how would you react if someone you never liked died?

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my girlfriend has a friend, who i'll call Tina. Tina had a rather unpleasasnt boyfriend, who my g/f and her own friends disliked. he was very controlling, refused to let Tina go out to the pub without him, and during fights would tell her how ugly she was, and how no other man would ever go near her. they split up, he went back to england. however, they were in regular contact, and were probably going to hook up again when he returned to ireland.

today, we got the news that he had died. undeniably - it was sad news - this guy was only in his early twenties. it's hard to know how to react in a situation like this - it's hard to say that he had always been a great guy, or that his behaviour wasn't unpleasant - but it still seems terrible to mention his flaws.

Have any of you ever been in this situation? has a sworn enemy, or even someone you dislike quite a bit, died? would you still express your reservations about them? Do you feel guilty for hating them?

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Monday, 4 August 2003 22:31 (twenty-two years ago)

this is interesting.

you won't say he deserved to die. because not many people do. but if you never liked/always disliked him. you can't quite say you're relieved you'll never have to see him again. even if you might be.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 4 August 2003 22:35 (twenty-two years ago)

dying is a great way to find out who your friends aren't

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 4 August 2003 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, I've been in this situation and yeah it is very odd. My dads stepfather (is there such a thing as a step-grandad?) was a horrible man, mean to eeveryone, swore to the kids, snapped at his wife all their marriage, etc. When he died a few years back, everyone was passing the news in a manner more befitting to saying "its a bit cloudy today isnt it". Very "oh really" and back to what we were doing. I told 2 friends who were over I'd heard the news and they were upset for me but I wasnt bothered at all. I wasn't pleased - I just felt nothing. Thing is, that made me feel weird. Apparently the funeral was a ball of awkward, I'm glad I didn't have to attend.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 4 August 2003 22:44 (twenty-two years ago)

i dont think that i have ever really been sad when anyone died, however, there are people out there, they just havent died yet.

― todd swiss (eliti), Monday, 4 August 2003 22:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I guess it's sad he never had a chance to turn over a new leaf...

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Monday, 4 August 2003 22:59 (twenty-two years ago)

a close friend of mine was close to dying once, and called me up to ask me to be the executor of his estate. he was both evil and kind.

i had hives for the next three days.

it (the hives) was all for nothing because he had a surgery and is not going to die sooner than he should now.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 4 August 2003 23:01 (twenty-two years ago)

a guy i didn't know well, who annoyed me for a semester of math class, died in a car crash this spring. it was weird, i'm not surprised if total strangers die, and "why do good people die young" is kind of a classic question, but a very young, somewhat unpleasant person is not expected. it was sad, though, as he wasn't someone i hated.

― Maria (Maria), Monday, 4 August 2003 23:15 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm sure i know at LEAST one person whose death would cause me nothing but the purest happyness i've ever felt. hes an absolute b*stard. do you guys seriously not wish death on ANYONE?!

― thuddd (thuddd), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 00:46 (twenty-two years ago)

i know of some people who want to see me dead

― Tad (llamasfur), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 00:47 (twenty-two years ago)

although in someways i'd prefer if he were just paralysed from the neck down, or had all his limbs chopped off.

― thuddd (thuddd), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 00:47 (twenty-two years ago)

and yes it's not nice to say but there are some folks for whom i would not shed a tear or even a sigh when they die. though i know it's not socially acceptable to say that and i don't (well, i just did i guess but i'm not namin' no names).

― Tad (llamasfur), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 00:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know anyone I actually wish was dead, but yeah, like Tad says (cause we are ONE) -- there are plenty of people who, if I'd heard they'd died, the most empathetic thing I'd think would be, "That's too bad for so-and-so," assuming so-and-so is someone who'd be sad about it. More than likely I'd think "Well, I never have to deal with [his posts / her endless lawnmowing / his arguments with the giraffes / that strange smell of hers] again," and then maybe move on to, "Fuck, I don't think I can handle listening to people mourn this prick."

Cause that would be the most awkward part, I think; what could I do when someone was all "Oh man, Bobby is dead, I can't believe it!"? It's not like I can just go, "Yeah, well ... no biggie."

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 00:55 (twenty-two years ago)

methinks "no more zombie blowjobs" is a most fitting epitath.

