IL* Recipe Swap

Being a noncook (used to be more dedicated), I'll simply suggest what I found to be a particularly good combination:

If making pasta with a tomato-based marinara, use the glorious sriracha sauce I described in the condiments thread; spike the sauce to your preferred level of fieriness. Use only a small bit of parmesan cheese, make sure it is fresh. With a red Chilean wine to go with it plus a side salad without dressing but with a small bit of blue cheese, you have a meal which won't surprise anyone on the face of it but *will* go down well.

can we swap wives, instead?

Are you offering, Jess? I mean, I gather the person you're pining after is out here or something. ;-)

These are not recipes, goddamnit.

I have recipes that I am not sharing just yet cos they are mine and mine alone. BUT THEY ARE FANTASTIC. My problem is I don't measure anything :)

Peach and Cream Cheese Flan

Make some(about 400grams) sweet short crust pastry in the accepted method. When that is made, put it to one side.

Drain the syrup from 3 cans of peaches in to a heavy bottomed saucepan. Heat gently and while doing so add: some lemon juice, some caster sugar, some vanilla essence and, oh I dunno, some sort of zest from your favourite citrus item. Heat until it is sort of caramelised and sticky looking.

Then add say, 250 grams of cream cheese. Beat it furiously with a huge siver whisk. Panic a bit. Do the polka. Say "the worst thing you can do is the polka." Beat it all up some more until its very smooth and gloopy looking.

Roll out the pastry and line a flan tin with it. Pour the peach/cream cheese gloop into the pastry case. Then arrange the peaches in a pattern of your own making on top of the gloop.

Bake it for some time in an oven at about 180 degrees.

WARNING: I just made this up. It may go horribly wrong.

Ah RickyT! You're needed for your curry recipe! All my recipes involve either FRYING EGGS AND BUTTERING BREAD, boiling pasta and stirring in PESTO or SORCE and/or toasted sandwich makers. I don't think I've cooked anything apart from that for the past four or five months.

ALTHO down at TESCO in Acre Lane I bought a big bag of FROZEN CABBAGE and also some MIXED VEG. To be honest I am at a loss how to make them into real food. It will probably involve LENTILS and thus the end times NGGGG.

I cannot post recipes for my head is full of booze wool. Mixed vegetables are a bad and evil thing esp. if they contain broad beans (=Satan's vegetable).

Booze Wool! RT - that is a good phrase and I shall use it lots. Thanx.

Ahem. Chicken Marninade. You will need: I diced chicken breast 4 tablesp. Olive Oil 4 tablesp. Dijon Mustard 4 tablesp. Red Wine Vinegar lots of Tarragon. Marinade the ingredients overnight, griddle on a griddle pan, serve with rice. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Here is my usual recipe: turn on oven to gas mark 5 or thereabouts. Remove frozen meal for 1 from freezer or Sainsbury's bag. Remove cardboard sleeve. Pierce film lid enthusiastically with knife (this is the proper cooking bit as it involves a knife). Place frozen meal in oven for approx. 45 minutes. Smoke fags to deaden hunger pangs while it cooks. Remove. Place on plate. Eat in front of the soap opera of your choice.

Tabouli: red onions, tomatos, mint, parsley, all chopped v.small; couscous*; olive oil, lemon juice, cinnamon, all-spice, salt, pepper

*couscous: ie the pasta granules sold as couscous in UK supermarkets, rather than actual genuine algerian couscous (which is fine, except no way so easy-quick): I flavour it with butter and half a lamb oxo cube, which = not veggie, obv.
Alternative = cracked bulgar wheat pah, I haf nevah got the hang of this. I also use double the mint than parsley, because I like it a bit astringent (useful tip: parsley damps the sting of mint and onions).

Time to make: 20 mins MAX, mostly letting the couscous cool a little (most time-consuming element, chopping the toms).

I cd eat nothing but tabouli, day after day after day, in the summer.

Fake cous is like a miracle; you don't even have to "cook" it really just dump some really hot water on it... and watch the magic.

some fun additions to mark's recipe: 1) toasted walnuts or almonds; 2) quartered artichoke hearts MMMMMMMMMM

Really easy (ie lazy person) spicy vegetarian chili:

1 can (like 16oz?) of red beans
1 can (I think these are like 8oz) diced green chiles (preferably not mild but you do what you like)
1 packet of spicy chili mix, powdered
1 medium size yellow onion
A little olive oil (enough to sautee the onions)

Chop up onion into small bits. Put enough olive oil to sautee onion bits into bottom of a small pot (like a tablespoon or so, I don't measure like I said). Sautee onions until they are translucent. Throw in red beans. Heat up a bit, then throw in chiles. Mix together and cook for like 5 minutes. Throw in seasoning package. Mix together and cook til it gets nice and thick, which means like simmer for another 5 minutes. Serve with whatever you want (rice, chips, top with sour cream, grated cheese, salsa, whatever). If you want extra spice put in two packages of chili mix. You can also add fake meat which is pretty tasty, you just have to cook that til it gets unfrozen, add after the spices.

