"She's out of your league".

or, to put it another way, some people have more options than others. supply and demand

I wonder if people who pull other people a few leagues above consider themselves giant-killers.

It comes back to whether similarly attractive people 'match up'. Research has shown that yes, they do tend to, but that it's not a strong enough correlation for anyone to use the 'out of my league' thing as an excuse. I know that many people on ILE refuse to accept any non-subjective ranking of beauty anyway. I was going to say 'attractiveness' instead of 'beauty', but that would be too ambiguous maybe.

The problem with the match up theory for me is that I find it hard to accept the notion of all these 'unattractive' people choosing similarly unattractive partners. Or rather, not hard to accept, but just confusing. Is it supposed to be all unconscious, or do people actually find people other than their partner far more beautiful, but just think 'ho hum, that's not for the likes of me'? If the latter, what do their partners think about this? If the former, that's sweet.

Nick: "She's out of my league."
Nick's Mum: "No she isn't, precious."
Nick's Brother: "Yes she is you fucking idiot!"
Nick: "Oh woe is me! Lament lament lament..."

The few times I've approached a girl I had assumed to be "out of my league" I've been pretty successful.

Now for a real conversation;

Emma's Gran-in-law: "Nick's not very handsome, is he? Emma's so pretty; she could do much better."
Emma: *gurn gurn gurn*

Beggars can't be choosers

(has any 'unattractive' person ever used this as part of his/her seduction routine?)

The idea that anyone I've gone out with considers me the most beautiful person in the world is laughable to me. If you would like me to tell you how I feel about that, I will. It seems linked but separate from the 'league' thing to me.

I think it's all part of the same thing. I never said the date (let's forget the word 'date' - drunken snog, whatever) was based on purely physical attraction. Just that there might be a hurdle there. One might well think "Hmm, I like him, he makes me laugh and I enjoy being with him but he's just too ugly/scrawny/short/hairy to fancy".

My broad feeling was that if someone had chosen to spend that much time around me then they must be seeing something in me that made them happy in one way or another, that as a package it was far enough on the right side of OK to be worth it.

You know, if you're around someone you love you can generally tell when they're happy: them being happy can be justification in itself.

NB. you are a soppy git.

"I find other people far more beautiful than him" != "I can't fancy him"

You were soppy too once, before the internet hardman thing happened.

I know! Did I say it was? I was just saying that people might well find it hard to fancy someone who didn't match up to a certain level of looks/body shape whatever. I feel like I'm painting myself into some 'shallowest man in Britain' contest here, but I really don't think I'm being that controversial.

Incidentally, it definitely applies to areas other than physical attractiveness. I feel people are out of my league all the time, because of the jobs they have. I know that's crappy, but I do. Post boys definitely aren't supposed to go out with directors. I'm not a post boy, but you know what I mean. That bothers me. Our post boy's great btw, but I don't fancy him. Actually he's more of a post man, but you couldn't call him a postman.

Some day I will explain the 'internet hard man' thing to you in private, Tim.

There should be a "Paint the Shallowest Man in Britain" contest in which young aesthetes paint lovely pictures of N. sitting in a corner.

Yes there are two distinct points:

#1 the bar one
#2 what's it's like to find other people better looking (more attractive?) than one's partner

Geoff - I'm glad I'm not the only one.

My love don't cost a thing.

uh?

though tbh none of those things are that important even in people i like. maybe 'natural curiosity', though i have none of that myself.

http://www.omelete.com.br/imagens/cinema/news/posters/super_exp.jpg

Very good point. I'm sure I've met guys who I thought had say, a really cute face, but found myself thinking "but god, why's he dressed so stupidly/badly/style-whorishly/etc" (as shallow as that might sound). Or in reverse, someone dressed in, I dunno, some cute indie way that'd catch my eye immediately but they turn out to be not my cup of tea in other ways.

I like my way more, because then you're constantly grateful to have what you've got, which generally makes for a loving relationship with lots of affection.

There are ppl i think are attractive and there are ppl i'm attracted to. Often there is no crossover between the two.

Luckily the ppl I'm attracted to are not out of my league on the socially attractive scale :-)

I don't!

I like AJ!

I don't agree with this, either. I think AJ would make an awesome girlfriend. So what if she's full of shit? I'm sure she'd be great fun to hang out with and awesome in the sack.

I myself am an acquired-tastelessness kind of girl.

don't mind sort of distracting the thread (ooh shiny object) to say that the ones I always think are out of MY league are very put-together boys with their Wallpaper*-esque suits & combed hair -- DETAILS people. This is sort of foolish since, while I'm not Wallpaper*-esque, certainly, but to the extent that I have my shit together at all I AM a details person -- I have accessories galore and match shoes to handbags and all that kind of thing -- but I think I feel untidier than I actually appear. So I'm overawed by very neat & minimally stylish people and feel a kinship with the sort of creatively untidy.

Interestingly it's not a LOOKS thing so much as a PRESENTATION one...time & effort & money & style all put to work to turn out a very sharp figure. How intimidating!

