispensed with by taking the time to talk about this shit, early and often, being honest with each other about what you feel and believe, and accepting that desires and beliefs are going to change and evolve over time, as we change and as the relationship changes.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Saturday, 2 August 2003 03:47 (twenty-three years ago)

How about, "Don't ask, don't tell." ?

― Mary (Mary), Saturday, 2 August 2003 06:05 (twenty-three years ago)

don't talk to me about love.

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 2 August 2003 06:09 (twenty-three years ago)

You were never fucking around for me, Dad.

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 2 August 2003 09:48 (twenty-three years ago)

No, you can be unfaithful BY having sex with your partner. If you told you're girlfriend it was all over bettween you and said partner and that you're virtually sleeping in separate bedrooms.

― Roderick the Visigoth. (Jake Proudlock), Saturday, 2 August 2003 12:38 (twenty-three years ago)

four years pass...

recently my sister almost divorced my dorky brother-in-law over his "cybersex" (lol) addiction. probably would have been for the best if she did. i think he's too timid to cheat IRL though

― gershy, Monday, 29 October 2007 02:18 (eighteen years ago)

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