It's really good. Everyone loves it and thinks I spend a long time making it. I DON'T, TAKE THAT.

(red beans = kidney beans in UK?)

v.speedy snack recipe invented by mark s: open can o'kidney beans, drain and decant into bowl, mix in large amt of mango chutney hey presto delish!!

Mine is similar to Emmas except I use a microwave so it takes closer to ten minutes. Although last week I cooked szechuan prawns. Sharwoods sauces really make those kind of things so easy, probably quicker than the microwave actually.

Maybe? Kidney beans sounds about right...? or maybe pinto beans, I have no clue, I suppose you can use black too but the red look prettier.

I should give you all my cinnamon bread recipe, IT IS THE BOMB.

Ally that chili recipe sounds very good and quite close to the way I make it. For unfortunate Brits who are hobbled by lack of quicky Tex- Mex supplies substitute the following to taste for "chili mix" --

* garlic or garlic powder
* oregano
* more cumin than you could ever think possible
* some dried chilis that you've taken the stems off and seeds out of

if you can find "chili powder" in the spice section just use that + cumin. did i mention cumin? if feeling extra naughty stir in a lil sour cream when serving....

i cook therefore i ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR...

Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Cookies:

1 1/4 (about) cup of all-purpose flour
About a 1/2 tsp baking soda (a little less than that, don't mound the thing goddamnit)
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 cup of butter (the sticks will tell you how much this is, it's like two sticks)
1/2 cup dark brown sugar (pack it into the cup really well and mound it a little bit so you have a bit over a half cup)
1/2 cup regular sugar
1/2 cup peanut butter (I always use Jif)
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla (use real not imitation you cheapos)
1 pkg (12-16oz) of semi-sweet chocolate chips

Oven should be preheated to 375F before starting...

Mix all the flour, baking soda, white sugar, and salt in a mixing bowl and then put aside. Then beat the butter, brown sugar and peanut butter until it's all nice and smooth in a different bowl. It helps if you cut the butter into small pieces first! Now add the egg and vanilla and beat again until it's creamy. Now gradually add in the dry mix from before and mix that all together. Once that's mixed, put away the electric beaters and get out a big spoon and stir in the chocolate chips (you stir these in cos otherwise you fuck up the chips). Now drop the dough into rounded spoonfuls (you decide how much is a "spoonful") onto an ungreased baking sheet. Bake for about 7-10 minutes until they look pretty cooked - it depends on how big you make them, if you make a really big cookie you might have to cook for a little longer. They should be a nice golden brown color, a little darker than regular chocolate chip cookies but not TOO much darker. They have to cool for like 5 minutes ON the baking sheet once you take them out, otherwise they fall apart, so have two baking sheets so you can cook a second batch while the first pan is cooling. After the 5 minutes you can move them to the cooling rack and they'll be delish.

This makes a lot of cookies. They are damned good.

I refuse to give out my butterscotch cookie recipe, or my cinnamon bread recipe. Those are the bomb, and I can't give away all secrets. Next I will teach you all how to make zuppa di pesce.

Oh, and it's REALLY gross to try to measure out the half cup of peanut butter. I suggest using a brand new jar so you don't have to stick your hand too far into the jar cos it's REALLY gross. Ugh. Spooning it out carefully and delicately takes too long though.

Tracer: Yeah, I forgot that maybe Brits don't have quick lazy stuff for Mexican food like we do here. He's right about the spice combo, basically, just make it REALLY spicy to make it match up to how I make it, it just takes longer to do it that way so I never do it that way.

other grate chili ingredients:

* beer
* dash of red wine
* bell peppers
* dust from ancient relic
* whatever's in the fridge

I want to make some sort of preserved tomatoes in a jar using vodka. I'm guessing I need to know what kind of tomatoes are best, what kind of vodka, how much, prick the tomatoes?, what else to add (spices, etc). I've seen this done elsewhere, but can't remember exactly how, any ideas anyone?

I want this to be like deli-food not party-food ie prepared months in advance not the night before, you know.

Cheese On Toast

Get some cheese
Put it on some bread
Turn the toaster on its side
Put the bread & cheese in, cheese up (I can't emphasise that bit strongly enough, people)
Wait a bit

(Unfortunately due to legal restrictions Martin Skidmore can take no responsibility for damage resulting from following his recipes.)

boil big pan of water, salt till simulates mediterannean, cook linguine for six-seven minutes. while linguine cooks:

two separated egg yolks whisk in bowl until slightly emulsifies (on the road to mayonnaise), grate in little lemon zest and add half a lemon's juice, then add parmesan (a lot) and cream, whisk more. drain linguine and replace in pot with big knob of butter. melt. stir in 3/4 of the sauce and serve with extra 1/4 sauce drizzled over w. chopped fresh parsley over the top. mmmm.

awful spelling there.