-- Laurel (sininspac...), November 30th, 2005. (Laurel)

Otherwise, we can settle on a Details vs Wallpaper* fite type of thread.

Nonetheless every girl i've been out with has been waaaaaaaay out of my league (and the candid nature of several of my friends' has confirmed that) but they've still gone out with me. after i've spoken to them a bit i have more confidence because, simply, i have more confidence in my personality than in my looks and I also have enough respect for girls not being as shallow as guys that they can be won over by my conversation. seems to have worked so far. not every time. but enough.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/5/5f/League_of_their_own_ver2.jpg/200px-League_of_their_own_ver2.jpg

"From what I have seen of the lady she seems indeed to be on a very different level to your Majesty"

And yet Spitzer went ahead anyway.

Dating Women Out Of My League

You probably decided what league you were in during high school. If you got a hot girl (by sheer chance, mostly), then you decided you were in the "hot chick" league, and that is what you went for, what you expected, and what you got from then on.

If you didn't get a hot girl in high school (and most of us didn't), then you decided that you were a minor-league player when it came to women. From then on you went for less-attractive women, you expected less-attractive women, and you got less-attractive women.

If you are going to get major-league girls, you need to understand this: the decision you made in high school about what league of woman you were in is totally out of date now. Take a look at your life. Are you the same guy you were when you were a pimply-faced teenager? Of course not. So why should you be stuck with the same league of women that you were then? It's time to move up.

Here's what to do:

1. upgrade your looks Most guys who date women who they aren't attracted to decided on their "look" at about the same time they decided they could never have a major-league babe. They set their style in stone, and haven't upgraded their "look" since then. Consequently, their haircuts and clothes are hopelessly out-of-date. And that matters to women. Hot women simply will not bed down with a guy whose looks are way out of date. You've gotta upgrade.

This doesn't have to be hard, or even that expensive. Get a new hairstyle, and get your hair cut by a real pro. Go into clothing stores and tell the clerks that you are looking for a new look. Take their advice, and get some new outfits. Buy a good cologne (ie, an expensive one, like "Cool Water" or "Armani"), and wear it.

Above all else, don't be afraid to try something new in how you look. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but it'll get you on the hot women's radar screen for the first time. More importantly, you'll feel different. You'll feel more confident, and that will help get you get the girls you desire.

2. Upgrade your behavior Of course, new clothes and a new haircut aren't enough to get a hot babe in the sack. You must change your behavior, too.

A hot woman is attracted to a guy who is able to have fun, and who seems to enjoy his life. She is turned off by a guy who seems like he is looking for a woman to make his life worth living.

Consequently, you've got to have a life that turns you on if you are going to get the girl that turns you on. Do things that are fun, and that involve other people. If you go to bars, learn pool, darts, and other bar games so you can play those games with girls. Play volleyball. Get involved in your life in activities that are fun and that put you around other people. When a major league babe sees you enjoying your life and having fun, she'll become interested. You'll be the kind of guy she is interested in. Then you can make your move.

3. Upgrade your standards An important part of going for the women you want is refusing to go for the women you don't want. This means that, from now on, you only bang girls you are attracted to. End of story. If you want to move to the major leagues, you've got to stop playing in the minors.

This doesn't mean you only date supermodels, but it does mean you only date women who turn you on. If you've felt stuck with dating women who were overweight, or unattractive, stop doing it.

darts. huh.

so now we need a picture of this "new man"

This doesn't have to be hard, or even that expensive. Get a new hairstyle, and get your hair cut by a real pro. Go into clothing stores and tell the clerks that you are looking for a new look. Take their advice, and get some new outfits. Buy a good cologne (ie, an expensive one, like "Cool Water" or "Armani"), and wear it.

who wants to bet he has a soul patch?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDLUX9Prg3E

looooooooooooooooooooooooooool those guys

― uptoeleven (uptoeleven), 08 February 2007 03:18 (2 years ago)

just about nailed it with the entire post for me.

darts. huh

It works - trust me!

http://www.apple.com/trailers/dreamworks/shesoutofmyleague/

Consequently, you've got to have a life that turns you on if you are going to get the girl that turns you on. Do things that are fun, and that involve other people. If you go to bars, learn pool, darts, and other bar games so you can play those games with girls. Play volleyball. Get involved in your life in activities that are fun and that put you around other people. When a major league babe sees you enjoying your life and having fun, she'll become interested. You'll be the kind of guy she is interested in.

This is basically: cultivate a life that makes you happy and is full of things you like/are interested in. Which is way up there on the "functional adult" scale, and pretty much guarantees that either you'll eventually meet someone as a result, or at least you'll be happy and SMRT.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/dreamworks/shesoutofmyleague/

― velko, Tuesday, February 16, 2010 9:55 AM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark

anticipating the FUCK out of this movie's release

...because after a few weeks presumably there will be no need to continue broadcasting commercials for it