― Tad (llamasfur), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 00:57 (twenty-two years ago)

It'd be even better as a line in our remake of Mommy Dearest.

"NO - MORE - ZOMBIE - BLOWJOBS!"

Damn, that movie would be cool.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 01:07 (twenty-two years ago)

One of the boys who harrassed me in high school died in a car crash senior year. It made me feel odd.

― rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 02:13 (twenty-two years ago)

My senior year of high school a boy who was an infamous (a) asshole (b) womanizer (c) general fuckup, was killed when the girl driving his car ran it into a tree and he was tossed through the front window. They were both shrooming at the time. The girl was in my English class and looked catatonic for months afterward.

When we learned of the accident, a lot of people said some very nasty things about him, in the hallways and classrooms. One of his friends posted a letter on the school's bulletin board asking people to keep their comments to themselves. It was very awkward.

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 04:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I didn't mean to imply that I said anything bad about him publicly. I did discuss the overall strangeness of the situation with my friends, but only in private.

I was surprised how many friends this boy had, even though he had never been anything but a lout to my friends and I. I think it's important to hold one's tongue because your opinion of someone is never their be all and end all, and the person's friends deserve a period to mourn without such intrusions.

The episode of the Sopranos where Tony's mother dies raises these issues, but doesn't really address them in an interesting or realistic way IMHO.

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 04:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Out of curiosity, were all his friends louts too?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 04:11 (twenty-two years ago)

No, actually. The friend who posted the letter was the sports editor of our paper, a very nice guy who was a football player but otherwise a bit of an underachiever. He was a fuck up maybe (he got expelled because he brought pot with him to a class trip to Vietnam) but not a lout.

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 04:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Hm, well, I figure if he was enough of an honest friend to the fellow who died, he could see both why people would be talking trash but also why, as you say, there deserved to be a place for those who mourned him to do so peacefully.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 04:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I see all of you, you've been laughing all these years, now all that you have left are a few crocodile tears.

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 04:29 (twenty-two years ago)

i would celebrate in tasteful privacy

― unknown or illegal user (doorag), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 04:48 (twenty-two years ago)

You're evil and you lie
And if you should die
I might feel slightly sad but I won't cry

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 04:51 (twenty-two years ago)

At the risk of sounding incredibly callous, I probably wouldn't give a toss. I didn't like them or care about them when they were alive, why should I suddenly do so now?

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 06:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Well I hope I don't die too soon
I pray the Lord my soul to save
Oh I'll be a good boy, I'm trying so hard to behave
Because there's one thing I know, I'd like to live
long enough to savour
That's when they finally put you in the ground
I'll stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 08:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, I kind of just wouldn't care. I didn't care when my grandfather on the paternal side died, it was just kind of like, oh, ok. Like reading a news story about someone I didn't even know dying.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:47 (twenty-two years ago)

May friend Chris (not any of the Chrises here) was a real jerk. He was always borrowing money and not paying it back and borrowing my bike and leaving it at his girlfriend's house or something and he was ALWAYS scamming people on dope buys.
Then he was in a fire. Three dudes were sitting around getting high and fell asleep with lit joints or cigarettes. The other two got out okay but Chris was in a coma for 6 months before the stopped the life support and he died.
As soon as this happened, the fire and the coma that is, he all of a sudden became a saint. Girls that barely even talked to him would go visit his hospital bed every week and everybody talked about what a great person he was.
Now, he was my friend, and he had some good qualities and certainly didn't deserve the horrible fate that he got. But it WAS partly of his own creation, at least created of his own recklessness and that of his stoner buddies, who I should say, were among the loudest in the cannonization of St. Christopher, and who also did not change their dumbass behaviour one bit after the fire.
I miss him, sure, but it really made me sick the way people suddenly LOVED him once he was comatose and later dead.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

We can hardly feel the same about every death, and can't be expected to mourn everyone. Of course we regret some deaths more than others. I hope I'd think seriously if I ever felt glad at someone's death, to try to work out if that was really warranted or acceptable.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 20:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Luckily for me, most of the time when ppl die they've usually been off the radar for quite some time. Dunno why this is, now that I've said it there will probably be a horrible accident. But that's silly thinking isn't it. There was once somebody I really hated who ended up getting sent down for 20 years. God did I laugh that day.