I am teaching myself how to cook.

does this sound ok? blanche green beans fr 5/6 minutes. meanwhile in a bowl: two egg yolks, cream, red wine vinegar, salt, pepper, whisk. chop garlic fine, add butter (big knob) to pan, put garlic on butter, add green beans to pan, then toss in the sauce frm the bowl, cook fr a minute, tossing throughout, serve instead of salad.

you might get a weird effect with the egg yolk.

I saw it on the telly!

bloody telly.

i have an amazing green bean and tomato salad recipe that uses loads of vinegar and shallots and tarragon. delish. i'll try to find it for you.

xpost - well, carry on then. it just seems a bit odd to me.

SUNSET OVER SIMI

3 parts SPARKS
1 part CACTUS COOLER
1 splash CHAMBORD

mix well.

you may need a rolaids/tums/pepto chaser.

now that sounds delish.

lauren, are you my aunt? she is fond if using the word 'delish'.

Cozen that's a pretty standard sauce, you should be fine with that, and let us know how it turns out. Vicky should post the recipe for the roasted seabass that she made on Monday night - the finest meal she's ever made me.

Ohmigod, Cactus Cooler. I haven't seen that stuff in ages.

having not really set foot in the kitchen much over the past 18 months, whatever I have tended to make has been a bit below parr due to lack of practice, but ukfood.tv did me proud on monday night:

1 sea bass
sea salt crystals (ideally Maldon) and freshly ground pepper
olive oil
1 large bunch of rosemary (a few sprigs reserved for garnishing)
juice of 2 lemons

For the sauce:
olive oil
1 onion , finely chopped
3 garlic cloves (I used 2)
400g cherry tomatoes (but I used yellow ones and probably didn't use as many)
1 tbsp capers (didn't use as many, used salted ones, so didn't add any more)
2 anchovy fillets , canned or jarred
1 small bunch of flat-leafed parsley , finely chopped
salt and freshly ground pepper

Method:
1. Preheat the oven to 200°C/gas 6. (I just realised that I only did it to 160, but our oven's over efficient, and I left it in a bit longer)

2. Cut three slashes in the sea bass on each side and rub with olive oil. Season with sea salt and freshly ground pepper.

3. Heat a griddle pan until hot. Sear the sea bass on the griddle pan for a minute on each side.

4. Meanwhile, wack the rosmary in a roasting tray. Place the seared sea bass on top of the rosemary.

5. Drizzle the sea bass with more olive oil and pour over the lemon juice. Season with sea salt and freshly ground pepper.

6. Bake the sea bass for 10-15 minutes.

7. Meanwhile, make the sauce. Heat 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a frying pan. Add in the onion and garlic and fry gently, stirring often, for 3 minutes.

8. Add in the tomatoes, then stir in the capers, anchovy fillets and parsley. Add in a generous dash of olive oil and season with salt and freshly ground pepper.

9. Once the sea bass is roasted, crush the tomatoes with a potato masher.

10. Spoon the tomato sauce onto a large warm serving plate. Top with the sea bass and if you like, top with some fresh rosemary.

It really was very tasty indeed, and I will be making the sauce again, as it will go with loads of things. It was really quick to make too, didn't need too much prep, and it gave you a realistic time to make the sauce after you'd banged the fish in the oven.

that green bean thing? mmmmm.

okay. langoustine meat? what to do with it? I shelled the langoustines now what? heat in some white wine & butter then add to salad (leaves, mint, lemon juice)?

that sounds perfect. you're making a lot of progress. i think you're probably ready to try making soup.

next time I'm gunna 'cook' them in lime juice & chilli then add to salad (note: less mint, how astringent was that?).

'fancy mushy peas'

boil water, add three cloves of garlic fr 10 mins. then squeeze the garlic out from thr skins and re-add to the water. add peas to water, the amount you want, and boil for 5 mins. drain peas & garlic. and butter to the pan & peas &c. then blend the lot. then add creme fraiche & season and blend. serve with pan-fried salmon mmmm.

I am going to make the remainder into a pea guacamole.

i like fancy mushy peas with fresh mint.

somehow. : /

what you should do with the remainder is make pea pancakes.* add some flour in and shape into little patties and fry. serve with some pureed tomato or red pepper or something.. delish.

* euurgh what appalling grammar!

i made cinnamon raisin french toast this morning.

wow, I'm not sure I have flour but I can buy it! thank you lauren. you shd come to aberdeen one time.

pea pancakes are soooooo good. the last time i made them, only four or five were actually served since most were eaten by my helper and me as they came out of the pan. it's kind of a bizarre concept, but it works.

i would go to aberdeen, one time, if for no other reason than scotland's largest permanent funfair is there.

'bacon & banana sandwich'

butter bread
fry bacon
slice banana

add to bread.