― dave q, Wednesday, 6 August 2003 08:07 (twenty-two years ago)

There was this guy who was really really SO mean to me in highschool & bullied me for 3 years. He hated me, and I hated him. 2 years after we graduated he was in an accident (he was drunk & fell off his bicycle) & was in a coma for a while and then woke up - brain damaged, in a wheelchair, barely able to talk. Soon after that I met him at a reunion party. That was really really weird. Everyone was so nice to him all of a sudden, talking about how horrible the accident was and what a tragedy it was. And I suppose it was, he was really young blah blah etc etc. But I decided not to talk to him at all, I figured that's what I'd have done if he hadn't been in the accident & why should I treat this fuck1ng asshole any different just because he happened to be crippled. (And I suppose that's how I would have felt even if he had died.)

― Hanna (Hanna), Wednesday, 6 August 2003 08:23 (twenty-two years ago)

It is weird after an accident or a death that people instantly become saints. I guess the saying 'don't speak ill of the dead' comes in to play here, but why should it? I mean I don't think people should openly celebrate someones death, as there is inevitably someone who is really cut up about it & doesnt need that, but pretending they were a different person because they have died seem hypocritical. I don't think it is right to go shouting your mouth off about how bad someone was, but then, you probably shouldn't do this when someone is living as someone will always be affected by this. It is always a tradegy when someone dies young & I think Layna was right in saying that is is sad that he didn't have a chance to turn over a new leaf, & indeed makes amends. Luckily I haven't been in the situation, as all the deaths that I have been aware of have really upset me, as I was genuinely sad. There cetainly are people in my life who, if they suddenly died, would not be missed, but I would never wish this on anyone.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 6 August 2003 08:39 (twenty-two years ago)

some callous motherfuckers in here

― nnnh oh oh nnnh nnnh oh (James Blount), Wednesday, 6 August 2003 08:42 (twenty-two years ago)

ten years pass...

i'm sure i know at LEAST one person whose death would cause me nothing but the purest happyness i've ever felt. hes an absolute b*stard. do you guys seriously not wish death on ANYONE?!
― thuddd (thuddd), Tuesday, August 5, 2003 12:46 AM (10 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/08/18/article-0-0614C7DC000005DC-270_306x423.jpg

― unw? j.......n (darraghmac), Thursday, 13 March 2014 02:27 (eleven years ago)

http://d.ibtimes.co.uk/en/full/298530/tom-huddlestone.jpg

― unw? j.......n (darraghmac), Thursday, 13 March 2014 02:28 (eleven years ago)

http://www.virtualdollhouse.net/dollhouse%20pics/Gifts%20page%20photos/Marlene/Grave%202.jpg
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/06/30/article-0-028E0AD3000004B0-819_468x529.jpg

― unw? j.......n (darraghmac), Thursday, 13 March 2014 02:31 (eleven years ago)

your infatuation with that obese cretin is tiresome

― fedora the implorer (nakhchivan), Thursday, 13 March 2014 02:33 (eleven years ago)

dunphy:reid deems:huddlestone

― fedora the implorer (nakhchivan), Thursday, 13 March 2014 02:35 (eleven years ago)

jesus i had forgotten completely about and reid, i was like..."steven? srsly? i need to bone up on my dunphy obsessions i been out of the game too long"

england based around huddlestone cmon make a case

― unw? j.......n (darraghmac), Thursday, 13 March 2014 02:37 (eleven years ago)

nah this was a lovely Striker! - style photostory nakhers give the man a break

― You cannot interrupt his tea stirring because it is his holy trick (imago), Thursday, 13 March 2014 02:38 (eleven years ago)

My mom has had an extremely strained relationship with her mom for their entire lives, stemming from her mom treating her badly as a child well into adulthood, without ever apologizing. They still talked maybe once or twice a year, more out of obligation than enjoyment. When my grandma died a couple years ago, I wasn't sure how my mom would react, so when I talked to her I figured it was safer to be sympathetic and say "sorry to hear that she died". My mom just laughed.

― Vinnie, Thursday, 13 March 2014 13:21 (eleven years ago)

yr mom otm

― unw? j.......n (darraghmac), Thursday, 13 March 2014 13:28 (eleven years ago)

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